Father & Son

THE dazzling light coming from the glass window reflected my eyes. Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared at the pristine rays of the sun-the new chances of beginnings.

A sigh of relief slipped on my lips before I rolled to my side. From here, I have the sight of the grey crib. The small man lying inside the crib is wide awake. He was trying to reach the toys hanging on the crib using his tiny hands. Napangiti ako sa nasaksihan. Bumangon na ako at inayos ang kama.

Then, I walked towards his way, gently picked him up and cradled him in my arms. He fusses when he's in my arms, but I just kiss his forehead gently. Then, he stopped fussing and started babbling as his tiny hands were on his lips.

Ngumisi ako at dahan-dahan siyang inilapag sa aking kama. Then, I started making his milk. Thunder doesn't like drinking formula, so I had no choice but to look for a sale breastfeeding milk.

Fifteen weeks of breastfeeding, and Ashiro Thunder is now 22 pounds with rolled arms and squishable legs. Naging triple ang laki at timbang niya simula nang dumating siya sa akin. From being malnourished, his weight became normal despite looking so chunky.

I'm thankful to Ate Kelsea for helping me find a trusted and sterile breastfeed milk.

When I finished feeding and burping him, I started arranging his outfit for the day. Sinimulan ko na rin asikasuhin ang panligo niya. Si Thunder na ang una kong pinaliguan bago ako sumunod. Nang matapos ako maligo ay nagbihis na ako.

I came out of the walking closet and found my son crying. Napahinto ako at humilig saglit sa dingding habang naka-krus ang mga braso sa dibdib. My lips parted when I caught him grabbing a handful of the dancing cactus toy in his small fist before punching the poor toy.

When the toy fell, it made some noise, causing Thunder to be startled and whine. I took a deep breath, and the slated air filled my nose. Umahon ako mula sa pagkakasandal at lumapit sa crib. I reached for him and cradled him in my chest. Pinunasan ko rin ang luha sa mga mata niya.

"You have a future in boxing, bud," I commented, and the innocent baby just babbled, revealing his dimple.

The baby diaper bag was already on my shoulder while Thunder was in the baby carrier. Aalis kasi kami ngayon dahil sa dalawang dahilan; we're celebrating the legality of his name, and he's going to have his monthly shoot.

Thunder has a monthly shoot that was suggested by ate Kelsea. The theme of his first-month shoot was Noah's ark, where he was riding a small boat. Fake waves and animals surrounded him in the background. In his second month, he dressed up like a cupid, and in his third time, it was a beach shoot where he was sitting in a black folded chair wearing sunglasses.

Today was his fourth-month shoot, and the theme is the galaxy. He will be wearing a white spacesuit. Kapatid ni Klinn ang photographer na pinakilala sa akin ni ate Kelsea kaya magkikita-kita kami nina Jethro at Klinn ngayon sa studio ng ate niya. Pare-pareho naman naming day off ngayong araw.

When we got to the studio, Klinn and Jethro were already outside, waiting for us. Parehong nakaupo sa bench na nasa tapat ng studio sina Jethro at Klinn.

"Dustin! Baby Ashiro!"

Sumimangot ako nang imbes na sa akin, sa anak ko sila unang bumati. Pinagtawanan ako ng dalawa nang makita ang reaksyon ko.

"Ito namang si daddy Dustin, tamporurut agad!" biro ni Jethro kaya binatukan ko siya.

Pagpasok namin sa loob ng studio ay inasikaso agad kami. Naka-set up na ang lahat kaya binihisan ko na si Thunder at nang matapos, binuhat ko na siya papunta sa backdrop set-up.

But the moment I laid him on the soft mattress, he wouldn't stay still. Thunder started to fuss- a sign that he was about to cry loudly any minute. I quickly picked him up and laid him on my chest. Then, I rubbed his back lightly, soothing him.

"Shh, it's alright, baby," I whispered before kissing his forehead.

The photographer moved towards us.

"You can hold him for the rest of the shoot. If you want?" She suggested.

I shook my head right away.

"What? No photos of me, please. I'm not really dressed for photos today," I said, slightly embarrassed.

"But he seems to like to love being held," the photographer smiled.

Yeah, right; Thunder loved cuddles and being held close to people. Kaya marami rin ang nagsasabi na namamanhid ang mga braso nila sa tuwing binubuhat nila si Thunder dahil may kabigatan 'to.

"Dustin, I've never seen you have a photo taken with your son!" Jethro butted in.

Klinn immediately elbowed him. I made a face and flipped my middle finger in his direction. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang pumayag dahil nakakahiya sa kapatid ni Klinn at sa ibang kasama namin.

The photographer instructed me what to do. I moved Thunder from my chest to lay on my stomach, and he stopped crying. Everyone looked amazed when my son stopped crying.

"Just crop the photos without me, please. . ." I requested pleadingly.

"Sure,"

The photographer answered and started to snap a few photos. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin para hindi makuhanan sa kamera.

Thunder was quiet in my arms, so I thought the shoot would be smooth, but after a few minutes, he suddenly started crying. Hindi ko siya mapatahan kaya saglit akong tumayo at hinele siya. I heard a few clicks of the camera, but I didn't care anymore.

Thunder wiggles around my arms, protesting. I sighed sharply and gently rubbed his small back, hoping to soothe him a little-but no, he wasn't having it. Sumimangot ako.

"Kantahan mo nga, dude. Baka matahimik," ani Klinn kay Jethro.

"Kantahan mo na Jethro," sang-ayon ko kaagad dahil naririndi na rin ang tenga ko sa kakaiyak ni Thunder.

"Five little monkeys, humpty dumpty! Mama called the doctor, and the doctor said. . ."

I suddenly coughed when I heard the lyrics of his song. Naging remix?! Sinilip ko ang mukha ng anak ko dahil bigla 'tong nanahimik.

Curiosity was visible in his innocent eyes while staring at his future godfather.

His cries slowly became whimpers as Jethro continued singing and dancing-my son's little whimpers began to disappear. He's clapping and his body is also bouncing as if he is really enjoying the song.

"Pagbilang kong tatlo, nakatago na kayo! I want to be a tutubi, and a twinkle star. . . Haw, haw the carabao, de batutin, meow!" Jethro sang as he dance in his own beat.

"Nya!" Thunder cooed, and I heard the continuous camera shutters.

"That's great! Kumanta ka pa, Jethro," the photographer said, clicking her camera. Thunder suddenly put his tiny fist on my lips as he kept vibing to the song. I saw the people smiling while looking at my son.

After a couple of photos of Thunder, the photographer requested a shot of me with my friends, so I obliged. If only Rara had been here with us, it would have been happier. . . A family picture with our son sounds so perfect.

Lumipas ang ilang buwan at natutunan ko na kung paano alagaan ang anak ko. For the past months, I've realized that being a father is a blessing in disguise. He now has life insurance and a passbook that he can use for his future. My parents already gave my son a few properties he can hold when he reaches the age of 18.

Iba pala talaga ang pakiramdam kapag tatay na. Masaya akong dumating sa buhay ko ang anak ko. I promise that I will always take care and protect him at all cost.

Every night, palagi akong napapraning kung humihinga pa ba ang anak ko o baka hindi na. Hindi na rin ako lumalabas sa bahay dahil namimiss ko kaagad ang anak ko. Kung aalis man ako, palagi siyang kasama. Kapag kailangan ko pumasok sa trabaho ay may private nurse na nag-aalaga sa kaniya.

I can't even go to clubs and bars anymore because of my son. The private nurse always calls me whenever she can't control my son's tantrums anymore. Kapag lumalagpas ako sa oras ng pag-uwi ko ay nagwawala na ang anak ko. Mas nawalan tuloy ako nang oras sa sarili at sa babae.

I miss fucking women! Fuck!

Ang plano kong magpatayo ng sariling bar ay naudlot dahil sa pagdating ng anak ko. Malaki ang naging pagbabago sa buhay ko simula nang dumating sa buhay ko si Thunder- mga mapapait at matatamis na pagbabago.

Sinisi ko rin ang bata dahil kung hindi siya dumating ay natupad ko na sana ang mga pangarap ko. But then, I realized that I shouldn't blamed my son. Instead, I should blame the person who left him in front of our mansion on a gloomy and stormy day.

Kailan man, hindi mawawala ang galit ko sa ina ng anak ko. Whoever that woman is, I'll make sure she will fucking pay.

If that woman is Rara, I'll make sure to punish her- in bed. Itatali ko siya sa akin. . . at sa kama. Hindi ko na siya papakawalan pa.

I regret treating my son harshly way back when I first met him. It was a bad move but I know that my reactions back then were normal. I didn't expect to have a kid after graduating college.

I use condoms whenever I have sex. I even make sure na umiinom ng pills ang mga babaeng kinakama ko. I even gave them the privilege to have a monthly check-up at our hospital to make sure nothing slips through.

Iilan lang naman na babae ang nakasama ko sa kama dahil uso sa akin ang fuck buddy. Hindi ako 'yong tipo ng lalaki na mahilig sa one night stand kaya alam ko sa sarili ko na imposible para sa akin ang magkaanak.

But damn! My son is right here—prove me wrong!

Alam ko sa sarili kong nag-ingat ako. I did all my best to avoid na may mabuo, but then, may nabuo pa rin. But what if someone picked up the condom I used and took my sperm? May gano'ng senaryo akong napanood nang nakaraan.

A woman injected a sperm to herself.

The woman was obsessed with her sister's best friend that she watched him jerk off, stole his sperm in secret and injected it into herself. That movie is sick!

Does it really happen in real life?

Jesus! I don't know what will be my response if ever someone took my sperm and injected it into herself.

Thunder is starting teething. His gums swelled, and he became more irritable for the past few days. Ilang beses na rin niya ako nakakagat kaya ginagantihan ko siya- pinipisil ko ang matambok niyang pisngi at ang mataba niyang tiyan.

He even had his fever last night. Pero bumaba na ang lagnat niya ngayon dahil maganda ang gamot na ni-rekomenda ni Tita Katarina sa akin. I also put ice cubes on the fruit pacifier to lessen the inflammation of his gums.

"Bud, you need to take this," I gently said as I tried to let him take his medicine.

Sumimangot ako at mas pinilit siya nang bigla siyang pumalayaw nang pag-iyak nang tuluyan na niyang malunok ang gamot. I immediately cradled him in my chest, soothing him.

"Sorry, but I need to do it," I said apologetically.

Hinele ko na siya habang pinapainom ng gatas dahil nap time na niya. Kapag nakatulog siya ay babalikan ko na ang ginagawa ko.I was working on with the electronic invitation of Thunder's baptismal next week. Hininto ko 'yon kanina dahil kailangan ko siyang painumin ng gamot.

I stared at my son, and he was so cute right now. He's making cute sounds after finishing his milk. Thunder loves to breastfeed. He doesn't like formula milk—the reason why I looked for breastfeeding milk for him even though it costs more.

Nang makatulog na si Thunder ay inilapag ko na siya sa crib habang naupo ako sa kama at humarap sa laptop. Mga ilang sandali lang ay may kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto kaya tumayo ako at binuksan ang pinto.

"What are you doing, son? Is he sleeping?" Mom asked when she entered my room.

I smiled subtly, "I'm looking for Thunder's baptism souvenirs, Mom. Sa susunod na linggo na ang binyag niya... mga ilang araw na lang."

"Oh," she smiled and peeked on the crib. "Do you already have a venue?" she asked.

"I'm still looking for a venue," I trailed off. "Pwede naman siguro kahit sa maliit na restaurant na lang," dagdag ko.

Mom gasped as her gaze darted at me. Napangiwi ako nang mahina niya akong hampasin sa braso.

"What? It's my grandson baptism! Hindi ako papayag na sa pipitsugin na restaurant lang gaganapin ang reception!"

"Mom—"

She cut me off.

"I'll handle this! I'll take care of the reception and the food," she offered and widely smiled at me. "Ako na rin ang bahala sa simbahan at sa iba pa. Just finish the invitations and attend the baptismal ceremony with Thunder."

I wanted to say no, but Mommy had already left. Napailing na lang ako sa nangyari. Mom is really fond of my son. Hindi ko akalain na mangyayari 'to dahil noon ay halata naman na hindi niya matanggap ang pagdating ni Ashiro Thunder sa buhay namin.

But right now, everyone has accepted my son like how I accepted him in my life.

Today is my son's eighth month and we're celebrating his christening. After many weeks of preparation, nandito na kami sa mt. carmel church kung saan gaganapin ang binyag ni Thunder. We are all wearing white garments- no one tried to contradict the theme. Thunder was wearing a white overall short-sleeved jumpsuit that I partnered with white socks, shoes and a beanie.

Hindi naman marami ang kinuha kong ninong at ninang. Sina Klinn at Jethro, Duke at dalawa pa sa kakilala nina Mommy ang ninong habang sina ate kelsea, Blaire at Hazel ang mga ninang. Hindi ko na kinuha si Khrizanta dahil kapatid niya na si ate Kelsea gano'n din ang ginawa ko kay Dwight.

The reception is in the Silvermoon Royale Garden. There's a glass function hall and a large gazebo that can cater to fifty or more than a hundred guests. Mom and Dad were also here in the church with us. Mom was busy complimenting her apo's handsome features. Nanahimik lang siya nang magsimula na ang misa.

The candle lighting started by raising the candles and the priest talking.

"Receive the light of Christ," the priest announced after a few minutes.

Ang mga ninong at ninong, kasama ako ay sinunod ang sinabi ng pari. Thunder was in my arms, looking at me in confusion. His innocent hazel brown orbs darted in me as his tiny fingers were clasped with each other as if he was praying.

"I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. . ." The priest said while carefully pouring water on Thunder's head. Then he anoints a sign of across in my son's chest and forehead with oil of chrism.

To our surprise, my son giggled loudly instead of crying like the other babies. Napangiti ang pari pati ang mga ninong at ninang sa nangyari. They were all fond of Thunder's cuteness, I see.

Nang dumapo sa rebulto ang mga mata ko, isang mapait na ngiti ang gumuhit sa aking labi. . .

Rara, I miss you so much. I wish you were here with us.