KAYSEN*

As I open my bedroom door, a scene unfolds before me. Mom is rocking Cora in the rocking chair, while Cora rests her head on one of my dirty shirts that mom has draped on her chest. It’s clear that Cora has been crying, even though she is now sound asleep. I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt for staying out so late at Tanner’s. Cora always wakes up around three on the nights that I work, which is usually when I would come home. She craves cuddles during those early hours, and tonight, I am two hours late. The look on mom’s face speaks volumes - she’s beyond angry. Determined to make things right, I walk over and carefully pick up Cora, cradling her in my arms. She stirs, her eyes opening in groggy slits, still drowsy from sleep.

Cora nuzzles her head into my chest, a contented sigh falling from her mouth. “Mommy, you are home.” 

Mom’s menacing glare cuts deep, making my heart skip. She shakes her head and, without a word, walks out of my room, leaving the door open.

Kissing Cora’s forehead, I sit in the rocking chair and start rocking her so she can go back to sleep."Yes, baby, so sorry mommy is late getting home tonight. Mommy is off for the next two days, though, so I’ll make it up to you. I promise." 

As I gaze upon Cora’s peaceful slumber, I can’t help but agree with my mother’s words from the past year. It’s time for me to reconsider my choices. Working as a stripper and a waitress at a strip club isn’t the right path for me anymore. I’ve realized that I must quit my job as soon as possible. Fortunately, I’ve managed to save up enough money to secure a comfortable two-bedroom apartment for Cora and me. Although it may not be the dream home I’ve always longed for, what truly matters is that we’ll be together and have a place to call our own. With the funds I’ve saved, we can easily sustain ourselves for a year or even longer without me having to work. Tomorrow, I’ll reach out to Hector and request a reduction in my work schedule, limiting it to just two nights a week. I’ll also submit my notice, informing him I’ll be leaving within the next month.

After getting up, I walked Cora to her room and gently laid her down in her Princess toddler bed. Then, I made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I came back, I encountered a sight that caused me to sigh in frustration. Mom was sitting in the rocking chair, waiting for me. I knew what was coming next. “I understand that you’re determined to keep your job, but you really should quit. It’s not healthy for Cora, or for you, for that matter. I don’t believe this is what Michael would have wanted for either of you.”

After taking off my shorts, I placed my phone, keys, and wallet on the nightstand. I then crawled into bed, laid down, and pulled the covers up to my chin. Reflecting on my mother’s words. “You are right, momma. Don’t worry, I’ve already decided to leave my job. However, I need to put in a month’s notice with Hector. I’ll be reaching out to him tomorrow night to let him know what’s going on and that I need to go down to working only two nights a week. I don’t want to leave him hanging, because he has always treated me well.”

“What about the man you have gone home with the last two nights? Will that lead to anything? Are you going to bring him to the house so we can meet him?”

“I don’t know, momma. He told me tonight he never wants to get married and doesn’t want his own children. However, he seemed fine about me having Cora. Our arrangement was only for one night. But, it’s turned into two nights now. We talked for a while tonight and he asked me if we could be more. But I don’t know what I want to do. I’m confused, momma.” 

“Honey, that is not the type of man you need to have around Cora. You need a man who will love you and take care of you both.” 

“Momma, I don’t need a man to take care of us. I can do fine on my own. I have one year of classes left. Then I’ll be able to start my business working from home until Cora starts school.” 

As she reaches over and brushes my long, thick hair with her fingers, I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness. Moments like these remind me of what I’ll miss most about living with my mom and dad — the comfort they always provide. With a soothing voice, she speaks to me, expressing her concerns about my future plans. “I understand you believe you have everything figured out, but it’s not that simple, especially considering the field you’re entering. You’re taking on more than you can handle, Kaysen. Remember, Michael was successful in owning his own business as a publisher and editor, but that doesn’t guarantee the same outcome for you.”

Yawning, I bury myself further into the bed and close my eyes. “I’ll be fine, momma. I’m so tired. It was a long night. Would you mind if we talk later? I need some sleep.”

Mom turned off the lamp next to my bed, and I heard her footsteps as she walked away. “I love you, Kaysen. And I only want what’s best for you and Cora.” 

“I know, momma, I love you too.”

Once I hear the click of my door shutting, I pull Tanner’s shirt up to my nose, inhaling his earthy scent. In that moment, I realize I have no clue what I’m getting myself into. It’s crazy to think that I don’t even have Tanner’s number, only his address, and I don’t even know his last name. As I ponder on the unknown future, I can’t help but wonder what will happen when I quit my job. Will Tanner still be interested in me if I’m no longer showing off my body? But he didn’t show up to watch me tonight. So the fact might overjoy him. It’s a thought that lingers, especially considering the wild nights we’ve had together in the past two nights. I can’t ignore the nagging voice of my mother, always right it seems, warning me that Tanner may not be the right man to have around Cora. But despite it all, I can’t deny how much I like him. As I drift into a deep, dreamless sleep, the thought of Michael, and why he had to leave me, echoes in my mind.

TANNER*

I had yet another fantastic night of uninterrupted sleep, free from the torment of horrible nightmares. With a clear and rational mind, I have realized I need to let go of Kaysen. She deserves someone far better than me. It is imperative that I put an end to this before things escalate any further. I should have left last night instead of waiting for Kaysen, but my addiction to her presence is too strong. I cannot get enough of her. What initially started as one night has now turned into two, but I know it mustn’t go any further. The only obstacle I face is that I lack her contact information. All I know is where she works, and that is the extent of my knowledge. 

Upon waking up, I immediately begin my morning routine, which includes taking another shower, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed. As I go through my usual motions, my mind wanders back to the idea of visiting the coast. It’s high time for me to take a break from Lubbock, Texas. With that in mind, I’ve decided to go see Blaze. Hopefully, I’ll reach his place before they head off to church. I plan to discuss with him the urgent need for some much-needed time away. 

***

As I sit in Blaze’s armchair, my gaze fixed on my newborn niece, it’s hard to fathom that I’m on the verge of leaving all my nieces and nephews behind. But it’s something I must do before I lose my sanity. My plan is to head to the coast and explore the land there, assessing its potential for expanding our business. Being here is risky. I know I’ll inevitably become entangled with Kaysen, and that’s a situation I must avoid at all costs.

Blaze sits on the couch across from me with concern. “What’s up, Tanner? Why are you here before nine o’clock on a Sunday? You know we’re rushing around to get ready for church?”

“It’s crazy, I know, I’m sorry,” I said, smiling at my two-month-old niece Bethany as she yawned and closed her eyes. “Just wanted to let you know that I’m leaving for a while. I’m not sure when I will return. But I need to get away from here before going off the deep end. I’m going to the coast to see if it would be a good place to expand the business. Fortunately, I can work from the hotel room. The truth is, I can’t be here anymore. I need a change in scenery.”

“This is unexpected and very last minute. But if you promise to do office work from your hotel room, I’m alright with you leaving. I think it might be good for you to get away for a while. It probably needed to happen a long time ago. Now let me have Bethany so I can get her changed and ready for church.” He stands, strolling my way, and cradles Bethany in his arms.

“Yeah, I better sneak out before Christopher and Adelaide realize I’m here, or you guys will never be able to leave.”

Blaze chuckles and shakes his head. “Well, I got them ready and fed an hour ago. They are early risers like me. I try to let Lyra sleep in as long as I can. Bethany normally sleeps in as Lyra does, but she woke up early this morning. It has been crazy around here. You can go stick your head in the playroom and say hi if you would like.”

Standing, I make my way towards the playroom. “Sure, thank you, Blaze. It would be nice to see them before I leave.”

“Jace and Vega will be here for lunch after church. If you would like to come back. Or you could come to church with us. It would be good for you.”

“Uh, no offence, but that’s not going to happen. I’m surprised Jace goes to church, and you, for that matter. It’s not my scene, but thanks for asking. I’ll come back for lunch, though. So I can see Jace and the kids before I leave.” 

***

I called Connor to ask for Hector’s number, so I could then ask Hector for Kaysen’s number. Now, I am about to call her. Hector mentioned she would be off for the next two nights. Unfortunately, she doesn’t answer, so I leave a message on her voicemail. “Hey, it’s me, Tanner. I got your number from Hector. Don’t be mad at him for giving it to me. I had some work-related issues come up, and I’ll be away for a while. I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore. You deserve the world, Kaysen, and I can’t provide that for you. I’ll be gone for at least a month, maybe longer. So please don’t wait for me. Move on and take care, Kaysen.” Finally, I press the pound key.

I called her from the landline in my room so that she wouldn’t have my cell number. That’s pretty shady, but it’s for the best. I’ll be flying out early in the morning, and I can’t wait to get out of here.