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Chapter Thirteen

Jane had been at Southerby for one week when she’d received word that Sebastian, Emilia and the children were on their way. 

It had been a very interesting week. Sabine had been spending every waking minute with Jane, either talking about her progress with her father or her excitement of the children coming to stay. Sabine was still worried that her father didn’t like her very much; she didn’t understand why he’d been away for so long and had mysteriously returned.

Jane constantly assured Sabine that Daniel loved her, but what she’d noticed in the week that she’d been staying with them was that he wasn’t very good at letting somebody know he cared about them.

One thing that seriously bothered Jane was that Daniel slept on the settee in his study every night. She was not sure which bedchamber belonged to him, but she knew whichever one it was he was avoiding it.  

A few days into her trip when Sabine was in her reading lesson with Miss Porter, Jane had told Daniel about how he was with Sabine.

He’d brought her into his private study and offered her the small brown settee that was adjacent to his desk. He sat on the chair opposite her in case anyone entered and thought anything scandalous was going on.

“I’m going to be completely frank with you,” Jane had said seriously. “To be honest, I don’t know exactly why you invited me here, you seem to be alright in the house, but I do know you can do with my help when it comes to Sabine. I’m not an expert but I do know when a child is struggling ... mostly because she told me.”

Daniel frowned sadly as his shoulders slumped in the chair. “I told you I don’t know what I’m doing,” he sighed. “But I did invite you because I wanted you here. You are a dear friend to me, Jane, nobody has shown me as much respect and understanding as you have. Most women, well the ones that I do not ‘ruin’ as you say, think me a rake, and most men are intimidated of me because of my wealth. Truthfully, I don’t have that many friends,” he’d said and looked up at Jane and smiled slightly. “Except you, of course.”

Jane had come to the conclusion that she did indeed fancy Daniel. She found him incredibly handsome, anybody could see that, but she also found his personality utterly endearing. Underneath the sour yet suave exterior beat a heart of a truly honest man who’d been terribly hurt. For that reason she knew she had to suppress any inappropriate feelings. Daniel wouldn’t ever marry again, it was obvious. He loved his wife too much to ever fall for anyone again. Jane was just being silly.

“What has Sabine been saying?” he’d asked her after a minute.

“She thinks you don’t love her,” Jane had replied. “And truthfully you don’t act like you do. You’re far too rigid around her; you talk to her as if she is an adult. She likes horses; her pony is her only friend! Take her out riding and ask her about her interests. Sabine is not going to magically trust you. I really think you need to tell her about her mother’s death. I think you need to explain to her what happened. She may be young but she is no imbecile. She needs to know why you went away and she needs to know that it wasn’t because of her.”

Daniel had pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’d had several glasses of wine when I divulged that story to you,” he said softly.

“But you’ve come so far!” Jane had pressed. “By verbalising the story you’ve been able to return here. You won’t be able to have any relationship with Sabine if you don’t.”

“You know her better than I. What should I talk to her about?” he’d asked.

Jane had risen from her seat with a quick laugh. “I’m not helping you with that. I won’t always be here to prompt you; sooner or later I am going to go home. All she wants is for you to love her, and you can start by being honest.”

Daniel had been spending alone time with Sabine a lot that week. He’d taken her on a trail ride that his father had taken him on when he was a boy. He’d had her favourite treacle tart made for her and taken her on a picnic; he’d even played dolls with her once. He was trying, but he really did not want to talk to her about Eleanor. She didn’t blame him; it was not a conversation that one would ever want to have with their child.

It was now the following Tuesday and Sebastian and Emilia were expected the following day. In her letter from Emilia she could sense that Sebastian was not impressed. She knew that he would berate Daniel when he arrived. Truth be told she did not care about her reputation in London, come September she would be back with her mother in Yorkshire.

The only thing that Jane did not like about her stay at Southerby was Miss Gwendolyn Porter. According to Sabine she was perfectly lovely but she was anything but civil to Daniel and Jane. Jane knew why she was the way she was around Daniel but she didn’t know what she had done to make her resent her.

When Jane went down to breakfast that morning Daniel was sitting at the head of the table with the newspaper before him. He looked up as he saw her entering and smiled widely at her. “Good morning,” he said cheerfully.

Jane frowned as she took the seat beside him. “You’re unusually chipper this morning,” she commented.

“I am, I’ve realised that you were right,” he replied.

“Of course,” she nodded. “About what exactly?”      

“I was thinking about what you’ve said about Sabine not trusting me and I noticed it when I’ve spent time with her. I need to tell her about her mother. If I’m going to have a relationship with her I have to be completely honest. She’s honestly wonderful. She’s so like her mother, you don’t even realise. There’s the little things she does that remind me so much of Eleanor. When she’s confused she makes this face that is identical to Eleanor’s. Just thinking about her made me realise that she would want her daughter to know the truth.”

Jane smiled at Daniel proudly. “You never needed me, Daniel; you know what to do with Sabine.”

Daniel scoffed as he picked up the teapot and poured her a cup. “Utter nonsense. I take you for granted, Jane, you are definitely my guardian angel ... my conscience. I don’t know what I would ever do without you. I would ask you to stay permanently but I know you can’t. Sabine loves you and I appreciate your friendship and company,” he said sincerely.

From his speech she knew it was silly to have feelings for him. He needed a friend and that was what she was going to be for him. “When are you going to speak to her?” she asked as she took a sip from her teacup.

“Today,” he replied. “I want to do it before your family arrives. I figure that if she’s upset then the arrival of other children will cheer her up.”

“Clever,” Jane nodded. She decided that she wouldn’t have any breakfast. She rose from the table and excused herself. “I’ll get out of your way.”

Daniel furrowed his eyebrows. “Why? You don’t need to go, I didn’t mean to dismiss you.”

“No, it’s not that,” she reassured him. “I’m going to go and visit a friend who lives nearby. It will give you some time alone with Sabine to talk. Might I suggest one thing – go down to the stream in the garden and take your boots off. She liked dipping her legs in the water.”

Daniel rose from the table as well. “I’ll do just that,” he smiled. “Shall I order the carriage?” he asked.

Jane shook her head. “No, I’ll ride.” She hadn’t gone off on a solo ride in a long while. It would be nice to. She was going to visit Kassandra, Peter and their children. She hadn’t seen them since Christmastime and she missed her friends dearly. Kassandra especially was like a sister to her. “Good luck.”

“I’ll need it,” Daniel chuckled nervously.

Jane disappeared out of the room and made her way down to the stables. She wished Daniel’s success when he talked to Sabine. She hoped she wouldn’t get too upset.

Daniel watched after Jane as she left the room swiftly. Jane was incredibly wise for her young age. She just knew how to handle people. He wished he knew what to do about Jane because he really didn’t. He loved her company and her conversation. She was humorous and intelligent and she was excellent with children. He loved seeing her every day. He could remember feeling this way in the beginning of his courtship of Eleanor. Was this what he was feeling towards Jane?

As soon as he entertained the thought he felt guilty. He couldn’t ... it would be like dancing on Eleanor’s grave.

As if on cue, Sabine wandered into the dining room accompanied by Miss Porter for her breakfast. Her hair was pulled back into her usual braids and she was wearing a clean blue frock.

“Good morning, Sabine,” he smiled at her.

Sabine’s blue eyes met his warily. “Good morning,” she replied. She had still not called him ‘papa’ and that bothered him. He hoped that if he told her what happened to her mother that they might start enjoying a much closer bond.

“How would you like to go for a walk down to the stream this morning?” he asked. “I hear you did this with Jane.”

Sabine’s eyes widened as she looked at Miss Porter with a frightened expression.

“Sabine, what have I told you about going down to the stream?” Miss Porter demanded harshly.

“That it’s dangerous and I’m not allowed there,” Sabine recited sadly.

“Excuse me, Miss Porter, but I just said that Miss Alcott was with her, if I don’t see a problem then neither should you,” Daniel said tensely as he tried to hide his anger. From what he had seen, Miss Porter ran a tight ship and he didn’t like how strict she was with Sabine.

Miss Porter looked at Daniel distastefully. “It’s not safe for a young girl to be around flowing water, milord,” she said curtly.

“I’ll be with her, I won’t let anything happen to her,” Daniel assured her. He knew why she behaved the way she did, but it was getting tiresome fast. If it continued he would have a word with her. “Sabine, eat up and we’ll walk down to the stream.”

Once they’d both finished eating Daniel offered his hand to Sabine for them to walk to the stream together. Sabine cautiously took it.

As they walked Daniel tried to make conversation with her. “How have you liked this week?” he asked. “Did you like doing those things with me?”

Sabine nodded. “I like riding horses,” she replied. “And treacle tart is my favourite.”

“I know,” he smiled down at her but she wasn’t looking at him. When they finally reached the stream Daniel and Sabine both sat down on the edge of it and they proceeded to take their boots off and dangle their feet in the cool water. It felt quite refreshing, especially as the summer day warmed up.

Sabine absently kicked her feet in the water which soaked the hem of her dress but she didn’t seem bothered.

Daniel took a deep breath and just began with whatever came into his head first. “Do you want to know what happened to you mama, Sabine?” he asked quickly.

Sabine’s eyes flashed to his curiously. “Yes,” she replied.

“I love you, Sabine; I want you to know that. I want you to know that will never change no matter what you think of me after I tell you.”  

Sabine furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”

He smiled slightly at his beautiful daughter. “Just after you were born and I was holding you in my arms, your mama got very ill,” he started sadly. He made a rocking gesture with his arms. “I was holding you like this.”

“Did mama get ill like me?” she asked. With her hands she started pulling up grass from beside her. Daniel thought she might’ve been doing it nervously.

“She was sick with something else,” he replied. “And mama didn’t get better. But she loved you so much that the last thing she said was your name. She gave your name, Sabine, did you know that?” Telling her about Eleanor was easier than it was to tell Jane. In front of Jane he didn’t want to appear weak, but in telling Sabine he was connecting with his daughter. It didn’t make the story any less hard but it made it easier knowing the possible outcome at the end.

“Why didn’t she get better?” Sabine whispered, edging a little closer to him.

“Because sometimes when people get ill they don’t get better. Sometimes their sicknesses can’t be fixed, and that’s what happened with mama,” Daniel explained.

He watched as a single tear rolled down her cheek. “Why did you leave?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “I was so sad and angry at everything and I had to get away. I couldn’t be a good father to you when I was like that. You deserved better than me.” That was the truth. He may have left because he couldn’t face what had happened but he also couldn’t face looking after Sabine when he was such a shadow of a man.

“Are you going to leave again?” This time Sabine met his eyes intensely.

Daniel shook his head. “I will never abandon you. You are my whole life, nothing is more important to me than you.”

Sabine looked at him with such a great amount of vulnerability. “Do you mean that?”

“I swear it,” he promised.

“Jane said that mama is in heaven,” she told him a little more cheerfully.

He could see it in her face. Her eyes were no longer cautious, her body language was no longer reserved and she was smiling at him like a little girl would any person so loved or cared for.

“Jane’s right, mama’s watching you all the time; she’s keeping you safe.” He wondered if Sabine’s illness was some sort of shove that Eleanor was giving him. He couldn’t be sure.

“I hope so,” she sighed. Sabine shuffled along the grass so that their legs were touching as they sat next to each other. Daniel put his arm around her and ran his hand up and down her arm. “What did mama look like?” she asked.

Daniel furrowed his eyebrows. “Have you not seen her portrait? It is hanging in the gallery.”

Sabine shook her head. “Gwenny says I’m not allowed in there.”

“Why ever not?” he demanded to know. “Surely a child is allowed to see a portrait of her own mother.”  

“I don’t know,” she shrugged.

Daniel was going to see to it that he had a word to Miss Porter. There were rules and then there were extremes. “You look like your mother,” he said, tapping her nose with his index finger. She giggled at that and smiled widely. “Same lovely golden hair and the same beautiful blue eyes. I’ll show you her portrait later.”

“Won’t I get in trouble?” she asked worriedly.

“I’m master at this house, what I say goes, and I say you can do what you want ... except get married, you’re never allowed to do that,” he said comically. She was five; he had a good twelve years before he had to worry about suitors. He knew he wouldn’t have to worry about them for long once he’d purchased a rifle.

“Alright, papa, I won’t get married,” she replied innocently. She leant her head against his side and sighed.

Daniel gasped quietly. She’d called him ‘papa’. If it was Eleanor’s doing, he sent a ‘thank you’ up to the sky.

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First - sorry this wasn't up yesterday, it got too late and I was practically passing out on my laptop :P And I've been writing bits and pieces all day but my mum keeps needing me to do chores etc. Plus I've been packing all day.

Which brings me to number two - this will be my last chapter until the 16th of January. I'm leaving for my holiday tomorrow (a much needed one) so I'll be AWOL for awhile.

Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter, please vote and comment if you did :)