New Responsibility

MAINGAT kong inilapag ang sanggol sa kama nang pahalang. Even if against my will, I still brought the baby back home to the mansion. Dito rin siya sa kwarto ko patutulugin dahil walang nursery room. Mom told me that she has a plan to renovate the room next to mine to a nursery room, but I told her it doesn't matter.

Tumigil ako sa pag-iisip at lumingon sa sanggol na payapang natutulog sa kama ko.

My eyes looked over him-taking in all his little features. He got the colour of my hair. Kulay brown 'yon na kapag tumagal sa araw ay nagiging mas matingkad 'to. May maliit din itong birthmark na hugis puso sa likuran ng kamay.

Napakaputi at mamula-mula pa ang magkabilang pisngi niya. His eyes were like mine, but at the same time, they looked foreign. He has dimples on his cheeks like me and Rara. Then freckles like Rara.

Everytime I see him, iniisip ko na lang na siya ang bunga sa nangyari sa amin ni Rara at kailangan ko siyang alagaan. One day, when the right comes, Rara will come back, and we will start a family.

"Dustin,"

Mabilis akong napalingon sa kabilang banda noong marinig ang pagbukas nang pinto ng aking kwarto. My eyes met my Mom's sunset eyes. I smiled warmingly at her.

"Ma, what are you doing here?" I started.

Huminga 'to ng malalim at naglakad palapit sa akin. "Wala pang gamit ang baby, 'di ba? Magpasama ka sa mga pinsan mo-"

I shook my head in disagreement.

"Mom, it's fine. I can do it," I responded right away.

I don't want to be a burden to them. Moreover, my older brother and Khrizanta was busy nowadays. Wala akong balita kung bakit. Pero nang nagkita-kita kaming magpipinsan, halata sa mukha ni Khrizanta ang lungkot.

She told me that Ariella has a problem-a very big problem. Financial problem siguro, ewan. Pwede-pwede naman kaming tumulong, pasasaan pa at para na namin siyang pamilya.

"Why not? If you don't want to ask for help with your cousins, I'll accompany you," sabi ni Mommy.

"Mom, huwag na. May lakad kayo ni Dad, remember? Dad will start campaigning in Cavite- just join him."

Her face crumpled with despair. "Dustin, anak. . ."

I forced a smile. "It's okay, Mom. I'm okay. I'll be fine. . ."I am not okay. I wish Rara was here with me.

Another day has passed. The baby was still sleeping when I woke up. I silently groaned when I saw he hadn't finished much of the milk I made last night. The clear nipple was still stuck in his mouth, lifted by the pillow I put on his side to support the bottle so he could drink duly.

This newborn baby is so picky! Ang mahal kaya ng bili ko sa gatas na 'to pero hindi naman niya inubos. Maingat ko na lang na inalis sa bibig niya ang bote ng gatas saka na ako naghanda ng susuotin niya. Hinanda ko na rin ang pampaligo niya sa banyo. I improvise since I don't have anything for him to use yet.

Kung ako lang, ayoko naman siya isama paalis. Pero hindi ko naman kasi siya pwedeng iwan dito at walang mag-aalaga sa kaniya.

I'm not that heartless to leave him here alone.

Ate Kelsea volunteered to nurse Thunder while I shopped for his stuff. It was her day off, so she had time to take care of my son, even only for an hour long. Hindi nalalayo sa edad ng anak niya ang edad ni Thunder kaya paniguradong magiging malapit sila sa isa't-isa.

I almost jumped in fright when I saw Duke waiting outside my room. He was still wearing his uniform, looking so bored, but when he saw me-his mood brightened.

"Kuya Dustin!" he started. Then, he slightly leaned closer to caress Thunder's cheeks. "Whoa, he really looks like you. I thought Mommy was just bluffing when she told me we have a baby at our mansion."

Sumimangot ako. "Tama na 'yan. Aalis pa ako," I commented.

"Where are you going, kuya?"

I sighed, "Mall... I'll buy his stuff."

"Sama ako! I'll just change my clothes! Wait for me, please!"

Hindi na ako nakapalag dahil nilayasan na ako ni Duke. Tumakbo siya papasok sa kwarto niya at iniwan ako rito. Umiling na lang ako at bumaba na. I'll just wait for him in the living room.

"What the heck?" I mumbled when I spotted my older brother, Dwight, in the living room.

He's still wearing his office attire: a dark blue dress shirt tucked inside his black chinos and a blue plated necktie. His outfit partnered with his black oxford shoes.

Bakit nandito 'to?

"Glad, you're here. Let's go," Dwight started when he saw me approaching his way.

I looked at him in confusion, "Where? What are you doing here, anyway?"

I saw his gaze shifted to the baby, hiding on the baby carrier in my chest. Then, his lips formed a small grin. "I will accompany you for today," I was about to appeal when he spoke. "For my nephew."

"Did Mom ask you to do this? Sasamahan din ako ni Duke, then now, you? I thought you two were busy?"

He lazily looked at me. "You are right. I'm busy, but I had my schedule free to accompany you for today. So, can we just go?" he explains irritably.

I groaned quietly. "Whatever,"

Duke rides with me. He's the one who carries the baby while I drive. Si Dwight, doon siya mag-isa sa kotse niya. Hinatid na muna namin ang sanggol sa bahay nina ate Kelsea. Pagdating namin, sinalubong kami ni Kuya Reeve na asawa ni ate Kelsea, kasama si Killian na anak nila.

Tuwang-tuwa nga si Killian nang nakita si Thunder dahil may kalaro na raw siya. Niyaya pa kami ni kuya Reeve na kumain pero tumanggi ako dahil may pupuntahan pa kami. Umalis rin naman kami kaagad dahil nasa mall na raw si Dwight.

We entered the department store and straightly went to the baby stuffs section. I caught Dwight getting a basket after I pulled out a push cart from the lane. Hindi ako nagsalita at hinayaan ko na lang. Different colours, fabrics and sizes of clothing mesmerized my sight.

Damn! There's a lot of cute stuff here. Like baby clothes, little shoes, hats, dummies, baby blankets and many more. Parang gusto ko tuloy bilhin lahat ng mga nakikita ko dahil ang sarap sa mata.

"You have your list, right?" Dwight asked.

I glanced at him and nodded. "Yeah, I have. Ate Kelsea gave me a list of what to buy,"

He nodded, "Great, let's go."

Then, we proceeded to do the first step-to buy clothes. We take our time looking and pick up some baby clothes. Halos pare-parehong kulay ng damit ang pinili ko. Most sleeping gowns and rompers are in neutral and light colours, but the designs are different from each other.

"Their designs are small trains and animals," Duke said happily and put the small shirt in the cart.

I sighed heavily.

"Kuya, bakit naman hindi ka masaya? Para sa baby mo kaya 'tong bibilhin natin!" Duke commented.

Hindi ako sumagot at nag-iwas lang ng tingin. Binasa ko na lang ulit ang listahan at nagpatuloy sa pagpili ng mga damit.

"Kuya, let's get this one!"

My gaze shifted at Duke before my eyes went down to the little garments he was holding. It was a blue shorts sleeve onesie with a duck design.

"Baby always needs onesies, so we must get some of these," he added.

I nodded, "Okay. Get those and toss it here."

He obeyed by putting a few short-sleeved onesies on the cart I was grasping. Then, we continue strolling the wardrobe section. We got socks, hats, swaddles, bibs and mittens before we shifted to the next aisle.

Duke ran around the displays like a child and pointed out the displayed cribs, strollers, electric cradle cribs, and baby walkers.

"Kuya! This one looks so good! You should buy this for Thunder!" Duke exclaimed excitedly.

Nakita ko ang pag-iling ni Dwight habang nakatingin sa bunsong kapatid. I just smirked. My eyes laid on the thing Duke was pointing out. It was a grey crib with a changing table on the side. Mas lalo akong lumapit doon.

I sighed and looked at the price.

"What the fuck?! This is kinda expensive, 'e?" bulong ko.

"It's expensive because it has good quality," sagot ni Duke.

I exhaled sharply. "Even so! I'm not going to spend that much for the baby-"

Dwight scoffed on my side. "Go get the the three. I'll pay for all of them," he spoke.

Sabay kaming napalingon ni Duke sa kaniya-hindi makapaniwala sa narinig. Dwight's eyebrows furrowed while looking at us.

"What? As far as I remember, I have more than a millionaire's net worth. . ." he stated.

He doesn't even sound boastful since he has a calm and stoic facial expression. Damn!

Nagkatinginan kami ni Duke, mga ilang segundong hindi kumilos bago tumakbo para kumuha ng mga gamit. Duke grabbed the dark grey crib with slides and changing table. On the other hand, I picked out the black strollers, electric cradle cribs, and blue baby walker. Tatlo lang ang pinapakuha niya pero apat na ang kinuha namin tutal, mayaman naman siya, 'e. Duke talked more before we proceeded to continue shopping.

We got another cart and we ended up getting quite a bit on the first cart. Then we proceeded to the feeding aisle to get bottles, milk, dummies baby and other stuff.

We were now looking at all the different kinds of diapers like lost kids, wondering which product would be the best for the baby. One of the assistants asked if we needed help and we said yes in unison.

"Do you know who's the mother of your baby?"

Mabilis akong napalingon nang itanong iyon ni Dwight. Naiwan kaming dalawa sa toiletries section dahil inutusan kong kumuha ng baby nail clippers, thermometer at diaper bag si Duke na nasa kabilang aisle.

"I don't know yet," I answered.

That's true. Hindi naman ako sigurado kung si Rara nga ba ang nanay ng newborn baby na nakita ko o baka nag-aassume lang ako. Maraming babae na ang dumaan sa buhay ko bago pa may mangyari sa amin ni Rara noon. . .

Nine months have passed since Rara disappeared like a bubble. Then this newborn baby appeared in my life. Gulong gulo na rin ako kung sino nga ba sa mga babaeng na-i-kama ko ang ina ni Thunder.

But if I based it on how my son looks, Rara's face card would stumble on everyone I had been with. They both have more resemblance compared to other girls I've had before.

"You are lying," he disagrees.

I halted from my track and craned my neck to face my brother.

"What? I'm not. . . Hindi ko talaga kilala kung sino ang nabuntis ko, okay?"

He tsked. "I won't ask for her name. You don't have to worry."

I exhaled sharply.

"Seriously, I don't know who it may be."

His brow arched, "But you have an idea? You have a suspicion?"

I nodded as I took a long and deep breath. "Yeah. . . I won't say her name though."

Dwight's eyebrows furrowed, clearly not convinced. "Okay, just don't let yourself get hurt by the same girl again," he commented in a serious tone.

My lips parted a bit. "Are you pertaining to someone?" I asked curiously.

He shrugged, "Let's just buy some more stuff," he said and pushed our second cart, leaving me behind.

For our last destination, we headed to the toy section. Actually, it wasn't my idea, but Duke, as usual. I watched Duke put some soft car toys, rattles and ducks on the cart. I leaned on the pushing grills as I waited for him to say we were done for the day. I'm already exhausted. Gusto ko na lang umuwi at magpahinga.

I caught Dwight getting three elephant stuffed toys on the shelves. Two elephants have light grey skin, the stomach has built-in buttons, and the ears and feet have white patches. The other one was pink with a ribbon on the head and pink built-in buttons on the stomach part.

Gusto kong itanong kung para kanino ang dalawang laruan pero nanatili na lamang akong tahimik. Pagod na bumalik si Duke sa pwesto namin-bitbit niya ang mga laruan na pinagkukuha niya. I even noticed a cactus plant toy and a lion piano in his hand. Napailing na lang ako sa mga pinagkukuha niya.

"I think we've done well for now! Let's eat naman 'cause I'm famished!" Duke said, which made me sigh in relief.

"God, yes! Finally," I said sarcastically.

Dwight tilted his head. "I'll go to the first counter. You two go to the second, it's more shorter,"

Sumang-ayon ako agad. Naghiwalay na kami at dumiretso sa kaniya-kaniyang counter para magbayad.

It took me months to gather my courage to accept my 'new' life. Matagal kaming hindi nag-usap ni Daddy dahil galit na galit siya sa akin. Even Mom, I could feel her distance from me. I was miserable for the last 3 months of my life. Dahil malaki at maraming adjustments ang nagbago sa buhay ko.

I was doing everything to convince myself that everything was going to be okay. Even if it's hard for me to move forward, to start a new life. . . hindi ako sumuko.

Because there's one person who believes in me.

That person left me without saying goodbye, but despite everything, she's the one who keeps me sane. She made me realize that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

"Rara, I missed you a lot," I whispered dreamily.

I was snapped out of my peaceful reverie when a loud cry ensued. Napasabunot ako sa buhok at binilisan na ang pagbibihis. I walked out of my walking closet and did a half-run towards the crib.

"Ugh! Why are you suddenly crying, little man?" I commented as I stared at the baby boy who was lying on the crib, crying.

Ang lakas nang atungal ng bata, parang mababasag ang eardrums ko. Kung noon ay alas siete ako gumigising para pumasok sa university, ngayon naman ay alas kwatro pa lang ay mulat na mulat na ako. The loud crying sound of my son became my alarm clock.

"I'm going to die early," I whispered and carefully cradled him in my arms.

I cursed under my breath when he gradually stopped crying when I held him in my arms. His innocent eyes met mine.

"So you are just waiting for me to carry you, huh?" I scoffed, but he just hid his face in my chest.

Every time I tried to put him back in the crib he would howl and whinge. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang isama siya sa banyo. I haven't brushed my teeth because I took a bath first. I took my toothbrush and spread a fair amount of toothpaste on the bristle.

"I'm going to brush my teeth, kiddo. Don't move," I ordered as if he would understand me.

He suddenly giggled when my mouth is full of white bubbles. Naningkit ang mga mata ko at nagpatuloy sa pagsesepilyo habang ang bata ay panay hagikgik.

He then inserts his tiny fingers in my mouth. He always does this whenever I get close to him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ginagawa 'to. Hindi naman ako maalam sa mga body languanges ng mga baby.

Nang matapos ako sa pagsesepilyo, sinimulan ko na asikasuhin ang panligo niya. I have an important thing to do with my son today. I'm going to process his birth certificate. Today is also his monthly check-up on his pedia, so we are heading straight to Areno Medical Center after going to the PSA outlet.

Hindi ko pa nga naaasikaso ang binyag ni Thunder dahil hindi ko pa rin naman nasasabi sa mga kaibigan ko na may anak na ako. I'm also busy because of work-I'm one of the naval engineers on the ship that our company launching this year. When I'm at work, a private nurse that Tita Katarina sends takes care of my son. Uuwi lang ang private nurse kapag dumating na ako.

"Tee hee," Thunder giggled.

Every time I rub his body with the baby cleanser-he wiggles and giggles so loud; the reason why his dimples kept appearing. I couldn't help but laugh too.

But his giggles suddenly turned into weeping when I started using the nasal aspirator to pull the mucus from his nose. Thunder doesn't like the feeling of the nasal aspirator inside his nose, but he can't do anything but whine in the cutest yet irritating way.

I laughed when he whinge and looked at me angrily. Tumatawa akong huminto at hinaplos ang ulo niya.

"Fine, we are done for today," I announced, and he just made some sounds that I didn't understand at all.