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R-18

"Gilbert! I told you, may boyfriend ako!" sigaw ko sa kanya nang makita na naman siya sa labas ng office.

"You're just saying that to reject me, Chin," he grinned.

"Kahit wala akong boyfriend, hindi kita magugustuhan. Why don't you get it?" inis na saad ko.

"I liked you for so long, tingin mo ba mapipigilan mo ako nang gano'n gano'n na lang?"

I rolled my eyes. Some women find it good that men will try their best to pursue them, but not in my case. Mas gusto ko pa ring irerespeto ang sinabi ko. I didn't give him the permission to court me. Kaya anong karapatan nitong magpumilit?

"Gilbert," I sighed. "Please, stop. Ayokong mag-away kami ni Troy dahil lang dito."

Dumaan ang bahagyang gulat sa mukha niya.

"Kayo?"

"Yes." I nodded. "So, if you really like me, I want you to respect my relationship with him."

Bahagya siyang natigilan sa sinabi ko ngunit wala akong balak na bawiin 'yon.

"You gave him a chance, tapos ako, hindi?" bitter na saad niya. I saw him shifting his weight and tilting his head because of annoyance.

"Pake mo?" hindi napigilang saad ko. "It's my choice. Aayawan ko ang gusto kong ayawan at mamahalin ko kung sinong gusto kong mahalin. At si Troy 'yon."

"I even left my work in Laguna for you, Chin," he said, guilt-tripping me.

"Sinabi ko ba sa'yong gawin mo 'yon?" naiinis na sagot ko. "Gilbert, just leave me alone! We have a good friendship pero kung mananatili kang ganito, I don't think I can stay friends with you!"

"What's happening here?"

Napatuwid ako ng tayo nang makita ko si Troy sa likod ni Gilbert. Lumakad siya papunta sa gilid ko at mabilis na iniikot ang braso sa bewang ko. That simple gesture made me shiver. Nakita ko ang pagbaba ng mata ni Gilbert doon pero magkamatayan na, hinding hindi ko tatanggalin 'yon.

I glanced at Troy who's looking at the guy using his dark piercing eyes. Nang mapansing nakatingin ako ay bumaba ang mata niya sa akin. He then kissed my temple.

"Let's have a dinner later," he whispered.

Tumango lang ako sa nakahihipnotismo niyang boses.

"Bro," bati ni Gilbert kay Troy.

Kumunot ang noo ng lalaki. "Wag mo akong ma-bro bro kung nilalandi mo ang girlfriend ko," he stated irritatingly.

Napayuko ako para itago ang ngiti. I missed hearing that.

Gilbert chuckled. "Liligawan ko siya."

Akmang sasagot na ako nang higpitan ni Troy ang hawak sa bewang ko kaya lalo akong napalapit sa kanya. I looked at him in shock but he just leaned over me and gave my lips a wet kiss! Mabilis akong kumapit sa kanya bilang suporta.

God, we're in a public place! It's just a peck but it lasted for seconds!

I can feel my knees wobbled but Troy held me in place.

Nakita ko ang pagngisi niya kay Gilbert na ngayon ay namumula ang mukha sa inis. Without a word, he went out of the place, feet almost stomping.

Humiwalay ako kay Troy at sinamaan siya ng tingin.

"Bakit ka nanghahalik?" nakakunot ang noong tanong ko.

He smirked. "Ganoon na ang gagawin ko mula ngayon. I will kiss you in front of your boys."

"Wala akong lalaki!"

He went closer to me and tuck some strands of my hair behind my ears.

"Bakit kasi ang ganda mo? Ang dami tuloy nagkakagusto sayo," malumanay na saad niya. "Buti na lang talaga nagayuma na kita."

I slightly punch his chest. "I don't have other men, Troy."

"Sino lang?" pangungulit niya kahit alam naman niya ang sagot.

I smiled. "Ikaw lang," patol ko sa panlalandi niya.

Pinanood ko ang reaksyon niya. His eyes shimmered in happiness and his ears turned red. Kinagat niya rin ang pang-ibabang labi para pigilan ang pag-alpas ng ngiti.

"Kinikilig ka?" pang-aasar ko.

Pilit niyang ikinunot ang noo. "Wag kang basag trip at lalo kang bumibilog."

"Troy!" reklamo ko. "Hindi naman ako mataba!"

"May sinabi ba ako? Nagagalit ka agad," tawa niya bago pisilin ang pisngi ko. "Pag nagkaanak tayo, gusto ko ganito rin ang pisngi. Nakakagigil."

Nag-usap pa kami sandali bago maghiwalay para bumalik sa kanya-kanyang trabaho. Ang bida bida pa, nagpadala ng pagkain para sa lahat ng officemate ko kaya inaasar nila ako!

Nang matapos ang trabaho ay sinundo ako ni Troy sa company para makapag-dinner kami. Dahil nauumay na yata siya sa luto ko, kumain na lang kami sa isang resto. After that, we went out for a drive.

"Ayaw pa kitang ihatid pauwi, patulog na lang sa unit mo," saad niya.

I laughed before giving him a hug. Nasa baba na kami ng building pero hindi pa ako umaakyat. Nasa labas kami ng sasakyan at nakasandal siya roon habang hawak ang bewang ko samantalang nakakapit naman ako sa leeg niya.

"Your graduation is in two days," he whispered lowly. "I will start the construction of your clinic. Saan mo gusto? Isabela? Manila? Laguna?"

I glared at him. "Hindi pa malaki ang ipon ko! Wala pa akong ipagpapagawa!"

"I said, I, Chin," he smiled.

"Aba! Anong tingin mo sa akin? Saka aantayin ko pa si Vina! I want a psychologist and a psychiatrist in our clinic," I replied.

He nodded, giving up the topic. "Just give me a heads up." Tumingin siya sa building. "Mag-isa ka d'yan. Alam mo ang gagawin, ha? Make sure that your doors and windows were locked. I-check mo muna ang stove at appliances bago ka matulog.  Drink your vitamins. Kung magtitimpla ka pa ng gatas, mag-iwan ka ng bukas na ilaw."

Nakangiti lang ako habang pinakikinggan siya at nang mapansin niya 'yon ay sumimangot siya.

"Take my words seriously, woman," he complained.

Hinila ko siya palapit sa akin. "I'm taking your words seriously. I just love listening to your voice."

"Kung titira ka sa iisang bahay kasama ako, maririnig mo 'to, 24/7," ganti niya. "Bonus pa na walang monthly bills. Grabe, swerte mo."

I stared at him with so much love in my eyes. I'm really at peace with him. I sighed as I felt the tightening of my chest.

"I love you," I said sincerely.

His grip on my waist tightened. "Wag mo akong binibigla nang gan'yan, Chin." He held my hand and placed it on his chest. "Ang bilis ng tibok, oh, parang tanga, patay na patay talaga sa'yo."

Hindi ako sumagot at pinakiramdaman lang ang puso niya. It's thumping so loud and fast, parang lalabas ito sa katawan niya.

"My mother wants to meet you," he uttered.

"Ha? Si Tita Ria?"

He shook his head. "My biological mother."

Hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos no'ng gabing 'yon. Nagkausap na kami ni Tita Ria last week at humingi siya ng tawad sa akin dahil akala niya raw talaga ay sinaktan ko si Troy intentionally. It was understandable. She's a mother, kaya naging mabilis na diskusyon lang 'yon.

Even Tito Rodney. Mukhang alam niya rin ang nangyari pero dahil sa pag-uusap namin ay naging ayos naman na ang lahat.

But then, I have to face another parent!

On my graduation day, Mama Myrna and Troy were the ones who came with me. Malaki ang ngiti ko dahil, finally! Board exam na lang at registered psychologist na ako! Also, my thesis won the best thesis award!

We went out for lunch before she goes back to Laguna. Naiwan kami ni Troy na magkasama pero inihatid na niya ako sa unit dahil mamayang gabi ay pupunta sila rito ni Tita Hyacinth, his biological mother.

I wore a pastel blue flowy dress to show off my light aura. Parang bumalik ang kaba ko noong unang beses na ipinakilala ako ni Troy kina Tita Ria at Tito Rodney. I can feel my insides burning.

Nag-order na lang ako ng maraming pagkain kahit na tatlo lang naman kami. I can't trust my cooking skills right now! Baka pumalpak at may masabi ang nanay niya!

I curled the ends of my short hair. Nag-apply din ako ng light make-up para presentable akong tingnan. Para akong tanga dahil mas kabado pa ako rito kaysa noong thesis defense ko! I even practice my smile in the mirror!

Nang marinig ko ang doorbell, nangangatal kong binuksan ang pintuan. I froze when I finally saw the two of them, waiting outside my unit. Namilog ang mata ko nang mapagtanto kung gaano kaganda ang nanay niya sa personal. Tall, fair, serious, and flawless. Even at this age! Goodness gracious!

"G-good evening, po..." I stummered like a freaking CD.

Troy chuckled and kissed my forehead in front of his mother! "Chill, my mom's not gonna eat you," he whispered before letting me go.

My face heated.

"Magandang gabi, Elora," bati rin ni Tita Hyacinth. Her features were soft but they screamed elegance and class. I silently gasped on how she addressed me.

"Pasok po kayo." I opened the door widely.

Nakaayos na ang mga pagkain sa mesa at ang mga upuan ay maayos ko na rin na isinalansan. I even bought a candle holder and a scented candle for aesthetic purposes. Napansin 'yon ni Troy kaya narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya.

"Madaya, kapag ako lang ang bibisita rito, walang paganon."

Palihim ko siyang kinurot sa gilid lalo at nakita kong nanunudyo ang mata niya. I stopped on the track when Tita Hyacinth gazed at us. She then smiled when she saw us standing next to each other. Kanina pa kasi niya ipinapalibot ang mata sa paligid kaya may chance ako na samaan ng tingin si Troy.

"Are you living alone?"

"Opo."

She nodded. "Ang linis mo magbahay."

Nakahinga ako nang malalim. Naramdaman ko ang braso ni Troy sa balikat ko at dahil nakatingin si Tita ay bahagya kong tinanggal 'yon.

She laughed. "It's okay! No need to be awkward! My boy..." she glanced at Troy. "...tells me so much about you."

Umupo na sila sa mesa kaya dumiretso ako sa ref para kunin na ang drinks. Naramdaman ko rin ang paggalaw ni Troy para kumuha ng utensils. Nang bahagyang mapalapit sa akin ay dinali niya pa ako nang pasimple kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. I'm nervous and his naughty ass isn't helping!

We started eating and it's really really really nerve-wracking for me. Ang mga galaw ng ginang ay pinong-pino, parang hindi makabasag pinggan. Hindi pa nakatulong na nasa tapat ko siya kaya naiilang akong kumain.

Nang nangalahati sa pagkain ay nagsalita siya.

"Congratulations. I'm sorry, I forgot to greet you right away... and I have something in my car. I will get it for you later."

I looked at her. "Thank you, Ma'am."

"Ma'am?" she asked hilariously. "I hope it's Mom not Ma'am," she added before chuckling.

My cheeks flushed.

"Ma, sabi naman sa'yo, mahiyain 'to. Sa akin lang mabangis," sabat ni Troy.

Sinamaan ko ng tingin ang lalaki ngunit agad ding nalusaw ang tingin ko nang mapansin ko ang paraan niya ng pagtingin sa nanay niya. It was full of care and love. Nang bumaling sa akin ay lumamlam ang mata niya.

Sa biglaang pagtatama ng mata namin ay para akong lalong nahulog.

And I know he felt that, too. His eyes sparkled.

The magic soon faded when Tita Hyacinth cleared her throat. Namumula akong nag-iwas ng tingin kay Troy samantalang ang lalaki naman ay tumawa.

"Ma, umuwi ka na nga. Epal mo," biro niya sa ina.

Nang matapos kami sa pagkain ay inutusan ni Tita si Troy na kunin sa baba ang regalo para sa akin. Nakalimutan daw kasi itong bitbitin dahil sa excitement na makita ako.

Binuksan ko ang glass door at lumabas kami ni Tita patungo sa balcony ng unit. She's holding a cup of coffee while we were looking at the lights of the city. Tahimik ang gabi at maliwanag ang taas ng buwan.

Narinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. "I was mad at you."

Mabilis na dinaga ang dibdib ko sa sinabi niya. The cold breeze of the night didn't even help! Lalo akong nanlamig!

"Ilang beses kong niyaya si Troy noon na sa akin na tumira pero ayaw niyang pumayag dahil hindi ka raw niya kayang iwan dito," she told me.

Humawak ako sa railing para doon kumuha ng suporta.

"I thought it wasn't fair. Nanay ako. Girlfriend ka lang. Pero mas gusto niyang makasama ka kaysa sa'kin... kaya sinabi ko na isama ka na lang niya para kahit papaano, nasusubaybayan ko siya."

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi sa pagkukwento niya. She's staring at nothingness while I was gazing at her.

"I didn't see him for years... tapos no'ng pumunta pa siya sa akin, gabi-gabi siyang umiiyak," her voice cracked. "Gabi-gabi nag-iinom, gabi-gabing wala sa sarili, kasi mahal na mahal ka raw niya."

"I-I'm sorry, T-Tita..."

She shook her head. "No, the years that passed benefited the two of you." Bumuntong-hininga siya.

"You may not realize it, but it did. Troy had a stronger motivation to strive harder. Mas nagpursigi siya, mas may ginusto siyang mapatunayan. At ikaw, believe me or not, you have to heal alone. You have to deal with your fights alone. Why? Because that makes you... you."

I don't know but that embraced my heart.

She glanced at me and smiled. "I'm so happy that my son chose to love a woman like you."

Nag-init ang sulok ng mata ko. "I'm blessed to be loved by him, Tita..."

Nagulat ako nang lumapit siya sa akin at bigla akong yakapin.

"After everything, you deserve each other. Sana ay kayo na talaga hanggang dulo. I really like you for my son."

"Hoy! Ano 'yan? Bakit nagyayakapan nang hindi ako kasali?" sigaw ni Troy pagpasok pa lang ng unit kaya natatawa kaming naghiwalay ni Tita.

I subtly brushed away a tear.

Lumapit sa amin si Troy at iniabot sa akin ang isang violet velvet box. Matapos 'yon ay gumitna siya sa amin ni Tita at parehas kaming inakbayan.

"My girls are so emotional," he chuckled. "Ako ang pinag-uusapan niyo, 'no? Inireto mo ba ako lalo, Ma? Sinabi mo ba ang pinagpraktisan natin?"

Tita Hyacinth and I laughed.

"Abnormal ka talaga," saad ni Tita. "Anyway, I have to go. May presentation pa ako bukas."

Inihatid namin siya ni Troy sa sasakyan niya. I thanked and embraced her. Bago pa umalis ay nanunudyo ang mata niyang tumingin sa amin.

"Kasal muna bago honeymoon, ha?"

Namumula ang pisngi ko nang umakyat kami ni Troy. Magkahawak kami ng kamay. Ang regalong anklet ni Tita ay itinago ko muna sa kwarto.

Troy settled himself in a couch while I rested my head on his chest. Bukas pa rin ang glass door kaya pumapasok at tumatama sa amin ang malamig na hangin. Lalo akong nagsumiksik sa dibdib niya at ipinaikot naman agad niya ang dalawang braso sa akin.

The deafening silence feels comfortable. Tanging tibok ng puso lang namin ang naririnig ko.

Dahil nakadress, bahagyang nagpakita ang hita ko. Napansin ko ang pagtingin doon ni Troy pero agad din naman niyang iniiwas ang mga mata. Napasinghap ako nang hawakan niya ang exposed na balat ko at kahit may kagaspangan ang kamay, pakiramdam ko ay nag-init ang paligid ko.

"T-Troy..." I uttered softly when he suddenly showered my neck with his sultry kisses. His lips traced my jawline while his hands were wandering around my body.

Napasigaw ako nang i-angat niya ako at iupo sa hita niya. Wala siyang pinalampas na oras at mabilis na hinigit ang batok ko para sa isang malalim na halik. His grip on my waist was gentle but I can feel his need to pull me closer so I grabbed his nape and kissed him more.

He angled his head and teased my tongue with his. One of his hands went up to my mound and gently caressed it while his lips were busy suckling my neck.

"Troy!" I moaned when he swiftly removed my dress.

I can feel his growing manhood beneath me and before I knew it, I was grinding on it! His groans triggered something in me. Hindi na ako nagulat nang bigla niya akong kargahin. Agad na pumulupot ang binti ko sa bewang niya.

He walked towards my room and placed me at the bed. I swallowed hard when I saw his fine body. He went on my top and started kissing me again.

Naputol ang pigsi ng pagpipigil sa akin nang tuluyan niyang tanggalin ang suot kong bra. His face lowered and I grabbed a handful of his hair when he started teasing my breast with his tongue. His other hand played with my chest while the other was traveling down to my most treasured part.

I moaned loudly when he tugged a finger inside me. Nawalan yata ng pasensya si Troy dahil bumaba siya at mabilis na tinanggal ang natitirang saplot sa akin. He also removed his pants and for a moment, I want to retreat when I saw his fully erected manhood! It fitted me before but I don't think I can take it all in now!

Nawala ang agam-agam ko nang maramdaman ang haplos niya roon. I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip to stifle my moans but I failed when he pulled my legs on the edge of the bed and kissed me down there!

Napasabunot ako sa kanya habang siya ay abalang abala sa ginagawa. I can hear his kisses! He inserted two fingers inside me while his tongue was thrusting in and out of my system.

"Fuck!" I screamed in a womanly tone when I felt something in me exploded.

I opened my eyes to see him. He's licking me with his dark uncontrolled eyes. His slightly red chest was heaving and I can see his veins popping out of his arms.

He went on top of me again and without any word, he slowly entered me. Mariin kong ipinikit ang mata habang pinakikiramdaman siya. Alam kong alam niya na nasasaktan ako kaya nanunudyo ang labi niyang hinalikan ang leeg ko.

"Ahh... I love you," he said in his husky voice before filling me fully.

We both moaned. It was painful! I can feel him throbbing inside me, wanting so bad to move but because I was hurting, he waited for me to adjust.

He slowly moved his hip while playing with my mounds. After a few thrusts, the pain subsided and was replaced by pleasure. He noticed that. His movement became aggressive, fast, and hard.

He's groaning and it's triggering something in me. I moved my hip to meet his thrusts and looked at him with a pleasured expression. He's looking at our connection while breathing heavily. He gave me a hard thrust before I felt something in me exploded. After that, he also released his glory inside me.

Naramdaman ko ang pagtayo niya ngunit masyado na akong pagod para tingnan pa siya. He cleaned me with a warm towel before cuddling me.

"Honeymoon muna bago kasal," he uttered while grinning but my eyes pulled me to sleep.

Kinaumagahan, gumising akong suot na ang isang malaking t-shirt niya na sigurado akong kinuha niya sa cabinet. My body is aching but before I could even process everything, Troy entered the room, carrying a bed table and food.

Something in him appears to be strange but he concealed it with his silly jokes.

"Gising na ang baby, kakain na," parang tanga niyang bati ngunit napangiti ako.

Lumapit siya sa akin at hinalikan ang sentido ko.

"Good morning," he uttered.

Para akong pasyente nang ilagay niya ang mesa sa kama at parang ogag na sinubuan pa ako.

"Nganga," utos niya ngunit sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin.

He sighed. "Boss, nganga."

Nangingiting kinain ko ang isinubo niya at nakita ko rin ang paglawak ng ngiti niya.

"Kaya ko namang kumain. Para kang sira," I complained.

"I know that you're sore," he whispered softly. "Sorry..."

"Bakit ka nagso-sorry? Are you regretting it?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "What? Sorry kasi uulitin ko mamaya."

I laughed. "Gago."

Hindi siya nagpaawat at talagang sinubuan ako hanggang maubos ang pagkain. Matapos 'yon ay pumunta na siya sa kusina para ayusin ang hugasin kaya tumayo ako at naligo.

Troy was right. I was sore, but it was bearable. Isa pa, last night was amazing. I missed him.

Paglabas ko ng banyo, nakabihis na, ay naabutan ko siya sa kama at seryosong seryoso ang mukha. Iniangat niya ang tingin sa akin at hindi nakatakas sa akin ang panunubig ng mata niya.

"May nangyari ba?" agad kong tanong at hinawakan ang mukha niya.

He shook his head before hugging my waist. Nakaupo siya sa kama habang nakatayo ako sa harap niya. I brushed his hair using my fingers and I just heard him releasing sighs.

"Chin," he called me.

"Hmm?"

Narinig ko ang pagpapakawala na naman niya ng buntong-hininga.

"Let's get married."

I froze. I fucking froze on my feet. Napatigil ang kamay ko sa paghaplos sa buhok niya kaya lalong humigpit ang yakap niya sa bewang ko.

"I want to marry you," he added before standing. He towered over me. He held my face and looked at me intently and passionately.

Nangatal ang labi ko kasabay ng panginginig ng kamay niya.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko dahil sa nagbabadyang luha ngunit nag-uunaunahan lang ito sa pagtulo. I smashed my face on his chest and cried.

Mabilis niya akong niyakap.

"A-are you proposing to me right now? I'm in my cotton shorts and sando!" hikbi ko.

Hinwakan niya ako sa balikat at tinitigan. "I love you," he said sweetly. "I don't think I can let this day pass without... without asking you to m-marry me," he added, his voice was full of emotions.

I sobbed. "I want to marry you, too! I want a family with you! I want to grow old with you! M-mahal na mahal kita, Troy."

He chuckled but a tear fell from his eyes. "Baby, I want that, too. I was dying for that, too. Since day 1."

Mula sa bulsa ng shorts, inilabas niya ang isang pulang kahon kaya lumipad ang kamay ko sa bibig ko. I can't suppress my cries because of too much emotions. My shoulders were also moving.

Slowly, he slid the beautiful ring on my finger. Matapos 'yon ay hinalikan niya ang kamay ko habang tumutulo rin ang luha sa mata niya.

"I told y-you..." his voice trembled. "I will put a ring here..."

"Troy," I whispered while looking at my hand. "Are you sure of me? H-hindi ako madali mahalin. H-hindi ako madaling alagaan. I have a lot of wounds, bruises... sigurado ka ba sa akin?" My tears didn't stop falling.

Hinuli niya ang mata ko.

"I've never been this sure, Chin," he uttered. "Paano mo nasasabing mahirap kang mahalin samantalang unang tingin ko pa lang sa'yo, alam kong ikaw na?"

Hikbi lang ang tangi kong naisagot.

"When I said I love you, I meant... all of you. Lahat ng maganda, lahat ng hindi mo tanggap, lahat ng sugat... lahat lahat. I was fascinated with ocean because it reminded me of you... of how you swim on your sea of sadness and how I'm willing to dive there to comfort you, to love you, to be with you... now, I'm asking, do you want to marry me?"

I nodded aggressively. "Yes! O-of course... I will marry you!"

There were nimbus clouds before he holds me. There were hail rains and drizzles. There were no shining stars and crystals. There were only dimness and sad eyes.

I never prayed for deliverance... yet he delivered it. With him, I am better. I can be better. He has surfed with my trail of sadness.

He's my light. The lamp post in my dark road. The single candle in a dark room. The bulb beneath the ground... the moon in my night.

He went near me.

When he kissed my forehead, my loud thoughts were silenced. My demons calmed down. My raging waves were tamed.

And when he made me feel at home in the prison of pain, that was when I knew I was healed.