Will there ever come a day where I could meet your eyes without my insecurities dragging me down?

01.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her. That was how it was even from the first time he laid his eyes on a girl named Louise.

At the very beginning, it was physical attraction. Nothing of the dirty sort. More of how the color of her hair always caught his eye. It might be similar to Peter's, a dash of gold like the sun, but at the same time different. Peter's was already tainted with a few dark strands here and there. Louise's, was pure. There was not even a faint sight of another color.

Next, his attention would be drawn to her eyes, the color of thriving grass. They screamed of Spring. He wouldn't have noticed them if he always lost to fear and never met her eyes. He found himself lucky that the one time he did find the courage to do so, it was when she was bathed under the sun's light. The golden rays illuminated her eyes, mesmerizing him. Now, he would always be reminded of the thawing snow and the first bud of Spring that served as a sign of Aslan's return back when he was held captive by the White Witch.

Because of those physical attributes the girl possessed, he always found himself unknowingly staring at her. 

From that, he noticed many other things too. 

He began to see how Louise liked to keep her hair down so they would serve as curtains, a wall of some kind between her and the people around her. Sometimes, he'd make an excuse to pick something he purposely dropped to the floor just to see her face. However, she always had her head slightly bent down, furthering the cover of her hair.

He also saw how her cheeks would be tinted red when she was complimented or when she did something she probably found embarrassing. Sometimes he'd find her sitting in a daze and the moment she snapped out of it, her cheeks would then burst into a flurry of red. The first time he saw it happen, back when they were young, he remembered laughing at her because she looked like a clown. He still did curse himself for doing that because he now found it endearing.

Edmund could go on and on, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to know Louise herself, but it was hard. He didn't know how to approach her. All the more that they started off on the wrong foot, with him bullying her back then and all.

He tried. Oh, he really did, but trying was also never enough. What was trying when, in the end, he always made a fool of himself? So, he settled with admiring her.

Edmund made sure no one noticed, it would obviously plant some ideas in their heads. However, at times, even Edmund himself couldn't notice that he was already staring at her. It kept him up at night wondering how long he stared, if she noticed and how much of a creep he was.

Time passed on and his hope, in at least being her friend, grew smaller. That was when he noticed something. Edmund noticed that Louise was holding back.

Peter would tell the girls a joke with much energy and a laugh would break out from all of them, except for Louise. Well, a laugh would almost escape her mouth, but she would immediately shut it back in.

Within their family, Lucy always ran around, attacking people with her hugs and she occasionally gave Louise one of her bear hugs. Louise was always happy to respond, but as if something dawned to her, she would only wrap her arms loosely around Lucy.

He lost hope in ever talking with the girl, apart from small talks such as 'The weather's pretty dreary' or greetings such as 'hello' and 'goodbye'. Until one night that started as any other where his siblings invited her over for dinner. Louise was hesitant, but after sever convincing and tons of Lucy's begging look, the girl gave in.

It started like always, the other siblings chatted away with her about the updated news going on in their lives and how a stray cat liked to lounge on the roof. Still, Louise replied with short, simple words. When the dinner ended, Lucy was asked to clean up while Susan helped with the dishes, leaving Edmund with Peter and Louise.

Peter continued to chatter away as if he urged her to open up. Slowly, her answers became a sentence and her head began to rise. The edges of her lips stretched to a smile that grew the more she spoke with Peter. Edmund, on the other hand, sat there across the table unsure of what to do. That was until Peter faced him and beckoned him to talk to Louise. 

"It isn't hard, Ed, just talk," was what Peter said.

Not hard my face. Edmund's hands grew cold as he stared at his brother. If it wasn't hard he'd already be chattering away as the others did. Swallowing his saliva, he ever so slowly turned to meet Louise's eyes and found hers already looking back.

Talk? It was more of a stare off between the two with Peter spectating the awkward situation. Edmund made a note to deal with his idiot of a brother that continuously had an endless supply of confidence and such.

Well, setting aside all doubts, this was a chance. Her attention was already on him, all he needed to do was speak. He parted his lips to speak but found no words to say. All the little confidence he had built up came tumbling down.

"Ah...um, where - how," Edmund stuttered before squeezing his eyes shut to escape the wary stare of the girl.

Quietly, he stood up and went out to their yard, not bothering to look back despite Peter's calls. He sat on the steps right out their door and the wave of disappointment and hopelessness struck him altogether. He pursed lips as he stared down at his two hands clasped together. 

Negative thoughts swarmed his head that he became too engrossed in them to notice a figure gently open the door and stand behind him.

"Desserts?" a light, gentle voice spoke up.

Edmund flinched, twirling around to find the source of his worries. Standing there with a plate of biscuits was Louise. Flabbergasted, he didn't say anything but gape at her.

With the lack of answer, Louise bit her lip and averted her eyes to the ground, a bit unsure of what to do with the surprise clear on Edmund's face. Hesitantly, she sat down beside him and still kept her gaze down. Meaning to break the heavy silence they were in, she turned to meet his eyes but he quickly turned away.

It stayed that way for a while, no one talking. Edmund, having an internal battle of what to do next, decided to say something - anything. He opened his mouth when a loud thud was heard and a cat came falling off the roof and on to Louise's head. She yelped as it struggled to get away, scratching her on the process. Edmund grabbed on the plate, sending the biscuits flying, and was about to whack the cat when it jumped off.

That happened in a matter of seconds, leaving the two in a state of shock with their eyes wide open and their mouth gaped as they watched the cat scurry of. Edmund quickly turned to Louise whose face had scratches. 

He panicked and was about to speak when Louise turned to the biscuits on the floor and apologized for dropping them. How could she think of the biscuits when she had scratches all over her face?

"Louise," Edmund called her attention, "stop apologizing, the biscuits are nothing but the scratches on you definitely are something."

He pulled her off the ground and dragged her back in the house while calling his family. The moment they saw her they immediately scattered looking for the first aid kit.

After doing so, Louise told them that she had to go home by then. Another thing to surprise Edmund's day? His mother requested that he walk her home.

It was silent and awkward at first, neither one saying a word, until the cat topic was brought up. As they walked, the conversation evolved from the cat to the awkward stare off at dinner. Though it ended when she arrived home, it was much easier to continue the next time they met.

As they talked and talked, their conversation reached different topics and Edmund noticed new things. Ever so slowly, Louise raised her head and talked to him at eye level. Her eyes met his more than ever instead of turning away. She began tucking her hair behind her ears, revealing her eyes that brightened up when they talked. The most he couldn't help but notice was the sweet smile growing on her face.

However, she still held back at times.

Edmund knew right then, that from here on, he was going to make sure that she'd never feel that way ever again.