Each step on the stairs to the roof felt like treading in mud. My hands gripped tighter against the railing, and I forced myself upward. No matter how much I hated confrontation, this was something I had to do. I had already dug a hole for myself, what was the difference if I dug a little deeper?

I opened the door with a slight squeak, and was met with a gust of wind to the face. We were pretty high up.

"Jesse?" I croaked, catching eye of her silhouette immediately. She sat still, back facing towards me, legs dangling dangerously over the edge.

"You," she gave a sour laugh, not bothering to turn, "are on a roll. Might as well push me off now while you're at it."

I took a few steps forward, slowly, as if going in closer would make her do something irrational.

"I...I was only trying to help you-"

"And you want some thanks for that?" Her tone was dry, harsh.

"Yeah, maybe." The words left before I could process. She grunted in return.

"You don't get it. People like you don't get it. Playing hero." She said the last two words as if it tasted bitter in her mouth. "All for attention and ego."

"That wasn't why I wanted to help," I argued, forcing to keep my voice steady. "Look, I worked things out with Principal Stone. He said none of us would be punished, and you won't be expelled-"

"What?" For some reason, it made me stop. She said it although firm, shakily. Surprised... scared? "Why did you..."

She finally turned around to face me, swinging her legs over to stand. Her eyes met mine, and for a few moments we stood there, silent.

But there was something about her gaze, something different.

"Why did you have to go and ruin everything Booke?" Jesse cried in a desperate shout, eyes glossy, almost on the verge of tears. Her confident, snark attitude was broken, even if only a little. It hit something in my chest. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Jesse-"

"I wanted to be expelled."

She...what?

And that's when the gears clicked into place. Everything fell together. Every action, every word, everything Jesse had done finally made sense. Why she was pulling all these pranks, bullying, insulting people. Making it too obvious. Getting caught. Being reckless.

But...why? What was her motive? Her drive?

I was still, unable to move, unable to process.

"You get it now?" She asked, suddenly clenching her teeth as if to hold back some emotion. "I never wanted your help, and I never needed it either."

"But why?" I felt breathless, staring in bewilderment. "Why would you-?"

"I have my reasons." She said this as if to dismiss me, but I wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't going to play coward today. "Can you just go? You've already ruined everything."

Ruined everything. Again? Of course. It was never my intention, but it always turned out this way. I hated it.

Part of me wanted to leave, to let Jesse grieve in silence, to let myself hurt alone. Just a simple misunderstanding. That's what lead to all of this, right?

I stared at her, the anger nonexistent now, replaced with a longing, a deep stinging pain I couldn't quite figure out. I stopped for a moment, sighed, and turned back to leave, my footsteps heavy on the ground. Maybe I would play coward today.

*"*"*"*"*"*"*

Jesse POV

*"*"*"*"*"*"*

I didn't think he would actually leave. So when the door to the rooftop shut behind him, I was nothing but surprised.

I shook my head, pushing away the thought. Why was I disappointed? I was the one who wanted him to leave anyway, so why was it bothering me? Stop being stupid.

I groaned and buried my face in my hands, shaky breath muffled against my skin. God dammit.

Everything was ruined. All because of him-that Booke-no. No, it was my fault from the very beginning, just as it always was. I rubbed my temples, head throbbing from overthinking. Why was it that everything was so complicated?

My eyes trailed dimly to the edge of the roof, stories above the ground. A nasty thought popped into my head.

How much do I have to lose?

Not much, it seemed, not much at all.

So, if I jumped, right now, it wouldn't make that much of a difference, right?

My lip trembled, and I swallowed nervously.

At least, then I'd be with you, right Mom?

I stared up into the morning sky reluctantly. I felt so tired, so exhausted. Of trying. Of living. Of me.

All this anger bottled up inside me, I spat it out just to be empty.

What's the point in life if I was just trying to wreck everything?

And what in the world was I going to do now?

Creak

I turned, maybe a bit too quickly. It was him, again, except this time he held a piece of paper within his fingers, ink visible from the other side.

"Don't worry," he exclaimed, scratching the back of his head, "I won't be here for long."

I didn't say anything, letting him come closer. I changed my view to the calming sight below us, beyond the school. To the world where our arms couldn't reach.

"I really-" he started, trying to find the right words, "-I really didn't mean for all this to happen. I didn't mean to start anything, or get mixed up with this kind of stuff. It kinda just..."

Happened? Yeah, it did.

"I know you probably hate me right now."

Hate. I don't know if it was hate.

"And I know I'm probably the last person you want to see or talk to, but I really want to help you. From the bottom of my heart, no strings attached."

Help, why do you want to help me? After what I've done?

"It'll be your decision of course," he added promptly, "I won't persist any longer if you don't want it.

"But if you would just consider..." he placed the paper near me, "starting over."

Starting...over?

"Meet me here tomorrow. If not, I won't be a bother anymore. I'll be but a bystander in your life."

"But if you do, well..." A smile met his lips. A smile. It lit up his face like the sun. And it was so genuine, so pure, untainted. Despite all this, he could still bring himself to feel happy. How? I felt the slightest bit of envy. "I hope we can be friends, Jesse Lynn."

Booke, I'll say one thing.

You never fail to surprise me.

This has got to be my favorite chapter that I have written so far. Honestly, I've been wanting to write this scene ever since I began this book. It was literally SO satisfying.

I'm trying to practice and improve on writing complex personalities and situations, so ye

Also, I'm happy to announce that for a little while, this story is going to have weekly updates :) that means no random once a month updates lolol (I'm still super sorry for that ahaha). I'll update once every week on Tuesday, or whatever day it is for you lol. I don't know how long that'll last, but I want to try it out.

Hope you guys enjoyed, I'll see you guys next week!