Dear God,

I had another migraine today.

Cody asked me if I ever considered just ending it all because it hurt so bad.

I told him I thought suicide was cowardly.

He didn't say anything after that.

Love,

Peyton

Peyton’s P.O.V.

I lay on my bed, curled up into a little ball, trying not to move my head. It feels like someone is pounding on my head with a hammer and stabbing my brain with a rusted knife. Cody watches me with concern, trying to make sure I don’t hurt myself. Well, I can’t really hurt myself, as it is my own body that is killing me, literally.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly.

“Not really,” I grit my teeth and try to sit up.

Cody immediately leaps to his feet and eases me up slowly, trying to help me.

“Do you ever think about ending it all?” Cody’s question is quiet.

I turn to him. “Excuse me?”

“Do you ever think about ending it all?” he repeats himself. “Because of the pain?”

I look at him blankly. “I think suicide is cowardly,” I state.

Cody looks offended. “You think suicide is cowardly?”

“Yeah,” I say in a ‘duh’ tone. “All you do is avoid your problems.”

“Sometimes it’s the only option,” Cody replies, a little short.

“Sometimes you just can’t take it anymore,” I shoot back. “And they have to end it.”

“Exactly!” Cody throws his hands up in the air. “You’ve been too strong for too long!”

I roll my eyes. “Cody, suicide isn’t the answer. All you do is run away from your problems. If you were truly strong, you would fix it. If you commit suicide because you’re being bullied, just stand up for yourself, not kill yourself.”

“Suicidal people go through hell every day, they don’t want to stop living; they want the pain to stop. Some people have been through so much, the pain is unbearable so they think suicide is the only way the pain can stop,” Cody says.

“Then why do the kill themselves if they want the pain to stop?” I ask, because honestly, I am confused. “They just need to suck it up and just deal with it.”

“Suicide isn’t cowardly,” Cody says tightly. “Pulling the trigger, jumping off the bridge, swallowing the pills, that isn’t cowardly. It’s brave.”

Something about this statement makes me tear up. So killing yourself is brave? So not even fighting is brave? Just letting them tear you down and letting the illnesses take over is brave? I don’t think so. I think you should fight; it’s your life, you should live it.

“I just think,” I say, my voice sounding thick as I’m holding back tears. “That if you’re only being bullied, that if it’s not really life threatening, you shouldn’t end your life. Not when there are some people who don’t have the option to choose if they want to die or not.”

Cody’s eyes softened as he realized what I was talking about. “Sorry,” he murmurs, hugging me and kissing my forehead.

He didn’t say anything after that.

_______________________________________________________

Okay, so the reason I did this one is because everyone is debating this topic, and I just wanted to debate it. I used some of your comments, if you don't mind :) And Peyton thinks suicide is cowardly beause she doesn't get to choose her death because her life is hard. She just is going to die, no ifs ands for buts about it. So before you all think Peyton is a bitch and insensitive, please look at it form her point of view :) 

AND COVER ON SIDE MADE BY @JennWrites