****

  I FELT an unusual atmosphere near me which made my system alerted. Unti-unti akong dumilat. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mahuling nakatingin sa akin si Dustin, nakaupo siya sa cough habang nakadekwatro.

He stood up and sauntered towards the bed.

"Get up, woman," His voice was hard and cold.

I bit my lip and slowly got up from the bed. Pasimple kong sinundan ko ang mga mata niya at pinamulahan ako nang mahuli ko siyang sa dibdib ko nakatingin.

Inayos ko agad ang suot na sando, hindi ko namalayan na nakalihis na pala 'to pababa kaya kita ang dibdib ko. My gaze darted at him. He immediately looked away and cleared his throat.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

Naamoy ko ang kumalat niyang amoy sa buong paligid. He smells like musk, cocobutter and aftershave cream. Very manly.

"Aalis tayo," he said.

I scanned him from head to toe. He was only wearing a plain white shirt with a pocket on the upper side. On the bottom, he was wearing denim tokong shorts, which he matched with black-vintage sneakers and Adidas ankle socks.

"Saan tayo pupunta?"

Dustin ran a hand to his face before it landed on his hair, looking angry and stressed.

Nakasimangot siya. "Don't ask. Mag-ayos kana lang. You can't show up in front of my son wearing that..." He complained, scanning me from head to toe.

Napairap ako, "Oo, mag-aayos na."

Saglit na lumipad ang tingin ko sa makinis niyang leeg. The red marks and fresh bites on his neck are noticeable. My mouth dried. Damn it! I know how he gets those marks!

His honey-brown eyes narrowed.

"I'll give you five minutes to prepare. Kapag wala ka pa pagkaraan ng limang minuto, you'll get punished," he said before walking away.

I heaved a sigh before moving to do my morning routine. Mukhang may sasabog na bulkan na naman kung hindi ko bibilisan. 

The brothers were complete. They were in the living room, talking, looking so dashing with their casual clothes. I investigated them secretly before I could even come here. I want to know what kind of family my baby grew up with.

Their parents were socialites. His mom used to be a beauty pageant holder. His dad is the vice president of the Philippines. They have three sons, two professionals and one in the making.

His older brother Dwight was a high-profile architect. He topped the board exam six years ago and built his own empire a year after he graduated.

They grew up so well. I saw different charities and non-government projects that their family maintain. Hindi sila nagnanakaw sa kaban ng bayan dahil may sarili silang pera.

The Altamirano brothers have almost the same features. Duke has the softest features than his other two brothers. You can describe him as a prince charming in a fairytale.

Mas maliit siya kumpara sa dalawang nakatatandang kapatid. Sa kanilang tatlo, si Dwight ang pinakamatangkad. Si Dustin, isang tingin pa lang alam mo nang maharot 'to. He's a naughty evil, especially when it comes to his sexcapades.

The older brother has rougher features. Malakas ang dating niya dahil kahit mo siya hanapin, kusang tatapak ang mga mata mo kapag nakita siya. He looks elusive, intimidating and uptight, but he's more than that.

He looked like the type of man in a book where his female lead is jolly and loquacious. Opposite with his cold and elusive personality. But they're the perfect example of a grumpy and sunshine couple every reader loves to read.

We were at the dining table about to eat lunch. I had no intention of joining them again at the dining table, but Mrs. Altamirano always told me to go along. The beautiful lady doesn't take no for an answer. Simula noon, nasanay na akong kumain kasama ang pamilya ni Dustin.

Una kong inasikaso ang pagkain ni Thunder bago ang akin. Nilagyan ko siya ng saktong kanin at ulam sa plato. I also poured orange juice on his drinking glass. Nagsandok na rin ako ng pagkain pagkatapos.

Inayos ko ang pagkakahawak ni Thunder sa kutsara at tinidor bago siya ginabayan sa pagsubo. Mas gusto niya ang kumain mag-isa pero hinahayaan naman niya akong subuan siya.

"Let him be, Asher," Mrs. Altamirano said, smiling. "Eat your food. I know my apo can feed himself. He's a big boy now, right, Thunder?"

"Yes! Thunder is a big boy!" he chimed.

Napangiti na lang ako at nagsimula na kumain. Masayang pakainin si Thunder dahil magana siya kumain at hindi rin maarte sa ulam. Bawal nga lang siya kumain ng pula ng itlog dahil allergic siya roon. Nitong mga nakaraang araw ko lang nalaman ang bagay na 'to.

I remembered my sister when I accidentally fed my son eggs. He has the same allergy as Anna. God knows how much I cried in guilt that night.

Nakatanggap ako nang masasakit at masasamang salita galing sa ama niya... tinanggap ko ang bawat sakit, bawat lalim, bawat hapdi ng mga binitawan niyang salita.

Masama ang ugali ni Dustin pero naiintindihan ko kung saan siya nanggagaling. I almost killed Thunder because of my stupidness. All of his reaction were valid.

Umakyat na sa pangalawang palapag ang mag-asawa. Sina Duke at Dwight ay parehong pumanik na rin sa mga kwarto nila. Ako at si Thunder na lang ang naiwan sa ibaba. Nasa living room kami, nakaupo ako sa sofa habang siya ay nasa tabi ko, nakasandal ang ulo niya sa braso ko.

"Pwede kita tawag na Mimi? Hirap name mo 'e," bigla niyang sabi habang nakatagilid ang ulo at nakatingin sa mukha ko.

My heart melts. I nodded right away and leaned to kiss his head. "Of course," I replied with a smile.

He giggled, "Sweet, Mimi!" he tattled and went back to watching his favourite show 'paw patrol'. My smile widened, and all I could do was smile while savouring the moment with my son.

When the evening came, my routine didn't change. Hinilamusan ko si Thunder at binihisan ng pantulog. Nasa labas pa si Dustin, nag-iinuman silang magkakapatid kasama ang daddy nila.

Nang mapatulog ko na ang bata, lumipat na rin ako sa kabilang kwarto. I took a shower before putting on my pajamas. Then, I made myself on the bed. Sumandal ako sa headboard at pumikit saglit, inaalala ang mga nangyari nitong mga nakaraang linggo.

Dumilat ako nang pumasok sa isipan ko ang mukha ng lalaking matagal ko nang gusto.

"Finley..." bulong ko sa hangin.

I rested my hand on my chest, feeling a sudden guilt for what I'd done. Fin and I weren't officially dating.

We were best friends, but at the same time, I knew we had the same feelings towards each other. A sense of wanting to ruin our friendship and our partnership, but we can't just say it out loud.

I reached for my other phone, hiding inside the lowest drawer of the side table. I slid up the lock screen and dialled a familiar number. Kagat-kagat ko ang labi habang umaasang sasagot sa tawag ang kabilang linya.

Hey, this is Fin. Thanks for calling, but I can't answer your call at the moment. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

I sighed heavily. It was straight up to the voicemail.

Sinandal ko ang ulo sa ulunan at mapait na ngumiti. "Hey, how are you?" I started. "I-I hope you are doing fine. I miss you, Fin..." I continued. "Call me back when you are free under surveillance," sabi ko bago pinatay ang tawag.

I miss him so much. We don't talk anymore because of our separate missions. I don't know the details, but his mission was more dangerous than mine. That's why I always pray for Fin's safety and guidance.

Napahawak ako sa lalamunan at nakaramdam bigla ng uhaw.

Lumabas ako sa kwarto para makainom. Dapat pala nagdala na lang ako ng pitsil ng tubig para hindi na ako bumaba pa. I scanned the hallway on both sides, but there was no one.

I held onto the staircase before pulling my weight up on the handrails. My ass gingerly landed on it then, I worked on to slide myself down. I am wearing a silk fabric of pajamas—it made me slide down from the handrails easier.

I immediately controlled my feet when I saw I was about to land on the floor. Jumping off smoothly, I reached the ground floor of the mansion.

Dumiretso na ako sa kusina at kumuha ng pitsel na may tubig. Kumuha na rin ako ng mansanas bago umakyat pabalik. Malapit na ako sa kwarto ko nang may marinig na kumakanta.

Sinundan ko kung saan nanggagaling ang boses.

My heart melted when I saw Dustin and Thunder on the bed. Dustin was tapping Thunder's thigh as he sang a lullaby for him. It looks like the toddler had been awake. Thunder was looking at his father, admiring him.

May maliit na siwang ang pinto sa kwarto nila kaya kitang-kita ko ang nangyayari. Napangiti ako at maluha-luhang pinanood ang mag-ama.

"Sleep now, bud. I love you, son..." Dustin kissed him lightly on the head.

A sudden thought sparked in my mind.

Dustin may not be perfect. He may be vicious like a storm, but he was a good father... a good father to our son.

I left my room after cleaning up and went to Dustin's room. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok sa loob. Nadatnan kong nakaupo na ang bata sa kama, kinukusot-kusot pa nito ang mga mata niya. Wala na ang daddy niya, mukhang mas maaga ito umalis para pumasok sa trabaho.

Dustin is a naval engineer. Aside from that, he's also a business owner of a club named 'The Anchor lounge'.

Naglakad ako palapit sa kama. "Good morning, Thunder," nakangiting bati ko sa kaniya.

His face brightened when he saw me. "Good morning, Nanny."

I was stunned when he suddenly embraced me. My heart melted with his action. Ngumiti ako at inayos ang magulo niyang buhok mula sa pagtulog. Hinalikan ko rin ang buhok niya.

"I'll make you your milk," he nodded and let me go.

Ipinagtimpla ko siya ng gatas. Sumulyap ako sa kaniya at napangiti pa lalo nang makitang yakap niya nang mahigpit ang stuff toy na bigay ko. 'yon ang napanalunan ko noong pumunta kami sa amusement park kasama sina Miss Rara.

Inalog ko ang bote ng gatas bago inabot sa kaniya. Mabilis niyang sinuksok sa bibig ang tsupon at dumede. I made the bed clean while he was drinking his milk.

When he finished the milk, I washed him in the shower. I carried him in my arms, and we went downstairs.

"Magandang umaga, Asherah, sir Thunder!" Chae greeted us when she saw us entering the kitchen.

"Morning," sagot ko pabalik.

Inupo ko si Thunder sa high chair at kumilos na para ipaghanda siya ng pagkain. Nilapag ko na sa lamesa ang plato niya at ang plato ko, pawang may mga laman na. Saglit akong nagtimpla ng kape bago naupo sa katabing upuan ni Thunder.

I let him hold the utensils before guiding him on what to do. He started eating, and so did I. Niyaya ko ang mga kasambahay na kumain pero tumanggi sila.

"Nanny, swim tayo later!" Thunder spoke out of nowhere. "I want to swim! I learned a new trick. Killian taught me how to," he tattled.

I looked at him, smiling. "Sure. Magswimming tayo mamaya,"

"Okay, ma'am!" he purred.

Pagkatapos namin kumain ng umagahan, niyaya ko si Thunder na umakyat na muna. Masyado pang maaga para magtampisaw sa pool.

"Thunder, don't you have a homework to do?" I asked.

"I'm done! Tata helped me do it... she's really good at drawing and she knows how to paint, too!" he proudly said.

A strike of an arrow pierced my heart. Rara helped my son do his homework. She always helped him, cared for him, and loved him... before me, there was she.

I couldn't help but feel envious. My son loves her... I know from the bottom of my heart that Thunder also sees Rara as his mother, which made me more jealous.

Nagulat ako nang maramdaman ang pagbasa ng pisngi ko. Mabilis kong pinunasan ang luha at tumayo, "I'll prepare your swimwear," wika ko at pumasok sa loob ng walking closet.

Huminga ako nang malalim at nagpokus na lang sa paghahanap ng maisusuot ni Thunder. Binihisan ko na siya ng rushguard at nilagyan ng sunscreen sa balat. Nilagay ko sa maliit na basket ang mga gamit katulad ng laruan at salbabida ni Thunder bago kami dumiretso sa pool area.

Naupo ako sa sunlounger habang nakabantay sa kaniya. Sa maliit na pool ko lang siya pinayagan maligo dahil wala naman ako balak lumangoy. Inayos ko ang sariling buhok at itinali paitaas. May mga maliliit pa akong takas ng buhok sa gilid ng noo.

I took my phone and took a picture of Thunder playing in the pool. After that, I received a message, which made me realise the reason why I was here.

“Minamanmanan pa rin namin ang mga grupo ni Silas. May mga tauhan siyang umaalis tuwing madaling araw at dumidiretso sa piyer. Mukhang naghahanda na silang umalis ng bansa.

Sa ngayon, hindi pa sila kumikilos pero maghanda ka. Paniguradong susugod sila nang hindi natin napapansin.”

I quickly hid my phone when I heard footsteps coming our way. I spun and saw Dustin walking towards us with a bag of food in his hand.

"Thunder!" he called with a wide smile.

"Dada!" sagot naman ng bata.

Kumilos ako at inahon si Thunder sa pool. I wrapped his hooded towel on his body and tied it. He ran towards his father and the latter kneeled to hug him. I was watching them from afar.

"Dada, play kami ni Nanny kanina!" Thunder tattled.

Dustin gazed at me and it was too late to look away.

"Kumain na kayo?" he asked unexpectedly.

"Yeah, kanina... may dalawang oras na ang nakakalipas," sagot ko.

Nag-iwas na siya ng tingin at kinarga si Thunder sa braso. Ang mata niya ay sumulyap pa sa akin. Nagkunwari akong hindi 'yon napansin.

"Bihis kana? Let's eat dada's pasalubong, you like?"

"Okay!" Thunder chimed.

Niligpit ko muna ang mga gamit sa pool bago ako sumunod sa mag-ama. Nasa hagdanan na ako nang biglang may humila sa akin, it was Dustin.

"Bakit? May kailangan ka?"

Hindi siya nagsalita at tumitig lang sa akin.

I noticed the gap in our height. Dustin is tall, or am I just really small? I'm only five foot and six, and I think he was sixth foot and one or maybe two. I had to tilt my head up to see him clearly. Damn.

Napalunok ako nang akala ko hahalikan niya ako, pero hindi. He lifted a hand to tucked the loose strands of my hair behind my ears and even fixed my bangs.

"Tara, kakain na," he whispered.

"Ah, sige. Ibabalik ko lang 'tong mga gamit sa itaas," sabi ko, naguguluhan.

Heto na naman kasi siya na ibang kilos ang pinapakita sa akin. Mamaya galit, mamaya ay maayos ang pakikitungo. Hindi ko na siya maintindihan. Hindi na siya masyadong magalitin. Hindi na siya ang lalaking nakilala ko isang buwan na ang nakakalipas.

"Okay. We will wait for you there,"

I was stunned for a second when he smiled. His perfect set of white teeth and deep dimples painted beautiful rays of rainbow after a vicious set of storms.

"Wow," I mumbled right after he walked away. "That feels weird," bulong ko at napailing.

Another month has passed like lightning. I only have a month before I finish my mission here.

I don't know if I'm doing it right, but I don't see any threats coming to Dustin. Whenever he was out, I always track his car. With the help of a few undercover police here in the Philippines, we were able to change his car into a bulletproof one.

Sigurado akong isa sa mga araw na 'to susugod ang grupo ni Silas. Dahil kompleto na ang barko na itinayo ng grupo ni Dustin. Ito ang gagamitin nila para makabalik sa Estados Unidos na hindi naaalerto ang mga kapulisan.

They almost killed an undercover police when they found out he was a mole. They have no mercy. If they catch Dustin, they will kill him.

"Are you done pooping?" I asked Thunder, sitting on the toilet.

"No! But I can clean myself, Nanny!" he said.

Napangiti ako, "Okay, as you said so," sagot ko at sinarado na ang pinto ng banyo.

Binalikan ko ang pwesto kanina at inayos ang mga gamit sa drawer. Ibinalik ko sa dating pwesto ang lahat.

I already took the original flash drive last month. The one in Dustin's possession is fake. Mga walang kwentang files lang ang laman no'n.

I have to do this so that if an emergency happens, they won't be able to take the original flash drive that contains important information away.

"Rara..."

My eyes widened when Dustin suddenly spoke from his sleep. I covered my mouth, giggling. Naglakad ako palapit sa kama, balak siyang kuhanan ng video para may magamit ako sa kaniya kapag inaway niya ulit ako.

But then, he held my arm and pulled me for a tight hug. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was heavy. My phone dropped on the bed.

"Rara, you are lying, right? Ikaw talaga ang nanay ni Thunder. Magkahawig kayo, 'e. Ang dami niyong similarities!"

My lips parted upon hearing him. Those words made a scar in my heart. He thought Rara was the mother of Thunder? How could he think that way? Bumigat ang dibdib ko sa nalaman.

"S-sorry..." I apologized.

Nagulat ako nang bumangon siya at hinawakan ang magkabila kong pisngi.

"Rara, I love you," he muttered before capturing my lips.

I suddenly heard the beating of my own freaking heart. Mabilis ko siyang tinulak at sinampal nang pagkalakas-lakas sa pisngi. Napahiga siya sa kama habang iniinda ang hapdi sa pisngi.

I touched my chest and took in deep breaths to calm myself down.

Nagmulat siya ng mga mata at nagulat nang makita akong pinapanood siya. His eyes were innocent and clueless. Halatang may hangover pa dahil naglasing kagabi. Now, I know why he got all drunk.

He got the truth he didn't expect.

Poor him. He's deeply in love with a girl who doesn't like him. Dustin believes that Rara is Thunder's mother because he loves her. He created a truth made of lies in his head.

"He's desperate," I mumbled to myself.

I know this day will happen. Today is the right time to tell him everything about my identity and the story behind Ashiro Thunder's existence.

Matagal ko nang alam na may mga tanong siya para sa akin pero hindi niya magawa itanong dahil natatakot siya malaman ang katotohanan.

"I'm sorry I didn't explain right away... I'm sorry if I lied," I apologized truthfully.

His expression was like a volcano filtered with burning lava ready to explode.

"Then, fucking explain! I've been waiting for this to happen, Asherah! I-I created my own explanation about my son's existence then, I'll hear this? This is bullshit!"

I cried out loud, trying to control myself, but I couldn't.

"Stop wailing and start explaining, Asherah!" Dustin exploded in anger.

Huminga ako nang malalim at sinuklay ang buhok ko para kumalma.

"I didn't know what was inside her mind, why she did it. I was working out of the country. Anna, she's my half-sister. I-I came home for a quick vacation, and we found out that she had an ovarian cyst that may lead to cancer. Anna dreams of having her own family... but she has trauma in men. She was raped, not once, but by three men! She was gang-raped!"

I saw the horror on his face after what I'd said.

"She's afraid of men because of what they did. So, she stole a sperm, thinking it was her revenge... if men can rape a woman, then a woman can steal men's sperm. I don't know how and where she got your sperm!"

I clutched my chest and took a deep, shaky breath.

"My sister can't produce healthy egg cells, okay? So, she stole mine instead by telling her friend, who was a doctor that I should be tested, too. I-I was afraid I might have the same condition as my sister, so I agreed. I wasn't aware that it was a scam. Niloko rin ako ng kapatid ko... pinagnakawan niya rin ako," humagulgol ako.

Dustin didn't speak, but I heard his heavy breathing.

"I am not ready to be a mother at that time... I'm too young. In my line of work, the last thing I wanted was to have kids. I'm sorry,"

"Where's your sister? I will fucking sue her!"

I looked up, and our eyes met, "She's gone, Dustin... she died upon giving birth to Thunder," I revealed.

His lips parted, "So, you were the one who left him outside our mansion?" he asked slowly.

I slowly nodded, "I'm sorry, but I am not ready to be a mother... I-I don't even live here in the Philippines! I left the newborn baby in your care because I knew he would be taken care of. I know it was selfish, but for me, it was for the best."

He sprawled on the nearest stool and jammed the table. I cried silently. He whirled in my direction, reaching for his pocket and taking something from it. I stared at the red flash drive he was offering to me.

"This is what you need, right? Here, it's all yours." I could hear the bitterness in his words.

Nilagay niya sa kamay ko ang flash drive. Napatingin ako roon. Gusto kong sabihin na matagal ko nang nakuha ang kailangan ko... gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na iba na ang gusto ko. I want to be a part of my son's life.

"Dustin..."

"Iyan lang naman ang kailangan mo, 'di ba? Nakuha mo na," wika niya. "Your mission here is done. I am safe... you can now leave,"

Umiling ako, "Hindi pa. I still have to do something. Hindi rin tayo sigurado kung ligtas kana ba talaga..."

He chuckled sarcastically.

"Really? Do you think I'll believe you? After what you did? Come on, Asherah! Don't make me stupid! I know what you want. You want my son's back, aren't you?"

Hindi niya ako binigyan ng pagkakataon sumagot dahil nagsalita siya ulit.

He smirked, "Do whatever you need to do. I don't give a single damn. But remember this—you can't come near my son again! You will leave our mansion and stay out of our sight because you are fired!"

Sa paglipas ng mga araw ay halata ang pag-iwas ni Dustin sa'kin kahit nasa iisang bahay lang naman kami. Hindi natuloy ang pag-alis ko sa mansion dahil sa dalawang dahilan. Vice President Daniel Caesar found out who I am. He asked me to stay, which I did for the sake of Dustin and Thunder.

Kapag nandyan si Dustin ay umiiwas ako. Hindi na rin ako sumasabay sa kanila kumain. My identity is blown, so I draw a line.

For two weeks, consistent ang ginagawa namin pag-iwas sa isa't-isa. Palagi rin siyang nakabantay sa tuwing nandyan ang anak, hindi niya na ako hinahayaan na makalapit sa bata.

Tiniis ko ang sakit kung paano siya makitungo sa akin. Tuwing madaling araw na lamang ako nakakalapit sa anak ko kahit palagi siyang tulog sa mga oras na 'yon.

Isang araw nag-usap kami, mahinahon ang boses niya at 'yon ang araw kung saan handa na siyang malaman ang resulta ng DNA test. Matagal ng nasa kaniya 'yon pero ngayon lang siya nagkaroon ng tapang na buksan iyon.

Nasabi ko na sa kaniya lahat nang kailangan malaman. Pero mukhang gusto pa rin niya makasiguradong totoo ang mga sinabi ko... so, we talked for the last time.

We caught Silas and his men in the final week of the month. It was case closed, but I wasn't delighted by the success of my case because today is the day I have to fly back to the United States.

I have to leave the country and forget everything that happened here.

Natapos kong ibalik lahat ng mga gamit ko sa maleta at malungkot na pinasadahan ang bawat sulok ng kwarto. May tumulong luha sa mga mata ko na mabilis kong pinunasan.

Dumapo ang mga mata ko sa pinto nang makarinig ng kaluskos. I saw Thunder peeking through the door. I walked towards it and opened the door widely. I bent down to match his height.

"Hi," I started with a gentle tone.

"Mimi, alis ikaw? Aaway ka ni Dada?" he asked innocently.

I shook my head with a small smile.

"Hindi ako inaway ng Dada mo," wika ko.

"Pero alis ikaw? Iiwan mo ako?"

My heart immediately felt excruciating pain.

"Ashiro Thunder..."

Mabilis na namula ang mga mata niya nang makuha ang nangyayari.

"Am I a bad kid? Good boy ako pero bakit ka aalis? Don't you love me? Iiwan mo ako," aniya at nagsimula nang umiyak.

Mabilis ko siyang niyakap habang umiiyak na rin ako. "You are a good kid, Thunder. I love you so much," sagot ko at hinaplos ang buhok niya.

"Iiwan mo ako..." he sob. "Hindi mo ako, love," a hiccup slipped his lips.

"I love you, baby," I whispered. "Just because I am leaving—it means I'm not coming back. I will come back and see you," I tried consoling him.

He sniffed. "I know you aren't coming back..."

I cupped his chubby cheeks and smiled. "I am... I promise I'll be back,"

He sniffed again. "Promise?"

I hooked my pinkie in his pinky finger. "Promise. Babalikan kita," I said, kissing him on the forehead and hugging him.