¤ To Die For (Olafur Arnalds Remix)
Sam Smith ↲

I long for you
Just a touch
Of your hand
You don't leave my mind
Lonely days, I'm feeling
Like a fool for dreaming

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

Two weeks passed since the night of Yoongi's reading, and finally, things were starting to look up for Jungkook.

First and most importantly, Juyeon was feeling better. Her doctors modified the dosage of her medication, and after a couple weeks of rest, her energy was returning. There was still a ways to go until she was back to her usual demeanor, though the improvement was remarkable.

Another piece of good news came from Jungkook's father. While he was still off working in a foreign factory, his tireless effort was rewarded with a small promotion. Extra funds began reaching the Jeon household, lessening the strain Jungkook often felt. And, as a result of his father's raise, he no longer had to find a third job after he quit the modeling gig.

Jungkook refused Taehyung's offer to be paid more money. When they first entered into this arrangement, they both agreed upon a certain hourly rate. The younger stood by that number, which was already way too generous, and could not be convinced into taking anything more. Taehyung didn't push, but let him know if anything ever changed, his offer still stood.

Due to the improving circumstances in Jungkook's home life, he also found himself having more free time than ever before.

And that free time was spent with a certain Kim Taehyung.

During the two weeks since Yoongi's event, the two boys went on multiple dates with each other. Jungkook first treated Taehyung to the movies, where he felt like a teenager as they made out in the back row of the theater. The next weekend, Taehyung brought him to a photography exhibit. That was a special experience for Jungkook and he loved having the elder by his side for it.

Small walks around the university campus and quick lunches at a local cafe were also sprinkled in throughout the two weeks. It was like Jungkook and Taehyung couldn't stay away from each other, always needing to be in the other boy's presence. Neither was complaining, though; both were happier than they'd been in a very long time.

And while they spent a lot of time together, nothing majorly physical happened again. Jungkook wanted to prove to Taehyung that he was respectful of his boundaries and was not only into him for his body. He let his actions prove that in addition to his words, never initiating more than a kiss and never touching anything he wasn't given permission to touch.

He realized by now that Taehyung had gone through something . . . He wasn't ignorant. But based on what he knew of the elder, the boy would open up when he was ready. And until that happened, Jungkook continued to have fun learning each and every piece of information he could about him.

One other thing that still didn't change was Jungkook's level of nudity in their private sessions. The most Taehyung let him take off was his shirt, claiming he still needed to master his torso before they moved onto the rest. But Jungkook had seen the drawings; Taehyung had mastered his upper half long ago.

Jungkook wasn't going to taunt him over the matter like he might have when they first met. He knew the elder's hesitation was likely due to his past experiences, and in the effort to build trust, he'd respect Taehyung on this decision as well.

Plus, it was to his benefit that he didn't take his pants off. Just because they weren't doing anything more intimate, it didn't mean the kisses Taehyung stole during their sessions didn't arouse him. And boy, did they. He felt like such a horny teenager all the time - how was he getting hard from mere kisses? - but he found a rare strength to help him practice complete self control.

Jungkook knew without a doubt that they'd get there. Taehyung was becoming more comfortable with his touches, sinking into embraces and initiating them more often. Each time Taehyung expanded his boundaries - the collarbones and his back were now fair game - Jungkook thought his face would break from smiling so much.

Yes, the wait was sometimes difficult. But Taehyung was worth that wait ten times over. The elder was so important to Jungkook and it was time he did something about that.

"I'm asking Taehyung to be my boyfriend," he revealed to Jimin as he got dressed in his old dorm. It was Wednesday, and he asked Taehyung to meet him after his classes. "Does this outfit look like boyfriend material?"

Jimin, who was using a foam roller on the floor, quickly appraised his clothes. "Who are you and what did you do with Construction Worker Jeon?"

"He's still here," Jungkook laughed, smoothing out his clothes. "He's just hidden under a turtleneck and non-ripped jeans."

"You look like a photographer," Jimin said with a soft smile, knowing that was always his former roommate's dream. But then that smile twisted into one more teasing. "So, are you nervous? It's your first time asking someone to be exclusive, after all."

It was true. Jungkook had never been in a committed relationship before. He told that to Taehyung during one of their walks, sharing his brief history of dating. There were a few flings in his past, but nothing he ever wanted to commit to fully. It never felt right back then, but oh, did it feel right now.

Taehyung didn't have much to add in terms of romantic experience, since Jungkook was already aware that he'd never even touched someone before. There were no past relationships or dates, no crushes or unrequited feelings.

That all made Jungkook feel even more lucky.

"I'm surprisingly not nervous," Jungkook revealed to his friend. "This just feels like the natural next step, you know?"

Jimin beamed up at him. "That's great, man. I hope to find someone like that one day. But until then, I'll just watch all you sappy couples be hopelessly in love. And don't even get me started on Yoongi and Hoseok. I feel like the ultimate third wheel with them."

"It's hard not to, they're like an old married couple," Jungkook grinned, thinking of their newly expanded friend group.

Hoseok and Jimin now partnered together to teach contemporary dance to the tutor's students. While a little unsure of volunteering his spare time at first, Jimin now loved teaching classes and was considering being a dance teacher on the side.

By nature of working together, Jimin and Hoseok became good friends. Yoongi was also introduced to the dance major, and even though their personalities were at opposite ends of the spectrum, they eventually hit it off as well.

Jungkook absolutely loved how Taehyung's and his friend groups were slowly merging together. That was just another sign that everything was going well between them and that their future could be a happy one. Plus, having such a diverse group of friends introduced Jungkook to many different facets of life; he was learning about the world outside of his bubble constantly.

"We'll all have to hang out sometime," he told Jimin as he fixed his hair one last time. "I think Yoongi is having another reading soon."

"Yeah, this weekend or next," Jimin affirmed. "I'm already invited."

After gathering up his belongings, Jungkook departed from Jimin and made his way to meet Taehyung. He spoke truthfully when he said he wasn't nervous - quite the opposite, he was bursting at the seams to officially ask Taehyung to be his boyfriend. This was a moment he thought about for years, and now that it was about to happen, he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe he found someone he wanted to commit to and pledge his heart to completely.

A few minutes later and Jungkook arrived at their meeting spot - the hill overlooking the mountain. That first time they came here for their little competition introduced a new side of Taehyung to Jungkook. The younger recognized Taehyung's immense talent and saw him in a different light. Jungkook learned there was more than meets the eye. Everything shifted between them when they came here, so asking Taehyung to be his boyfriend in this spot seemed appropriate.

Taehyung was already here, sitting on the grass with a drawing pad in hand. Every so often, his eyes would lift up to survey the scene around him, making adjustments to his drawing. He hadn't yet noticed Jungkook's presence, so the younger remained quiet as he committed the scene to memory.

And even though he wanted to take in the entire backdrop, his eyes were solely focused on Taehyung. How someone could be so beautiful, Jungkook didn't know. Sure, the elder was physically stunning, but it was more than that. Taehyung in his entirety - his personality, his qualities, his passions and his kindness - was beautiful.

Jungkook felt so special and lucky that he was about to become Taehyung's.

"You're staring at me," Taehyung's low voice noted, reaching Jungkook's ears despite the whistle of the wind.

Jungkook smiled and approached the boy, sitting down right next to him. He turned his focus to the drawing. "That's pretty."

"Not as pretty as you," Taehyung quipped, looking up from his paper and to Jungkook. The elder was smiling wide, eyes alight with warmth and happiness.

"Then draw me instead."

Taehyung tapped his pencil on Jungkook's nose. "Don't I draw you enough? I'm surprised you're not sick of posing for me."

"I don't mind," Jungkook answered truthfully. "Plus, I get to stare at you the whole time."

He shifted his positioning so he was in front of the elder, stretched out and leaning on an elbow. "Draw me like one of your French girls, Tae."

Taehyung flipped a page over in his drawing pad, smudges dirtying the clean white sheet as he pressed his palms on it. "Try using that line when you're naked."

"Tomorrow then?" Jungkook teased lightly, knowing he'd never remove his clothing for one of their sessions unless Taehyung asked.

The elder smirked at him. "Actually, I've been thinking about that."

"About getting me naked?"

"Drawing you naked," Taehyung clarified, no hint of shyness coloring his tone. "I want to . . . If you're up for it."

Jungkook didn't have to say he was literally being paid to get undressed, as the elder clearly knew that. But besides that point, Jungkook understood what Taehyung was really fishing for with that statement.

"I'm comfortable with that, Tae. I'm comfortable with you."

Taehyung nodded his head, eyes running over Jungkook's body in preparation for the drawing. "I like the pose, but I need to fix one tiny detail."

He leaned forward and claimed Jungkook's lips in a sensuous kiss, the smoothness of his mouth intoxicating the younger. Time slowed down and all thoughts vacated Jungkook's mind as his senses were overwhelmed with Taehyung. The taste of his lips, the sounds of his breathing, the smell of his familar soap . . .

Everything he knew in this moment was Taehyung.

Taehyung pulled away, running his thumb over Jungkook's lips slowly. "Perfectly swollen. That makes for good art, you know."

Jungkook's eyes opened to see that the elder had started drawing, his own lips red and plump. The urge to kiss him again was powerful, but he restrained himself for now. They could save the kissing for a little while later, when they were officially official.

Idle chitchat filled the space between them as the drawing progressed, easy and effortless as ever. Jungkook was waiting for the perfect timing to spring the question, and as the setting sun painted them golden, he decided it was time.

This was his moment.

"Tae?" He said softly, eyes watching as the wind ruffled the elder's hair. Jungkook reached out to brush the locks out of the elder's face.

Taehyung hummed at the light touch. "Kookie?"

"You know I'm not seeing anyone else, right?"

At those words, Taehyung set aside his drawing pad and met the younger's gaze. "Yeah, I know."

Jungkook took hold of his hands, thumbs gently rubbing soothing circles into his skin. "I only want to see you. I want to spend all my time with you and learn everything there is to know about you. You've made me so happy these past few weeks and I care about you so much. I think we have a good thing going for us and I want to be yours."

Taehyung inhaled a deep breath, his hands tightening on Jungkook's. "Mine?"

"I want us to be exclusive, Tae," Jungkook continued, eyes never leaving Taehyung's face. "Since meeting you, it's aways felt like it was you and me against the world. I've never felt so safe and open with someone as I do with you. So I'm asking you to be my boyfriend, that way I can show you each and every day how much you mean to me."

It was silent as the elder brought his gaze down to their interlinked hands. The younger did the same, loving how their fingers looked woven together.

"I don't know what to say, Kook."

Jungkook caught an odd tone to the elder's voice . . . Why did it sound like regret? "It's simple. Just say yes."

Taehyung's hands relaxed their grip slightly. "I don't know if it's simple. I . . . I don't know."

It felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. For some reason, Jungkook never anticipated this outcome. All he knew was that he liked Taehyung and that Taehyung liked him. Shouldn't the solution be easy then?

"Are you not into me?" He asked, needing to know if he completely misread the situation.

"It's not that, Kook. This is about me. I just . . . need time to think."

Jungkook had heard that one before. It's not you, it's me. Whenever someone spouted that line, it never ended well.

All the happiness and excitement that were coursing through his veins turned to pricks of sadness and pain. His heart hurt and his throat burned. How was he so wrong about how this night would play out?

How did he screw things up so badly?

"Okay," his voice came out lowly. "That's okay. I . . . I'm just going to go."

"Kook -"

"It's okay, Tae," Jungkook rushed to get out before his voice cracked. He stood up and grabbed his bag. "You don't have to say anything. It's okay."

Why couldn't he think of any other word besides okay?

Taehyung scrambled to stand as well, putting his hand on the younger's wrist. "I just need time, Kook. This is a lot for me right now. I . . . You're not mad at me, are you?"

Jungkook shook his head, never wanting the elder to think he was mad with him. Because he wasn't, he was just heartbroken.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Taehyung asked tentatively, hand still gripping Jungkook's wrist.

"Yeah," he responded with a rough voice. "I'll see you for our session."

A couple tears leaked out of Jungkook's eyes as he descended the hill, needing to just get away from here. He'd give Taehyung all the time he needed, that he knew, but it didn't mean that he didn't hurt in this moment.

He was just so confused. And maybe he should've stayed, maybe Taehyung would have explained more. But Jungkook didn't want to let his emotions get the best of him.

He hated being vunerable. This was what happened when he opened himself up to all the possibilities - he got hurt. He should've waited until there was no doubt at all about how Taehyung felt.

But god, he thought Taehyung really liked him, too.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《

I think my throat is burning. Someone come and hug me.

A few people have asked for a playlist for this story, so I can put something together for you guys! I'll try to get to that this weekend and will post the links of my profile. Stay tuned!