it's an update :)

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JUNGKOOK

This entire lunch date was awkward and passive aggressive. We went to a diner close by (or rather Ezra dragged me here after her outburst). I didn't order anything, but she practically ordered everything, stress eating like she used to. I know her well enough to know that she's upset and refusing to tell me. That's just how she is.

Back when we were younger it was much worse. Ezra had an eating disorder that was unacceptable in her household. She would eat to feel better and throw up to satisfy her family's needs. We were both stuck in a toxic household but with different coping mechanisms.

Sometimes I wish I would have done some things differently back then.

"Ezra." I whispered at first while she chugged her drink down to help with the handful of fries she just stuffed down her throat.

"Ezra, slow down." I said a little louder this time and she shot me a glare before pausing. I was in uncharted territory but that didn't stop me from wanting to help my friend (someone I was also in love with but kinda confused at the moment).

"You're going to choke."

"Mmggg." She grumbled like a cave woman and reached for her cheeseburger. I pulled it away from her and she gave me these crazy eyes. I gulped, thinking if confronting her was really worth the hassle over a cheeseburger.

"Look, I'll do the bare minimum and pay for all of this but you have to at least talk to me. I don't speak caveman." I sighed while she sunk into her seat. She wiped her mouth and hands off with a napkin.

"I-I'm—" She paused. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to you being around other girls, half naked at that, or even looking at a girl other than me."

"Sounds like jealousy to me."

Ezra sighed and shrugged, "Maybe it is? Maybe it's not? I don't know how I'm feeling right now but I do feel that it's weird some girl Namjoon is dating saw you half naked. Hell, I've known you longer—"

"Which gives you all the right reasons not to worry." As disgusting as I found it, I held her sticky hand in mine and smiled when she blushed. "You're still the only girl I'm not awkward around or what you like to call 'in love with'." I rolled my eyes while the smile on her face grew, fighting the urge to smile as well.

"You know it's true. You looooveee me." Ezra leaned in closer and it was hard not to ignore the ketchup stain around her lips.

"Pfttt, like that would ever happen." I rested my elbows in the table perching closer.

"You know it's true." She was moving in closer and I was panicking, somewhat losing my shit because I never got over the first kiss. Not because it was amazing but because I still don't like it. Kissing her with ketchup lips would only be worse.

I gulped, quickly clearing my throat and sitting back in my seat. I avoided all eye contact from her but got a quick glance at the disappointment on her face.

"Uhm—So, are you okay now?"

"Positive."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, just simply positive. Peachy perfect. I don't see any reason why I should be anything other than perfect..." Ezra was ranting. Going off about something that I zoned out the minute I looked outside. My eyes were glued to it, something so pure yet simply forgotten it made you love it even more.

The main reason why I joined SWAN academy wasn't because of it's academics but because of the magnificent views you got on campus. The fall colors of the leaves made the sunset seem ten times as beautiful. The way the sun kissed the branches of the trees and lit up the sky with pink water colors and clouds that hazed a yellow and orange canvas. I couldn't stop looking at it, standing to my feet and rushing outside, not even listening to Ezra shouting my name.

The minute I stepped outside the wind blew against my hair and swayed perfectly over my clothing. I always carried a small disposable camera with me wherever I went. I needed to save this moment, not wasting a second more to take pictures of it.

This was my coping mechanism.

Saving pictures that were worth more than a thousand words.

"You were always a sucker for sunsets." I jolted, turning around me to see Ezra with her mouth and hands properly cleaned up. The breeze blew beneath her hair and made it flow behind her like flames.

"Well they were always there for me, you know."

"Oh I know all too well." She chuckled dryly. There was this momentary pause between us, our eyes locked and it was there. It was right there. That subtle kick in my gut that made me want to hug her so close that she might just suffocate. Ezra walked toward me and stood next to me, looking straight ahead.

"You know I got jealous sometimes." She finally spoke.

"Of the sunsets?" I asked and she nodded shyly.

"Why?" I wished I never asked that from the way her face somewhat froze up. This was new to me, to see her blushing instead of pushing and punching me around.

"Because I always wondered," she looked toward me.

"Would he ever look at me that way someday?"

***

JOY

I didn't get to drive back with Namjoon because he had soccer practice earlier than expected. Part of me knew that my boyfriend was amazingly good at the sport but the other part of me was questioning if I really knew my boyfriend. The point of all those dates was to get to know the other person, their little hidden traits, pet peeves, maybe a secret or two.

But now I'm wondering if I should have brought a clip board and pen with me.

Ugh, I never liked being confused in relationships. I wanted this more than anything and the minute I got it some road block had to crash my happy train.

"You're not his only girl."

That girl's voice was stuck in my head. Over and over again, repeating the same thing, making me forget how happy I was in that moment I kissed him. Now the only thing I can feel is anxiety and my best friend dragging me across town.

"Where the hell are we going?" I asked with little to no energy. I was too upset to object against Taegan leaving her job early to try and cheer me up. As much as I liked the gesture, I didn't want my issues stopping her from working.

"You ask too many questions." She said while I walked behind her, zooming past people in the central market and nearly tripping over her own feet.

"Questions were made to be asked."

"Answers are optional, that's why they always gave us four. Now hush and close your eyes." She came to an abrupt stop. She turned around with a smile, her natural curls getting in her face.

"Close em'." She demanded and I went along with it. She held my hand tightly as we walked into a store, a bell going off the minute we walked in. I got chills from the air conditioner right by the door, rubbing my arm and stopping when I felt Taegan stop as well.

"Don't peak." She said and let go of my hand. I stayed frozen for a while until she finally came back.

"Now please don't go missing after I give you this. I want you to use these when you're feeling all the feels, okay?"

I shrugged, "Okay."

"Okay, you can open your eyes now."

I blinked a few times before opening my eyes. The moment I opened them it felt like my heart expanded, twice the size and felt too big for my chest.

It was a music shop and the bowed instrument my friend was holding had been my safe haven for years. The violin, also the hardest instrument I've ever had to play and grew up loving. It's my dad's favorite, which made it the only reason why I loved playing it.

"Taegan..." I said stunned, almost tearing up while she practically shoved the violin into my hands. I haven't touched one in so long I got chills; remembering the hours I spent playing it, so much so I got blisters.

I looked around the shop to find a decent space to play. There was a specific part of the room that was centered like a stage. I made my way over and took a deep breath. I pressed the bow ever so gently against the four simple strings and then it happened.

The minor and major keys that you almost break your neck playing, the ring in your ears, the frequency almost never sounding the same the more you play it. Even simple songs turn into a beautiful symphony that'll have you smiling for days.

I was playing something I had originally wrote when I was younger. This was the only song I ever performed in front of my mom, a song that she had actually loved. She never liked the fact that I was gifted, always favoring my brother over me. Yet, I still craved for her attention and with this song I finally got it.

"That was beautiful, sweetie."

I still get chills every time I play it. I didn't even realize the small crowd around me until I finished the song with a smile on my face.

I placed the violin against the wall and skipped over to my best friend.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"

"All the time." She blew me a kiss and I lightly pushed her away from me. "Where did you even find this place?" I asked, looking at all the instruments that filled up the room.

"Kurt's dad owns the shop so I asked for a double shift in exchange for a week to play any instrument. He said just as along as we—"

"THANKYOUTHANKYOUUUU!" I tackled her, not knowing my own strength and almost making us fall. We laughed because we almost tipped over the drums and brushed ourselves off before standing up.

"I don't know what I would do without you." I said, genuinely meaning that if I didn't meet this little dare devil, I would be so lost. She may be a pain in the ass but she's the only person that's made me feel like myself. Not the rich, spoiled brat with mommy issues. She makes me feel like the real Joy.

"Maybe cut your own bangs."

"IT WAS ONE TIME."

"Alright coconut head."

Before I could say anything back my phone vibrates and I pull it out my back pocket.

It was Namjoon.

Joonie <3
be ready at 5 Friday night
there's some people i want you to meet :)

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i totally forgot to add an end message
hiiii