CW: Sexual harassment

It is a truth universally acknowledged that two club members with the initials "GP" must be in want of a relationship. However little known this was to Greg Parsons and Gina Ping upon entering Heller the second year of the club, this truth was so well-fixed in the minds of the club members that they may as well have been the club's property. And being the far-too-bright young minds they were, it took them only a few weeks to put the pieces together.

The distinct feeling that everyone in the club was cheering for their success in a different sense did not prevent Greg and Gina from becoming friends, and club officials were correct in appraising their many commonalities: they both were avid language learners, each speaking at least five with fluency; in their spare time, they practiced martial arts, played chess, and read the classics. These facts were lost on the club, with nobody else thinking to ask themselves if freshmen were capable of independent thought. Even going into their second year, beyond their Alpha ranking it was as if they didn't exist as anything but their names; once Behrooz asked Gina where she had learned to speak such fluent Farsi, but he had become so inured to unusual talents that he saw no need to inquire further.

During their mandatory Labor Day team-building activities, Greg and Gina stepped to the side to gossip; while this behavior would have been unfathomable for any other Alphas, since everyone thought this behavior would lead to love they permitted it.

"I don't even know why we're doing this on a holiday," Greg complained. "We're already a team. This is just pageantry, like everything else in this club."

"I know, right? It's so stupid. Look at everyone else trying so hard to fit in: we have Harry Potter and little Daisy Buchanan partying it up over there, Allison with all her cheer buddies, Madeline clearly being forced against her will to be here. We're supposed to be the best of the best, but look at us. We're so shallow."

"The irony is that everyone else is probably having the same conversation we're having, wondering why everyone else is so shallow and why they aren't the ones in charge. Well, that's life. OK, act happy—Juliet's walking over." In a flash their resting frowns turned to smiles, and Greg and Gina turned toward Juliet simultaneously.

"How are my two favorite sophomores doing?" Juliet purred.

"We're having a blast," Gina said. "And it's all thanks to your visionary leadership. Team-building on a holiday? Only an inspired genius could have thought of that. I could be at home reading Peter Singer or practicing my cello, but I've realized this is so much more rewarding—it's like Heller is my second home. I'd spend all my life here if I could."

"I, uh, agree," Greg added.

"I'll leave you two to it," Juliet said, and walked away after giving them a knowing smirk. Greg turned to Gina:

"There's no way she doesn't know we're pulling her leg."

"Juliet's the most gullible person I've ever met. She believes us. We can be as sarcastic with her as we want and she'll take it."

"How did someone like her end up being vice president anyway? There are so many better choices out there."

"Frank's probably horny," Gina quipped, looking at Greg for confirmation that this was how teenage boys thought.

"Fair enough."

A few weeks later, after a club meeting, Juliet approached them again:

"Hey, my two favorite sophomores! So," she continued without waiting for a greeting, "we have the homecoming dance coming up, and since I know you two are such good friends, I was wondering if you could do a routine there. Frank and I are doing the tango, so maybe you two could learn the paso doble or something, I don't know, flashy. Just dress nicely, we don't want any sluts on stage, Gina."

Juliet walked away officiously, and Greg and Gina turned to each other, both rapidly reevaluating the decisions they'd made to come to that point.

"She did not..." Greg began.

"Oh she did," Gina said. "That little senator, I'd sucker-punch her if I could get away with it. Juliet Wong, vice president and model good person, everyone."

"So are we doing this or not?"

"Do we have a choice?"

"I guess so. There's a place down in Palo Alto that does lessons. This will be a fun one to explain to my parents."

"Your parents are nice, they won't mind. My parents, yikes. Is there anywhere closer we could go?"

"I have a theory," Greg said. "Let's stop by Mr. T's room after school."

"Juliet conscripted you two to do a routine at homecoming? She really thinks you two would make a good couple," Mr. T laughed. "But that's no issue. Ms. Baldwin and I are already giving people lessons, we can work you in."

"Not that I'm questioning your generosity or anything, but why are you two volunteering so much to help us out?" Gina asked.

"Well, as it turns out, we get paid 50% above the going rate for private lessons by the school—and by proxy the club, and if we do this it means we don't have to volunteer at the sports games. So when you look at it that way, this isn't a bad way to spend a few evenings—heck, you don't have to show up, as long as we can log the hours. So the paso doble, she said?"

"She did. Isn't that, like, one of the harder ones?"

"Are you questioning our teaching ability? It's very dramatic—you'll have a lot of fun, and the audience will love it. Ballroom dancing is a great way to keep fit, you know, it's not just about it looking sensual—God, why am I having this conversation with high schoolers?"

"You and me both, Mr. T."

"Well, we'll give you choreography, Gina, with lots of kicks and that sort of thing—Ms. Baldwin can help find you an outfit, but, uh, how conforming to good person principles do you two want to dress?"

"Well, Juliet told Gina not to be a slut, so how about 'conservative but nice?'" Greg offered, and Mr. T winced.

"So I take it wearing something that shows your bare chest is out, Greg. We'll make do. Does Thursday evening work?"

"Works for me," Greg said, and Gina concurred.

"I'll see you two then. And let me just say that as much as we're all tempted to roll our eyes at this sort of needless spectacle, it really is formative—I sure know I wasn't having this much fun in high school. You get out what you put in, and I hope you're able to take pride in your routine without letting the unique circumstances bother you."

Greg and Gina, like Frank and Juliet (besides Mr. T and Ms. Baldwin performing the Viennese waltz, nobody else was brave enough to perform a choreographed routine), delivered a stunning performance: roused to anger by Juliet's errant remark, Greg and Gina had conspired with their choreographers to deliver the most risque performance that couldn't be said to be against the morality code, and they ended their routine lips a few inches apart. Once during practice Greg's grip had slipped and contact had been made, which they found hilarious and swore never to mention again. In that moment, or any time during their practice or final performance when their hands and chests were too close, they had never felt anything other than that perhaps ballroom dancing would be a fun new hobby. And, in Gina's mind, that made them even better people.

A few weeks earlier, their practice session was right before Frank and Juliet's, and while Greg had to get home for dinner, Gina stuck around for a bit before calling her parents (as it turned out, her parents encouraged this activity with the argument it would get her a boyfriend in college, logic she begrudgingly accepted as long as it let her proceed unimpeded) to watch Frank and Juliet practice. They were surprisingly good—Gina always expected that Juliet and especially Frank were more talk than action, but their sheer willpower and fear of failure manifested in excellent performance, with all their steps in sync and a physical connection that didn't feel forced. Most of all, they were enjoying themselves: they laughed, still with ironclad focus; while "Por Una Cabeza" played, one could even believe they were in love. Frank did a poor job of maintaining this once the music stopped, naturally, but for a few minutes it was a convincing act. So at the end of the day, it was what they put in that counted—Gina hated the club and all it stood for, but she resolved in that moment to take the high road.

Ms. Baldwin ran into her in the hallway the following day, still all smiles at seeing one of her favorite dance students.

"Gina, do you think that Juliet is always trying to put you and Greg together in activities because she sees herself and Frank in you two?"

"So just because I'm also Chinese and Greg's also white she's doing it? And, like, she tries to set up all the club members with each other. She keeps calling Daisy 'mini-me' despite their looking nothing alike, and I don't know why everyone else says they do. Honestly, you might be right. Living vicariously through us. I joke Daisy is a younger version of Daisy Buchanan, and sometimes I wonder if the name alone gave Juliet the idea. They're both blond, innocent, and the benefactors of great familial wealth—it tracks."

"But don't you forget, Daisy Buchanan's a feminist."

"That's one take."

"That point aside, I didn't realize until I got to know you two better how much method there may be in Juliet's madness. Just like there's a more feminist reading of Daisy, I think you may be giving Juliet too little agency in assessing what her role in all this is. Maybe she wanted you two to also do a routine so she wouldn't feel self-conscious being alone with Frank on stage. I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but as someone who's set up more students than you'd ever know, it's something to keep in mind."

The school bell rang, and Ms. Baldwin waved to Gina and walked back to her classroom. So this was the high road, being an accessory in someone's self-actualization arc. Could be worse.

Discussion Questions:

How To Be A Good Person paints a very dismal picture of "model human beings," like the chapter title; do you think Greg and Gina fit the manifesto's definition of textbook good people? What irony is there in their initials?

Do you think Mr. T and Ms. Baldwin are crossing a line in being too involved in their students' activities? How is this different from previous times when the question has come up?

Ms. Baldwin says "But don't you forget, Daisy Buchanan's a feminist," defending Juliet's behavior. Do you think this is a valid defense of Juliet's actions so far? Do you agree that other characters have been assigning Juliet too little agency?