not us playing roblox for four hours instead of writing for four hours.

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JOY

Was it that I was practicing too much or too little?

My fingers had become numb on the strings of my violin, and the grip on my bow might as well give me blisters. I'd been at this for almost three hours and I'm starting to think back to when my mother would scold me into practicing rough like this. In some questionable way, the burning skin on my hands felt satisfactory — like I was finally accomplishing something meaningful.

That still didn't take me away from the fact that I was totally zoning out while practicing. On top of frightening relationship problems and the showcase, my head was everywhere but where it needed to be. I decided I needed to focus on something else for a little while.

I ended up in the library. It was quiet and everyone was minding their own business. I used to find the silence of my house suffocating, but lately, I'm finding myself wanting to be alone for long periods of time.

"There's a familiar face I don't see anymore." I paused for a second then smiled when I saw Seokjin in a different attire than his usual buttoned shirt. His hair was blonde this time, something way more noticeable than his new tie.

"Well, you still haven't aged at all." I leaned forward. "If I didn't know any better I would say that you're secretly a vampire."

"And that'll be our little secret." He smirked and winked at me. I tried to keep in my laugh so I wouldn't disturb the other people studying (at least that's what I think they're doing).

"You're a bit late by the way."

I looked at him weirdly, "Late for what?"

He gave me the same expression, "You're not here to meet Jungkook?" He pointed behind me and I turned around.

Jungkook was sitting down with his face in a book and half faded red hair. I laughed at how goofy he looked with his glasses on (which was a rare sight itself). And of course, he's sitting in my spot that I told him to stay away from.

"How long has he been here?" I asked still looking in his direction.

"About thirty minutes now. I thought he was just being Jungkook again and reading alone."

I got startled a little, maybe even hurt by the fact he studies by himself. I turned back around, "Does he always study alone?"

Seokjin smiled at me fondly before bending down and picking up a book. I was genuinely confused. He slid the book my way and jutted his head in Jungkook's direction. "Go ask him yourself."

"Sure?" I took the book. I thanked him before walking over to the table directly by the windows that were shut due to the cold weather. I crept up to him, trying my best to stay quiet.

I couldn't even do that right since he sighed and said, "If you're going to scare me at least try not to breathe so hard." Jungkook turned around and looked up at me. He paused for a moment before he placed a stupid grin on his face.

"And hello to you too, Barbie."

"Did you just call me a piece of plastic?" I asked jokingly as I sat in the empty space across from him. I curled my knees against my chest but the space given to us in the bay window was still tight.

Jungkook eyed me, then my book. "You're not actually reading that book, are you?"

I checked the cover of my book and frowned. It was titled How to Succeed in Business without a Penis. That librarian. "Seokjin handed it to me."

"No way that's an actual book."

"No way it was ever allowed in this library." I shoved the book to the side. "You're in my spot by the way."

"Your spot? I'll have you know I was at this school first and I found this first. I may not have bought and claimed it but it is rightfully and respectfully mi—"

I put my hand up. "We get it, Kook. How bout I buy it for you? Any special events coming that would require me to get you a present?" I asked, my words lined with sarcasm.

"You can stop flaunting your money, now, but speaking of events, don't you have a showcase you should be preparing for?"

"Trust me, I've overdone my preparing. Why do you think I'm in the library of all places?"

"Maybe cause writers like to read?" Jungkook shut his book and set it aside. "Did you invite Namjoon?"

"Well, of course I did," I replied obnoxiously, smiling a little too bright. "He's just the single most important person in my life right now, of course I invited him and of course he's going to be there. Why would he miss it?"

"Slow down, Eminem. Is something happening between you two, again? You seem highly anxious right now."

"No!" I put my hands out, then back in my lap. "No, nothing's going on. Pre-show jitters. I've barely touched a violin since I was seventeen. My nerves are up the roof." I chuckled, slapping the table.

"You mean out the door?" Jungkook grimaced.

I pursed my lips in embarrassment. "Yes."

Jungkook chuckled. "Don't stress about the showcase. You're Joy Valentine — the most amazing and talented person in all of Swan Academy," Jungkook encouraged, adding description for a dramatically sarcastic effect. "You're going to do fantastic. If you don't I'll officially allow you to own this spot." He smiled genuinely, patting the bay window we both sat on.

A weight left my chest, and even if it was small, I suddenly felt as if all my nerves were disappearing. Like all I needed was for someone to tell me everything was going to be okay.

I smiled. "Will you come to the showcase?"

//

TAEGAN

My feet were walking on needles.  Almost bruised from the way I've been walking all day, constantly going but it didn't seem like I wanted to stop.

All I know is that I wanted to go somewhere, anywhere; out in the open where I could breathe without my brain overthinking every little thing.

I've been overthinking things ever since Penelope walked out on me (and left me half naked in a treehouse). I don't even know how long it has been since then.

I quit tutoring and decided to go to study hall and take up an extra class. My schedule was packed but it kept my mind off her.

Her.

She was all I could think about and I knew what was happening: I was catching feelings. Feelings I thought died in my last relationship. Feelings I didn't know I could have towards my fuck buddy.

It sounds harsh but that's exactly what our relationship was. Fuck buddies. Someone I call whenever I wanted release, to be felt on, but now I want relief. To be held.

"Ugh! This shit is so stupid!" I shouted without caring who was looking at me as they passed by. All I know was that this was hurting my head and I needed a distraction.

Write it out Tia.

I decided to go back to the dorm but I wanted to quickly stop for funnel cake. It was my comfort food as unhealthy as it is (anything fried with sugar at this point is unhealthy).

I stopped by the bakery, nearly buying the entire thing and ate my merry heart out. I even got Joy strawberry sponge cake (which I would mostly eat).

The walk back was peaceful up until I noticed someone from behind. Specs of golden hair strands moving with the wind. Fairly tall with the physique of any model.

Penelope.

No. It couldn't be her. I refused to believe it was her.

I quickly shook the thought of her out my mind. I felt stupidly crazy. If I end up assuming every blonde is her, that's when I know I finally lost it. But my eyes still followed them and I and instantly regretted it.

It was Penelope.

Kissing someone else.

I couldn't feel the aching of my feet anymore and suddenly I felt every single feeling in my chest. Rage, hurt, guilt, I fucking felt it all. I stood there in the middle of the path debating every right and wrong action.

Suddenly I was speed walking towards them, seeing red and ready to scream bloody murder. I don't know why but I did.

I grabbed the cake from out the back and with full force I threw the strawberry cake at her. Her back covered in it and I felt the tears coming on. Fuck. Tia don't cry.

"What the fuck!" She turned around in shock but I didn't care.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" I shoved her, "Fuck you and everything you stand for. Literally go scissor yourself and every other girl you sleep with. UGH I FEEL SO FUCKING STUPID!" I was crying, I felt the tears stinging my eyes and my lungs tight.

"How fucking hard is it for you to communicate with someone?! HUH? You didn't even give us a chance." I scoffed while she was in utter disbelief.

"I hope she makes you happy."

Before I could turn away she shouts, "W-Wait, cut the cameras. CUT IT NOW."

I turned around and noticed the crowd. Film cameras and literal mics hanging over my head. Everyone in absolute shock, including myself.

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me. You're—"

"Shooting a scene."

"A-And she's," I pointed to the girl next to her.

"My co-star."

At this point I wanted to dig myself underground. The embarrassment was too much when I started hearing the whispers behind me.

"I-I'm really sorry." I took off and ran, ran as fast as I could. The aching was there again but this time all over. The pain in my chest felt greater than getting punched in the gut. I was still running, not looking back on the faces that were probably judging me.

"TAEGAN WAIT!" I heard her shout.

Don't look back.

"TAEGAN PLEASE!" She called out again. Fuck, my legs were burning but my eyes were on fire. By the time she caught up to me I was sobbing, sniffling as I turned around to face her.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Huh?"

"Why Penelope? Why are you fucking with my mind like this? Why am I running back and forth to get to you?"

Penelope swallowed hard. She looked down before looking back up at me.

"I honestly don't know. I'm sorry for what I've done to you and I'm utterly ashamed for what I did." She took a step toward me. "If I knew my actions were hurting you like this I would have come to my senses a long time ago."

I flinched when her hand caressed my cheek. She leaned in and kissed the tears streaming down my face while the sun set behind us.

"No more running, okay? I'll carry you on my back if I have to because...I love you Tia."

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apologies 😭