16th November

"How was practice?" I hear someone ask as the passenger seat door opens.

"Dull. Boring," I shrug, looking up from my phone to see Roman. Of course, it was today of all days that he is late. "How was the debate team meeting?"

"The usual," he says. "We had a guy try to prove that Martians are not a myth."

"Interesting," I remark drily. I start the car and start on our way home.

"Didn't Adrian show up today?"

"Why would I know that?" I ask sarcastically.

"He makes it hard for others to forget his presence."

"I don't know," I fib.

"You said that practice was dull, so I'm guessing he didn't come."

"As I said, I don't know."

We both know that's a lie.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

17th November

"Can you for once make a right pass?!" I yell in frustration, kicking the ground.

"I did. You missed it," Adrian says calmly.

"If it were a well-passed shot I wouldn't have missed it, would I have?" I raise a defiant eyebrow.

"Fine. I'm sorry." 

"Sorry doesn't cut it," I snap crabbily.

"I don't know what else to say, Ela."

Tears sting my eyes at the familiar nickname. Bittersweet feelings swell in my chest. I've missed it dearly but hearing it hurts even more.

"Don't call me that!" I bite. "My name is Eleanor."

"Are we seriously talking about this?" He sighs.

"Shut the fuck up."

I stomp to the bleachers and Jordan follows me in a cautious silence. Coach Reed couldn't make it today. We are practicing on our own. And now I am leaving. Without Coach mediating between Adrian and I, we were having a hard time staying civil.

Mostly me.

"Eleanor."

I ignore him and gather my things. 

"Ela, don't ignore me."

"What?!" I snap in a hoarse voice. I hate how weak that comes out.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"I know. I heard you. You can go now."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Fuck you."

"Ellie," Jordan whispers sympathetically. I shoot her a sharp look and she sighs.

"What-" he begins.

"I hate you," I cut him off. "Just go away."

His face contorts once but he nods as if he understands and goes away.

"That was harsh," Jordan says.

"That was the cold, bitter truth," I say. A tear escapes my eye and I wipe it off.

"Then why are you crying?" She asks knowingly.

"I am on my period. Now leave me alone, please." I speed walk to the parking lot. She doesn't follow me. She knows I need my space. I want to drive home but wait in the car while Roman finishes his debate team meeting.

Sometime while waiting, my mind wanders back to all those years back when Adrian and I were on good terms. My heart aches, my lips stretch into a smile, and my eyes water. We had some really good times. 

I break down into sobs. I miss him so much. I wish he didn't do what he did. I do. I wish I could forgive him but I just can't. I want him back, but I can't help but push him away. I miss calling him and talking about our day. I miss playing together. I miss being friendly. I miss our jokes. I miss how comfortable I was with him. I miss how he knew me the best.

I just miss him.

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