Vyra

"We made a pact that you wouldn't refuse to shift."

I remembered all too well.

We were back to training, as I had promised. I could barely focus, knowing Sonya and Petir would be placed in the castle by the day's end.

Still, I didn't want to be a warrior. I was weaker than all of the Lycan by any physical measure.

Now that I was allowed to speak, words were the weapon of my choice. Perhaps the only damage I could wield.

"I'm not." I quickly remedied his qualms. "Can you talk through what I am supposed to do again?"

"The first trial is all about conquering one's self. You overcame your mental blocks and shifted. You now have to master all your senses." Seren shot me a look, "You must choose prey and successfully hunt it. It's quite simple really."

I hummed, "Yep. Easy."

Snow crunched loudly under the Alpha's feet. "I understand in the early stages it is painful. You're going to have to get used to it, because it is easier for me to mind-speak to your animus. For now, I will lead you by example."

Before my eyes the Alpha transformed from a man to a 7-foot creature.

Each Lycan looked a little different in this form. Seren had silky black fur, so dark he appeared like a shadow across the snow. He seemed much taller than the average wolf, my neck straining just to look up at him.

One thing remained the same, his silver eyes, not anything like an animal's. I didn't expect this form to look so...cuddly. My impression was that the Alpha would be frightening, all teeth and ferocity.

The wolf huffed, his breath clear in the cold hair. He shook his snout, before sniffing the top of my head.

"Hey!" I said, nervously laughing. He continued nudging the side of my face, only stopping when I lifted my hand and began to pet the side of him. My hand sunk into the satin fur, and I couldn't hold back my smile. "I like you better in this form. You're kinder."

The shadowy wolf snarled, before heading off in the direction of the forest. I followed, surprised that the pit in my stomach that I got during training disappeared.

That is how we traveled through the rest of the day. Seren's wolf trotted around the forest, circling over things I had to pay attention to. I learned how to identify tracks and notice when plants and seeds were left behind by various woodland animals.

I kept my hand in his fur as he led to each stream, showing me dens and other shelters. When he stopped to take a drink, I was left speechless when he splashed me. I thought it had been an accident, I saw the flash in his eyes and a small howl.

The wolf laughed at me.

He stopped when I splashed him back.

By the time the sun was falling from the sky, I found myself wishing we had more time.

"I should head back, shouldn't I?" I asked the wolf, who I knew wouldn't respond.

He led me back to the training clearing, remaining at the edge of the forest. I didn't want to leave yet.

I wanted him to stop me.

"Today was pleasant, Seren," I said awkwardly.

The wolf lifted his head, before heading back into the forest. I let out a puff of air, knowing I sounded pathetic.

But today felt different. In his wolf form, it felt like we were unlikely friends.

I turned my back to start walking, when I heard whimpering and the nudge of a nose on my spine.

"Seren?" I turned around, skittish.

The wolf was already gone, his body streaking by in the forest through the branches. There was a red Camellia left where the wolf had just been.

He brought me a flower.

***

I didn't tell Sonya where I got the flower on the mantle of my fireplace. My eyes kept lingering to it every few seconds, like it was a puzzle begging to be solved.

Instead, I asked her how living in the castle had been.

She sat up on my bed. "I love it! I don't even care that I have to cover my face in the hallways, it is worth it! You have to come visit when you are free."

"I can when I pass the first trial. After that, I will have more time."

"When? Confident now aren't we Vyra? I like seeing you like this."

I bit my lip, smiling. "How is Petir?"

Sonya reddened. "He is fine. Being a guard is much different than a lady's maid. They have him in a room closer to the dungeons, and he is shadowing Titus every day." My face must have shown my anxiety. Sonya added, "They are getting along. It seems like you've cured at least one of the males for their dislike of Outcasts."

I fell back onto my bed, turning to my friend. "I mean how is it going between you two? Did anything happen while I was gone?"

The red-headed woman looked at me with sad eyes. "Nothing Vyra. I know you have told me many times over that what happened between you two meant nothing but...he still doesn't show any interest towards me."

"Well, you would be right about the first part." I sighed, "Petir was only comfortable with me because he didn't have those feelings. He is shy, and he is afraid to make a mistake, because he actually likes you. Trust me, it will all work out. I think maybe even more so now that we aren't all in that hut."

Sonya thanked me before she headed to bed.

I barely slept that night, and many of the nights after, a single red flower haunting my dreams.

When I arrived at the field the next morning, Seren greeted me solely in his wolf form. I realized quickly that he wanted me to join him, after being growled at when I tried to walk into the forest in my human form.

Each session after, he showed me how to hunt in my wolf form. I couldn't deny the rush of power and adrenaline I felt each time.

I had to admit Seren was right. I could see colors that I didn't know existed, I could smell smoke from hundreds of miles away.

Learning how to hunt became something I enjoyed. Not the killing part, never the killing part.

I heard his voice the first time I held a bird between my teeth, cradling it gently.

If you don't make it quick, you will hurt him.

My animal body panicked hearing his voice. I felt the blood rush, and the bird was dead. I let it drop into the snow, and whined because I could not weep.

The Alpha tried to console me in a stern tone.

You're a Lycan, Vyra. You think it feels different when you're defending yourself versus when you're attacking a helpless creature. But it is all the same, and the feeling never goes away. You just learn to suppress it, every single time.

All the fun was gone, and I wanted to go back to the way I was before. I wished I was an Inais, that I didn't possess a soul.

When I caught my reflection in the water, I saw myself as such. All white fur and eyes that differed from my usually black depths.

Golden, from Clan Lunae.

After that moment, I let the Alpha show me how to kill quickly. I accepted it as inevitable, even though I blessed the prey to cross quickly each and every time.

We played a game, where he would hide and I would have to find him. His scent was stronger, almost overwhelming as wolves. Sometimes I could sense his astonishment, when I found him after only a few minutes.

I could find Seren anywhere.

Slowly, I heard the Alpha's voice less and less. I ran through the forest easily, recognizing branches and marks that prevented me from ever getting lost.

I caught a large array of animals, the smallest being a mouse and the largest a deer.

Every day, I felt more comfortable in this skin. It felt like coming home after being away for too long.

Rather than restricting me, I felt freedom from shedding my skin. It was the only thing I could compare the wind sailing over my fast body, the snow underneath my feet, and the ability to sense a squirrel twitching its whiskers within a second.

Where I was weak in my human form, I was strong in this one.

I was unbound.

A white rabbit skittered past me, its red eyes like blood. I went to hunt it before the Alpha padded up beside me. When I looked back, the rabbit had already escaped into the tree line. I scent the air, committing it to memory.

Well done.

Seren had spoken, sizing me up. I was a foot smaller and lacked the muscle of other Lycan. I took the stiff praise, and kept it locked away.

I couldn't answer him back, but I shuffled my head.

"You'll be ready, much sooner than I thought."

***

During the third week of training for the first trial, I was surprised to find Seren in human form right before me.

And slightly disappointed. With his human form came his uneasy countenance and judging eyes.

Seren crossed his leather adorned arms, his eyes appraising. "It is time. You are able to hunt. So, what do you choose?"

Gulping, I settled my nerves. My fingers twitched at my sides.

"A white rabbit with red eyes," I answered back, determined.

I wanted to challenge myself. Time passing was inevitable, but I wasn't sure what the future held, or what was guaranteed.

"See you soon," Seren said, before shifting. He ran into the snowy forest, leaving me entirely alone.

Shifting had turned from unbearably painful into a fleeting discomfort. I shed my skin, falling to the ground on four legs. I listened first, looking for the thump of small feet.

My ears twitched, catching the sound of breaking twigs. Snow began to fall around me, and I tried to ignore the soft sound each flake made on the ground. My legs pushed me forward, my snout working from side to side as I tried to track the path I took only days prior.

Past the first stream and to the left of the dead berry bushes, I caught the familiar scent. Small and afraid, it was bitter on my tongue.

I trailed it quickly, dangerously close to the outskirts of our territory. But I wouldn't give up. My throat tightened when I saw a flash of white, and those beady red eyes peeking from behind rotten leaves.

Crouching low, I moved behind and between larger tree trunks. The rabbit sensed me, its head moving from side to side. It's nose twitching. I swallowed down the forlorn feeling of being another living creature's end.

It clutched onto some sort of root. When its red eyes turned to the side, that is when I made my attack.

I launched at the small creature, quickly biting around its neck. It didn't even struggle, falling lump between my teeth and paws.

I did it.

I passed the first Lycan trial.

The rabbit dropped from the ground, its essence leaking into the snow. I watched in horror, with satisfaction and hunger, and with disgust. I started to run, my body filled with an overflow of emotion.

Vyra? Seren called out to me, laughter in the disembodied voice. He must have seen my kill. I had left the white rabbit where I had found it. Come back.

I kept running, blood still fresh on my tongue. Past where I trained with Seren, past the lines of our pack territory. Past where I have gone before. My mind was a storm and the longer it raged, the further I went.

Vyra!

I couldn't find it in myself to stop. I trailed through thorns, pricking into my fur. I splashed across rivers, until I could no longer see the sky.

I am free.