no because i don't think you guys understand how heartbroken we are - shay
song for this chapter — HALF HEARTED - We Three
That's Us - Anson Seabra
So Close - John McLaughlin (makes me cry the most🥲🥲)

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THIRD-PERSON

Namjoon found himself downing beer bottles. One, two, three. He wasn't drunk. Yet.

Was he trying to get drunk? He wasn't sure. He had just found himself there, asking for another, then another.

How was it that this family owned a whole bar within their house? Along with their own bartenders? It was beyond his brain capacity to imagine these sorts of things in his daily life.

He was still finishing his third bottle when a familiar woman appeared to him.

"Are you enjoying yourself?"

Namjoon turned to Isabella with a blank stare.

"Where's my daughter?"

"She's with some blond haired suitor who thinks he's all that." Namjoon looked away, taking another sip of his drink.

"No wonder I haven't heard a thing from Jimin; he usually comes to say hi." Isabella leaned against the counter, as if the conversation was going to last any longer.

Namjoon stayed silent.

"They had always gravitated towards each other; I should have known." Isabella side-eyed the outsider beside her. "They were the cutest when they were younger, those two. Practically inseparable."

Namjoon gulped, trying his best to ignore the woman. He knew she was trying to get a negative response out of him. It frightened him that her tactic could possibly work.

"Jimin was always adamant on staying with her," Isabella continued, a smile now visible on her face. "That was until Joy had gotten into the university. They agreed on waiting for her to finish school."

Namjoon set his bottle down and faced Isabella. "Is there something you're trying to tell me here? Because I'm not going to sit around listening to your blabber."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, please excuse yourself. I assure you that if I receive no respect, then I will give none. What is it that you're trying to accomplish with your words here?"

"Young man, that is no way to speak to your host."

"Oh but I'm sure it is ay-okay to speak to your guest the way you are with me. Since this is your party, your house, and your suffocating friends, I guess you can just walk all over the less fortunate!" Namjoon shoved his beer bottle off the table, causing it to splatter glass across the floor. People shrieked at the sudden noise, but Namjoon continued to speak. "All because I have this damn ink on my body and can't offer your daughter a stable company to co-own."

"Yes," She stood tall. "That is why. You can't give her anything that will better her life, and so I want you to leave. You don't belong here, therefore I need to make sure you leave my daughter alone. You're not right for her, you bring no benefit, and we will not be associated with you."

Namjoon scoffed, looked around, then raised his hands in defense. "Lucky for you I'm done."

He began to walk off, ignoring the whispers of the higher and mightier people he passed. He didn't want it to get to him, but it did.

Isabella was right. He had been telling himself the same thing all night long. He didn't fit in here. He hated the fake-ness of their smiles and the dull taste of their drinks. Every corner he turned looked the same and every wall he bumped into had a new pattern.

Until he bumped into someone.

"Namjoon, buddy! I've been wondering where you were." Jimin pat the taller man on the arm.

Namjoon could see through his facade in an instant, rolling his eyes and looking at Joy. His heart sank when he saw her smile. Seeing her after what had happened; he knew what was coming next.

Her smile was soft as she moved towards him, looping her arm in his. "You okay?"

Before Jimin could add a comment, Namjoon began to walk away, dragging Joy along with him.

He passed corners and walked up the stairs. Through hallways and pass people till he finally made it to Joy's bedroom. Letting go of her, he walked further into it, taking a seat on her bed.

"You know you could have asked me for directions." Joy joked, walking near him. She sat down beside him, placing her chin on his shoulder. "What's on your mind?"

"Joy." Namjoon let out a shaky breath as if he wasn't sure how much longer he could speak before breaking down.

"Woah," Joy lifted her head. "Did something happen while I was gone? Is it the food? Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I know sometimes it's a little exotic, but I can grab some medicine, and you can rest in here if you'd like—"

"So that you can parade your party without me? Speaking to all your high-class friends who have known you way longer and therefore are better than me? No thanks."

"What are you talking about?"

"Joy, in case you didn't notice, you left me for a few hours. Not a few minutes, a few hours." Namjoon turned around to face her.

"Oh my gosh, I wasn't keeping track of time. People just kept speaking to me and stopping me for a drink and Jimin—"

"Your ex."

"He's not my ex."

"Your mom said so."

"You were speaking to my mom?" Joy shook quickly her head in disbelief.

"She was speaking to me." Namjoon looked down. "Joy, I'm starting to wonder if this is right."

She froze, "If what is right?"

"Don't you think there's a reason why people kept pulling you to talk and why I was left to sit and wait?"

"No, no, that was all my fault. There's no reason except for that I forgot and—"

Namjoon's lip slightly lifted to one side. "That's right, princess," He looked her in the eye and shrugged. "You forgot."

"No that's not what I meant either, I just — God, Namjoon, I just got busy. I was coming back to get you, I swear."

He shook his head. "I think I've known this for awhile."

"No." Joy began to shake her head, slowly first but it quickly became rapid. Her voice cracked. "No, you don't mean that." Her shaking hand found it's way to his cheek, rubbing it as if she needed to reassure herself he was still there.

He pushed his head forward, stopping when he felt her warm forehead on his.

"Namjoon, whatever my mom said she's just trying to get under your skin." She continued to rub her thumb on his cheek, breaths staggered. "She wants to make you believe what isn't true."

"But it is, baby," Namjoon gently pulled her hand off her cheek and held it between both of his. "I'm not right for you."

Tears fell down her cheek now, and Namjoon felt his chest pang at the sight of her crying because of him.

"No, no, no." Joy placed her arms around him, her huffing making it difficult for her to speak. "You can't ... you can't. You are right for me. We can leave this place right now. Please. Please." She gently touched her lips to his, not wanting to push it but needing to show a sign of her affections.

Namjoon kissed her once. "Princess."

She shook her head.

"Princess." He put her arms down. "Kissing me isn't going to make this situation go away. You have to let me go."

"You don't mean that." Joy reached for his hand. "Don't leave me." Her heart was breaking and her eyes were glossy from tears. Her stare was full of adoration and grief all at once. She was waiting, yearning for a single word.

When she didn't receive anything she stood up, frowning. With a shake of her head, she accepted it.

"Fine. Leave."

"Joy," Namjoon said softly, pleading with her to not do it like this. Perhaps it was his fault it ended this way.

She pulled him by the arm so that he would stand up too. "Go on, then! Leave!" Tears dripped from her eyes and down to her jawline once again. "See if I care!"

She pushed him by the chest towards the door. Her unbelief of the situation being communicated in anger. "Leave! I don't want to see you!"

He began to cry, droplets of water flowing down his cheek as she continued to shout. He wrapped his arms around her, knowing both of them were breaking.

"I have to... I have to leave. For you. Don't you see? I'm doing this for you!"

She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "We fight so much. I mess up and then you mess up. We're not meant to stay together. Don't you see that, Joy?"

She sobbed into his chest. No reply but tears. She shoved him away, covering her face with a hand. "Namjoon, please go. Please leave."

She was pleading now, and he could understand where it was coming from because he felt the same way. If he didn't go at this very moment, they would be cooped in this room all night. But for some reason, he couldn't.

"Just leave. Please." She opened her door for him.

"Joy."

"Leave, Namjoon!" She pushed him out, shutting the door. Falling to the ground, she pulled her knees against her chest, crying into her own arms and inside her own embrace.

Namjoon didn't stand outside her door for long; he knew he had to get away or else he'd run right back to her. Into her warm arms, kiss her small lips, touch her soft body.

He quickly found his way out the back door and to his car. With his hands shaking as it touched the wheel, he knew he couldn't drive in this state.

He had left his precious love to be broken on her own. Even though it was for her good, he couldn't help his yearning to run back to her and wipe her tears and reassure her that she was all he ever needed because she was.

But he didn't belong there. She needed someone better. He needed someone better.
Perhaps they were both meant for somebody new.

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i am utterly broken
-jeonshesus