"He's going to kill you, isn't he?" Ezra asked, worry drawn all over his face.

Enough time had passed where the blood on his face and knuckles were dried, but I couldn't find it within myself to find Varun. Frankly, I was tired of explaining myself to Varun, but I felt indebted to. He was a precious person to me, and what I did— what he saw, probably hurt him.

Ezra clearly didn't know Varun as well as I did. How could he? He assumed Varun would have to be a copy of my brother. They never talked, and for some reason I never really talked about Varun to him. There was nothing to really talk about. He just knew Varun as the title he held in many's lives as "Ajit's best friend."

"Uh-I'm not sure," I stammered. He wouldn't kill me. I knew that, but it would take too much explaining and energy to explain that to Ezra. Truthfully, it did feel a bit odd talking to Ezra like normal again. In an odd way, it also felt comforting. He was like the words to an old favorite song. It takes you back to a simpler time.

I rubbed my fingers against my temples. I sighed heavily, I had to find Varun. He was probably in turmoil at the moment, feeling betrayed.

"Ezra," I said.

Ezra's eyes shot down to meet mine. "Hmm," he said, watching me intently.

I shut my eyes tightly, and then opened them again to meet his. "I-I have to find him. I'm sorry," I said.

He nodded his head quickly and understandingly. "Do it," he whispered.

I was thankful for his supportiveness. I rushed past him and let my eyes scan the numerous people. It was like finding a needle in a haystack. Families, teenagers, kids, and everyone in between were scattered all over.

Panic began overtaking my senses. Where was he? What if I took too long to find him? He could be anywhere now. Oh no, this wasn't good. I had to talk to him. What if he already left? What if he was already with Ajit telling him everything?

I felt my body overheating and I fanned myself with my hands. My eyes kept scanning from left to right, and it was as-if a ding sound erupted when I saw him.

"Varun!" I called, while rushing towards him.

He was with some other friends of his, but I didn't care. He whipped around and his friends held amused looks on their faces.

"Who is this?" one of his friends asked.

Instead of answering, he shot daggers at his friends with his eyes, and I planted myself in front of him. I couldn't care less who was around right now, I had one priority in my mind and that was to talk to Varun alone.

"Varun, we have to talk," I said.

One of his friends hollered suggestively, to which Varun shot him a dirty look. Varun gently grabbed my shoulder, and urged me to the side.

"What is it, Tara?" he asked, with harshness lacing his voice. This wasn't normal Varun behavior.

I fiddled with my shirt, "I could explain what you saw," I said.

His eyes bored into mine. His expression was deadly, and his eyes looked soulless. For a second his eyes softened; he shook his head in disbelief.

He scoffed, "What?" he asked, "How could you possibly explain how you were letting that dumb fuck's lips onto yours?"

My eyes met the ground, and I raised my eyebrows. I was taken aback by Varun's reaction, even though it was completely valid.

"Please don't tell Ajit," my voice croaked, desperately. It was sad to say, but that's where my mind immediately.

He shook his head again in utter disbelief. "You just don't get it, do you? I wasn't going to fucking tell him. You act as if I don't care about you."

Deep down I knew he wouldn't. I just had to be sure. I stayed silent.

His eyes flashed with hurt. "I care about you. I-I can't see you get hurt again."

He was incredibly disappointed. It almost hurt more seeing him so hurt and so scared of me possibly getting hurt.

He was quite possibly one of the purest souls out there. I couldn't disagree with what he was saying either. I was scared too. I couldn't tell anyone either, because of all the backlash I would receive.

I just couldn't bare the loneliness. That might've killed me instead. That was something he wouldn't understand though.

"Varun, I won't get hurt, I promise," I said. There was no way to promise something that absurd, but I couldn't think of anything else to give him some sort of peace of mind.

"How could you possibly know that?" Varun asked.

I paused before I answered, how could I answer that? "I just do," I said.

He shook his head, again. "I can't believe you could trust that fuck."

We stood in silence for about a minute or two, unable to look at each other or say anything.

My heart felt hollow. His words were taunting, and they did make me feel some shame.

Varun pressed his lips together. He seemed to regret his rash words. He cleared his throat, "Maybe now's not the best time to talk."

"Maybe, you're right," I said.

Varun spoke again, "Go, enjoy the carnival, and we'll talk another time."

Before I could go, I hated myself for doing this, but I had to ask again, "And, you won't tell Ajit, right?"

He glued his eyes onto mine. He stepped closer to me, watching my lips. I felt myself almost trembling at the distance between our lips. Why was I feeling this way? It was wrong.

"I'd always protect you," he affirmed.

I felt my stomach flutter.

I wanted to hug him and thank him, but that wouldn't be right. We were Varun and Tara.

Before I could possibly do something I regret, I nodded and pivoted on my heels, walking away and leaving him there.

What was my life, and why was it becoming so complicated?