TANNER*

It was great taking Kaysen and Cora out tonight. Cora and I went on the carousel multiple times. Her favorite was bopping moles. She tried some other games, but she was too young for most of them. Despite being only two, she did well, and we had a lot of fun.

Kaysen and I took Cora to the park in order to tire her out. It was an incredible experience, and I couldn’t help but feel overjoyed at the thought of having her as my daughter someday. Much like Kaysen and myself, there is a certain connection between Cora and me, as if it’s destined for me to be her father, although she is not my biological child.

Kaysen and I discussed her restrictions through text. In order to make things smoother for her, I gave Kaysen a break and spent most of my time playing with Cora. It was the most fun I’ve had since grade school.

Since I walked in the door, Cora had been clinging to me the entire night. I felt it was because of the plush doll I got her. I couldn’t help but get her something, and true to form, Cora hadn’t let go of the doll for even a second.

It was tough leaving after I dropped off Kaysen and Cora. Although I wanted to stay with them, Kaysen said her mother might not like the idea. I need to have a chat with Kaysen about getting her own place and if she needed it, I’d chip in for rent. While Kaysen’s dad is alright, her mom is a handful and I’m not sure how I feel about her. There is something off with her, even though I can’t quite put a finger on what it is. It’s clear that her mom is giving off bad vibes. Therefore, having Kaysen and Cora stay with them seems iffy because of her.

There is a matter of insurance concerning Cora and Kaysen, and it is likely that if she has any, it is minimal. Because of Kaysen’s pregnancy with twins, I need to explore options to either include her on my insurance or cover her medical bills. I will pay for Cora’s care as well. I’m pretty sure I can get the babies on my insurance when they’re born, but I’m not sure about Kaysen because we’re not married. Unfortunately, I cannot do anything about Cora’s insurance, but I am determined to find a solution for her as well. To explore my options, I should discuss the situation with either my dad or my uncle. There is a need to provide and care for both Kaysen and Cora.

Hell, Kaysen and I haven’t spoken about telling people she’s pregnant or anything. Her parents don’t even know; I would still be clueless if I hadn’t gone to see her yesterday. She and I have so much to talk about, but her not having her own place hinders us from doing that. Things needed to change, and soon.

I got home and drank a beer to wind down and then hopped in the shower. Once I got out of the shower, I went to my living room, grabbed another beer, sat down on my couch, and turned on the television. Something told me to check my phone, so I grabbed it and saw that Kaysen had texted me.

‘I need to find an apartment for Cora and me. Would you like to help me look for a place this weekend?’

Hell yeah, I would love to help her. It seems we have the same track of mind. ‘I would love to. I’m not sure if you would like to live near me, but these are the best apartments in town, and two-bedroom apartments are available. We would need to act on this fast, though, because the fall semester is about to start, and college students will snatch them up.’

‘I have money saved up, but I don’t think I’ll be able to afford to live there, especially since I’m pregnant with twins. It is necessary for me to save as much money as I can.’

‘Since you are pregnant with my babies, paying your rent is the least I could do.’

Ten minutes went by and I chugged my beer as I waited for Kaysen to reply. Then my phone rang. I saw it was Kaysen and answered.

“Hello…” 

“Tanner, you can’t pay my rent. I’ll be fine on my own. I need to make a backup plan if things don’t work out between us.”

“No matter what, Kaysen, you’re carrying my babies and I’ll take care of you, especially after they arrive. You’re not doing this alone, understand? I won’t allow it to happen. So, I’ll take care of your rent and medical costs. We gotta get you a house instead of an apartment. You’ll need enough space for the babies to stay and Cora needs her own room.”

“If I don’t carry to term, what will happen? What happens if I have a miscarriage or something?” 

“I’m so confused. What are you talking about, Kaysen?”

“I can’t talk to you about this over the phone, Tanner. There’s a lot you don’t know. I’m still coming to terms with the fact I’m pregnant.”

“Well, I’m calling in tomorrow. You can come over, and we can talk and then see about finding you and Cora a place to stay.” 

“Ok, I’m dropping Cora off with Kristine at nine o’clock, and I’ll be at your place no later than ten. Is that ok?” 

“Yes, that would be perfect. Sleep well Kaysen, I already miss you, and it’s only been two hours.”

“I miss you as well, Tanner, sweet dreams,” Kaysen said and ended the call.

I have no clue what Kaysen is saying, especially with why she would have a miscarriage. After all, she’s young, healthy, and has already had Cora. There should be no reason for her to fear losing them. It’s puzzling why Kaysen is so hell-bent on doing everything alone and why she keeps talking about us as if we have already ended this relationship, when in reality, it has only just begun.

I sprang up from my couch, feeling the need for a distraction, so I grabbed another beer. To divert my thoughts from Kaysen and the babies, I turned on a random movie on Netflix. Despite my efforts, nothing seemed to work. After an hour passed, I headed up to my room. I took a moment to brush my teeth before settling down and laying in bed.

Once settled, I grabbed my phone and texted Blaze to inform him about an urgent matter that had arisen. Then told him I needed to deal with it and wouldn’t be able to be there tomorrow. After sending the message, I dimmed my lights and turned on some relaxation music, hoping to find solace in sleep. However, my peace was short-lived as I woke up two hours later from a disturbing dream. In the dream, I had lost Kaysen and the babies, leaving me with no one in the end.

Kaysen*

Tanner will not take my news well. I’m not taking it well. One minute, there was a possibility of me having cervical cancer, and the next, I found out I was pregnant with twins.

The percentage of me losing these babies is high because of having two pregnancy prevention shots. And the doctors can’t do anything about me having cancer until after I give birth. I don’t understand what God has in store for me. Why couldn’t I be healthy, have these babies, and be in a happy relationship with Tanner? I can’t understand after losing Michael; I’m now going through this. What have I done to deserve not to have a smooth and happy life? Why does everything need to be so hard? Don’t I deserve to be happy for once?

It took me forever to fall asleep, but once I did, I fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

I woke up feeling nauseous, but I still took a shower and made myself look as good as possible. In preparation, I packed my anti-nausea medication just in case. Although I hoped to be lucky and avoid morning sickness this time, it seems like that won’t be the case.

Cora woke up just after I had finished up, and I got her ready, and then we left for Kristine’s.

***

I have now arrived at Tanner’s loft, and I’m unsure how to break the news to him. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and not given him any reason to worry about me and the babies. There is a possibility that I’ll go full term and won’t have any issues. Tanner deserves to know what’s going on in my world, though; these babies are his and I can’t keep vital information like this from him.

I knocked on Tanner’s door and waited for him to answer. Tanner opened the door a minute later with an energy drink in his hand. Something seems off with him and he doesn’t look like himself today. Tanner hugged me as I walked in and followed me to his living room, and we sat down on his couch.

“Are you alright?” He looked as if he had gotten little sleep. There were bags under his eyes and he looks pale, not like himself at all.

“I was worried about you and had some nightmares throughout the night. Something would happen to you and the babies in each one I had, so I didn’t sleep well. I just woke up around three in the morning and have been up ever since,” Tanner said as he took a few gulps of his drink.

“Oh Tanner, I’m so sorry. I should have told you last night what’s going on. Not that it would have helped you any, though.” 

“Kaysen, please tell me what’s going on. I can’t even breathe right,” Tanner said as he placed his hand on my belly.

“I might have cervical cancer. The doctor had to take a blood pregnancy test before they could do a procedure on me to test my cervix, and that’s how I found out I was pregnant. Also, I got my depo shot two weeks ago. So those two things, combined with the fact that I’m pregnant with twins, makes me high risk for having a miscarriage,” I told Tanner as I stared off into space.

“Well, I’m not letting you out of my sight now. You can’t expect me to stand on the sidelines and not help you; I won’t allow it, Kaysen. I want to be there for you through it all; every high and every low. We will find a place for me, you, and Cora. I’m going to hire a housekeeper so you can rest and not worry about anything. We are going to do this together, Kaysen. Please don’t push me away because I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Alright. Then I think we’ve reached a conclusion that will benefit all of us. Let’s move in together,” I said, and Tanner kissed me on my forehead. His concerned demeanor transformed into happiness with a wide smile spanning ear to ear.