*bzzzt, bzzzt, telefono-datapad Ratcheta bzyka z dostaną wiadomością. Po sprawdzeniu okazuje się że jest to blisko 8 minutowa głosówka od Sidesa*

"Ratchet, oh my fragging Primus, you will not just believe the fucking bullshit that happened. The party this night, you remember it? You fucking grouched for half an hour before driving out the base to do sum fuckin' i dunno, old mech things. But like going back, Sunny got absolutely fucking hammered during it. And I mean like god I am surprised he even managed to stand, let alone do all this fucking bullshit!" a crash somewhere in the background, followed by unidentifiable yelling from someone and Sides responding.

"But ya, going back- Somehow, someway, don't fucking ask me how, the conversation between me, a drunk Sunny and high off his ass Smokey ended up on the subject of pregnancies. How? Again, no fucking clue. But it ended up with Sunny deciding to "Fuck it all, Imma go check." And so he went, still completely drunk, into the world to test his theory."

A grumbling sound, along with a yell and some screams.

"SHUT UP- Anyways, coming back, and seeing as we can change our holoform's gender, I don't think I need to explain to you what that plan exactly entailed."

A moment of silence as Ratchet let the words sink in.

Oh

"Yeah, oh. Primus I can basically imagine the expression you're making right now- BUT ANYWAYS! Going back to the story, it went like this for like- primus fucking know, a couple of hours at least, with the fucker "testing it out". Should be lucky I wasn't there to test my swords on his stupid ass-" An offended sounding yell, and a reply in Italian from Sides. 

"And then, after fucking hours of that torture, our dear old Sunny comes back to the base, looking so fucking smug and pleased with himself as if he's just done something to be proud of, clutching something in his fist and claiming it was a pregnancy test. But then as him, still off-the-rails Smokey and I start talking we actually realize that yanno, what you actually gotta do to complete the test. And we literally can't do that. So fucking stupid, right? Right? And so he's standing there with the pregnancy test and none of us knows what to fucking do. So now we have a new dilemma: How does one take a pregnancy test when they can't pee?" A moment of silence for the dramatics. 

"BY MAKING A FUCKING BLOOD SACRIFICE APPARENTLY! I MEAN COME ON, IT WAS OBVIOUS RIGHT, WHAT DID YOU FUCKING THINK?!" Ouch, the sudden volume hurt Ratchet's ears and left them ringing a bit. "The fucking idiot went up ahead and fucking- cut this long ass slice down his forearm, like god fucking Primus he almost cut his arm completely through by the time we got into the bathroom!"

"So now we're stuck with Sunstreaker in absolute fucking hysterics, like, you know what I mean? He's clutching the damned thing like it's the fucking one ring to rule them all, which by itself looks as if it was used by a woman in the middle of her period with how bloodstained it is, sobbing harder than I do during a mental breakdown, half-screaming half-muttering some unexplainable rambling as he shows us the fucking pregnancy test over and over."

"And finally, after a good fucking 15 minutes of us trying to calm him down, I finally manage to get ahold of the test and check what the fuck caused him to be in such hysterics, ya? So I stare. And I look. And I fucking realize that it wasn't a pregnancy test. It. Fucking. Wasn't. Do you know what that half-assed bitch brought?"

Another moment of silence. Ratchet can almost physically feel the last strands of Sideswipe's sanity snapping along her next words.

"THAT FUCKING IDIOT BROUGH A THERMOMETER INSTEAD OF A PREGNANCY TEST!"

The screams of enraged Italian, Pit Kaonese and what sounded like Old Cybertronian followed, completely drowning out any other sounds for the entire left duration of the message, before abruptly cutting out as if Sides just randomly stopped holding the recording button in his rage.

Ratchet sat there for a good couple moments, processing what he's just heard.

Ratchet: ...It's still 11PM.