TANNER*

I took a sabbatical and returned feeling refreshed. Blaze was hesitant about my long absence, but I spent around two months on the coast. During my walks along the beach, I observed sunrises and sunsets and found solace in the starry nights. I stayed true to my word and kept busy by working from the beach cabin, which became my home. I only went into town to search for land for our business or to buy groceries.

Although a few women had shown interest in me, I couldn’t shake thoughts of Kaysen from my mind. She was like the air I needed to breathe. Deep down, I kept telling myself that she deserved someone better. The longing to be with my family intensified my inner turmoil. I had already missed seven Saturday night Cunningham dinners, and my Aunt Diana was growing increasingly upset. She had called me repeatedly, urging me to come home, and had expressed her disappointment. 

After being away for two months, I finally returned home. The first thing on my mind was to call Kaysen and apologize for my past behavior. However, every time I tried to call her, I ended the call before it could connect. Last night, I went to Hector’s Strip Club hoping to find Kaysen, but I found out from the staff that she had quit a month ago. Now, I face the difficult task of reaching out to Kaysen by phone and hoping she will give me another chance.

I’m currently walking around Walgreens picking up little odds and ends since I had left most everything I had taken with me at the beach front condo I had bought over a month ago. It will be an excellent place for Blaze and Jace to bring their families on vacation. If they ever take a vacation, that is.

As if the universe could sense the storm raging in my mind, I unexpectedly turn down an aisle and there stands Kaysen, lost in her own thoughts. She looks absolutely stunning in a knee-length dress that stresses her beautiful curves. Her raven-colored hair, trimmed to fall gracefully to the middle of her back, grants me a perfect view of her heart-shaped ass. Regret fills my heart for foolishly leaving her. Lost in her own bliss, she remains oblivious as I approach and observe her for a few precious moments. 

“Kaysen?” 

Kaysen’s breath hitches, making me reluctant to approach her. When she spins around, I wince at the sight of her face, red and pinched with anger. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that she’s angry, especially after my two-month absence with no contact. My heart skips a beat, desperately hoping for a warm welcome. But deep down, I know I’ve made a mistake in ever leaving her in the first place. The look on her face tells me she won’t give me a chance, not even in hell. She deserves better, and I should let her go.

After venting her frustration at me, she storms off. Despite knowing I should let her go, I find myself going after her, begging her not to walk away from me. I had hoped that Kaysen would at least listen to me, but her words ring true and cut deep into my soul. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out, shattering into a million pieces. I expose my vulnerable self to her once again, tears welling up in my eyes. No one could ever replace her. She is the light at the end of my dark tunnel. She is my everything. The thought of losing her forever is unbearable to me. 

She yelled at me again and stormed away, leaving me with the sinking feeling that I had lost her for good. Overwhelmed by the situation, I couldn’t bear to stay any longer. I dropped everything I had in my hands and walked out to my truck, feeling completely dazed. Once inside, I pounded my hands on the dashboard and cried like I had never cried before. It was a moment of realization. I couldn’t believe I had been so foolish as to leave Kaysen. In doing so, I had lost the one person who could save me. I sat there for a while, allowing myself to calm down and regain my clarity. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks - walking away from Kaysen was an incredibly selfish and thoughtless act. I had convinced myself that it was the right thing to do, but in reality, it was the worst mistake I could have made. All because I stubbornly refused to consider marriage or having children, for reasons that eluded me.

No, the main reason for my hesitation, as my therapist has repeatedly pointed out, is that I don’t believe I deserve the things I desire. Perhaps my therapist is onto something. Deep down, maybe I want to be married and have children. However, there’s this nagging feeling that I am undeserving of such happiness. I can’t help but wonder what is wrong with me, that I can’t seem to get my life together enough to be with someone like Kaysen. It seems like I’m back to square one, considering whether I should heed Kaysen’s blunt advice and let her go.

Just as I was about to start my truck and pull out, I heard a knock on my window. Looking up, Kaysen’s sky-blue eyes instantly captivated me, and it felt like I was melting all over again. However, her furrowed eyebrows and crossed arms around her chest showed she was still angry with me. Wanting to get out of the truck, I motioned for Kaysen to move away, and she moved to the side. 

I open the door, hop down from my truck, then face her. “Would you like to go get something to eat?” I asked Kaysen, hoping she would leave with me.

“No, I’m on my way to pick Cora up from my mother-in-law. I can sit with you for a moment, though,” Kaysen said, and we walked over to the passenger side of my truck, and I helped her climb up into the seat. I then ran over and got it myself and started the truck so that the air conditioning would cool us off because the August heat in West Texas was unbearable.

“Look, Tanner, I thought we could have had something, but you bulldozed over the whole thing. You didn’t even give us a chance to get to know each other. I don’t know if I want to get to know you at this point. I’m willing to try, but you’re going to have to show me you will not tuck tail and run,” Kaysen said as she fidgeted in her seat. It seemed she had more to say but was keeping it to herself.

“I’m sorry for leaving, Kaysen. I believed you deserved better, and I felt it was necessary to end things before they became too serious between us. Throughout my time away, thoughts of you consumed me, and I considered reaching out to you multiple times. I want to be with you above all else, and I want to get to know you better,” I confessed, grasping her hand and intertwining it with mine.

“Let’s start with being friends and dating. No sex, Tanner. We need to figure out if we are a match beyond physical contact,” Kaysen said as she retracted her hand from mine.

“Yes, I understand. I’m willing to do anything, Kaysen. Just tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do my best to make you happy.” 

“You only get one more chance, Tanner, so you better make sure this is what you want. Don’t screw me around. Let’s try the dating thing for a while, alright, and if we feel we could be more, then we can become exclusive. Just know I haven’t had sex with anyone else or dated anyone else since you, and I don’t care to either. You can see other people if you want,” Kaysen said, looking out the window.

“Several women approached me while I was away. But I didn’t date or sleep with any of them. You have done something to me, Kaysen. I have no desire to be with anyone else. As I said before, you are it for me, Kaysen. I only want you. So I will do what I need to do to be with you,” I said as I reached over and cupped her cheeks, and brought her to me. I looked deep into her eyes, “only you, Kaysen,” I said, then crashed my lips to hers.

She turned and put her hands through my hair, deepening the kiss. Then she pulled back. “I want to be with you, Tanner. I hope this works out. Don’t hurt me again,” Kaysen said as she reached for the handle.

“I’ll get that for you,” I said, hopping down from my truck and assist her in climbing out. I placed my hands in Kaysen’s hair. Then brought her close to my chest, inhaling the heavenly scent of coconut. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I vowed to make it up to her, promising Kaysen that I would do anything to show my appreciation for this opportunity. Then placed a chaste kiss to her forehead.

“Tanner, I need to go. I was supposed to have picked Cora up from Kristine an hour ago,” Kaysen said as she pushed away from me.

“Could I come by later and meet your parents and Cora?” I asked as I watched Kaysen walk away.

“Give me a little time. I’m not ready for that yet, but soon alright,” Kaysen said as she got into her SUV and drove off.

I’ve got my work cut out for me. I know two men who can help me out with this situation, and that’s Jace and Blaze. Hell, maybe even Lyra and Vega could help me out. Even though they are still mad at me because of what happened with Mae and me, it would be fantastic to have a woman’s perspective.

***

“I’m surprised she didn’t tell you to piss off,” Lyra said, walking off to the kitchen.

“She did, and I ran to my truck and cried. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I spent two nights with Kaysen; that was it.” 

As I smile down at my baby niece Bethany, cradled in my arms and cooing while grasping my pointer finger, I can’t help but marvel at how fast she’s grown. It’s hard to believe she’s already five months old. As I sit here, holding this precious bundle, a thought crosses my mind - the idea of having a baby of my own suddenly seems amazing. This is a first for me, as the thought of having children has always repulsed me. But Kaysen is changing me in so many ways that I can’t fully comprehend. The thought of Kaysen and me together, creating beautiful babies, fills my mind.

“Well, it seems to me that you may be in love, Tanner,” Vega said as she put Vivian down on the floor.

“After only two nights? I don’t think so. There’s no way,” I said as I gave Bethany to Lyra and walked over to pick Vivian up.

“It was love at first sight for Blaze and me, and look at us. Same for Vega and Jace. It would help if you didn’t fight this, Tanner. Contrary to what you believe, you deserve to be happy. Don’t let this one get away,” Lyra said as she sat next to Blaze on the couch.

“Take the advice we have given you and run with it. Roses and all that sappy stuff. We women love that stuff,” Vega said.

“If you hurt this one, Vega and I will whoop your ass,” Lyra said, and she and Vega giggled.

“Alright, thank you for the advice. It’s getting late. I better let you all go so you can get the babies to bed,” I said as I handed Vivian to Vega, said goodbye to everyone, and left.