"You can stop taking your meds," nakangiting saad sa akin ni Dr. Orilla, ang psychiatrist ko. "Sa counseling mo naman, based on your record... pwedeng isang beses sa isang taon na lang."

"Po?"

She tapped my shoulder. "Kung hindi pa klaro sa'yo, yes, Chin, you're almost there. No need to buy anti-depressants, no need to have your therapy quarterly, counseling na lang, kung gusto mo."

Para akong nakalutang nang lumabas ako ng clinic. Agad kong itinext 'yon kina Vina at Ate Myrna at as expected, sobra silang masaya para sa akin. Vina even said that we'll start the construction of our clinic once she went back home.

Hindi na ulit ako nagkaroon ng atake sa loob ng nakalipas na sampung buwan.  I didn't know if it's because the world was in my favor or if it's because I really got better. Isang buwan na lang at gagraduate na ako!

While doing my job, my phone suddenly beeped.

Gilbert:

Chin, nasa baba ako ng company niyo. I brought you food.

I pursed my lips before typing a reply.

Me:

Okay. Pababa na ako.

I quickly fixed myself. Bumaba ako at nakita ko agad ang lalaki na nakatayo malapit sa guard at may bitbit na paper bag. He's wearing an army green polo shirt and black pants.

Simula noong nagkita ulit kami noong birthday ko, nalaman kong dito na rin pala siya nagtatrabaho. Sa nakalipas na isang buwan ay madalas siyang pumupunta rito at hindi naman ako tanga para hindi mahalata kung anong ginagawa niya.

Inaasar na rin ako ng officemates ko dahil sa nakikita nila. Hindi ko na nga alam minsan ang gagawing pagtanggi. He's been a good friend to me. But I know in my heart that I don't want to entertain him in another way.

When he saw me, he stood properly and smiled, shy.

"Magandang tanghali, Chin," bati niya nang makalapit ako.

Ngumiti rin ako sa kanya. "Magandang tanghali rin, Gilbert."

Lumabas kami pero nasa tapat pa rin naman ng company. He handed me the paper bag na alam ko na galing sa KFC.

"Hindi mo naman kailangang gawin 'to," saad ko sa kanya, hindi pa rin tinatanggap ang paper bag. "Gastos 'yan sa'yo. May pagkain naman kami sa office."

"Ayos lang. Hindi naman 'yan sobrang mahal. Maliit na bagay lang," natatawang sagot niya.

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi. "Uhh... okay. Sana ay huli na 'to, ha? Hindi naman talaga kailangan."

Nangingiting umiling siya. "Gusto ko lang bigyan ng lunch ang babaeng gusto ko. Is that bad?"

My eyes slightly widened at his sudden confession. I saw this one coming, though.

I breathe and tore my gaze off him.

"Kung papayag ka, Chin, manliligaw sana ako."

I failed to grasp his words when I saw Troy standing proudly outside the huge company, dominating the group of men. Matikas ito sa suot na puting polo shirt at itim na pantalon. And good heavens, he's wearing an eyeglass!

Pinanood ko ang paggalaw ng ulo niya para tingnan ang building namin. Napansin ko agad na ang mata niya ay nasa floor kung saan ako nag-oopisina. Namula ang pisngi ko nang mapagtantong maaaring nakikita niya ako kapag nagtatrabaho ako dahil glass ang dingding ng office.

"Don't blush, Chin, you're making me like you more," aliw na aliw na saad ni Gilbert kaya para akong natauhan.

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya at napakunot ang noo.

"Ano 'yong sinasabi mo?" I asked him.

He scratched the back of his head and grinned. "I'll court you."

"Ahh..." walang kwentang sagot ko. "Gilbert, we're friends... but I don't want to lead you on. Uh... hindi pa ako handang pumasok sa relasyon ngayon," I explained.

Bahagyang lumungkot ang mukha niya ngunit nakaiintinding tumango. "I understand, I will wait until you're ready, Chin."

"No." I shook my head. "Ayokong umasa ka sa akin dahil wala talaga akong maisusukli sa nararamdaman mo."

"I will try my luck. Hihintayin pa rin kita," desididong sagot niya.

I scoffed, slightly getting impatient with him.

"Look... kung sakali mang magiging handa ako ulit na magkaroon ng boyfriend, may iba nang nasa isip ko."

He chuckled kaya lalo akong nainis. Binalingan ko ng tingin si Troy at nakita kong madiin ang titig niya sa aming dalawa ni Gilbert, dahilan kung bakit agad akong kinabahan.

"Then, may the best man win, I guess."

I tsked. Kinuha ko na lang nang mabilis ang paperbag na dala niya para makalayo sa tingin ni Troy.

"Saka na lang uli tayo mag-usap," dali-dali kong saad bago umakyat sa office.

Mula sa bintana ay palihim kong sinilip si Troy at mabilis akong napaupo sa swivel chair ko nang makitang nakatingin siya sa pwesto ko. He's glaring at me as if I did something wrong!

Nakita kong may itinype siya sa cellphone niya at wala pang ilang sandali ay tumunog ang cellphone ko.

Troy:

He bought the food from MY branch.

Troy:

Ibili ka ng pagkain mula sa KFC < Bigyan ka ng anim na branch ng KFC.
#groupmessage #maspogiako #chiefengineer

Napailing na lang ako sa nabasa. Muli ko siyang sinulyapan at nakita kong pasakay na siya sa Porsche niya. He slids himself at his car lazily before going out of the place.

Naging normal ang mga sumunod na araw. Aside from the normal yet heart-thumping messages from Troy and annoying chats from Gilbert, wala naman nang major na nangyari. Ilang beses ko nang tinanggihan si Gilbert dahil wala naman talaga akong balak sa kanya.

Isa pa, sinabi ko sa kanya na gusto ko munang mag-isa pero mukhang hindi niya ako sineryoso dahil lagi pa rin siyang dumadalaw sa office. Mabuti pa si Troy, nung sinabi kong mag-iisa muna ako, talagang hindi niya ako pinakealamanan. He just watched over me.

Not until today.

"Girl! Have you heard the news?!" ekseheradang tanong sa akin ni Anne nang tumawag siya sa akin. "Of course, you've heard it! Nakakaloka lang na hindi mo ako sinabihan."

My forehead knotted.

"Sinasabi mo?" I asked as I proofread my thesis.

"Aba, itatanggi mo pa? 'Yung tungkol kay Irina!"

Napatigil ako sa pagbabasa sa narinig. Tinanggal ko ang suot na salamin at sumandal sa upuan ko para mapakinggan siyang mabuti.

"Matagal na akong walang balita sa ingratang 'yon. Anong meron?"

Pinaglaruan ko ang ballpen sa kamay ko habang inaantay ang sagot niya.

"Seryoso ka ba?" she gasped. "I mean, I know that Troy's the one who reopened the case but... seryoso bang wala kang update?"

I straightened my back. Lalo ring kumunot ang noo ko.

"Ano ba 'yon?"

She sighed. "Myghad, you should give him a call. Hindi dapat sa akin manggaling 'to. Makikichismis pa naman sana ako kaso mukhang wala ka talagang idea."

Nang mabilis niyang ibaba ang tawag ay natigilan pa ako. Something in my heart got curious. I bit my lower lip and called him. Sa mga nakalipas na buwan ay hindi ako nag-reply o tumawag sa kanya. Ngayon lang talaga. Kinakabahan ako habang pinakikinggan ang ring at matapos ang ilang segundo ay sumagot na siya.

"Alam kong hindi ka si Chin dahil hindi naman 'yon tatawag sa akin kaya mabuti pa, sabihin mo sa akin kung anong ginawa mo sa kanya at nang mapatay kita," bungad niya.

I blinked and released a deep sigh. I could listen to his baritone all day.

"Uh... Troy... nasaan ka?" I asked, not minding his remarks.

Narinig ko ang pagsinghap niya sa kabilang linya at tumagal pa ng ilang segundo bago siya muling nakasagot.

"C-Chin?" he asked, amused. "Bakit ka napatawag? May masakit ba sa'yo? May gusto ka bang kainin? O... gusto mo bang makipag-date?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

My heart thumped loudly at his jokes. Kinailangan ko pang alalahanin ang rason kung bakit ako tumawag sa kanya.

I cleared my throat. "I heard about my case. Tungkol kay Irina? Don't you have something to say to me?"

Bahagya siyang natahimik.

"I don't want you to be stressed over this, Chin," biglang seryosong sambit niya.

Now that he's saying it like that, pakiramdam ko ay malaki ang rebelasyon na nag-aantay sa akin.

I sighed. "Go to my unit. Mag-usap tayo."

Ibinaba ko ang tawag para maligo at magbihis. Sabado ngayon at thesis na lang ang inaasikaso ko. Kapag na-defend ko na 'to ay candidate na ako for graduation.

I wore a yellow stringed dress. Ang bagong trim kong buhok ay ilang beses ko ring sinuklay para hindi tumikwas. I don't know what to feel. Parang mas excited akong makita ang lalaki kaysa sa sasabihin niya. I also prepared dinner for us.

After a few hours, I heard my doorbell rang. Kinakabahan akong lumapit sa pinto at nang bumungad sa akin ang bagong ligong Troy ay parang gusto ko na lang sabihin sa kanyang handa na ako. He scanned my body and I saw him swallowed hard.

"Pasok ka," I uttered as I open the door.

I made him sit on a couch. Sa presensya niya ay parang nasakop na niya agad ang buong unit ko. Yes, he's that domineering.

"We can talk over dinner. Kumain ka na ba?" I asked him.

He licked his lower lip. "Oo."

Lumungkot ang mukha ko dahil naghanda na ako ng sinigang para sana sa amin.

"Pero gutom pa ako," bawi niya agad. He stood up. "Tara, kain tayo, nagluto ka ba?"

I happily nodded before heading towards the kitchen. Kumuha ako ng mangkok para sa sabaw at pinggan para sa kanin. Siya naman ang kumuha ng kutsara, tinidor, baso at pitsel. Matapos 'yon ay umupo na kami at sinimulan ang pagkain.

"I miss this," he suddenly confessed. "'Yung luto saka 'yung nagluto," tawa niya pa.

I blushed. "Stop it."

I heard him chuckle. Ilang sandali pa kaming natahimik bago siya muling nagsalita.

"'Yung tungkol sa case mo..." he trailed off.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at mabilis na nagsalubong ang mata namin. His eyes were serious and worried at the same time. The slight humor from earlier was no longer visible. Para bang ang sasabihin niya ay makakasakit talaga sa akin. 

He sighed defeatedly.

"Luke's obsessed with Irina," he stated. Napatigil ako sa pagkain habang siya naman ay ibinaba ang kutsara at tinidor para ibigay sa akin ang buong atensyon niya. "They were bestfriends since pre-school."

Pinanood ko lang ang mukha niya habang nagkukwento. He looked anxious and pained.

"T-that... that woman... she planned it all. She took advantage of Luke's feelings for her. A-and at that time, she was suffering from colon cancer. A-alam ko 'yon dahil nasa hospital siya noong magde-defense kayo ng thesis, diba?" he hissed, angered by the thought of Irina.

"She was obsessed with me. Damn, that girl was obsessed with me, kaya niya nagawa lahat 'yan..." he continued. "It was all my fault, Chin, kaya mo napagdaanan lahat 'yon... it was because of me."

Rinig na rinig ko ang pagsisisi sa boses niya. I'm not sure but I saw how a tear fell from his eyes. Mabilis siyang yumuko para iwasan ang mga mata ko.

"Irina manipulated Luke by saying that it was her dying wish... n-na mapaghiwalay t-tayo. S-she was also the one who sent me those pictures, Chin, I was so... broken." I held back a cry when I saw how his shoulder moved. 

"A-all these years... I've listened to her bullshit. She has fake documents about y-you, having an actual relationship with Luke," he uttered lowly.

"Is that why you didn't listen to me?" I asked. "Dahil nakalatag ang proweba sa'yo, hindi mo na ako inisip na tanungin..."

He looked at me. Ang mata niya ay namumula sa labis na pagpipigil ng iyak. "I-I called you that night."

"What?"

"Luke answered your phone. H-he also sent me videos of you... in his bed, Chin," basag ang boses na saad niya. 

"A-ayokong maniwala kasi alam ko hindi mo magagawa sa akin 'yon... pero dalawang buwan kang hindi umuwi. W-walang nakakaalam kung nasaan ka. And then, Irina came... telling me that she has news about you... I was so torn..." he added.

"Nasa hospital ako! Nababaliw kasi nawala ang anak natin, Troy!"

"I didn't know!" he uttered desperately, "I searched for you everywhere... until Luke finally called again saying I should stop looking for you! Na nasasakal ka na sa akin! Na napipilitan ka na lang!"

"Hindi totoo 'yan!" I defended myself.

"B-baby... I didn't know," he whispered hopelessly. "A-ayokong pilitin ka sa relasyong h-hindi ka masaya."

Natahimik ako. Unti-unting naiintindihan kung saan siya nanggagaling. He loves me so much, kahit noon. Our relationship was perfect. Oo, nag-aaway kami pero hindi lilipas ang araw na magkagalit kami.

I tried to put myself in his shoe. 

I didn't go home on the day he was supposed to propose to me. Tumawag siya ngunit isang hindi kilalang lalaki lang ang sumagot at nag-send pa ng videos na halos hubad ako sa kama niya. I was gone for two months, battling my grief, while he was looking for me, defeating all his doubts. 

Ngunit hindi ang larawan o ang videos ang nagpasuko sa kanya sa aming dalawa... it's the thought that he wasn't enough.

It's surprising that after hearing those things, my mind didn't go haywired. I didn't have an episodic attack. Instead, I feel relieved.

"What will happen to them?" I asked.

Kinagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin.

"Ipinakulong ko si Irina. She has a prison sentence of 20 years. Ang sistensiya ni Luke ay nabawasan ng apat na taon dahil sa ginawa niyang pag-amin sa korte kaya 12 years na lang siya sa kulungan," dire-diretsong saad niya. "It wasn't enough. It wasn't enough! I-If only I could kill them, Chin..."

I gulped his words. My heart was at ease. He did everything for me. Simula noon hanggang ngayon, ramdam ko sa kanya ang labis na pagmamahal sa akin. Years passed and it was still him. 

I was too busy looking at my wounds to the point that I didn't even check his.

He was as broken as I am.

"I have Mira removed from her corporate job," he suddenly confessed. "I also revealed the corruption of your mother and the marital affair of your sister."

"What?"

"I told you... I will ruin them for you." He stared at me darkly and... lovingly. "S-so tell me, h-how would you like to punish me?" basag ang boses na tanong niya.

For the past ten months, he did nothing but to avenge me. Sa gitna ng pagtanaw niya sa akin mula sa malayo, kumikilos din siya para parusahan lahat ng nanakit sa akin. He didn't have to do it but somehow, I feel like I got what I deserved. 

He loved me until I no longer feel concealed. He looked at me not as the terrible person I think I was. In the midst of my battles with my demons, he covered my body with his and meet with the stabs of my foes.  

I reached for his hand that was resting on the table. His slender and long fingers and clean nails were perfect... and they looked like they were longing to be touched. So I did. I slid my hand into his and right at that moment, I felt complete.

"Love me again... that's your punishment," I whispered.

Hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa kamay ko at marahang dinala iyon sa labi niya para patakan ng halik. He closed his eyes tightly and a tear escaped from them.

"How can I love you again when I didn't even stop?"