A/N: the in-between of that's smut scene is available on my Patreon 🥴.  Link in my bio

Xander's POV:

I was the first to wake up, only having gotten about four hours of sleep total.

Leaving me just... holding her during the hours my body stayed wide awake after I'd situated us into the clean side of the bed.

And again ever since I woke up about two hours ago.

My body showed the exact changes that I was so worried about.

The solid, undeniable, and unfightable statement that that I was so far gone for her.

I thought I might have been able to accomplish all of that while still convincing myself that there was no deeper meaning from her end, even though I knew there was on mine.

But then she bit me. She drew my blood on multiple accounts, giving me in the only way she could, the reciprocation I'd been craving.

Though I knew that wasn't her intention, my body took it with no hesitation.

She gave me everything a vampire could have hoped for in such a situation where I loved her as much as I did.

I was done for.

I thought I had such a tight grip on the situation, only to lose it so early on.

And every second after just tightening and tightening that connection my instincts tied to her.

Nothing except her own words of rejection would sever it now.

Fuck...

I kept my deep breath silent, ever so softly stringing my fingers through her hair.

Feeling the warmth of the skin on her back through my other hand.

To think I came so close at certain points to letting my true, hidden feelings slip out

To let my hold on myself slip in order to enjoy the moment with her to the fullest.

Coming so close to spilling the words pleading to be let out. The ones she was coaxing out of me whether she knew it or not.

I love you. I love you I love you I love you!

The ache in my chest was so much worse now the more I thought about it.

My body believed her to be mine in every sense of the word, and that was now fighting with the knowledge that she wasn't.

Not in the way my body was now convinced of.

So here I was again, constantly battling my own instincts that were now so sure that they were right, and punishing me for not agreeing to the fullest.

I wanted to. Words couldn't describe how much I wanted to, but I just... can't.

My eyes turned down to her as she shifted a bit in my grasp, a tiny, groggy sound sprouting from her throat.

I listened, hearing the first signs of her starting to wake up.

At 10:23 am no less. Honestly, I expected her to be out for longer.

The hand on her back began tracing circles into her skin, welcoming her into consciousness.

Her back straightened, eyes scrunching as she began her morning stretch.

Though, it cut off about midway through, her eyes blinking open, but staying narrow in confusion.

Confusion that quickly turned into discomfort.

Ah right. Humans and their soreness.

I hoped that the bath and the salts that I added to it would have helped a little in solving that issue, but it looked like she may need another trip.

As well as some proper food to help her recover since we never did make it to dessert last night.

Oops.

"Mornin' dove," I cooed, effectively snagging her attention.

Getting to see those wide eyes of hers at the realization that I was already awake.

And the slight deepening color in her face.

"Oh uh, Goodmorning," she staggered out, eyes shifting awkwardly.

She worked through her very obvious soreness, lifting herself on her elbow, and letting the blanket fall from where it was.

"Jeez Xander you didn't tell me having sex with you would make me ripped," She chastised, rubbing her hand against her arm before lowering it down towards her abdominals.

My snicker at her words came quickly.

She made me so incredibly happy. Happiness I didn't even know existed until we finally came here.

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I didn't want to ruin what we already had for something I knew that I'd never deserve from her.

I'd suffer in silence for as long as I need to if it means keeping moments like these here.

"The drawbacks of sleeping with a vampire." I quipped.

It wasn't that we were necessarily rough unless wanted, but we could just go for a very long time.

Certainly enough to consider a thorough workout.

Her hand disappeared under the blankets, feeling her legs move to rub over them as well.

Her eyes suddenly rounded, eyes falling down to her very bare chest.

I think that's where she realized that neither of us had clothes on.

Though she didn't look too surprised beyond that, just accepted it rather quickly and moved on.

"If that's what you want to call it," She muttered under her breath, continuing her own little exploration of what hurt on her body.

I took the opportunity now that she didn't look to care that she was naked, to look over the art across her skin.

The red and purple marks dotting the entirety of her neck and raining down her chest. A few on each breast for good measure, one above her belly button.

I knew there were some down on her thighs too.

I had a fond memory of almost every single one.

Then back up her body to settle on the fang marks that were still reddened.

The bite mark that, the more I looked at it, made me realize that she put hers on the same spot on my body.

I could feel that bruise without having to touch it, as well as the countless tears on my back.

Though I knew I was enjoying the feel of those more than she was enjoying the ache all over her body.

She gave up on her endeavors about a minute later, deciding to collapse back onto the bed, and draw herself close with a deep sigh.

And who was I to argue? An Idiot?

Her hands snaked around to my back, nuzzling dangerously close to my neck. Snagging one of my legs between hers.

I couldn't read whether or not she intended to get some more rest, but I did need to hear something with her own words before.

Even if I already knew the answer, I wanted to hear it from her.

"Did you have fun?"

It was what I'd promised her the most, and was ready to dissect whatever answer she gave me.

She was very open right at the end of last night. Letting her words flow freely as tired as she was.

I wondered if that would change now that she was awake. If genuine answers would be more difficult to get out of her with the way she liked to pretend that she doesn't have basic emotions.

Either way, I could figure out the truth with my other senses, and she knew that.

I'm sure it's one of the reasons she goes with the snarky answers in the first place.

Fingers pressed just a bit harder into my back, following a few seconds of silence.

"I did," She quietly admitted, much to my surprise at the direct honesty, "A lot more than I thought I would, actually."

I tried not to let my pride get the best of me and instead focused on the relief of knowing that I'd done my job well.

In showing her what to expect.

She was thinking, I couldn't see it since her face was currently hidden from me, but I could just... feel it in the silence.

I knew that I didn't have the true understanding to know how tangled up her past must be in what she experienced. It was a difficult thing to let go of for her I'm sure of it.

And even then, she trusted me to do it my way, even knowing how much she hated it when she doesn't know what to expect or what she's doing beforehand.

Which was ironic given that I couldn't have hoped for a better night.

She said before she fell asleep that she had a lot to say so...

"Would it be... weird if we did it again?"

I felt the inside of my chest lurch, thankfully not showing to anyone on the inside.

And then more thankful that she couldn't see my face either.

The immediate agreeance of the feralism in me pounded against my body, more ferociously than what I'd felt before.

I think I may have underestimated the whole 'vampiric sexual awakening' thing.

Mixed with the hold she had on me now.

Oh dear god... this was going to kill me.

But even knowing that, I couldn't disregard my want to go through with it.

To please her over and over again. To cherish and worship her as if she was really, truly mine.

Fighting off the constant urges to take it a step further. A step too far.

That ache in my chest turned into a sharp piercing the longer I fought with it and tried to calm it down.

Knowing for a fact that she didn't mean 'right now'.

"If you want," I began, my voice wavering for only a moment, "I'm certainly all for it given how much I enjoyed last night."

"You did?" She questioned with a hopefulness in her voice.

Which I found strange.

She wasn't that type to doubt herself, though maybe it was different given the context.

Either way, I didn't mind solidifying it to her.

"More than you can imagine, Doe," I eased, giving her the entire truth.

I felt her relax in my grasp, her other hand skimming over the bruise.

That couldn't be all she wanted to talk about. After last night there had to be more.

I was normally fine with getting her just to take her time with these things, but since this felt a little different compared to most things, I just wanted her to remember that I was always here if she needed me.

I'd always be open to answering her questions.

"Is that your only question?" I dug.

"For now," She replied, "There are a few other things, but I can't exactly put them into words that make sense yet."

I blinked in confusion before settling in understanding.

I'll give her time to wake up fully and process all of it.

"I need to get back to reading that book," She began, speaking like she was answering herast statement.

Oh yeah. I wonder how far into that she'd gotten.

"Want me to grab it for you after I order breakfast?" I offered.

Since she could barely move and all.

She perked up at it, drawing back just enough to see me.

"Yeah. Thank you."

We stayed there for a few seconds.

"That, unfortunately, means that you're going to have to release my leg," I spoke with a half-hidden smirk.

Her eyes narrowed, in an effort to pretend like she did it on purpose, finishing it off with a scoff.

"Fine."