¤ Heal
Tom Odell ↲

Take my mind
And take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal, heal, heal, heal

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

You can touch me if you want.

That line kept repeating in Taehyung's mind as he headed over to Yoongi's poetry reading. In all honesty, it was something he thought quite a lot about since Thursday night. Receiving permission to touch and not pushing stated boundaries were completely new concepts to Taehyung.

To put it quite simply, Taehyung never felt so safe or respected as he did with Jungkook. That boy was beginning to challenge everything Taehyung grew up believing.

Because for ten years, Taehyung only knew two truths:

To touch was to be selfish; it was stealing and claiming ownership over something that didn't belong to another person.

And to be touched was painful; it was diminishing and it stripped all sense of worth away from you.

But maybe those two beliefs weren't exactly true.

When Taehyung touched Jungkook, the younger didn't seem to be in pain. The elder was hyperaware of each and every breath Jungkook took; he watched for any flinch of discomfort or any sound indicating he didn't like what was going on. But each step of the way, Jungkook assured him he was enjoying Taehyung's touches. Every gasp and moan was made out of enjoyment and pleasure, not out of fear.

And Taehyung didn't feel like his hands were violating Jungkook in any way. Instead, he set out to appreciate and pay tribute to someone he deeply cared about. It was true that his touches were exploratory and intimate, though it was different . . . Taehyung received permission to interact with Jungkook that way.

Everything was rooted in consent and respect. There was trust as well. And maybe their physical exploration was juvenile in comparison to other acts, but it gave Taehyung a glimpse into how things could be.

These last ten years were spent with Taehyung believing he'd live his life alone. He never once desired to be touched or embraced again. He was resolved to be that tainted and broken person who was ruined by prior experiences.

But he didn't want to be that person anymore.

Taehyung wanted to evolve into someone capable of being held without jumping, of being caressed on the skin without getting nauseous. Those things weren't feasible now, though perhaps he could work up to that. After all, Jungkook's kisses and hands on his hips were okay . . . Hell, they were more than okay. His body had a very positive reaction to those touches.

Remembering his arousal - as well as Jungkook's - brought butterflies to his stomach. Thursday night was the first time he'd ever been aroused by another person and now he wanted to explore everything more.

Thinking about it further, it was quite simple. Taehyung wanted to feel the rest of Jungkook's body. He wanted to hear what other sounds the boy could make. He wanted to make Jungkook feel good.

Maybe the best thing to do was to just follow his gut. If something felt right in the moment, maybe he'd be open to exploring that instead of instantly shutting down. Taehyung really didn't want to push Jungkook away if he could help it.

All he wanted to do was heal and move forward.

Before he could give it further thought, he arrived at a pit stop to his final destination.

The night was warm as he got out of the car, striding up to the door and knocking confidently. There was movement on the other side and then he was staring at Jungkook.

"Hey," the younger smiled at him, automatically opening his arms for a hug.

Taehyung glided into his embrace, looping his arms around Jungkook's neck. They were eye to eye, both grinning like madmen. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Jungkook said, squeezing his hips for emphasis. "Going two days without seeing you was torture."

"Then let's not do that again," Taehyung offered, his fingers brushing against Jungkook's skin reassuringly. He shifted his gaze over the younger's shoulder. "Is Juyeon here? I want to say hi."

Jungkook's hands dropped from his hips and he took hold of one of Taehyung's hands. "She's a bit under the weather today, but when she's better you should come over. She'd love to see you."

They walked to Taehyung's car hand in hand, the elder playing the part of a gentleman as he opened the passenger door for Jungkook.

"How sweet," the younger teased while ducking down.

Taehyung got in on the driver's side, starting the car before facing Jungkook. He took hold of the back of his neck, bringing the boy in for a kiss.

When they broke apart, Jungkook was grinning ear to ear. "And he's suave, too, folks."

They laughed and joked on the way to the bar, with the twenty minute drive seeming short. Taehyung loved how effortless everything was - the two never ran out of things to talk about and their conversations flowed with ease.

"So who am I meeting?" Jungkook questioned once they arrived, walking up to the establishment.

"Jin, Hoseok, and the poet of the evening, Yoongi." Taehyung opened the door for the younger, winking as he passed by. "Prepare for a lot of questions. I've never introduced anyone to them before."

The bar was not at all what Taehyung anticipated: low indie music, comfortable seating, and small bar stations set to the side. The place felt more like a cafe that happened to serve alcohol.

"Tae!"

Taehyung spotted Hoseok near some oversized armchairs and couches, clearly holding down the fort as he waited for the group. He took hold of Jungkook's hand and led him over to his friend.

The whole hand holding thing wasn't missed by Hoseok. "Hold up. Who is this? When did this happen?"

"Recently," Taehyung laughed, beaming between his friend and Jungkook. "Hoseok, this is Jungkook. Jungkook, this is Hoseok."

The two boys shook hands, though Taehyung knew Hoseok was nearly bursting at the seams with questions.

"How'd you two meet?" Hoseok asked, arms crossed over his chest. The elder was always protective over Taehyung, the youngest of their specific friend group.

"I'm Tae's naked model for his art class," Jungkook voiced bluntly.

There was a pause between the three before Hoseok erupted into a fit of laughter. "Alright, wasn't expecting that one. Let me go get you guys something to drink."

Jungkook sunk down into a loveseat, patting the cushion and looking up expectantly. Taehyung sat right next to him, the sides of their legs pressing together. As the younger shifted his gaze around the space, a nagging thought ate away at Taehyung.

Given his newly recognized feelings for Jungkook, there was no way in hell he wanted the boy modeling for the art class anymore.

"You're grinding your teeth together," Jungkook pointed out, a slight frown pulling at his lips. "What's wrong?"

Taehyung knew he should politely ask the boy to reconsider his participation in the class, but his words didn't come out that way. "I'm not letting you model for Yang's class anymore."

"Oh, you're not letting me? And why is that?"

Eyebrows rose high on the elder's face. "I don't want anyone looking at your body, that's why."

A cocky smirk played at Jungkook's mouth as the younger crossed one leg over the other. "I think someone's getting jealous . . . or maybe a bit possessive."

"Damn right, I am," Taehyung admitted without embarrassment. "You don't know how livid I am just thinking about other people drawing you."

"Come on, Tae. You know I need the money."

And he did know that. He knew this demand was not fair in the least but he didn't think he'd be able to stomach having his Jungkook stand naked in front of all his classmates, body bare for anyone to lust after.

"I'll pay you more for our sessions," the elder volunteered, willing to do anything it took.

Jungkook's expression shifted from playful to sympathetic, his hand reaching out for Taehyung's again. "I know you would. But I can't keep accepting all this money from you, Tae. I don't want you to think I'm only hanging around so I can get a payout. Because that's the furthest thing from the truth. I like you a lot and I can't keep taking advantage of you."

Taehyung's hand intertwined with the younger's, their fingers fitting perfectly together. "You're not taking advantage of me. I want to help you because I like you. But if it makes you uneasy, I'll help figure out something else. But please reconsider the class. The only pair of eyes I want on your dick is mine."

And even though they were in the midst of a serious conversation, they both laughed.

"But only for artistic purposes, right?" The younger taunted with a wry smile.

"Anything that I want to do with you and that body of yours could be considered art," Taehyung deflected elegantly, but his temperature was warming up at the thought.

What was going on with him? He spent years having zero thoughts about the things he could do with another and now that's all he could focus on?

Jungkook planted a gentle kiss against Taehyung's cheek, his eyes sparkling with humor and something else the elder couldn't discern. "I don't particularly like standing naked in front of thirty people, as hard as that may be to believe."

At those words, Taehyung knew Jungkook was agreeing and he let out a stream of air. "Then let's reduce that number to just one."

He was preparing to seal the deal with a kiss, but was interrupted by Hoseok's cheery voice.

"Look who I found!"

Alongside Hoseok stood Jin and his date.

"Joon?" Jungkook's eyes were wide as he ran them over his well-dressed boss. "Why didn't you tell me at work yesterday you had plans with Jin? We could've strategized outfits."

Taehyung and Namjoon both rolled their eyes, sharing a smile at that.

"Nice to see you again," Namjoon said to Taehyung. "I know we didn't properly meet last time, but I'm happy that Jungkook has met someone who clearly cares about his well being."

"Does everyone here know one another already?" Hoseok pursed his lips, trying to figure out what he was missing.

Jungkook graciously decided to explain. "Namjoon is my boss at the construction site, which happens to be at Tae's school."

It was then that Taehyung remembered Jin's hesitation regarding Namjoon and his career. He looked at the eldest male, expecting to see him stiff and ashen. But, quite the opposite, Jin was smiling with an arm thrown over Namjoon's shoulders.

"It really is a small world," Jin marveled, with all the other boys nodding in agreement.

While they waited for Yoongi's reading to begin, the whole group was hitting it off. Taehyung was getting along well with Namjoon, truly intrigued to hear about the mechanical side of the construction industry. At the same time, Jungkook was getting grilled by Hoseok and Jin, both of whom were eager to hear all about the boy who Taehyung brought around.

During one conversation, Taehyung overheard Hoseok mention how his private tutoring also extended to teaching dance now. Jungkook spoke about Jimin and offered to connect the two, suggesting they could train the kids on different styles together. It was after that when Hoseok leaned into Taehyung's ear and whispered that Jungkook was a keeper.

It didn't come as a surprise to Taehyung. He already knew.

Finally, Yoongi came out on the makeshift stage and introduced himself. He had quite the fan club in the audience - outside of Taehyung's friend group, many people respected Yoongi's talent as a poet. Cheers and applause rang out as he got started.

"This one is for the love of my life," Yoongi announced to the crowd. "I wrote this when I first knew I had feelings for you, Hoseok, and I'm so happy at how far we've come."

There were a few offbeat claps as the music turned down, Yoongi adjusting the height of the mic stand. Once he had everyone on the edge of their seats, he began.

"What you truly want, I cannot give
The power to bring back a life to live
So you hide away, don a facade, afraid of showing that you are flawed
But your deepest sorrow is what draws me near
Reality will surely soon disappear
And dreaming becomes our dominant force
While life carries on and we follow its course
But time will continue and we will have to change
What will happen after our first exchange?"

Taehyung playfully nudged Hoseok after that first poem was completed, the elder of the two beaming up at Yoongi with love in his eyes.

The poet read a few more pieces of his work, concluding with the announcement of a newly published collection. The crowd clapped at his performance, some audience members rushing Yoongi on stage to get signed copies of his book.

Yoongi joined Taehyung and his friend group after a while, sliding down next to Hoseok. Everyone got along better than Taehyung had ever anticipated, and he loved bringing Jungkook into this small world of his. The younger was holding his own with his friends and it was clear that they all liked one another.

It seemed that with each passing day, Taehyung liked Jungkook more and more as well, and he was hopeful for what was to come. But for now, he decided to just focus on enjoying the present with Jungkook.

As the night began to wind down, Taehyung peered over at the younger as the group prepared to say goodnight to one another. Jungkook looked so happy and comfortable, and it made a big smile break out across the elder's face.

And Taehyung knew he wasn't ready to say goodnight to Jungkook just yet.

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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《

I have a few notes today, so sorry in advance 😂

I understand a lot of readers may have gone through something similar to Tae in this story. I never EVER want to glorify any form of abuse, though I do want to shed light on serious things that do happen. I am trying very hard to be as sensitive as possible and never want to make anyone uncomfortable. We will be learning more in the future about what Tae has gone through, but again, I am going to be super respectful about the topic.

More fun, less serious note now! A few years back I wrote a poem entitled Dreaming, and yup you guessed it, it's Yoongi's poem haha. I wrote it knowing I was about to embark on something with someone and that it would change me. And it did. It didn't work out and I was bitter for a while, but I learned a lot about myself which is the important part.

Last note! Yes, this story will contain smut. I respect that some readers may not be into that, which is totally fair! So I will be putting 🔥 right when something a lil more detailed begins and will put another 🔥 when it ends. Hopefully that makes it easier for readers to skip over the steamy parts. Sometimes these chapters will have important pieces of info, so I don't want anyone to miss out on anything.

Love you all, borahae!