standards: raised
hotel: trivago

song for this chapter: The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift

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JOY

I made it to the campus and didn't bother to run inside. The rain felt good on my skin; it blended in with the tears running down my face and distracted me from the thoughts running through my head.

I felt a chill down my spine and decided to finally get inside. I opted for the stairs and had a trail of wet footprints (I took those toe-sucking heels off).

My pride was the only thing keeping me from hiding away at the moment; that and the fact that I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically.

Not only does the entire theatre department know about my love life but my entire college experience is built on a lie; paid in full intention of bribery by my loving father. I didn't know what hurt the worse: the fact that they all knew or the fact that they were never going to tell me.

I got my keys out and got inside the dorm as quietly as I could. It was dark and I did my best to walk over to my room without the floors creaking. The last thing I wanted was to 'talk it out' with Taegan.

Lately it seemed like I was the one apologizing to everyone around me. Saying sorry for shit I didn't do or have control over; saying sorry for wanting anything. Who am I to even want anything since I have it already?

I have everything except faith.

"Joy? What are doing back so early?" I guess my steps weren't light enough but I stayed quiet.

"At least say something."

I sighed, "Goodnight."

I walked into my room unsure if I should cry and break down or sleep it off. I was unsure of everything up to this point. Wondering if I should give up on it all and listen to my parents.

What good would that even do?

***

JUNGKOOK

The dorm felt weird without Namjoon in it last night.

It's not like he always slept in the dorm, but he was never gone because of a fight between us. Truth be told we never had a real fight before. Of course we have had bickers about boxers lying around and cups of noodles not making it into the trash, but it was never words meant to offend each other until last night.

I tried not to think about everything. It was so much for my mind and I resorted to thinking about things I already knew like science and history. One thing I couldn't get out of my mind, though, was Joy.

I admit that this is probably the most selfish feeling I've ever had: slowly falling for my best friend's girlfriend.

I decided to sleep on it, but that didn't help because now I'm walking to class hoping the results for the scholarship would be out. It would give me a valid reason to speak to her and maybe take her out to celebrate?

No, Jungkook. You're causing enough trouble.

Maybe I should try to sleep again.

"And we're done. Get out of here." My professor shooed all of us students out with a wave of his hand. We were happy to leave just like he wanted us to.

Once I left the classroom, I found myself speed walking towards the end of the hall where new posters should have been hung on the bulletin board.

Obviously, the scholarship results were out. A mini crowd of people were surrounding the bulletin board, a few of them being people I watched perform last night. Most of them left with a somber face, giving me hope that Joy won.

I finally approached the sheet of paper, slowly reading down the page.

Scholarship Winner for the Paradise School of Fine Arts
Thank you to all those who chose to participate in the showcase. Congratulations to our scholarship winner:

JOY VALENTINE

Congratulations! For following details, visit the music department office
located in room 134340

"SHE WON!" I yelled as I threw my hands up. I turned to the person closest to me and grabbed onto their shoulders. "SHE WON!"

"Let go of me!" They threw my arms off but I didn't mind cause Joy won!

I ripped the sheet off of the bulletin board and started running towards the exit. I had to go tell her. I needed to tell her.

***

THIRD PERSON

Wrapped up in her sheets, Joy tried to sleep away the eerie feeling hovering over her. She was feeling everything bad at the moment and nothing could get her mind off of it.

The people she cared for most weren't there to comfort her with anything. For the first time in a long time, she was alone.

"This is so gross." She muffled and covered her head with her blanket.

Before she drifted off into her happy place, something banged against her door and then several knocks after it.

She didn't get up until she heard the energetic shout, "JOY VALENTINE! GET OUT HERE!"

Jungkook?

Joy jumped out of her ball of sadness and slipped on her bed slippers.

"JOY GET OUT HERE!" Jungkook knocked even louder this time.

"Oh my fucking—" She swung the door open. "What the hell is it nerd!?" Jungkook opened his mouth only for it to shut; the words choked up in the back of his throat when he saw a different side of Joy.

The messy hair and baby pink sweatsuit. Her eyes puffy (probably from the tears) and the sassy look she gave him.

"You've got twenty seconds."

"Oh. OH! I came to tell you that you won! You got the scholarship!"

Joy's eyes went wide before she started squealing and lunging at him. She hugged him tight while Jungkook took a step back before processing where to put his hands.

He hugged her back tightly and lifted her up slightly.

"Omgomgomgomg. I actually won something on my own! I have to tell Tia and—" She froze. Her words reminding her of the series of unfortunate arguments.

"What is it?" Jungkook asked and Joy took a step back. "Did something happen between you two?" His eyes staring intently towards her.

"I don't wanna think about it. Thanks for telling me." Joy turned around in a rush with her head down and closed the door. Before she could Jungkook stopped it with his leg, pushing is back a bit.

He was inside her dorm for the first time but didn't even notice since his focus was on her.

"Then we don't have to think about it. Let's go celebrate."

"We?"

"Yeah, the two of us. We don't have to worry about anything for the next—" he checked his watch, "5 hours. I wanna have you back here around a decent time."

Joy chuckled before a smile formed on her face. She didn't know what was cuter: the way he was so kind and considerate or the fact he looked like a kid wanting a new toy.

"Oh come on. You're too much of a brat to look all down and gloomy." Joy chuckled which made Jungkook feel somewhat relieved. Joy thought about it for a moment.

"Do you even have anything planned?" She asked and crossed her arms. Jungkook grinned, a smirk plastered on his face before stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Now what kind of guy friend would I be if I didn't?"

"Then count me in nerd." Jungkook jumped up with his fist in the air. Joy laughed at how childish he looked, completely forgetting her sadness a few moments ago.

"You won't regret it brat. Meet me at the library."

***

JOY

There was no dress code. No clue to where I may be going. No idea how we might be getting there. What we're going to eat, who's going to be there, what to say and what not to say.

Nothing but a nerd looking back and smiling at a brat who felt that the world was against her.

"You look comfortable and cute."

"This is literally what I wear everyday."

"Can you just take the compliment?" Jungkook sassed and I lightly pushed him. We were walking toward the parking lot after realizing the music department was closed. The nerd was upset though he didn't get to see the academic validation in person.

He cheered up extremely quickly though; almost rushing down the campus.

I wore a pair of white jeans and my favorite boots, a leather jacket to go with it and a wool shirt underneath.

Jungkook wore all black (his boots looked like he could kick my head off). Looking at him from this view, I didn't get to see all of his features. I shifted next to him and he looked down at me.

"You're excited too?"

"No, I'm freezing my ass off and don't want my legs to go numb." We both laughed as we made it to the exit and walked up to a parked car.

"You drive?" I asked highly skeptical of the nerd who struggled to get his keys from his pockets.

"Don't make me more nervous than I already am. Now get in."

I shrugged and raised my hands up and laughed at him after.

"WAIT! Don't get in yet!" I paused and he jogged over to my side.

"My lady," He opened the door for me. I was astonished, flattered even as I got in the car. What I wasn't expecting was for him to lean over me and grab my seatbelt.

He was so close to me.  I held my breath and his cologne flooded my senses. Backtrack; it wasn't even cologne.

"Are you wearing perfume?" I asked aloud and instantly regretted it. He buckled me in before looking directly at me. The only thing making space between us is his arm, one shift and our noses would be touching.

"I've always been sensitive to smells. Colognes are too strong for me but perfumes I can handle."

"You really are a weird kid." I said, still astonished by it and laughed a little. He rolled his eyes, "Piss off." He closed the door before walking around. I looked around the weirdly cleaned car and felt odd.

There wasn't any weird stains or rock music blasting from the speaker. Jungkook sat down and buckled up.

"What's her name?" I asked. He looked over at me with a weird look.

"Who?"

"The car, you bozo."

"You do know it's a car right?"

"And cars have names."

"Brand names." He chuckled at me and I felt disappointed. I guess I didn't know what I was expecting from his answer but I wanted something.

I sighed and decided to let it go. We drove off and he did have something planned. We were driving down to a field and the way my heart pounded was surreal. The closer we got the more excited I became.

"Are we playing a game!? Soccer? Paintball?" I turned toward him.

"Woah, hell no. There's a star show tonight and I was hoping we could get some good pictures from it."

"Oh. I mean—that's really nice but wouldn't the thought of shooting paint at each other be more fun?"

"I don't think you're dressed for it." Jungkook parked before turning off the ignition. I pointed behind me, "I could just change into your clothes."

Jungkook looked over at me, "Are you okay? If you wanted to just stay home Joy we can always go back—"

"No that's not it. It's just—"

You're not him.

"I just really wanna celebrate the right way. Go big or go home you know?" I didn't even mean for it to come out sad but it did. I faced forward and looked down at my feet. Looking at Jungkook would only make the guilt worse.

He wasn't him.

I felt like a half of me was missing, the thrill of my life felt empty and I was back to the same routine.

"If you wanted to go crazy, you could have said so. There's a rage room a couple minutes away from here." The car was back on and I was out of my thoughts.

"Sounds like something could go wrong. Let's do it."

We both laughed while he pulled out of the field parking lot and we were back on the road again. It didn't occur to me how empty I felt until I was out of my own bubble.

I didn't want to be around anyone right now. Being outside wasn't helping either, especially being next to his best friend. I didn't want to be rude and say no but I didn't want this.

I didn't want to break all the glass in the rage room. Didn't want to eat all that food and have Jungkook pay. I didn't want Jungkook to walk me back (as kind as it was).

I just wanted the loud car drive and tattoos. The corny pickup lines and sexual innuendos.

I wanted to walk in late to class with his scent and eyes all on me.

I wanted to kiss and makeup and cry in the rain. Even if it meant sobbing and feeling like shit

I wanted him.

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here take some tissues 🧻