Chapter Twenty – Three

Daniel awoke the next morning to a ferocious knocking on his study door. He sat up and stretched his stiff back before walking over to open the door. Sleeping on the settee every night was not doing his body wonders but his bedchamber was currently occupied.

When he opened the door a frantic Catherine stood behind it. She was still in her night time attire and her hair was still in rags. “Jane’s gone again!” she panted, as if she’d run around the halls of Southerby looking for her daughter.

His stomach sunk with the feeling that she was lost. Southerby wasn’t exactly a small house and there were a thousand places that one could get lost in. “Alright, I’ll look for her, you needn’t worry. Ring the bell for breakfast and get the maids to wake the house,” he instructed.

When Catherine disappeared, Daniel realised he was wearing less than descent clothing. All he was wearing was a long nightshirt. He shook off the embarrassment and pulled on his slacks as well as a jacket without bothering to tuck it in or fully button it. He stepped into his boots and then set off looking for Jane.

Truth be told, the feelings he was experiencing when it came to Jane were those of protectiveness. He finally felt as though he had something to offer her instead of the other way around. He didn’t think that if she had never had the accident that he would ever have been ready to accept her into his heart as he would have always felt as if she was settling for some pathetic man, but now he felt as though they could be equal. He cursed himself for thinking that thought. He would rather had have never had the accident and for them to be parted then for her to have had the accident. He didn’t wish her any harm at all.

Daniel checked the drawing room and the library as well as the dining room but she was nowhere to be seen. He assumed that Catherine would have checked all the upstairs rooms so he decided to head outside.

There had been a storm the night before so the ground was quite soft and the grass was slick with moisture. He had to be careful as he walked in case he toppled over.

The only place he could really think of aside from all the other rooms in the house was that Jane had gone for a walk down to the stables in the early morning.

He could hear voices as he came up to the stables and he realised that Sabine was there as well. If she wasn’t with Jane then he would have been angry that she had gone off on her own. It was dangerous for children, especially a little girl to be wandering about the grounds without a chaperone.

“I wish you could be my mama so you would never leave me,” Daniel heard Sabine sigh from outside Freckles’ stall.

He heard Jane laugh lightly. “I think you would get tired of me,” she replied, though Daniel could detect true appreciation in her voice.

“I wouldn’t, I promise!” she exclaimed. “I know you don’t remember me, Jane, but I remember you and I love you. You’re the only mama I want.”

Daniel breath caught in his throat as he heard his daughter say that. In a perfect world, he would use that approval to get down on one knee and propose to Jane, but she had no idea who he was, or how she had helped him, or even how she felt about him. She had said it herself that she loved him, he prayed that she would remember that, even if she never remembered anything else.

“You know last night when we came to see if Freckles was alright, I had a sudden flash in front of my eyes. I remembered meeting you Sabine, I remembered your papa introducing us. I remember thinking how lovely and beautiful you are and I knew then and there that we would be friends forever. And Sabine, I love you too, my darling, how could I not? You are good, you are kind and you are important.”

Daniel felt his pulse pick up. Jane had remembered something? How much had she remembered? And why hadn’t she told anyone about it? He didn’t blame her though; she was smothered by her family. But he had tried his best to be supportive without seeming too forward, surely she could confide in him.

“You remember me?” Sabine asked in disbelief.  

“I remember meeting you,” Jane replied. “It’s a start.”

Daniel was filled with hope. He walked swiftly round to the entrance of the stables and opened it rather loudly so that Jane and Sabine knew that someone was there.

As he walked down the aisle, both Sabine and Jane exited Freckles’ stall. “We’ve been looking all over for you two,” he called out to them. Both of them were wearing their nightclothes as well as saddle blankets. Jane took them both off and hung them over the stalls.

“Well you tracked us down,” Jane smiled. Sabine took Jane’s hand tightly as she pulled Jane towards Daniel. Daniel liked how natural Jane’s hair looked in the morning. Her curls were slightly frizzy which only made her look more innocently beautiful.

“Jane helped me protect Freckles in the storm last night,” Sabine informed Daniel proudly.

Daniel raised his eyebrows at his young daughter. “You went out in the storm?” he asked in a disapproving tone.

“It might not make you feel any better but I was with her the whole time. We had a lamp and neither of us caught the grip. We’re fine,” Jane assured him.

Sabine nodded profusely. “Yes, papa, we’re fine,” she reiterated. “And Jane remembers me!” she exclaimed.

Daniel pretended to be surprised as he beamed at Jane. “You remember something?” he asked in pretend disbelief.

Jane looked to the floor bashfully. “It was a small memory,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“Any memory is a good memory,” he promised. “Now, shall we go back up to the house and have breakfast, I’d wager you both are rather hungry after your voyage through the marshes last night?”

As if on cue, Sabine’s stomach grumbled and the three of them laughed. Sabine ran off ahead of them but Daniel and Jane walked together up to the house.

“What do you think it means, me remembering something?” she asked him after a few moments of silence.

Daniel looked down at her and Jane looked genuinely nervous. “Why are you fretting?” he asked.

“You don’t mind me telling you this, do you?” she checked.   

Daniel shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

“Well, I worry because a memory has come back, and I don’t know if it will be the only one, or if it will come flooding back. And then I worry about what I will remember – as in, will it be embarrassing? Will I want to forget what I have remembered instantaneously? And then I worry that I will be looked upon as a simpleton for the rest of my life,” Jane spoke in one breath.

Daniel chuckled lightly. “You definitely worry too much,” he told her. “For the time that I’ve known you, if any of your memories come back you have nothing to be embarrassed about, I assure you.”

Jane looked up at him innocently. “How can you know that? How do you know that I haven’t done or said anything that is absolutely embarrassing that I’ll want to come and dig a hole and live there?”

Daniel’s thoughts went immediately to when she admitted her feelings to Emilia regarding him. “Believe me; you have nothing to worry about.”

Jane wanted to cringe as she finally entered back in the house. Her mother practically enveloped her in her arms as she held her tightly.

“Darling,” Catherine exclaimed. “Tell me next time you wander off, Lord knows what could have happened to you!”

“Mama,” Jane groaned. “I did not wander off, I went down to the stables with Sabine and I was perfectly fine. I don’t have to tell you where I’m going every second of every day.”

Catherine pulled back to look at Jane. “Don’t take a tone with me,” she scolded. “Em, dear,” she looked to Emilia. “Can you take Jane up and help her change for the day, make sure she doesn’t get lost again.”

Jane resisted arguing with her mother, knowing she would just get shut down again.  

Emilia came over to lead Jane away. Jane decided to follow without putting up a fight. When they were out of earshot, Emilia began talking.

“What happened between you and Daniel?” she asked excitedly. She no longer acted like she and Jane were strangers, or that there was anything awkward between them which Jane appreciated.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “Nothing happened, he located Sabine and I and we returned to the house.” 

Emilia rolled her eyes. “You really expect me to believe that?” she asked in disbelief. “Because I don’t, I’m not blind, Jane.”

It happened like before. Jane was no longer walking with Emilia; she was sitting with her in a room that she didn’t recall ever being in.

“We are sisters,” Emilia had said. “And sisters tell each other everything, I should know because my daughters share every thought that passes through their mind. Janey, I’m not blind, what is going on here?”

Jane felt it, she felt as though she could confide anything to the woman sitting before her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Em,” she remembered saying.     

Jane watched as Emilia rolled her eyes. “Oh please, Jane, I have seen that besotted look on many young girls before. Please, just tell me, does he return your affections?”

Jane remembered then. She remembered Emilia quizzing her over Daniel. She remembered how bashful she was around him. She remembered how intensely she felt for him. She also remembered why she couldn’t act on them, and it was because of the ghost that visited her in her dreams. She remembered being embarrassed as she replied. “I’d wager he sees me as but a child. It’s quite embarrassing, really, to be thinking of him in such a way.”

“It isn’t embarrassing; the heart chooses who the heart chooses. I didn’t like Daniel to begin with but I can see he’s really changed. If he made you an offer I would approve most profusely.” Emilia took Jane’s hand and guided her to the settee in the room.

Jane couldn’t believe how close she felt to Emilia, but she couldn’t believe how strong her affections were towards Daniel. “What you speak of sounds so simple, Emilia, but Daniel has scars.” Jane knew of the scars immediately. Being a widower had completely ruined him.

“As do I,” Emilia pointed out. “But I managed to overcome my scars, surely he can too.”

Jane suddenly remembered seeing Emilia’s scars when she was about eighteen years old. Emilia meant that literally. “He could never love another like he loved his wife, and I will not settle for anything less than I deserve. I should like a man like papa, he used to come home with flowers for mama and kiss her cheek. I want someone to love me without reservation ... and to be honest I don’t think that Daniel will ever truly move on from his wife.”

“We all move on from death eventually. He will when he’s ready to, and I can practically guarantee that he will see what a wonderful woman he has right in front of him when he does,” Jane remembered Emilia promising her. “You do not mind being a mother to a child that is not your own?”

That Jane knew the answer to without memories. Sabine was beautiful, in every meaning of the world. She had a gorgeous nature and Jane felt as though Sabine loved her as a mama already as she loved her as a daughter. As soon as she thought that, she remembered her answer. “That is something that I am not afraid of. Sabine is a beautiful girl, inside and out. I’ve only known her a short while but I feel really attached to her. When I leave I know I will miss her terribly, as much as I will miss her father.”

“It’s unconditional love between a parent and a child. From what I’ve seen they get to about eight or nine before they start to feel like adults and don’t want to play with their parents anymore. You’ve got to savour the unconditional love before you have to work for it,” Emilia had sighed. Jane loved seeing how much she loved her own children. The five of them were very lucky to have such a lovely person as their mother. “Right now when I walk into a room they jump in my arms and I love it. I don’t want it to ever change but I know it will. If you could ever have that feeling, Janey, it would seriously make you feel complete.”

Jane loved how familiar she and Emilia were. Emilia even used her nickname ‘Janey’. “Daniel asked me to be Sabine’s new governess,” she remembered saying casually.

“Will you accept?” Emilia asked.

“I don’t know. Won’t it be pathetic to sit around pining for my employer?” Jane remembered asking. She knew that if she had accepted that job, which she remembered being offered, that she would spend the days longing for him.

“A little,” Emilia had replied. “I don’t know what to tell you Jane, or how to advise you. I would just leave this house and allow him to miss you. That’s kind of what happened with Sebastian and I. We were separated for a time ... and Lord knows I missed him enough for the both of us.”

And then the memory was gone. She and Emilia were still walking towards Jane’s bedchamber. “You told me to leave,” she breathed, astonished.

Emilia spun around with a confused expression on her face. “Pardon?”

“You did, and you were right,” Jane said suddenly with a clear head. “You told me to leave. We were sitting in a room, I’m not sure where and you were asking me about Daniel. You told me to leave to allow him to miss me.”

A huge smile spread across Emilia’s face. “You remember that?” she exclaimed excitedly. “That was just before the accident, a week ago almost. I did, I told you to leave, but you shouldn’t, not now, you don’t need to allow him to miss you, he already loves you, I can tell, he is just waiting for you. You’re both finally ready!”

Jane shook her head. “No, you were right in the first place, I trust you, you’re my closest confidante, and I remember you now.”

Emilia pulled Jane into a tight hug and Jane had no qualms with returning the gesture. “You remember how you feel about Daniel?” she asked as she hugged her.

“I do, and I also remember my reservations and those reservations are still very relevant,” Jane said as she pulled back.

Emilia pouted. “You want to leave?”

“I don’t want to but I feel as though I should,” Jane replied. “It isn’t right for me to impose any longer, especially when I feel the way I do.”

“Alright,” Emilia conceded. “Go up to your room, and pick out something to wear, I’ll be there soon, I’ve just got to go and fetch my comb from downstairs.”

“What is your comb doing downstairs?” Jane asked Emilia but she was already gone.      

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I wonder what's made Emilia rush back downstairs? I've got a feeling it's not for a comb ;)

By the way, I turn 18.5 today! 6 months until my 19th birthday :D Some half - birthday votes would be lovely!!

Vote and comment!!