¤ Walking Blind
Aidan Hawken ↲

We don't have to know
We don't have it all worked out
We can just keep walking blind

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The rest of Jungkook's day passed by in a daze, his mind consumed with thoughts of Taehyung.

Taehyung kissed him. Taehyung. Kissed. Him.

They didn't know each other for long at all, but there was some other worldly force pushing them together. Truthfully, it felt like they knew each other for years and not just three weeks. There was something different about the way Jungkook's heart soared when he was with Taehyung. He experienced a happiness and lightness he never knew existed.

But he shouldn't get too ahead of himself. They only kissed after all, which in and of itself wasn't the biggest of deals.

Hell, who was he trying to kid? To him, it was a very big deal.

He didn't know that Taehyung had never been attracted to anyone before. It came as a surprise to Jungkook, but made everything all the more special. Out of everyone in the whole entire world - out of people smarter, more sophisticated, and more beautiful - Taehyung liked him.

And God, did Jungkook like Taehyung, too. The elder wasn't just talented, suave, and beautiful. No, he was so much more than that. Taehyung was insightful and funny, deeply thoughtful and kind. He was the complete opposite of what Jungkook expected him to be; Taehyung was no snooty rich guy.

On his trip home, Jungkook recalled the moment Taehyung first embraced him, when they hugged so tightly there was no space for air between their bodies. And then he replayed their kiss, remembering his shock and hope when the elder started leaning in closer and closer. The tender brushing of their lips; the fingers that gripped his skin; the feel of Taehyung's heart beating against his own.

Just thinking about it made him want to kiss Taehyung again.

But as he pulled up to his house, he tucked away those special memories. The warmth that radiated through his body turned a little cooler, his heart dropped instead of swelling. And his hands turned clammy as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

He didn't want to go inside and have the sadness overcome him.

With the car turned off and his bag thrown over his shoulder, he put a lock on his emotions. Strength was what he needed right now, resilience to withstand the sullen environment inside that house.

"Jungkook," his mother said as he greeted her in the kitchen. Her face was pale and gaunt, looking like she lost weight over the last couple of days.

He set his belongings down and hugged her. "How's she doing?"

A sniffle sounded against his shoulder. "I think she's sleeping now. But today was better. She acted a bit like her old self."

Jungkook pulled back and took a deep breath, relieved to hear those words. "I'll go check on her."

Each step he took towards Juyeon's room made the events of the last couple of days consume his mind. The call that she was in the hospital, the serious talks with the doctors . . . his throat burned just thinking about it all. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

This wasn't the life Juyeon was supposed to live.

He pushed her door open slightly, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room. She appeared to be sleeping, her breath even as he approached her bed. Gently, he pushed a lock of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"Pervert," Juyeon let out, voice scratchy from sleep. Her eyes flitted open quickly, that surprising level of maturity peering back at him.

"Language," Jungkook joked, perching on the bed carefully. One of his hands went to her head, smoothing back the rest of her hair.

Juyeon leaned into the touch, humming in content. Her hand dug out from underneath the blankets, searching along the bed until it found Jungkook's. They wove their fingers together, the embrace light but still conveying their feelings.

"I don't want to go back on dialysis," his sister said after a while, resolute and unwavering. "I don't want to be hooked up to a machine for hours each day. I want to be like everyone else."

Her words made Jungkook's chest tighten and he fought back another wave of sadness. But he would not get emotional in front of Juyeon. If she was acting this tough - this strong and resilient - he had to as well.

"I know," he answered, clearing his throat. "And you'll get better. You will. Just continue taking your medicine -"

"Why take the medicine if my transplant failed, Kookie?" She interrupted, sounding at the same time both young and years above her age. "The medicine was supposed to help my body adjust to the kidney. But it didn't work and it's failing."

Jungkook knew she was right, he knew it in his heart that she was right, but shouldn't he be positive? Shouldn't he be a supportive big brother and tell her not to worry, that the doctors knew what they were talking about?

"I know it's failing, Juyeon," he said instead, opting for the truth. His sister always appreciated bluntness. "And I feel so guilty -"

"Stop," she ordered, voice quiet but the tone of it demanding. "This is not your fault. Okay? Sometimes these things don't work like they're expected to. We knew the risks."

"I just . . . I'm your brother, Juyeon. I'm supposed to protect you and keep you safe. It's in my job description," he mumbled, scooting up against her tiny frame.

Juyeon leaned her head against her brother's. "You can't always protect me, Kookie. But as long as I'm still here, I'll keep fighting."

"Good. You never give up, okay?" He pressed a kiss against her forehead.

She nodded, but when she spoke again there was a new concern in her voice. "It's going to cost a lot of money for dialysis, isn't it?"

"Let's just see how these next few days play out," Jungkook told her, hating that she was thinking about money of all things. "And don't worry about that anyway. I'll take care of it."

She hummed again in response, seeming to accept that answer for now. A thin smile pulled at her lips as she started thinking of something else. "Have you seen TaeTae lately?"

"I saw him today."

"Does he know about me?" She asked, looking up at him with big eyes.

Jungkook shook his head seriously. "No, I -"

"You can tell him," Juyeon said, her smile growing. "Maybe he'd come over and do some drawings of me."

He felt conflicted at that. More than anything, he yearned to talk to Taehyung about his sister, to have him understand fully what his family was going through. But was that too much to ask of the elder? They'd known each other for less than a month . . . was it too soon to talk about such serious things?

Trust was starting to bloom between Taehyung and him, that he couldn't deny. He felt safe when opening up about his family's financial issues, but he wasn't ready to share the reasoning behind their money struggles just yet. Telling him about Juyeon's condition was a serious matter to discuss and he didn't take it lightly; he was going to hold off for now.

"I'm sure he'd do that for you regardless," Jungkook said instead, resolving not to tell her his decision.

Juyeon's smile turned devilish. "Have you made a move on him yet? Do I need to intervene again?"

"What is this?" Jungkook laughed, pulling his sister into his arms. "Does someone think she's a little matchmaker?"

"You know I am," she huffed. "If I didn't invite TaeTae over, you'd still be looking at him with that awestruck face of yours. You have no game."

She was right and they both knew it. Maybe he needed to work on his flirtation skills.

"Tae kissed me today," he revealed without thinking. And although it might be weird telling his twelve year old kid sister this, it felt right. She deserved to know and it would make her happy. All he wanted right now was to make her happy.

A surprised gasp escaped her mouth. "Really? You guys made out? Are you boyfriends now?"

"I wouldn't classify it as making out. And just because we kissed doesn't mean he's my boyfriend, Juyeon. We're still getting to know each other."

"Wow," Juyeon said in amazement, not deterred. "You kissed the hottest guy in the world. How was it? Did your foot pop?"

"You watch too many romance movies," Jungkook chucked, now replaying the kiss in his head for the umpteenth time. "But it was really good. I'm going to call him later tonight."

"Then what the hell are you doing in here talking to me?" Juyeon hit his arm until he let go. "Out!"

"Juyeon . . ."

"You don't need to watch over me every second of the day, Kookie," she informed him, knowing he was about to offer to stay. "If I need you, I'll let you know. Promise."

Jungkook swung his legs over the bed, ruffling her hair before he let her be. It soothed the ache in his chest at seeing her laugh and smile. And although it was silly to hope, maybe things truly would get better soon.

He took a much needed shower before changing into an oversized shirt and sweats, feeling more relaxed than he had in a couple days. Upon entering his room, he found a plate of food waiting for him, still warm. His mother was always so tired watching over Juyeon, yet she never failed to fix Jungkook a hearty dinner.

A short while later, he was ready to call Taehyung. He debated for a moment on whether to place a normal call or a video call, but it was an obvious choice, really.

Taehyung's face popped up on the screen, beautiful and smiling. Jungkook inhaled deeply as butterflies inhabited his stomach.

"Hi, Kook," the elder beamed at him.

Jungkook expected there to be a little awkwardness hanging between them, but Taehyung diffused it with his wide grin. That was just another quality Jungkook liked about the elder.

A matching smile formed on Jungkook's face. It seemed he was always smiling around this boy. "Hey, TaeTae."

"Didn't I tell you that only Juyeon gets to call me that?"

"Aw, come on," the younger pouted, trying to appear serious but failing, "it's so cute."

Taehyung's eyebrows flicked up quickly in amusement. "You know what's cute? You."

Jungkook placed a dramatic hand over his chest and flopped down on the bed. "Oh, swoon."

There was a pause as Taehyung assessed him, a soft gleam in his eyes. It was endearing and one of the most caring expressions Jungkook had ever seen. He bit his lip to stop another toothy grin from erupting over his face.

"You look happier." The elder leaned closer to the phone like he could get closer to Jungkook that way. "Your eyes have their sparkle back."

"My eyes sparkle? Hm, that sounds distracting," the younger winked, feeling utterly at ease with Taehyung.

Taehyung snorted in disbelief. "Well, this may come as a surprise, but every single part of you is distracting."

They talked for a couple hours, losing track of time as they traded childhood stories and formed jokes only they'd understand. Every time Taehyung talked about art or his group of friends, he'd get quite animated, speaking fast with jumbled words. Jungkook listened intently, nodding his head and asking questions to get more details. It was like he kept earning more and more puzzle pieces, fitting them together with each new tidbit of information about the elder.

At one point, Taehyung asked him if he was busy Saturday evening. One of his friends was participating in a poetry reading at a local bar, and he wanted Jungkook there.

And while Jungkook was excited at the invitation, he needed to make sure all was right at home before he took off for a few hours. Taehyung never once tried to guilt him into making a quick decision; he didn't pressure the younger one way or another.

As it approached one in the morning, Taehyung's eyes were closed more often than they were open. He looked so damn beautiful in this moment, so Jungkook let him drift in and out of consciousness. This sleepy image of Taehyung needed to be committed to his memory in exact detail.

"Kook?" Taehyung mumbled, head against a pillow and hair splayed out beneath him. "You don't have to come tomorrow night if you have other stuff going on."

Oh, but he did. The money was essential for getting the medication Juyeon needed and for paying off mountains of medical bills.

Though he did feel slightly guilty. He felt like he was taking unfair advantage of Taehyung and his generosity.

"I'll be there, Tae. But . . ."

Taehyung opened his eyes, seeming to hear the hesitation and uncertainty in the younger's voice. "But what?"

"I feel like it's wrong for me to accept money from you," Jungkook confessed honestly, needing to put his concerns out there. "You're paying me so much and you're technically my boss. Is it bad for me to take your money but also . . . like you? Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Am I making you feel like you're a sugar baby or something?" Taehyung asked, eyebrows furrowed together. "Because I don't expect any favors from you at all. And sure, I probably was a little dramatic with how much money I offered you. But I explained that. I just needed to draw you."

That made him feel slightly better. "Because of my muscled and tatted physique. I remember."

Taehyung nodded but appeared lost in thought. The elder was clearly musing something over, so Jungkook let him have time to collect himself. Finally, he spoke again.

"I think I was attracted to you from the first moment I saw you. But since I never felt anything like that before, I had no idea what was going on with me."

"Does that mean you looked at my dick?" Jungkook teased, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

Taehyung blanched. "That's seriously what you took away from that?"

"I think that's a yes."

"It was a quick glance. For artistic purposes," Taehyung emphasized, running his free hand over his face. "And I never even drew it."

Instead of pursuing the topic, Jungkook pushed his hair back and smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Taehyung looked at him then, eyes dark and intense. "Okay, but if you need to cancel, cancel. Agree you'll do that, Kook."

"Okay, Mr. Demanding."

They gazed at each other fondly, sleepy smiles coating their faces.

"Night, Kookie," the elder whispered, his low voice warming the depths of Jungkook's stomach.

"Night, Tae."

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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《

I fully expect there to be some confusion regarding Juyeon's condition - I purposefully refrained from explaining everything now. But we will be learning more soon!

Also didn't intend to make this chapter so long - it's definitely passing my average - but oh well, haha. Had to get all the details out there! I think I've decided just to write the chapters however long they need to be.