———————————————

THIRD PERSON

Namjoon stumbled into his dorm, his eyes puffy with dark circles underneath and a splitting headache. He wasn't drunk but rather stressed out, more than he has ever been.

He was surprised that he didn't touch even one drop of alcohol. He went to not only three, but four parties in the last couple of hours. He thought maybe it would clear his mind and distract him but all it did was make it worse.

Namjoon couldn't get Joy's face out his head. Everything about her, from her attitude down to her smile. It was all imprinted into his mind.

He threw his jacket down and dragged his feet towards the balcony outside. He had just come in from outside, but he already felt like the walls around him were suffocating.

Namjoon opened the screen door and stepped out into the cool air. With no jacket, no socks, and the breeze hitting his face, he could finally be alone and think.

What was happening to his relationship?

Was it him? Was it Joy?

He couldn't deny the fact that he had let her down a few times, but she had her bad times, too. Why was she hanging around his best friend all the time? Why was his best friend smiling next to her?

No, he shouldn't be upset. She can be friends with other guys.

Just not Jungkook.

Why was Namjoon intimidated? He knew Joy loved him. She has never given him a reason to doubt her.

So why did he doubt?

The front door of the apartment opened and Namjoon turned to look. Even though he knew who it was, he frowned.

Jungkook awkwardly coughed before ignoring Namjoon's presence, and Namjoon opted to do the same.

At least for five seconds.

"Where were you?"

"Out." Jungkook took off his jacket.

"Out where?"

"Geez, are you my mom?"

Namjoon huffed, annoyed. "Just tell me where you were."

"You sure you're not going to blow up in my face again?"

His eyebrow twitched, "I can't promise that."

"You seem to be doing that a lot these days."

Namjoon turned around, giving himself a whiplash. "And somehow it's always you behind the reason why."

"Oh so I can't be friends with Joy because she's your girlfriend? She's just your person to own, now, isn't she?"

"I don't give a damn if you hang out with her, but twirling her around, hugging her tight, and giving her roses doesn't seem like a very friendly thing to do."

"It's called being kind."

"No, Jungkook! You're flirting with my girlfriend! And do you even know why?"

Jungkook froze there. Had he been unintentionally doing all these romantic things  for Joy? Or was he doing it on purpose?

Not even he knew, yet.

"Namjoon—"

Namjoon's phone began to buzz in his pocket. He took it out and his eyes went wide before immediately pressing the green button.

"Hey, um, are you busy?"

"No, no, not ever for you."

The other side of the line was silent for a few seconds.

"I think we need to talk." she said. Her voice was soft.

Namjoon continued to frown. He was sad, but maybe he had made her feel worse. "I'll be there in five minutes."

Without a goodbye, Joy hung up the other side of the line.

Namjoon looked up and Jungkook smiled softly, nodding.

"You're right, you know. Sometimes I don't even know my own feelings, and it creates a terrible person without me even knowing it."

Namjoon grabbed his jacket that lied on the floor and opened the door of his dorm. "Well, Jungkook, not even you are perfect."

***

JOY

A day out sounded good until everything I looked at reminded me of Namjoon. I felt terrible because half of the time Jungkook was talking to me about constellations, I was thinking about someone else. He must have noticed I was zoning out because we were only watching stars for twenty minutes.

Taegan had left the dorm earlier without a word to me and then texted me that her mother was in town. As much as I would love to see her mother, Taegan wouldn't want me there right now.

I sat on my couch, mentally creating a script inside my head so my words wouldn't get jumbled as I spoke. Even so, Namjoon could always leave me speechless, whether it was passionate kisses or cheesy pick-up lines.

Just as I got up to get a glass of water, a knock came to the door.

I went to open it and came face to face with Namjoon. He was wrapped in a puffy jacket, hands in his pockets and head holding a beanie. His cheeks were red from walking in the cold.

I moved aside to let him in and he slipped off his shoes before stepping further inside.

Neither of us could say a word. Even though it was only the night before that things had gone wrong, it felt as if it'd been a lifetime since we'd seen each other. We both knew that our relationship was struggling, and we both had no idea why.

I looked up at him, and he was staring down at me with his gentle brown eyes that usually glimmer when he's around me. Now they were wistful, yearning for me to say something. Anything.

I looked away from his gaze. "Can I get you something to dri—"

My words were stopped as Namjoon's arms pushed against my back, pulling me against his chest. He sucked in a breath before leaning his head on the top of mine. "Baby, I don't know what's happening to us."

I gulped down a bitter sob.

"It's terrifying what's happening because I love you," Namjoon continued. "I know I haven't been attentive lately, and I know that that's wrong of me. Yesterday was my fault and—"

I shook my head, slightly pushing away from his body and looking up at him. "No, it's not only you, and it was never only you. My family — my parents — don't understand that things can get too far. And I never should have asked you to cover your tattoos. They're important to you, and I should have understood that."

Namjoon smiled softly. "I understand that you were wanting the best for us, and that's why you asked me to do that. I shouldn't have blown up, and I should have understood that sooner. I also need to understand what's important to you. I should have been there to support you last night."

I slapped his chest, smiling. "Yeah, you should have." He stared down at me and I tilted my head. "Something still bothering you?"

He shook his head. "I just love you. So much." He pulled me close again. "I just want to show you how much."

Namjoon cupped my face and kissed me slow. His lips were cold on mine and his hand slowly moved back farther, threading through my hair. My hands, after moving throughout his chest, found their way to his collarbone and easily slipped off his big jacket to reveal his sleeve of tattoos.

I pulled away from his lips just to say, "Never cover those up."

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around my smaller body. "I won't have to tonight." He tapped my thigh, and I jumped slightly as his arms tightly held my body.

"We won't have to cover anything at all really." I laughed, finally feeling something besides sadness and regret. Namjoon kissed my neck, then my cheek, my jaw, my nose and finally stopped to look at me.

"I'll make this right. I promise."

He kissed me passionately while he carried me to my room. He was gentle, softer than clouds. I held onto him close, refusing to let him go. I could tell he was nervous from the way he asked, "Are you sure you're okay?" and kissed me.

I reminded him, "I'm fine, baby. As long as you're here I'm more than okay."

Then it happened.

I gasped and hid my face in his chest. It was painful and I wanted to do nothing more than to just cry. I sniffled, trying to suck back in these emotions I was feeling.

I didn't know if I was crying from the pain or the fact that he held me so close I could hear his heartbeat in the back of his chest.

Namjoon let out a heavy breath, "Tell me when you're comfortable, okay? We don't have to go further than this."

I swallowed back the pain and looked up at him. The shock in his eyes were because of the tears I had streaming down my cheeks. I cupped his face, "I'm fine," I pecked his lips. "Go ahead." I whispered.

Namjoon laid me down gently and intertwined our hands. "I love you." He said right before all the nerves in my body went wild. There were feelings I didn't know that were this intense and expressions I didn't know someone could make. It was all foreign to me.

Namjoon held me every step of the way, guiding me and constantly checking on me. Towards the end it got wild; sweat and sensual curses thrown out into the air. Our movements and kisses getting sloppy and before we knew it we were embracing the essence of it in each other's arms.

I was wide awake while Namjoon dozed off. I looked at him for the most part but I saw a part of myself in him. I kissed his nose and sighed finally deciding to sleep while this moment lasted.

————————————————

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨