A young boy stood there amid the darkness with a throbbing headache, desperate to escape. Escape the frenzy of voices in his head.

The boy clenched his teeth and bent down with his head buried in his knees. Broken sentences echoed around him, criticizing every move he made, every breath he took.

"Shut up, SHUT UP!!!" The boy shouted in a desperate attempt to make the voices go away.

A childish voice rang out, "look at you, such a weakling, such a loner! Even after all these years you cling onto people, hoping they'd spare a glance at you!"

Another voice spoke, "don't you remember what happened the last time you clung onto someone? They left you! All alone Hahahhahaha!!" the voice laughed.

"How pitiful, you fully devote yourself to them yet they never care about you as much as you care about them. You're simply not good enough, hasn't everyone made that clear?" Yet another voice mocked.

The boy wailed with a hoarse voice, "I-I I'll do my best, it doesn't matter if they don't look at me, seeing them happy is enough for me..."

A flurry of voices broke out in unbridled laughter. "Don't lie boy! We all know deep inside you hope one day they would care. You're too scared to say it to them, you're merely delaying the inevitable!"

"Just watch as they trample all over your feelings!!"

...

The Russian slowly lifted his eyelashes, the sunlight slowly pouring into the room. "Tch, the same dream again." He spoke, clearly annoyed. He seemed accustomed to it.

Russia rolled out of bed and got ready, 'another troublesome day..' he thought to himself before leaving his already tidied up room.

The door to the room next to his also opened, a male shorter than him stepped out. This lifted the Russian's spirit a little.

"Good morning America," Russia smiled and walked up to the American.

America returned a gentle smile, "Good morning!" He beamed. Russia could hear his heart pounding and speeding up a little.

America pulled at the Russian's sleeve, leading him towards a group of people. America had difficult walking properly so he limped his way there, this made the Russian's eyebrows furrow.

Shooting for today was about to start.

"Good morning everyone today we'll be doing some teamwork physical activity, firstly we-" the host's voice trailed off and blurred in the background.

Russia was not paying attention, he simply stated at the shorter male next to him. America had a grin on his face, nothing seemed to perturb him at all.

The Russian lifted his gaze after awhile and let out a soft sigh.

After the teams were chosen they all poured out of their living quarters into the grassy plains. Russia didn't bother paying attention to what they were actually supposed to do, luckily the host allowed them to choose their own teammates so naturally Russia was with America, Germany, Poland and China.

Russia glanced at the 5 buckets filled to the brim with water on the grass. Germany tapped his shoulder and whispered, "just transport the buckets over there."

The Russian nodded, as soon as the whistle sounded all five of them heaved up the buckets of water. When Russia picked it up he noticed it was quite heavy.

He immediately glanced at America who struggled to pick up the bucket. The tricolored country's heart ached and hands trembled a little causing a few drops of water to spill out.

The other three on their team were already walking off while America was still adjusting the bucket around his arms. Eventually he started walking slowly, step by step with great caution.

Russia purposely walked on the same pace he did, paying close attention to each step he took. His heart felt heavier than the bucket in his hand.

Unfortunately America couldn't handle the sheer pain this physical activity gave him, he toppled over and fell. The water spilt all over, causing him to get a little wet.

Russia immediately dropped his bucket and rushed over to help. America lightly pushed him away, "I'm fine." He said with a genuine smile with no traces of malice.

"How pitiful, not being able to do a simple task like this." Another actor sneered at America. The American ignored their words and was already getting up.

On the other hand Russia looked like he wanted to decapitate that person right there.

"Let's continue, you can go ahead first, I'll go refill the water."

Russia let out a soft sigh, "mhm.." he said before leaving.

For the rest of the day Russia merely watched as they went from activity to activity and watched as America did his very best to not hold the team back.

'If I can't help the team win at least I'll try not holding them back' America internally thought with a nonchalant tone.

...

That night America couldn't sleep, his leg throbbed every time he attempted to close his eyes.

"I bet there's gonna be even more hate comments on this one." He sighed. Awhile of tossing and turning later he decided to go watch the scenery outside or something.

Being in this place was already suffocating enough.

America wandered around for quite some time before finding a small grassy plain next to a lake. He saw another figure sitting there watching the sky.

"Russia what are you doing here?" America beamed excitedly as he plopped down next to him on the grass.

This startled the Russian but he calmed down after a second, "Couldn't sleep so I came here." Russia finally spoke.

"Heh, same here."

America smiled, "the stars are pretty aren't they?"

"I guess." Russia replied.

A moment of silence passed before Russia opened his mouth again, "why do you let everyone use you like that, you know they're using you for your reputation so why?"

The Russian furrowed his eyebrows, this question had been eating him up ever since the first day.

America answered after a few second of deep thought, "...I've already given up my career in all honestly, I knew very well that if I ever came back everyone would take advantage of me but I came back anyways, acting was my dream, I loved to tell stories about how cool it was to act when I was little. Without acting I felt empty so I came back despite knowing what would happen. I guess you could say I brought this on myself."

"I no longer have the heart to trust someone or to open up and I don't think I ever will, relying on someone is even more out of the question. So I don't know why you're still so persistent, stop trying to be friends with me. I can't bare to even trust myself and I doubt I'll be able to trust anyone anymore. Please don't chase after a lost cause like me." America added with a bittersweet smile.

America bathed in moonlight, his different blue eyes especially bright. He let out a soft chuckle.

'Why are you so undisturbed by all of this? Why don't you stick up for yourself? Why do you let everyone trample all over you? Why do you let everyone wrong you of something you didn't do?-' Intrusive thoughts flooded through the Russian's head.

"..."

'Why even when saying those hurtful words towards yourself... do you still look so beautiful and happy, even softly chuckling to yourself....'

Russia wished he could say something, mutter out anything. But in the end he knew that America was so much stronger than he was, and that he had absolutely no right to say things like 'I'll help you or I don't think you're a lost cause'

He had no right... not after what he asked America on that day.

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Um so this chapter also features Russia's thoughts and basically some things that happen in his point of view. Hope y'all understand him more now

Notes : 1 spell check