||TAMIA||

"Students must celebrate Christmas with their results in hand. I'll be releasing them soon," CS--Cabinet Secretary Education.

Stress. Fear. Anxiety. That was the load that statement bestowed upon me and possibly a couple of thousands of other students. Celebrating Christmas with results in hand isn't a problem. The problem is that they could either guarantee one a blissful Christmas upon passing or dreadfully, a sad one upon failure.

Anyway, since the CS made that statement, I haven't stopped thinking about my results. I know I did my best but I still don't have the courage to hold high expectations. I'm afraid of getting disappointed and worst of all, heartbroken. It's either pass or fail. But for me, it's either pass or pass. I can't fail else that failure will cripple me and my life.

I know that because it would steal quite a lot from me. For instance, the little happiness and contentment I've gotten in the last two weeks in a second. So I pray to have hit my targets.

Now, soon is today. The CS will be releasing those damn results today. Precisely, in less than an hour, he'll either rip out or exonerate our hearts. I can't sit still. Even standing motionless is a problem. So I'm roaming restlessly in the river, seeking comfort in the cool flowing water and the soft pebbles underneath it, riding high on tension.

Joe is with me. So are Kel and Sheraw. We decided to be together for consolation. An escape for me too. I didn't want to stay anywhere near home or even worse, my parents in case the results came out disappointing. So here we're trying to stay calm in each other's presence as we wait for the big announcement.

Unfortunately, though, it isn't working. We are all restless. But out of the four of us, I think I am the one running the stress marathon fastest. Probably because I know to my core what hitting my targets means. Majorly, they dictate the fate of my higher-level education. To some extent, the fate of my rekindled relationship with my parents and also most importantly, Joe.

"Damn, I can't stop swimming like a fish," Sheraw anxiously says when she resurfaces.

Kel is chilling on the intake wall. He's sitting at the mid-section, legs dangling on the side facing downstream. He turns and gives Sheraw an amused smile.

"You mean nonstop?" he asks her.

I feel Joe's hand wound around my waist and pull me flush against his front. Finally, he has managed to catch up with me. He has been busy chasing me around while I aimlessly and restlessly roam.

"It's not funny," Sheraw grumbles. "Wipe that amusement off your face."

Kel shakes his head with a smile, causing Sheraw to scowl at him while she wades towards him.

"Aren't you tired of going around in circles?" Joe asks me in a low concerned tone, his face dipping and nestling in the crook of my neck.

I feel his warm breath caress my skin causing me to briefly shut my eyes to enjoy the feeling.

"You don't get tired when you're high on adrenaline," I retort.

I feel him smile before he places a soft and warm kiss that leaves goosebumps on their wake in the crook of my neck.

"I can think of better ways to get you tired but relaxed, baby love," he suggestively whispers into my ear.

I groan in protest. Of course, those ways would be highly appreciated but I can't just seem to want to use any of them right now.

"Smartass. But no. Well, I just want to know the results. Damn it, I don't even think I really want to know," I say.

He takes in a deep breath and exhales it on my skin fanning it. It's soothing, to say the least.

"Baby love, stop stressing too much," he urges in a soft voice.

"I can't stop. I can't help myself," I state. "My stomach is full of nonexistent liquid and I feel entirely weak. It's almost time now, I know."

"It is," he says in agreement, turning me by my waist so that I can face him.

Willingly, I allow him to do so until we are face to face. He gives me a sweet smile while taking one of my hands in his. He then leads me to a more shallow part of the river where the force of water running downstream against our bodies isn't too much to make us uncomfortable and sit.

"Baby love, one thing I know for sure is that you won't get a grade you didn't work for," he silently says a moment later.

"Is that supposed to encourage me? Because it doesn't. It sounds ominous to me," I retort. It's true. Damn negative thoughts.

"It's fear. But yes, it's supposed to give you some hope if not encouragement. You told me you gave those papers your all, right?" I nod in response. "Then be sure that effort will guarantee you a worthy grade."

"It's all I can hope for," I silently say.

His hand goes around my shoulder and pulls me to his chest. I snuggle closer all the while enjoying the soft and cool touch of water rushing downstream against our bodies.

"He has started announcing them," the soldier's loud voice registers in my ears.

Instantly, my heart starts racing as my stomach coils with nervousness. About ten to fifteen minutes from now, he will ask us to send our index numbers--KCSE registration number-- to a certain code to receive our results. Precisely, in ten to fifteen minutes, I'll be having my results. My heart beats more wildly as my stomach turns into a huge knot of anxiety.

"Let us know when he officially releases them," Kel tells him.

The soldier nods in response and goes back to listening to the CS from his FM Radio. He's sitting at the compound chair while he does so. We had him do the job for us since none of us could sit still, wait and then listen through the whole performance speech the CS must give before officially releasing the results. But for that, we paid him a few hundred. Sometimes I think this soldier loves it when we come here because, in one way or another, he'll always get something small.

"Brace yourself, baby love," Joe says.

"If I faint here from cardiac failure, please don't wake me up unless the results are great," I tell him.

"Not funny and please stop dying of worry about these results. You'll do just great!" He scolds me in a low but firm tone.

"I can't help it!" I retort in a nearly too loud voice.

He goes silent behind me. Too silent I think I just annoyed him. I turn my head to look at him and his gaze locks with mine. It's intense, loving and bright. He then smiles at me.

"You'll do just great," he repeats in a tone full of conviction you'd think the CS has already told him my results beforehand.

Tears threaten their way out upon hearing those words but I keep them locked away. I lean in and once again, snuggle in his arms, my forever escape.

"All good. You can now send your messages," the soldier less than a minute later.

Damn it. As his work is done, he makes his way to his cabin leaving us to our task.

"Thanks, man," Kel shouts after him. "Come on, guys. It's now or now. Because either way, at the end of the day, we will have to check them."

"Damn it, whatever comes, comes," Sheraw huffs as she wades towards the edge of the intake. "One bad grade won't kill me after all."

My eyes ball out in shock. I can't believe her right now and it must be nice to be her. One bad grade could be the literal death of my inner self. I worked so hard. I struggled so much. I endured so much. So I can't fail. Otherwise, it will all have been for nothing and that knowledge is what will most likely kill me.

"That's the attitude, baby girl," Kel tells her with a smile.

"Are you two mocking me?" I ask them.

I know it sounds a little paranoid but I feel as if they are doing so. I'm all worried about those damn results but they have the audacity to not be worried. Or maybe they are just hiding their worry. After all, Sheraw is good at hiding things when she's determined.

"You are overthinking, baby girl," Sheraw retorts.

I take in a deep breath and decide to drop the topic. The goal is to know the results and not argue or fight about them. Joe and I step on the grass and head towards his car to get his phone. Upon reaching it, he opens the back seat and retrieves it.

He then closes the door and takes my hand once again. We walk away from Kel and Sheraw to go settle at a comfortable spot behind the tunnel wall facing the river. He makes sure I sit between his legs and flush against him before he starts unlocking his phone.

"Whose do we start with?" he asks.

"Yours. You don't seem too worried about them. And perhaps they might uplift my spirits," I respond instantly.

"No, baby love. We will start with yours so that we can finally get you out of misery," he says.

"Starting with yours would be better," I argue.

"Your index number," he asks in a determined tone.

I scowl at him but provide it. He types it and then sends it to the given code as a message. My heartbeat accelerates as my hands shake in nervousness. The network here is low and probably it will take a minute or two for the message to be sent and the feedback given. If the network was high, it wouldn't even take us ten seconds to receive them.

Perhaps a few seconds or minutes will buy me more time to compose myself. Reluctantly, I stand and step away from him, taking in deep breaths and trying not to overthink and panic. About a minute later, his phone chimes with a message and my heart stops beating. The results I've been waiting for have finally arrived.

"The results?" I ask, just for confirmation.

However, avoiding his gaze. I don't want to look at him to see the look on his face. For all I know, it could shatter me.

"Yeap," he says.

I hear him standing and then approaching me. I slowly tug at my fingers, bracing myself for the worst when he wraps his arm around my shoulder and brings his phone to my face for me to read the results displayed on the text message.

"Look what you did, baby love," he says in a pleased tone laced with a smile.

It prompts my heart to light up with hope because I know he can't be pleased and smiling if I have failed. Unless the jerk is a sadist. With an awakened determination, I open my half-shut eyes and let them land on the results.

📄🧯📄

WANGUI TAMIA
        
INDEX NUMBER           701842032

English                      A- (A Minus)
Kiswahili                    A- (A Minus) Mathematics              A  (A Plain)  
Biology                      A  (A Plain)
Chemistry                  A  (A Plain)
Christian Religious
Education (CRE)         A- (A Minus)
History                      A- (A Minus)
Computer                  A  (A Plain)

MEAN GRADE: A- (Minus)

AGP (Aggregate Points): 80

📄🧯📄

My eyes ball out in shock, simultaneously tearing up from the disbelief and the extreme joy that slams inside me. An aggregate of eighty damn points and a mean grade of A minus. They are a little higher than the targets I set but I could care less as long as I achieved them and that too, with a bang.

I did it. I damn did it. A huge smile breaks on my lips before I suddenly break apart. I turn and hug Joe tightly, letting all the fear and anxiety wash away in those tears. I no longer have to feel them and I thank the heavens for being so good to me. At the end of it all, it has paid off and I have made it!

"You're supposed to be screaming in joy and not breaking apart in my arms, baby love," Joe says with a laugh.

I laugh despite myself. Then I sniff and wipe away the tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand before retreating from his embrace.

"High school is all done and dusted," I say with a nod as if to agree with myself, which I do anyway.

"Very well done and dusted," he smiles proudly. "Congratulations on hitting your target with a bang, baby love. I am proud of you."

"I am proud too," I smile at him. "Relieved and extremely happy as well."

"I can see it on your bright face," he says, wiping away the remnant tears. "Can we check mine now?"

"You're that confident?" I ask with a smile and a raised brow.

"Well, whatever comes, comes," he shrugs.

We sit down on the grass and with me sitting between his legs. Again. He hands me the phone and I type his index number and send it. Eagerly, I wait until a few minutes later when the reply comes.

📄🧯📄

KARANJA JOE DANSON
        
INDEX NUMBER           701853019

English                      A (A Plain)
Kiswahili                    A (A Plain)
Mathematics              A (A Plain)  
Biology                     A (A Plain)
Chemistry                 A  (A Plain)
Christian Religious
Education (CRE)        B+ (B Plus)
History                     A  (A Plain)
Computer                 A (A Plain)

MEAN GRADE: A (Plain)

AGP (Aggregate Points): 88

📄🧯📄

Yes, he has always been a smartass. A lowkey genius. Getting an AGP of eighty-eight points is no joke. They are just two points shy of ninety. A glittering distinction mark.

"The official proof that you are a lowkey genius," I say and he laughs, checking out his result with bright eyes and a smiling face.

"If I am a genius, then you are too. Eight points aren't that much," he smarts.

"A trying genius would be a better fit," I retort and he laughs. "But how much did you hate CRE?"

"Damn bad enough for the subject to ruin a sheet that was supposed to be shining with clean As for me," he groans making me laugh.

"Tit for tat is a fair game," I drawl and he rolls his eyes with an irresistible smile. "But good for you, it's the mean grade that matters majorly."

"Exactly. Now, I want to celebrate," he says with a damn wicked voice as his face dips until our foreheads are in touch.

The excitement bubbling within us is almost tangible and I'd love to release it soon before it becomes too poisonously sweet.

"Our here with three and possibly other occasional humans?" I ask with a mischievous grin.

"Easy to get Sheraw and Kel out of the way and the soldier won't come looking. For passersby, they are welcome to watch it they don't mind. Just not close enough else we will be having problems," he says.

I laugh before leaning in and taking his lips in mine. I've barely enjoyed being in control when he takes over and thoroughly starts devouring mine.

"This is an amplified version of expressing happiness," I hear Kel saying. "What grade?"

Reluctantly, we retreat from our hot kiss and then turn to look at him. I scowl at him just to let him know that I don't appreciate his impeccable timing. He shrugs unapologetically and proceeds to wear an expectant facial expression. Jerk.

"A-," Joe responds in a proud tone, deciding to start with mine.

The sound of that enormous grade squeezes in happiness. I still can't believe it. But I better do because that grade is mine and I so hard worked for it.

"Yours or hers?" he asks.

"Hers," Joe responds.

"What about you?" he asks with more expectation.

Clearly, he expects his best friend to have done better than me. Which I also expected because come on, the jerk is our squad genius.

"A plain," Joe responds with a shrug as if it is no big deal.

I smile and shake my head in disbelief because it's Joe.

"If your kids don't turn out to be geniuses it's witchcraft," Kel says pointing between us.

I chuckle while Joe rolls his eyes with a smile.

"Simple congratulatory words would have done," Joe tells him.

"Not if they weren't making a point," Kel retorts as he takes a seat on the grass.

Sheraw joins him, sitting beside him. She gives me a proud smile which I acknowledge to the latter with a smile of my own. I have a feeling she too performed well. Her bright face speaks for her.

"And the point being?" Joe asks despite knowing it very well.

He takes my hand and softly starts rubbing on my palm. This is such bliss. It is just like Elias told me. Perhaps even more because despite achieving my target, I have this precious man I was afraid to lose amidst the trial with me.

"That your kids will not only be damn pretty but geniuses too," Sheraw says on Kel's behalf.

I roll my eyes but inwardly smile at the thought of Joe and I, somewhere at some point in the future having kids of our own. I've thought about it a couple of times and I dare say I do want to see such days very much.

"All the better. Because why not?" Joe says with a smile. "Anyway, what about you?"

"B+ for Sheraw and A- for me," Kel responds.

Yes! That's my best friend!

"Do you know what that means for us, guys?" I ask, looking between them.

"Campus is the destination," Sheraw excitedly says. "And high school is well done and dusted!"

"Exactly!" I cheer, causing Joe to laugh.

"Don't you want to tell your mom and dad?" he randomly asks, as if it just hit him.

"I told them to check for themselves since there wouldn't be any strong signal over here to make a call," I respond.

"Are you sure that was the reason, baby love?" He asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

I groan and roll my eyes. He knows me too much and I am a crappy liar where he's concerned.

"Well, I wasn't sure I'd be able to give them a call if I failed or even be able to tell them. It was only easier if they checked for themselves. Got disappointed and got over it before I got home," I admit.

I've come to acknowledge some of my greatest fears. One is becoming a disappointment to my parents once again. The other is ever Joe leaving me.

"Lucky for you, they will be overjoyed. Their good girl turned bad managed to redeem herself," he says with an encouraging smile.

"Yes, she did and now she can't wait to join campus to pursue the course of her dreams!" I shout in excitement, another round of tears escaping my eyes.

I laugh when Sheraw shouts 'Damn, yes!' in agreement. Joe hugs me from behind and I hold his arms to my heart with mine.

"It's time to get that party started," Kel says, rising and taking Sheraw's hand.

"You mean like partying?" I ask, looking at Joe.

He shrugs in response. That was a surprise.

"Well, we might have carried something small to celebrate our wins. We were kind of hopeful, to say the least," he explains.

No wonder both didn't seem too worried. They believed in themselves and had hope. Good for them because they are strong and brave. Lucky too because their hopes and beliefs were never crushed.

"I agree but we will join you guys in a few," Joe says to Kel.

"Please don't be too loud," Kel says before he turns and starts walking away, taking Sheraw with him.

Joe chuckles and I laugh guiltily.

"Can I check June's and Claire's results first?" I ask.

He stares at me as if he can't believe what I just said. I shrug to let him know it means something to me.

"You're vindictive," he smiles.

"I can be when I want to," I say. "But it's the bitches who nearly ruined my life. Of course, I was going to be in active competition with them. Claire especially."

"What do you expect to see when you get them?" he asks with an honest demanding voice

"To have beaten them both," I respond. But my heart isn't worried about June.

"But Claire especially," he points out.

I nod. She's a real competition and I'll be lying if I'm not worried about her having beaten me.

"Okay then, you know their index numbers?" he asks, handing me the phone.

I nod as I take the phone. His hand snakes around my waist and holds me to him. His face goes to the crook of my neck again where he places distracting kisses. I choose to start with June's. After typing the number, I send it and eagerly wait for the reply. A minute later, the phone chimes with a message.

"B Minus," I tell him. I feel him checking out the phone screen.

"Claires," he prompts.

I key in her number and wait for the message. Meanwhile, I let him shower me with more kisses on my neck. It is a little distracting given I nearly forget about the phone when it chimes. I open the message fast to check.

"A Minus," I respond.

"Damn, how many points?" he asks, looking at the screen.

"Seventy-nine," I say, a victorious smile gracing my lips.

One point may sound small but it's a huge boundary for me.

"That was a close one," he mumbles with a smile.

"A damn close one," I say, handing him the phone. "Thank you."

"How would it have felt if either of them beat you?" he asks in a serious tone.

"Like a loser despite having achieved my target," I honestly respond.

"Yeap. You're vindictive, baby love," he laughs.

"You love me anyway," I shrug with a smile.

"So much, baby love," he says. "So much."

His lips then recapture mine in a fervent kiss that fully forces me to shift positions and straddle him for better access.