25
¤ Stone
Jaymes Young ↲
So give me all your pain
And love will set you free
Give me all your shame
Put all your weight on me
And I'll be the stone that you need me to be
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Jungkook woke before Taehyung, finding that they were in essentially the same position as when they fell asleep.
While it was still early - the clock hadn't even hit six in the morning yet - he needed to make some necessary preparations for the day. Slipping out of bed, he found his phone and texted Namjoon. He rarely used any sick days and had accumulated quite a few, so he let his boss know he wasn't coming in. Then, just to cover all his bases, he let his mother know how to reach him if need be.
There was no way in hell he was leaving Taehyung's side today.
After his messages were sent, he rejoined Taehyung and carefully hugged him into his chest. His heart still hurt so much for the boy and he knew that was nothing compared to what Taehyung was feeling. And although Jungkook couldn't do anything to erase the past, he could give everything he had to help Taehyung heal.
To know he was safe and valued and important.
He tucked his head against Taehyung's, closing his eyes once more and falling back asleep.
Some time later, Jungkook awoke to gentle fingers carding through his hair. Upon opening his eyes, he found himself on Taehyung's bare chest, practically drooling all over his skin. The elder was half-propped up against the headboard, tenderly looking down at him. Jungkook wiped at his mouth and turned over, using Taehyung's stomach as a pillow.
"Hi," Jungkook said softly, his hand reaching up to tuck some of Taehyung's hair behind his ear. "Did you sleep okay?"
Taehyung smiled down at him. "Because of you, yeah."
Jungkook smiled in return, happy to see the familiar light in the elder's eyes. It made him warm, like Taehyung's joy was the sun beaming down over his body and heart. He only hoped he made him feel that way, too.
"You're going to be late for work," the elder pointed out, sweeping more hair off Jungkook's forehead. "We should get up."
Jungkook took hold of Taehyung's free hand, interlinking their fingers before kissing his knuckles. "We're going to stay in bed today, Tae. Order food, watch movies. That sort of thing."
A familiar spark flashed in the elder's eyes. "Netflix and chill?"
"You know Netflix and chill doesn't actually mean Netflix and chill, right?"
Taehyung smiled wide again, hand tracing the edges of Jungkook's lips. "I know . . . Kook?"
He pursed his lips against Taehyung's fingers, giving them a small kiss.
"You don't have to stay with me today if you don't want to."
"Why wouldn't I want to hang out with my boyfriend all day?" Jungkook said, carefully lifting off the elder and facing him eye to eye. "I want to be here with you, Tae."
"Okay," Taehyung said as he gripped the back of Jungkook's neck, sighing dramatically and mischievously. "I guess I can tolerate you for a few more hours."
Jungkook let his head be pulled closer to his, smirking the whole time. "You guess you can tolerate me? Wow, I've never felt so appreciated or respected before."
Taehyung winked playfully, then attempted to close the distance between them. But Jungkook moved his head at the last moment, causing the elder to kiss his cheek instead.
"Just kiss me already," Taehyung huffed, trying to move forward again.
"Ask nicely, baby," Jungkook taunted, overjoyed they were being goofy and flirtatious right now. He knew they needed to talk about last night, but he'd wait until Taehyung was ready to bring that up. Until then, he vowed to focus on making his boyfriend as happy as possible.
Taehyung brought his other hand up to Jungkook's head, his grip tightening. "No."
And Taehyung pulled Jungkook's mouth to his own, kissing him slowly and lightly like he had all the time in the world. In this kiss, Jungkook felt everything Taehyung wasn't currently saying - thank you for being there for me. So he answered back, moving his lips against the elder's so he knew he'd always be by his side.
They broke apart for air, resting their foreheads against each other's. Sun was beginning to stream in through a gap in Taehyung's curtains, painting them both in gold. And they sat like that for a while, enjoying the simple act of being together. It was more than enough for Jungkook.
The next few hours passed quickly, with the two boys making a light breakfast and enjoying it in bed. They watched a movie before lunch, then found the takeout menus and ordered enough food to last until dinner. And while they talked most of the time, there were also periods of quiet and reflection where they simply held each other. Jungkook was lost enough in his own thoughts during those moments, thinking of Taehyung and trying to prepare for what was to come.
They'd finished a second movie and were currently cuddling in Taehyung's bed once more. Jungkook, who was still just wearing his boxers, had Taehyung nestled between his legs. His arms were wrapped around the elder's stomach, thumbs caressing the skin of his abdomen. He made sure to keep these touches gentle and demure, wanting to get Taehyung more comfortable with his hands on him.
But oddly enough, it didn't seem like his hands burdened Taehyung at all. On the contrary, the elder kept putting Jungkook's hands on his skin, asking to constantly be touched.
It was almost as if Jungkook's touch soothed Taehyung.
The elder was tracing patterns up and over Jungkook's tattoos, the sensation bringing goosebumps to the younger's skin. Taehyung rested his head against his shoulder, seemingly distracted by his exploration.
"I was eleven when it began," Taehyung said out of nowhere, immediately drawing Jungkook's attention. "She was one of my nannies."
Every one of Jungkook's senses targeted Taehyung. His eyes locked on the elder, his hold tightened on his stomach, and his ears honed into every syllable that was spoken. And in his chest, his heart was beating wildly, thumping right against Taehyung's back.
"Tae, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he said softly, his voice slightly shaking. "But if you do, I'm here to listen. Whatever you need, I'm here."
"I want to tell you," Taehyung whispered, tilting his head back to look at Jungkook. "Outside of my family, you're the first person I ever wanted to open up to . . . I think I need to talk about it."
Jungkook nodded, pressing a soft kiss on his head.
"She started working for my family right after my eleventh birthday. At first, she was fine. Quiet and let me do whatever I wanted. But then she began an affair with my father and everything changed."
Taehyung took a deep breath. "It started with small touches to my chest and back. I thought she was just being friendly, and honestly, I was starved for affection. It felt nice to be touched by someone in what I thought was a loving way. I'd never gotten that from my parents, so to be hugged and to get that connection felt incredible.
"But one day, her hands started groping at me. Going places I knew they shouldn't. And I tried pushing her away, but it didn't matter. She always found a way."
Jungkook pressed another kiss to Taehyung's head, letting him know he was right there. He didn't speak; he wanted to give Taehyung the freedom to tell his story in his own way and at whatever pace was best for him.
"She tried . . . She tried . . . But I could never . . . So she resorted to her mouth and hands. All over my skin. She told me to trust her, but I never did. Not when I was begging her to stop. She . . . She stole so many firsts from me.
"I told my parents, but they didn't believe me. My father was offended I'd say such a thing, thinking my nanny only had eyes for him. And my mother said if my nanny did in fact touch me, I was probably asking for it since I was a horny little shit," Taehyung said before adding, "Her words."
Rage at Taehyung's parents and this pedophile of a nanny was boiling up inside of Jungkook. He'd never wanted to hurt anyone like he wanted to hurt Taehyung's bastard parents and that . . . that . . . woman. If Taehyung didn't need him in this moment, he'd be on his way to Taehyung's parents' house right now.
"My father got sick of her after one or two months, so he let her go and I never saw her again. And even though she was gone, the world didn't seem like a safe place anymore. I didn't trust others . . . I didn't even trust myself. I was eleven years old and . . . I was ruined at that point."
Eleven. A year younger than Juyeon. Jungkook took deep and slow breaths to calm his breathing, but his anger wasn't subsiding.
"For a while, I convinced myself that I must have invited her attention in some way. I needed someone to love me so badly, and when it seemed like she cared, I let her in. I thought that was where I went wrong. So for years, I managed to stay away from people who might give me that sort of affection. I told myself I'd just get hurt again."
As Jungkook continued to listen to Taehyung's words, his anger gave way to tears. This wasn't fair to Taehyung . . . . None of it was fair. And to grow up the past ten years thinking he'd asked for something no one ever deserved . . .
"I'm so sorry, Tae," he whispered, wishing there was something he could do or say to take it all away. "Fuck, I . . ."
He broke down. All the emotions he felt since last night rose up within him, overpowering his body. Heavy shakes racked his shoulders, tears streamed down his face. And he clung tighter to Taehyung, squeezing him hard just to know he was safe in his arms for the moment.
Everything made sense to him now. Taehyung's initial hesitation to be in a committed relationship, his words at the lake . . .
It all came together in the worst possible way.
But if his assault occurred when he was a child, that didn't explain the bruise from a few weeks ago.
"Are you safe now?" He asked with a hoarse voice, trying to regain control of his emotions.
"Yes, Kook. I'm safe."
"But that bruise . . ." He trailed off, not quite knowing how to ask.
Taehyung turned in his arms, repositioning himself so they were eye to eye. "It's unrelated. But I promise you, I'm safe now."
Jungkook nodded, not wanting to demand answers. He was still so emotional and the furthest thing he wanted to do was pressure his boyfriend into opening up more. As long as Taehyung was safe right now, that's all that mattered to Jungkook.
They'd discuss the rest eventually.
"I will tell you what happened," Taehyung continued, "but not today, okay? This . . . This is already a lot for me."
"Of course, Tae. You don't owe me anything -"
The elder cut him off, placing a finger against his lips. "I owe you so much, Jeon Jungkook. Until you, I was closed off and secretly angry. Sad and unwilling to let anyone get to know me. But you've changed that. You've made me want to get better . . . Not just for you, but for me, too."
Jungkook cradled Taehyung's head, his thumbs circling over his cheeks. "You've changed me, too. So, so much."
The elder shifted his head and pressed a kiss into Jungkook's palm. "And now that you know, I don't want you to be afraid to touch me. I want your hands on my body. In no way do I connect what happened to me with you. When I'm with you, I'm with you, and you're showing me that touching and kissing can be done out of love."
More tears leaked out of Jungkook's eyes at that, though he didn't bother wiping them away.
"Why the tears, love?" Taehyung asked, leaning close to kiss away the moisture.
Love. Jungkook's heart swelled and even more tears escaped his eyes. "They're the good kind of tears. I'm just so happy to have you in my life."
A huge smile broke out across Taehyung's face, one that was radiant and blinding and full of hope and promises. It was the look of revelation, of understanding and acceptance.
It nearly took Jungkook's breath away.
Taehyung kissed him swiftly, yet again conveying so many feelings Jungkook didn't have names for. And he kissed him back with everything he had, with all the love his heart could possibly give.
Because he knew, without any trace of doubt, that he was falling in love with this brave, beautiful, and compassionate boy. He was falling in love with Kim Taehyung.
"There's something I need you to help me do," the elder panted against his mouth, kissing him once more before pulling back.
"Anything," Jungkook responded, his hands instantly finding Taehyung's. "Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it."
And even though it was a serious moment, a light rose up within Taehyung's eyes. "So if I asked you to dye your hair blue, you'd do it?"
A chuckle rumbled in his chest. "Okay, anything within reason."
"So half your hair?"
"If the tattoos didn't give my mother a heart attack, blue hair just might," Jungkook laughed, smoothing back his hair at the thought.
"It's up for debate then," Taehyung laughed with him, the sound so pure and bright. "But I need you to do something else for me."
"Okay."
"Every morning for the past few years, I've had this habit . . . I call it my daily torture. I try to touch myself in the hopes I'll get better, but sometimes I think it makes me worse. That's what happened last night. I tried to do that again and memories of the past consumed me. But with you, it's different. When your hands are on me, I'm not in pain. I feel you and am only thinking of you. If you can do that . . . Can you help me touch myself?"
Jungkook pecked his lips and nodded. "How . . . How do you want to do this?"
After Taehyung explained his thought process, the two boys made their way to the bathroom. Jungkook came up close behind Taehyung, his chest pressed against the elder's back, and he took hold of his hands.
Before he placed their joined hands on Taehyung's body, however, he pressed a kiss against his neck. "These hands are incredible, they create art, Tae. They are your tool for your craft and they do miraculous things. And when your hands touch me, I feel things I've never felt before. You do that to me. Your hands do that to me. So try and remember that your hands are not the enemy. They are beautiful, just like you."
Together, they moved Taehyung's hands to his chest, his palms making contact with his skin. Jungkook flattened his own hands on top, softly guiding their movements. Ever so slowly, they moved Taehyung's hands all over his torso, with Jungkook whispering affirmations into his ear each step of the way.
After ten minutes of Jungkook leading, he let his hands drop. He noted the twinge of doubt in Taehyung's eyes, so he rested his hands on the elder's hips and squeezed.
"You're doing so well, Tae. You're so strong and brave. Keep going, I'm right here."
So they did that for a while, Taehyung carefully letting his hands glide over his chest and Jungkook helping him through it. Kisses, caresses, and words were poured upon the elder every few seconds, reassuring him that everything was going to be alright.
And by the end of the exercise, it was. Things were better. By no means did Taehyung overcome all his demons, but he made progress in the right direction with Jungkook's aid.
"Baby steps," Jungkook whispered into his ear later that night. "We'll get there together."
"Can we sleep together tonight?" Taehyung asked as they drowsily cuddled. "I don't care where."
"You have no preference between the kitchen counter and shower?" Jungkook countered suggestively, waggling his eyebrows up and down.
The elder lazily hit his shoulder. "I'm not talking about sex. What are you, a teenage boy?"
Jungkook let out a giggle as he nuzzled closer to him. "Why, yes. Technically, I am. But Tae?"
Taehyung hummed, tilting his head to look at him.
"I want you to know that when we get to that point . . . If we do . . . That's all up to you. I'm going to follow your lead on this, okay?"
"So if I said I was ready now -?"
Jungkook's stomach did a little drop. "Tae."
The elder grinned, sticking out his tongue in an adorable manner. "We'll talk about it soon, Kook. Because I want to get there, too. I want to be with you in that way."
"Good. We'll have a nice, long sex talk about all our dreams and fantasies before we do the deed."
"You're so weird," Taehyung laughed sleepily, wrapping an arm around Jungkook's waist and closing his eyes.
Jungkook held him tight, a small smile tugging at his lips when the elder threw a leg over him as well. "It's not weird, it's normal. And anyway, you love it."
"Yeah," Taehyung said as he drifted off. "I do."
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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《
I purposefully left out the details of Tae's assault. I don't think it's at all necessary to graphically describe such a thing, and sensitivity and awareness are my goals here.
My decision to write about this was not made lightly - it was something I deliberated for a long time. I knew this story could reach people who have gone through similar experiences (or know people who have), and I never wanted to hurt someone by writing about this. I wanted to show the strength and resilience of these survivors, and depict an honest healing process. That's always been my main focus and I will continue to show Tae's journey with this.
I also wanted to say thank you everyone for your kind and supportive words on the last few chapters! I can never say how much it all means to me - I would not be where I am now and would not have the motivation I do now without all of your love and beautiful words. So THANK YOU. I can honestly say you've helped me learn and grow and to become a better person.
Writing has always been my passion, but sharing it with you all has become so incredibly special 💜
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