Doe's POV:

Food was ordered and he still hadn't returned, leaving me just slouching in his desk chair and spinning it.

Pretending like I hadn't just dug myself deeper and deeper into this hole.

I hadn't thought too much about it until tonight. Just summing it up to the fact that he was busy, or had something on his mind that was distracting him.

Tonight was just the breaking point. The night where things started clicking- or not clicking.

Being busy had nothing to do with some of this, and the main fact bothering me was still that lack of initiated affection.

Mixed with that scene in my book that I couldn't get out of my head.

I was horny and that turned my frustration into anger.

Anger which was very nearing the edge towards that present sadness.

That growing ache that came with the intense awareness of how little time we've had together these past days.

Mixed with how badly I craved his presence, his touch, his affirming words.

I wanted to feel wanted by him again...

And yet all of the sudden, after such a fun and peaceful day spent between just the two of us... After I finally thought that I had all of the clues to finally conclude this 'love' mess, he just disappears.

And I couldn't even begin to tell you why.

Usually some of his obscure behaviors I can at least try to deduce, but sometimes, his drastic way of thinking and getting tangled in his own thoughts gets the better of me.

I knew I couldn't figure the details of this out myself, but I kept trying in vain.

We'll talk. I've already concluded that we'll talk tonight, so why does my brain keep going back to these thoughts that just make me upset?

A knock on the door ceased my spinning, heal digging into the floor to slow it before I hopped up.

Food. Thank god.

I told Lily over the phone when ordering that I wasn't feeling too great, and apologized for not being able to see her at dinner as I planned.

She assured me that it was no big deal and that she'd whip up something to hopefully make me feel better.

And well, right now, she was my only hope other than Xander himself.

I hurried over to the door and threw it open.

I was greeted by a familiar face... of sorts.

It took a few seconds to remember his name, but the hair color and that one specific mole aided in my remembrance.

Austin... I'm pretty sure.

To be fair, I was more focused on what he was holding than who he was.

I eyed the metal dome covering my plate as he began speaking.

"I've got a... dinner for one?" He said, seemingly looking past me and into my room.

"Yup. That would be me," I confirmed, reaching out my hands for the food.

He didn't give it to me, instead took another step closer to look deeper into my room.

Come on dude this food is all I have going for me right now.

"Is the Prince not here?" He asked.

The question tugged at my chest, inching close to that sadness I was trying my best to fight off.

"Nope," I responded simply, again, furthering my arms out for my food.

Except he still didn't give it.

Instead, a small smile rose on his face.

I was shocked when, without another word, he just let himself right into the room, sauntering over to the couch.

"Well, It would be a shame to have such a beautiful woman eat by herself, wouldn't it?" He asked, setting my food down onto the little table.

I found it almost impressive how little of a reaction his words got out of me.

Whereas if it was Xander...

I just stared at him, with hooded eyes, not having moved an inch while he leaned against the back of the rocking chair.

Yeah, I really preferred to be alone right now.

"I can assure you that I'm fine with eating alone tonight." I let him know.

In fact, I've been looking forward to it.

I wanted a quiet distraction, not... whatever he's doing right now.

"Nonsense," he blew away my words, deciding to close some space between us, "I insist."

Is this guy dumb?

I knew Xander had his moments, but even he could pick up a 'no' when worded like that with no further questions asked.

Not only that, but as soon as he was close, he took a gentle hold of my hand and rose it, "I've been meaning to get to know you one on one for a while now. What better time then tonight with your Master absent?"

Master...

It'd been a while since I'd related that word with Xander.

So much so that I didn't realize who he was talking about at first.

The title never fit him, especially not now.

I glared down at where our hands met. Still the same devoid reaction from the contact.

I didn't want to have to be dealing with something like this right now.

If there was one thing I knew about these boys, it was that they tried their absolute best to keep a distance from the vampiric brothers.

Lying wasn't typically my go-to, but I didn't have the energy in me right now to handle it truthfully and just tell him to fuck off.

I was worried that any strong emotion might be the tipping point and leave me tearing up, and that wasn't really how I'd planned on starting my conversation with Xander.

"Tonight really isn't the night," I started, glancing back at the clock to further prove my next point, "He's meant to be back within the next five minutes, and I can promise you that you do not want to be here when he does."

God how much I wished my words would be true.

Instead of the fearful or panicked expression I was expecting, he instead just looked... irked.

Similar to how he did the last time we interacted and Marcus stepped in.

His grip too turned tight, the harsh sigh that followed not matching at all with the unnaturally calm words that followed.

"Right. Well, how about next time then?"

"Sure," I said, really just wanting him out of this room as fast as possible so I could bury my problems with food in peace.

I ended up having to drag him further towards the door before he finally let go, stepping out just a single step.

"I'll see you later then, Doe." he grinned.

Oh, I didn't like how he spoke my name.

I didn't respond, just shut and locked the door, dragging my way over to my food.

Annoyance from that short interaction simmered in my brain but disappeared entirely as soon as I saw the pink-colored paper taped on top of the metal dome.

I plucked it off and unfolded it, recognizing it as Lily's handwriting.

'I hope you feel better, dearest. I'll send you a little something for dessert later in the night to make sure of it.'

Awe...

It managed to lift a short smile onto my face, placing the note neatly in my pocket for safekeeping.

Later in the night typically meant close to before she goes home. So late.

Well, something to look forward to after all of this happens I suppose.

I lifted the tray and walked over to the other side of the couch, ready to get comfy and chow down.

~~~

One... Two... Three hours had passed and Xander still wasn't back.

I'd been reduced to just sitting in our bed, staring right at the door and hugging a pillow against my body.

Specifically, the one he laid on most of the time.

The smell... it helped in both calming me and making me more anxious.

An interesting combo, but I held it tighter regardless.

Burying my face in it every other minute just to pretend for a few seconds that nothing was wrong.

Try to convince myself that I was just overreacting and that everything was fine.

Before remembering that I'm rarely wrong and should probably trust my gut when it's telling me something like this.

The smell made that ever-lingering desire for him grow, pressing my fingers into the pillowcase and wishing that I was feeling that nice chill of his skin instead.

Whispering to me that everything was okay in that way that always just somehow worked.

Rubbing those little patterns into my back and pulling me close to his chest.

My nails dug into the fabric, with a quick inhale.

I needed to stop thinking about these things, they were only making every emotion imaginable right now stronger.

Come on Xander... help a girl out a little.

My head snapped up at the barely audible, but unmistakable click of the lock.

I held my breath, freezing completely the second I saw the door begin to open.

Then eyes rounding as soon as he walked into my view.

He looked... awful.

I'd noticed a few subtle changes in him over the days, but this was impossible to miss.

His stance looked... Tight. Uncomfortable. Physically drained in every sense of the word.

The color of his skin drained with the rest of it, leaving him pale even for a vampire.

Dark circles sat underneath his sullen eyes. That shine they usually had was nowhere to be seen.

Not even his breathing looked normal.

All of this... it looked vaguely familiar.

He only made it two steps in, not even enough to shut the door before he stopped.

My worry grew the longer he just stood there, keeping his gaze on the floor.

"Xander?" My voice broke through the silence quietly.

He actually flinched at the sound of it, releasing a trembling breath.

Six seconds of silence later, and his head slowly turned up, that pained look in his eyes meeting mine.

He tried for a moment to fix his composure, straightening his stance despite what he must have been feeling, and taking a long, drawn-out inhale through his nose.

That last action got cut short, his eyes suddenly widening.

Enough so that I could see the immediate thinning of his pupils from here.

His nostrils flared through the new terrified look on his face, eyes focusing on things around the room.

The lounge, his desk chair, the rocking chair Austin had leaned on.

He kept on that one for a bit longer, eyes focusing directly on my hand before shifting towards me as a whole.

His look turned to one of devastation before something I could only describe as silent agony, almost wincing away after covering his mouth and nose with his hand.

His clawed hand.

I'd seen him have this problem before, but this one looked like it was taking a much larger toll on him.

Back after he'd asked Layla to the ball.

I calmed him down last time... somehow. Maybe I can do it again.

I removed the pillow from my lap, ready to run to him if I so had to.

"Xand-"

His name was cut short with the loud slam of the door.

The sound that instinctively made me flinch.

I couldn't believe what my eyes were telling me.

That the door was closed and Xander was no longer here with me.

I'd waited all day to talk to him... To hear his explanation for what's been happening lately that's made him so distant.

Ready. Willing and wanting to do anything I could to help him with what he was obviously struggling with and he...

He ran away.