TANNER*

“I love you, Kaysen,” I whispered, unable to contain the words any longer, as I finished inside her. She had prevented me from expressing my feelings earlier, but now I couldn’t hold back.

I have never experienced such intense feelings for someone until I met Kaysen. The mere idea of losing her fills my heart with aching emotions that I never imagined I could feel. Somehow, Kaysen has entered my life and shattered all the emotional barriers I have built over the past twenty-one years. It’s going to be difficult navigating this situation, except by releasing all of my past hurts and allowing Kaysen to enter my heart.

I’m dead set on getting better, so I don’t mess things up for her. I plan to dedicate all my spare time to be with her and Cora. It’s possible that her parents may become annoyed by my constant presence, but I don’t care. I meant what I said - I want to be there for Kaysen throughout her entire pregnancy. I don’t want to miss a single moment. The mere thought of something unfortunate happening to Kaysen and the babies while I am not there drives me to the brink of insanity.

I handled her with utmost care just now, considering her current condition and needing to avoid any strenuous activities. It was best to take things slow and not get too excited while we were making love. It’s best I keep my distance from her from now on until she’s had her next appointment. However, my desire for intimacy with Kaysen is as strong as the need for air to fill my lungs.

“Tanner, please don’t say something you may regret later. I wouldn’t be able to bear you changing your mind. I have fallen for you, but I can’t say that I love you yet. Not now; it’s too early in whatever you want to call us,” Kaysen said as she ran her hand through my hair.

I withdrew from inside her and shifted to the side, not wanting to put too much weight on top of her. As I looked into her vibrant sky-blue eyes, I said words I never thought would escape my lips.

“Kaysen, I want to ask you to be my wife. I’m not proposing right at this moment, but I need and want to marry you. You mean everything to me. I may sound a little insane, but deep down in my heart and soul, I know you are the love of my life. You have come into my life and rescued my spirit. I have been a mess for as long as I can remember. You inspire me to become a better man, to let go of my previous misconceptions about marriage and family. I couldn’t survive without you. I need you in my life, Kaysen,” I whispered, caressing her face.

“You want to get married? I’m so confused Tanner, you said you would never be married,” Kaysen said, looking into my eyes with confusion.

“Kaysen, I was an arrogant, stupid son of a bitch. Before I met you, I didn’t know what love was. I have never felt this passionate about anyone in my life. I love you, Kaysen, and I would never say something I didn’t mean,” I said, nuzzling my face into Kaysen’s breast and embracing her.

The bed creaked as I rose from the bed and pulled Kaysen up to me. Kaysen stayed quiet, deep in thought as I made my way towards my bathroom. I placed her on a soft towel that I had prepared beforehand. Adjusting the faucet, I made sure the water was warm and comforting, filling the bathroom with its soothing sound. Taking my time, I tied Kaysen’s hair into a bun, making sure it stayed dry. On the edge of the bathtub, I placed a bottle of body wash with a delightful coconut scent, which filled the room with its inviting fragrance.

As I approached Kaysen, I bent down to kiss her forehead and offered a warm smile. “Why don’t we freshen up and head back downstairs to unwind for a while? And if I haven’t terrified you completely, I’d still love to do some online shopping, just like I mentioned before.”

“I’m not scared, Tanner, I’m just confused. I don’t even know what to say, because this kind of thing doesn’t happen, does it? It’s just that what started as a one-night stand has somehow transformed into a love that feels so intense. It’s strange, because I didn’t feel like this with my ex-husband. All I ask is that you promise me you won’t leave me or hurt me again. I don’t think I could handle it,” Kaysen whispered, running her fingers through my hair.

“I promise I’ll do everything in my power not to hurt you again, Kaysen, not intentionally, anyway. I am an asshole, though, so if I ever say or do anything to hurt you, call me out on it, ok,” I said, picking Kaysen up and walking us over to the bathtub.

KAYSEN*

Could it be that Tanner has changed? Are we going to stay together, get married, and raise these babies and Cora together? I’m so afraid, but I would love for us to be in a relationship and get married at some point. I can’t deny that I never wanted to get remarried. Until now, I was hell-bent on never getting married again and raising Cora alone.

***

“So you are good on all black leather furniture, silver end tables and a silver coffee table,” Tanner asked me as we glanced at the shopping cart we had accumulated on his laptop.

“Yes, so much better than everything being white like what you have in here now. No offense,” I said, chuckling.

“Oh no, this place came furnished. The only things that are mine furniture-wise are the bed upstairs and the entertainment center. Which reminds me, I would like us to pick out a new mattress, one that is ours, that only you and I have been in. I’m not proud of who I was before you came along, Kaysen. I’ve been with countless women over the past several years,” Tanner said as he went in search of bed frames and mattresses.

“It would be nice if we could start fresh on everything. I believe it would be beneficial for both of us. How about we forget about the past? We both have our own baggage, and it’s important to remember that neither of us is perfect. So, let’s begin anew with a clean slate, alright?” I suggested, gently resting my head on Tanner’s shoulder.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you, Kaysen,” Tanner said, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead and flashing a smile. Then he gestured towards the screen. “What do you think of this one? It’s adjustable, so you can customize the firmness according to your needs. This feature would be beneficial as your pregnancy progresses. Blaze and Lyra had a bed like this when she was pregnant with Christopher and Adelaide. Because of a previous car accident, Lyra experienced discomfort in her leg during pregnancy and had to sleep in an upright position. The bed has adjustable head and foot sections, and it splits into two full-sized beds, which allows me to keep my side down or adjust it as needed.”

“Ok, looks good to me,” I said, and Tanner proceeded to the checkout. Tanner and I just made Furniture Row ecstatic, for sure.

“Shit Kaysen, I’m sorry I forgot about Cora. Let’s go back and order some things for her. That way, you can keep what she has now at your parents’ house. I’m sure your mom will want to have her now, and then after you both have moved out,” Tanner suggested and signed back into the website.

“Oh yes, you’re right. I didn’t even think about Cora, so don’t feel bad. What about paint and stuff? Should we paint the rooms before moving in?” I asked as ideas started coming to me about wall colors in the rooms.

“Yes, me and the guys, not you, Kaysen. You're pregnant and don’t need to be around all the fumes. We can pick out the colors on here and have them shipped to Home Depot if you would like to do that.”

“Ok, that sounds like a brilliant idea to me, Tanner. Online shopping is so much better than braving the crowded stores. I’ve never done online shopping before.”

“It’s the only kind of shopping I do. Except for food shopping and even then, I eat out. It’s not ideal to cook a meal for just me.” 

“That will change when we move in together,” I explained with a huge grin on my face.

“How so?” Tanner asked with his eyebrows raised.

“You’ll never eat out again once we’re living together, because I love to cook. I know how to cook all Italian and Southern cuisine.”

“I will hire a maid and a cook, so you don’t have to be up on your feet so much. With you being at high risk, I don’t want you having to do anything. I will also hire a nanny to be there with you to help you with Cora when I’m at work, so if something happens, you’re not alone.”

My goodness, Tanner is freaking out over all the news I’ve told him today. I’m not a porcelain doll.

“Tanner, dear, Cora is about to start at the early childhood center. So she won’t be home during the day. You could help by taking her and picking her up, if that would make you feel better. As far as the cooking, I can do that, we don’t need to hire someone. I will take you up on the offer of having a maid, though, since I’m supposed to stay off of my feet as much as possible. I will not break Tanner. Relax, please,” I said, and Tanner nodded.

“I know an assistant chef whose wife is a housekeeper. He only works four days a week. What would you say to letting them stay with us in the guestroom those three days? He can cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and his wife could clean and keep you company, every day?” 

“You will not let this go, will you, Tanner?” 

“Nope, so just let me take care of you, alright. This couple wants to start a family; I will pay them well. Hopefully, this will work out, and they can work for us until after you have the babies.”

“You are an amazing man. You know that, right? After what you did today for that family, and now you’re going to do what you can to help this couple. I love that about you,” I said, smiling and gripping Tanner’s hand.

“Let’s get the paint ordered, and then maybe tomorrow night we can get together and order furniture for Cora’s room. The timing is perfect for all of this. My cousins and I were all about to go on our two-week break from the office. I’m sure I can get Jace, Blaze, and my cousins Connor and Wade to help me next week with painting and so on. Then, in a couple of weeks, we should have everything ready for you and Cora to move in if you decide you are ready by then. I know you said you wanted to wait a while longer. But I’m ready to start my life with you as soon as possible, Kaysen.”

“Ok, we’ll see how we are doing when the time comes alright and go from there. Let’s hurry. I’ve got to leave soon to pick Cora up,” I said, and Tanner and I went in search of paint to order.