¤ You There
Aquilo ↲

You there, you're better off here
You there, you're better off here
Funny it takes no time to fall back down
Funny it takes the time to get back up

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"This car is so fancy. No wonder my brother likes you."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that," Taehyung said to Juyeon, who was fiddling with all the buttons on his car's dashboard.

The radio turned on, soft music filling the small space of the car. "Lighten up, TaeTae. It's a joke. We all know the real reason Kookie likes you."

Taehyung laughed, curious to hear her perspective. "Alright, then. What's the real reason? Is it because of my smile? Or maybe my eyes?"

"It's nothing superficial, Tae," Juyeon tutted, almost like she expected him to know better. "It's because you're a good person. You care about him and me, Mom and even Dad. He's never had someone like that and you make him really smiley all the time. But it doesn't hurt that you're hot, I guess."

Taehyung smiled softly at her assessment, happy to have the approval of Jungkook's sister. "That was sweet. Do you know why I like your brother?"

"Because of me, obviously."

"Obviously," he agreed with a smile, nodding his head along to the music. "You are one smart person, Juyeon."

The ride to the doctor's office went by quickly, even though it was almost an hour away from the Jeons' house. It was so easy talking with Juyeon, as she always had some sort of commentary to add to any topic. And Taehyung loved spending this one on one time with her, too. He truly saw her as more than his boyfriend's little sister.

Taehyung saw Juyeon as a friend.

They were maybe fifteen minutes away from the doctor, singing along to songs on the radio at the top of their lungs, when Taehyung reached out and lowered the volume.

"Rude," Juyeon said, already moving to turn it back up.

"Hey, stop!" Taehyung laughed, swatting her hand away while trying to keep his eyes on the road. "Am I going to have to put you in the backseat on the way back to your house?"

She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest in irritation. "I'm not some child, you know."

No, Juyeon proved time and time again that she was more mature and aware than a child.

"I just wanted to ask you about your appointment," he explained, setting both hands back on the wheel. He flipped down the sun visor as the early afternoon sun streamed into his line of sight. "What typically happens?"

"It's a pretty routine thing. Taking my vitals. Blood work. Making sure Kookie's kidney isn't crapping out on me. You know, that sort of thing. I usually don't have these appointments too often, but since my last infection, I have to go in more than before."

Taehyung hummed in acknowledgement as he switched lanes. When he checked the right mirror, he caught a glimpse of Juyeon's face, which was looking rather glum. It was uncharacteristic.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, glancing between her and the road.

She quickly caught his gaze, shaking her head and smoothing her features with a smile. "Me? Nope. There's nothing to be nervous about. This is an easy check up, and besides, I'm healthier than ever. Don't worry about me, TaeTae. Worry about what you're going to do sitting in the waiting room for an hour."

Taehyung looked her way again. "You don't want me to come in with you?"

"You can't come into the examination room with me. No boys allowed," she giggled, seeming like a preteen girl who was afraid of catching cooties. "It doesn't even matter that you're into dicks and not chicks."

A weird coughing noise got caught in his throat as he attempted to regain his composure. "Excuse me, what did you just . . . ? Wait. You know what . . . No. Don't even clarify."

She laughed mischievously, turning in her seat to look at him. "Your face is really red. Are you shy talking about this stuff? Mom says we should be comfortable talking about sex. She says it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed," Taehyung confirmed, cheeks hot and burning. "But this isn't something I want to talk about with you."

"Why not? You can't convince me that you and my brother aren't doing it. I'm not stupid," Juyeon said, her tone slightly offended.

Before Taehyung had to explain why he didn't want to talk about his and Jungkook's sex life with her, they luckily arrived at their destination. He pulled into the parking lot and found a spot near the front. Juyeon hopped out of the car, directing Taehyung to the correct entrance.

"Oh, look!" She exclaimed, hunching over and walking as if her lower back was in pain. "I'm just like Kookie!"

Taehyung could only gape at her as they walked inside, unable to properly lecture her on respect for privacy and the need for boundaries at the moment.

And even though he was slightly mortified, he could still find the situation funny. He'd have to tell Jungkook about how his sister definitely noticed his inability to walk properly after their weekend together.

As they headed further into the building, Taehyung briefly thought over the romantic lunch date Jungkook took him on at the rapid testing clinic yesterday. Jungkook and Taehyung were each tested separately, obviously, yet reported a similar experience: urine tests and swabs going up places they didn't want to think about. But it was all worth it to find out they were both disease free. Since they were monogamous, it was suggested that they get tested annually to make sure there were no changes. Jungkook and Taehyung agreed, however, to be on the safer side and get tested more frequently than that.

They hadn't yet put their new freedom to practice, though they would soon enough. Taehyung was sure of that.

Juyeon led the way through the labyrinth that was the medical building, sending them down halls and up elevators. It was almost unnerving how well she could navigate, but Taehyung knew how frequently she'd come here over the last couple of years. A few minutes later and they reached a pediatric wing, where Juyeon confidently strode in with a purpose.

Taehyung took a seat in one of those small, uncomfortable chairs, waiting for Juyeon as she checked in. There were a few families in the room, all mostly keeping to themselves. A young boy, maybe five or six years old, kept staring at him, so Taehyung waved at him with a friendly smile.

"Alright," Juyeon said, plopping down next to him and pulling out a cell phone, "they should call me in a few minutes."

"Kids are getting phones earlier and earlier these days," Taehyung remarked, studying her smartphone which had a purple glitter case on it. "Do you have webtoons on there or something?"

She held out her phone, showing a text she just sent to Jiho. "I'm being responsible and letting Mom know we got here safely."

They talked and joked for a little while longer, until a nurse called out Juyeon's name. The nurse walked over, wearing a fond smile aimed at the girl.

"Hey, Juyeon. Ready to go?" She asked, holding a clipboard in her hands.

Juyeon got up and nodded, throwing a grin over her shoulder. "Yup. My brother is going to stay here, though."

Taehyung went to correct her, calling out her name in warning, but she was already walking away with the nurse.

It wasn't that he minded her calling him her brother. In fact, Taehyung did view Juyeon that way and loved the bond they shared. However, there was a time and a place. And a doctor's office probably wasn't the best place.

He fiddled around on his phone for a while, texting Jin, reading webtoons, and then looking up nearby ice cream shops to take Juyeon on their drive back. Hopefully Jiho wouldn't mind too much.

Almost an hour or so later, he was on the ground, sitting at one of the play areas designated for young children. There were a couple of kids playing with toys, and with permission from their parents, he started entertaining them. Growing up and even recently, there weren't too many opportunities to interact with little kids. But he always thought they were adorable and was having a surprising amount of fun now.

He was helping a girl with pigtails complete a puzzle when his name was called out. Turning, he saw a woman dressed in a white lab coat, a stethoscope slung around her neck. He quickly scrambled up off the ground and approached.

"Taehyung?" She confirmed, voice even and steady. "I'm Doctor Cho. Please come with me."

Taehyung followed, confused as to what the doctor could possibly want with him. She led them down a hallway flanked by examination rooms and to a brightly lit office.

"Please have a seat," she intoned, moving her hand in a sweeping gesture at a chair.

The door clicked shut as soon as Taehyung sat, and he warily watched Doctor Cho as she rounded her desk. Her expression gave nothing away as she appraised him for a moment, searching for what, Taehyung didn't know.

"As Juyeon's brother, I need to ask you a few questions," she finally voiced, breaking the silence of the room.

"Doctor, I'm -"

She held up a hand, silencing him. "Tell me, how has Juyeon's attitude been at home?"

Taehyung hadn't spent every night at the Jeons', though he was there quite a bit the last couple of weeks. "She's been happy and energetic from what I've seen. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"And she's been taking her medication?"

He could picture that orange bottle clearly in his mind, and from what he could remember, she took the pills with all of her major meals. "As far as I know, yes."

Doctor Cho consulted her notes, scanning some charts and documents before looking back up at Taehyung. "She's given no indication of illness? Lethargy or fever, perhaps?"

Juyeon had seemed fine all the times he spent with her, though he couldn't confirm those questions confidently. "I really can't say for sure. I think it'd be best if you ask her mother about these things."

"I tried giving Jiho a call, though she didn't answer. And truthfully, we need to work fast. Juyeon doesn't have a lot of time."

Taehyung's stomach dropped, his limbs becoming painfully heavy. "What?"

"She's dying, Taehyung."

Dying.

Dying?

Juyeon was dying?

"What do you mean she's dying?"

The doctor folded her hands in front of her, deftly fiddling with a pen. "Our tests have shown she has another infection and that her transplant hasn't been functioning as needed. I don't want to assume, but I believe she's been declining for a couple of weeks now, though doing her best to hide her symptoms."

This was all a lot to take in and Taehyung feared he wasn't processing this information quickly enough. He also didn't know the right questions to ask or the steps to take. He wasn't prepared for any of this.

And instead of trying to think rationally, all his mind focused on was that beautiful little girl. The strong girl who asked Taehyung not to pity her. The curious and slightly intrusive girl who inevitably helped him and Jungkook get together. The sweet and loving girl who was more family to him then his actual family.

And then he thought of the Jeons. Of Jiho and Jaewoo who broke their backs trying to give her the best life possible. Of Jungkook, who temporarily set aside his dreams for the needs of her and his family. This would destroy them.

"So what can we do?" Taehyung finally asked, swallowing the lump in his throat. "What are our options?"

"She can go on the waitlist for another transplant, though there's no telling how long that would take. The only other option that would improve her condition is dialysis. She'd need to start treatment within the next seventy two hours to circumvent her organs shutting down."

"I . . . I can't make that call. I need to talk to Juyeon's parents tonight," he said at last, trying to scramble together a plan. "Can you write all this down or something? Or can Jiho give you a call later?"

Doctor Cho arranged a few papers in front of her, organizing them into a neat stack before presenting them to Taehyung. "Everything is all here. Have Jiho call me in the morning."

Taehyung took hold of the papers, clutching them tight in his grip. How was he supposed to do this? How was he expected to tell the Jeons that their daughter was dying, with days to live?

The woman stood, an apologetic expression coloring her features. "Alright, Taehyung, that's it -"

"Wait," he interrupted, standing up as well. "How much does Juyeon know?"

"She knows full well the severity of her condition. Juyeon is a smart girl. Now, what her motives were for not speaking up, I don't know. Again, I don't want to assume."

Taehyung nodded, almost in a daze as he was escorted out of the office and back into the waiting room. He sat back down in one of those uncomfortable chairs, elbows on his knees as he stared off into space.

He didn't know what to do.

Juyeon came bouncing out of a set of doors ten or so minutes later, a smile on her face and seemingly unaware that Taehyung knew what was going on. She pulled him up and out of the chair, babbling on about the friendly nurses and doctors. She proudly showed off where she had blood taken, peeling back a bandaid so Taehyung could see the purple bruise forming.

And while he attempted to remain engaged by nodding his head and keeping his eyes alert, his mind was focused elsewhere. He scanned over her features, looking for signs of fatigue or distress or anything. How could he be so blind? How did he not realize?

They got into the car, Taehyung gripping the steering wheel tight as he let the engine warm up.

"TaeTae?" Juyeon asked, turning in her seat to look at him. "You don't look so good."

No, he supposed he didn't. But he didn't want to have this conversation with her in the car. So instead, he pulled up his navigation app and plugged in the ice cream shop he found.

Handing it to her, he said, "Direct me using my phone, okay? We're going to go get some ice cream."

Juyeon cheered in excitement, looking at the phone studiously and beginning the navigation. The shop was about halfway between the doctor's office and her house, so Juyeon chattered away as they headed over. All along, Taehyung tried to plan out what he was going to say to her, but it wasn't going too well.

He wasn't a big brother. He wasn't trained on how to do these sorts of things.

Finally, they arrived, and Juyeon wasted no time in running up to the counter. Taehyung let her order whatever she wanted - three scoops of caramel fudge ice cream with extra fudge - and got a small cup of strawberry for himself. Since the weather was nice out, they were able to sit at an empty picnic table and overlook some scenic views.

Taehyung wished Jungkook was here so he could see the landscape and capture it all. He also wished the younger was here so he didn't have to do this alone.

"Hey, let me take a picture of you with your ice cream," Taehyung said to Juyeon, pulling out his phone. "Your brother is going to be jealous he missed this."

Juyeon smiled and held out her treat, resulting in a really cute picture. Taehyung immediately sent it out to Jungkook, captioning it I wish you were here.

Once Juyeon finished her dessert - in record time, he might add - Taehyung set his elbows on the table and looked at her. It took a couple of moments for her to realize she was being observed, so Taehyung patiently waited until he had her attention.

"What?" She said when she finally realized she was being stared at.

"You know you're my favorite girl, right?"

Juyeon smiled widely, resting her own elbows on the old picnic table. "Duh."

Taehyung had to chuckle at that. "Good. Well, I hope you know that in order to be my favorite girl, you have to follow some very simple rules. Okay?"

"What rules?"

"First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself," Taehyung said pointedly, nodding his head in her direction.

Juyeon's face dropped, her youthful smile replaced by a look of surprising gravity and maturity.

He continued, taking a breath. "If you're not feeling well, you need to tell people that. You don't have to suffer in silence."

"They told you?" She asked, sounding both shocked and disinterested at once.

"You told them I was your brother," he reminded her gently. "They thought I was family . . . Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell anyone that you weren't feeling good?"

"You're not dying so you wouldn't get it," Juyeon said softly, but not without feeling. "You don't know how it feels to watch your family be so sad all the time. Or how it feels to watch them slave away, trying to do anything possible to save me or to make me more comfortable. To watch them plaster on smiles and say how everything will be okay, just to see them cry when they think I'm not looking. You don't know what that feels like, Tae. And you don't know how it feels to be incurably sick."

"But if you go on dialysis -"

"Dialysis may save my body, but it will kill who I am. It will kill my spirit. I don't want to be hooked up to a machine . . . I can't be. That's not me, Tae. I can't live that life." Juyeon's eyes were somber, holding a lot of sadness but also a lot of determination.

This was something she settled on a while ago.

"So what? Your plan was to pretend to be okay, to act as normal as possible before you suddenly just died? Is that it?" Taehyung knew he was being harsh, but he couldn't stop the burn of emotion overcoming him. He couldn't even see clearly through the tears that blurred his vision.

"You're probably thinking I'm selfish, that doing this is going to destroy my family," she said, reading Taehyung's thoughts clearly. "But I'd rather know that their last memories of me were happy ones. That's how I want them to remember me - their fun and loving daughter and sister. But if I go back on dialysis, all they'll see is my empty shell."

Taehyung shook his head, the action causing tears to stream down his cheeks. "But you could get another transplant. Dialysis is just until you're able to find a donor."

"People die waiting for donors, Tae. If Kookie wasn't a match, I probably would've waited for years."

"And why can't you wait?" He begged, his voice getting thick as his tears threatened to consume him. "Please, Juyeon. There are more options than this."

But she didn't appear to be listening as she smiled to herself, drifting off to some place less complicated. "The timing of everything worked out so perfectly. Dad's going to be home and we'll have a few more days together as a happy family. All five of us . . . that includes you, Tae. And then when it happens, he can be around for a few more days afterwards."

"Juyeon, stop. You can't think like that. You need to stay positive," Taehyung tried reasoning with her, practically pleading for her to understand his side.

"And I know you'll take really good care of Kookie. I know you'll continue to make him happy. He's going to need you when I'm gone, but having you will help," she added, that serene smile still on her face.

"Stop talking like you're going anywhere. You're not." He was starting to get frantic as he realized nothing was getting through to her. "You're going to grow up and get older, live your life to its absolute fullest."

It absolutely crushed him that Juyeon thought this was her only option. That she didn't see a future for herself.

Juyeon looked at him again, her eyes soft and gentle as she took in his tear streaked face. "They'll be okay, Tae."

"But what about me? You'd be leaving me and I love you, too."

With that Taehyung broke down fully, burrowing his head in his hands as the weight of everything overcame him. He cried for Juyeon, Jungkook, the Jeons, and himself. None of this was fair. This beautiful little girl didn't deserve this.

A pair of lightweight arms encircled his waist as Juyeon sat down next to him. She squeezed him hard, surprisingly strong for how small she was in comparison to Taehyung.

"I love you, too, Tae," Juyeon whispered fiercely, leaning her head against his ribs. "And I want you to know I really do think of you like a brother. So I'm asking you, please don't tell my parents."

Taehyung could never promise that to her; it wasn't his place to keep this information to himself. The entire Jeon family had to find out tonight.

"I'm a minor, Tae," Juyeon continued, nuzzling into him more. "My parents decide what happens to me. They will put me back on dialysis. And I'd rather move on from this world and onto the next before that happens."

Taehyung picked his head up, rubbing at his eyes so he could clearly see. "Juyeon . . ."

"Don't tell my family. Please, Tae, that's all I'm asking you." Her eyes were big and sparkling, reminding Taehyung so much of Jungkook.

"I can't promise that," he replied, watching her face fall.

Tears began watering in her eyes, threatening to leak out. "I'll tell them, I swear."

With a shaky hand, he smoothed back her hair and tucked it behind her ear. "I can't know that you will."

Juyeon's tears finally fell free from the confines of her eyes as she realized her family would learn of her fate tonight. She clung to Taehyung tighter, her trembling body shaking his own. He wrapped his own arms around her and held her until all of her tears had run dry.

"I don't want them to know. I don't want to see them sad," she rasped against him, fingers clinging to his shirt.

Taehyung ran a soothing hand up and down her back, trying to console her as much as possible. "But that's what family is for, Juyeon. When things get hard, they're your people. They want to support you and love you. And they will. Your parents, your brother, and I will."

"Is your family like that?"

A soft laugh left his mouth as he shook his head, resting his chin on top of her head. "Sadly, no. But that's okay. I've found people who support me and love me. When you're not born with that kind of family, you make your own."

Juyeon wiped her nose in his shirt, though he didn't particularly mind at the moment. "Did Kook become your family?"

"Yeah, he did," Taehyung smiled, "and you have, too."

They stayed at the picnic table for a little while longer, taking comfort in each other's presence but otherwise lost in their own thoughts. Taehyung still didn't know how to tell the Jeons. There would be no easy way.

This was supposed to be a fun and happy night, where he could meet Jungkook's dad and see the Jeon family all together. But now, this first meeting would be forever tainted by this terrible news.

Life never worked out how you planned, it appeared.

Shortly after, they got back in the car to finish the drive back. Juyeon put the radio on, though they didn't sing like they did earlier in the day.

Around thirty minutes later, they arrived at the Jeon house, pulling in behind Jungkook's and Jiho's cars. Both Taehyung and Juyeon sat in the car for a couple of moments, staring ahead at the front door. It seemed neither wanted to go inside.

"Don't tell them right away," Juyeon spoke out, her soft voice piercing the silence. "Tell them after dinner, after I go to bed. I don't want to see their faces when you let them know."

"Okay," Taehyung said, finally making a promise he could keep.

Juyeon took a deep breath, reaching out for the door handle.

"You are the bravest person I know," he said to her, patting her shoulder tenderly. "Please don't give up your strength."

She opened the door with a sad smile. "Funny thing is . . . I never did."

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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《

I knew this scene was coming for a while, yet I still wasn't prepared to write it.

I know many readers potentially have sick loved ones - either with similar conditions to Juyeon's or otherwise. I've been through this myself, with losing multiple people I love to terminal illness. I've been in Tae's shoes and I've seen the points of views from people like Juyeon. There is never an easy answer when someone wants to stop treatment . . . It is a decision we never want people to have to make.

For anyone going through something similar, please know my thoughts and love are with you all. Borahae, always.