¤ When You Say My Name
Mario Spinetti ↲

Falling when you say
My name
And you know
And you know
And you know I'll be there
I'll be there
I'll be there
You can fall into my arms

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

Jungkook didn't know how he managed to make it through most of his session with Taehyung without getting hard.

The entire time he was laying before his artist of a boyfriend, he could feel Taehyung's eyes burning into his skin. Fiery paths carved up his legs, around his chest, down his arms, and on his dick . . . Taehyung's eyes were everywhere. And it didn't help that the elder was licking his lips every two damn seconds either.

Every time that tongue swept out of his mouth, Jungkook wanted to lunge forward and capture it between his lips. But, deciding to be professional, he kept still and tried not to envision Taehyung's tongue somewhere else entirely.

He didn't know how many drawings they completed; he wasn't exactly keeping track of the poses Taehyung put him in. All he could watch was the elder's sure grip on his pencil, his fingers elegantly wrapped around the stem. He truly looked like an artist, with his focus honed in on his work in the deepest of concentrations. But each time Taehyung's dark eyes met his own, he swore he could see a deep lust burning up from the depths of his very soul.

Or from his dick, but his soul sounded more poetic.

And even though he was spread out naked on Taehyung's bed, practically ripe for the taking, he truly didn't expect them to get intimate. He was by no means complaining - his experiences with Taehyung were the best he ever had - though he was still committed to going as slow as Taehyung wanted.

But Taehyung didn't want that apparently, not when it came to exploring Jungkook physically and sexually. The elder was somehow so intune with everything he was feeling, knowing how to elicit the strongest waves of pleasure from his body. Maybe it was just the fact that it was Taehyung doing all these amazing things to him.

Taehyung didn't appear shy at all during their experience either; there was a hunger to feel, taste, and consume. His hands were steady and his mouth . . . Fuck, his mouth was sinful. Jungkook had a feeling Taehyung would've even swallowed if he allowed him, though he didn't want to ask that of the elder so soon.

And now, waiting in bed, Jungkook truly wanted to feel Taehyung as well. He wanted to explore his skin, cherish his body, and make him feel the best he'd ever felt. He made the offer, expecting Taehyung to outright refuse, but it almost appeared like he was thinking about it. Jungkook was high strung with excitement as he waited for the elder to return from the bathroom, eager to hear what his decision was. And if he didn't want to engage in anything, they could just cuddle instead.

Jungkook stretched his arms out above his head, utterly content as he waited. This sort of calmness was so foreign and he knew he could get used to it. Taehyung's presence in his life was changing so many things for the better . . . everything was finally coming together.

As Jungkook continued waiting and the minutes ticked by, it felt like Taehyung had been gone for quite a while. Sure, maybe it was only five or so minutes, but each passing second felt like a lifetime. Plus, he expected Taehyung to be right back, so the additional wait was making him anxious. Maybe his system was just tuned to look for potential problems, but there was something in his mind telling him to go find Taehyung.

He found his boxers on the floor and shimmied them up his body. While he didn't want to invade Taehyung's privacy, he just wanted to make sure all was good. Then he could go back to patiently waiting.

As Jungkook padded down the hall, he noted that the bathroom door was partly open. Surely if Taehyung wanted complete privacy he'd close the door, so he didn't feel bad about going closer. After all, this was what boyfriends did - check in on each other when there was some nagging thought that something could be wrong.

"What are you doing in there, Tae?" He chuckled to shake off his apprehension, hand going to the doorknob. He pushed it open. "Shaving your - Tae?"

Taehyung was frozen in front of the bathroom counter, eyes wide as he looked at himself in the mirror. Tears were streaming silently down his cheeks, leaking from his eyes like someone left a faucet on. His breath was coming out in labored pants and his hands were glued to his shirtless chest.

And he wasn't acknowledging Jungkook in the least, even as he called out the elder's name again. It was like he wasn't currently here.

Dread was coursing through Jungkook's system, never before seeing Taehyung like this. He inched closer, trying not to move too quickly or suddenly.

He reached out his hand, not sure if he should touch the elder. "Tae?"

But it was no use, Taehyung wasn't responding. It was clear his mind had taken him very far away.

"Tae, it's me. It's Jungkook. I want to help . . . Can you tell me what I can do?" He asked softly, trying to neutralize the fear in his voice.

Still no response.

He stopped right alongside the boy, lightly taking hold of his wrists and prying them off his chest. Thankfully, Taehyung didn't fight him; he let his hands be pulled away, revealing red crescent moons where his nails had dug into his skin.

Jungkook kept a hold of Taehyung's wrists, soothingly rubbing them between his fingers. A broken sound left the elder's lips and he nearly collapsed to the floor. Jungkook caught him against his chest, a hand coming up to support his back.

"Tae -"

"Touch me," Taehyung breathed, head hanging down. "Please, Kook. Please. I need your hands on me. I need to get the feeling of her off of me."

The dread he felt earlier turned into ice cold fear, pumping through his veins as realization hit him. The slight awareness he harbored ever since knowing Taehyung was coming to the forefront of his mind. And he knew. Without a doubt he knew.

No.

No. No. No.

Jungkook remained frozen, his hand stilling on Taehyung's back. He had to be wrong. He needed to be wrong.

Taehyung raised his head, hair clinging to his damp eyes. "Kook, I need you."

Those words mobilized Jungkook once more and he pushed his fear and sadness and anger aside. He wrapped his arm tighter around Taehyung's bare waist, while the other came up to grip the back of his head. The elder's arms remained at his side, limp, but he leaned his head against Jungkook's naked torso.

"I got you, Tae," Jungkook murmured against the elder's head, "I'm here."

He felt Taehyung breathing heavily against him, tears staining his skin. And Jungkook's heart hurt for him, his body ached with thoughts of the pain Taehyung was probably feeling right now.

But he didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure of the best way to help or how to get through to Taehyung. Jungkook did know, however, that he needed to get this right. Whatever his response was now could greatly affect Taehyung in the future.

"Please," Taehyung let out shakily. "Touch me."

"I am, Tae," Jungkook responded, a hand soothingly stroking along Taehyung's spine. He kept the touch feather light, barely applying any pressure.

This was the first time he'd ever touched his bare skin.

But the elder stepped back and roughly grabbed his hands. "Like this."

He placed Jungkook's hands onto his chest forcefully, though he flinched like he was being branded.

"No, no, no. Make it stop. God, please make it stop," Taehyung said raggedly, a harsh pain coating every timbre of his deep voice.

Jungkook couldn't stand to see him like this. Without thinking, he tightened his grip on Taehyung's waist while his other arm swept under his knees. He carried the elder to his bedroom, trying to get his own emotions under control. He had to keep his mind clear in order to help Taehyung.

Every beat of his heart, every influx of breath . . . All of it was focused on Taehyung. Every part of his body was concentrated on the boy in his arms and taking his pain away.

Carefully, he laid Taehyung down on the bed and propped the pillows up underneath him. Then he instantly joined him, foreheads resting together as Jungkook slid close to the elder's body. He ran a hand up and down Taehyung's arm, trying to soothe the boy as he kept his eyes closed.

And deep in his soul, in every single one of his bones, he knew Taehyung had been sexually assaulted.

There were so many signs and clues, so many instances where he should've just known. Guilt plagued him . . . He should have realized it sooner instead of letting Taehyung down. This was the very thing he was supposed to protect his boyfriend from; his body physically hurt just thinking about what Taehyung might have endured.

And then his mind went to that bruise Taehyung had shortly after they first met. Did that mean . . . Did that mean this was recent?

More than anything, Jungkook wished he could trade lives with Taehyung so the elder didn't have to suffer. He wanted to do anything possible to ease the torment and agony he was going through.

"Please, Kook. I need you to touch me." Taehyung was already reaching for Jungkook's wrists, moving to put his hands back on his body. "I've only had one pair of hands on my body up until yours. That pair of hands has consumed my mind and I need you to replace those memories."

But Jungkook remembered that flinch and was petrified. He didn't know how to deal with this . . . He felt so unprepared to help.

He had to make a decision fast. He felt like touching Taehyung was the last thing he should do, especially in his current state. Wouldn't that be taking advantage of him? Wouldn't that be hurting him more?

Or . . .

He could listen to Taehyung. He could do the very thing the elder was begging him to do, since he probably knew what he needed better than Jungkook did.

In the end, Jungkook knew he'd do whatever it took to ease Taehyung's suffering.

"Okay," Jungkook whispered reassuringly. "Okay. Where do you want me to touch?"

"Everywhere."

"Okay," Jungkook breathed again, tentatively bringing his hand up. His plan was to treat Taehyung carefully and delicately, but he realized he had to do more than that.

He had to bring Taehyung into this moment with him, away from his pain and into an experience crafted out of something else entirely.

"I trust you," the elder said, his voice soft but clear. "I trust you."

Jungkook pushed Taehyung onto his back, his moves deliberate and drawn out. He hovered over the elder, heart beating fast as he lowered his weight to rest against him.

"Tae, look at me," he commanded lightly, waiting until he had the boy's attention. "You are so special to me. Every single part of you . . . past, present, and future. I will never hurt you. I will always fight for you. And now, I'm going to touch you because you are so important to me. I'm touching you because I care so deeply for you. I'm touching you to make you feel good. And at any point something doesn't feel good, tell me and I'll stop."

Taehyung nodded his head.

"Can I kiss you?" Jungkook asked, his hand cupping the elder's cheek like it was the most precious thing in the world.

Another nod.

So Jungkook lowered his head . . . so, so slowly . . . giving Taehyung enough time to pull away. Though the elder didn't move his face; he just adjusted his hands to rest on Jungkook's hips.

But before Jungkook could connect their mouths, a darkness filled Taehyung's eyes.

"I'm sorry," the elder said brokenly.

Jungkook froze. "Tae, there's nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry that I'm tainted and damaged -"

Jungkook couldn't hear him speak that way about himself, so he cut him off with an emotional kiss.

"You're none of those things," he whispered, brushing their noses together. "You are strong and beautiful and compassionate. You've been hurt, but you're brave and you've endured. No one can take that away from you."

Their eyes remained on each other's, so many silent things being passed between them. And after a moment, the elder relaxed beneath him.

"Kook," Taehyung reached his hand up and knotted his fingers in his hair. "Please."

And after another moment of assessing the elder - of making sure he wanted this - he bent down. Jungkook kissed Taehyung with his entire heart, pouring his emotions into the tangling of their lips. He wanted to convey so many things at once, so many feelings that even he didn't properly understand.

He broke away and swept his fingertips over Taehyung's forehead, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "There you are. My beautiful Tae."

Softly, he pressed kisses alongside the elder's cheek, moving to the spot just below his ear. He let his lips cherish him there, before his tongue traced the sensitive lobe. All the while, one hand supported his neck while the other traced soothing patterns against his hair.

"I'm going to move to your chest, now. Is that okay?" He murmured in Taehyung's ear, listening intently for any signs of discomfort.

"Yeah."

Taehyung's voice sounded tense and apprehensive, and when Jungkook pulled back, he saw the elder's eyes were still closed.

In that moment he knew there was no possible way he could fully do what Taehyung was asking of him. There'd be a time for intimacy, but not when Taehyung was battling these demons in his mind. Jungkook wanted to separate his past experiences from the moments they'd share together, though that clearly wasn't going to happen tonight.

But Jungkook understood the urgency, the need for Taehyung to replace those painful memories. So he'd start small and they could work their way up to the rest. He felt more comfortable with that decision.

"Tae . . . baby . . . Look at me," Jungkook said softly, his hands on either side of the elder's head.

Taehyung opened his eyes, memories of the past turning them dark with fear.

"I'm only going to touch your chest right now. That's all I want you to focus on . . . Me treasuring and worshiping your chest. I'm touching you because I want to make you happy, because I want to appreciate you. Remember that I'm yours. Only focus on me and my words . . . stay here with me, Tae."

Something in Taehyung's eyes softened and his fear gradually dissipated. "I'm with you."

Jungkook sat up slightly, putting his weight onto his knees as he straddled the elder. Then, all while maintaining eye contact with Taehyung, he placed his hands right over the beating of his heart. It was thumping wildly, but Taehyung didn't push him away.

"I feel you," Jungkook spoke, his own heart beating in tandem with Taehyung's. "You're heart . . . It gives me life, too, Tae."

His hands started their descent down, taking the time to feel every part of the elder's skin. Fingertips danced over the soft muscles of his pecs, over his ribs, down to his belly button, and back up again. His hands kept up their gentle motions as Jungkook leaned down to kiss Taehyung, letting the elder lead.

Taehyung deepened the kiss, bringing his hands up to knot in Jungkook's hair while he thrust his tongue in his mouth. And Jungkook followed his intensity, sliding his thumbs over the elder's nipples. The touch was light, though Taehyung still gasped into his mouth.

"Good?" Jungkook paused to ask, keeping his hands still as he waited.

"Do that again," Taehyung demanded with a low voice, "but use your mouth."

So he did. He bent down and kissed both of Taehyung's nipples, sliding his tongue over and around the dusky buds until they were taut. In between his ministrations, he spoke soft words of praise to Taehyung, letting him know he was doing a good job. All Jungkook thought of was making him feel good, replacing horrible memories with this. He was still adamant about not touching Taehyung anywhere below the belt, but hopefully this would suffice for now.

"Are you still with me, Tae?" He asked after a while, after coating Taehyung's chest with kisses and licks and his hands. "How are you doing?"

"Your hands and mouth . . . When I'm with you, Kook, everything feels okay. Thank you for helping me." Taehyung tugged on his chin. "I . . . Let's stop for now."

Relief flooded through Jungkook's system, so grateful Taehyung was feeling just a bit better. He carefully rolled off the elder and hugged him tight. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Tell your mom," Taehyung said, mouth pressed against his neck. "Then yes."

Jungkook obeyed, quickly grabbing his phone and shooting his mother a text. Once that was complete, he rummaged through the elder's bureau, finding a soft pair of sweatpants.

"Do you want me to leave you to get changed? Or . . .?"

"Can you do it, Kook? I have no energy," Taehyung admitted quietly.

Jungkook nodded, returning to Taehyung and setting the pants aside. His fingers went to the button of his loose pants, deftly undoing it and sliding down the zipper.

"Lift your hips," he instructed, pulling off the material once the elder complied.

And he tried really hard not to look at the exposed skin of Taehyung's golden, shapely legs or the gray material covering a significant bulge. Jungkook wasn't stupid; he knew his touches had aroused the elder. And he felt even more guilty for leaving him like that.

"Take a picture," Taehyung chuckled lightly. "It might last longer."

"Tae . . ."

"I'm alright, Kook. I promise. Just come here already." The elder patted his bed for emphasis.

Reverently, Jungkook dressed Taehyung in the soft pants before helping him move under the covers. He joined a moment later, spooning the elder from behind so his bare chest met Taehyung's back. He tucked his arm securely around his waist and kissed his head.

"I got you, Tae," he said again, "you're safe."

And after a few more tender words and soft kisses, they drifted off into a quiet, deep sleep.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《

Another very emotional chapter for me to write.

I tried to be so honest about JK's feelings and reactions to everything. I think we all - given any circumstance - can have those thoughts where we hope we don't screw something up. Especially in a serious situation like this, it can be so difficult to determine which move is the right move.

And Tae . . . My heart breaks for him and anyone who has gone through something similar. I know there is nothing I can do to erase what has happened, but all I can do is offer unconditional love and support.

Again, thank you for being open to the journey this story is on. I truly hope that this can connect with people in some way - any way - and help us all heal in a sense.

I forever love you all 💜