2014

"Bucky! Hang on and grab my hand! I promise I won't let you go!" My shout echoes through the mountains as I try to reach his hand. I have to reach his hand, I have to, otherwise he's gonna... he's gonna- "NOOO!!!" Bucky screams in fear and falls into death, his hand still outstretched for me.

"No!" I flinch and wake up, my eyes widened, staring at the bland ceiling of the apartment. My chest goes up and down, avariciously capturing the air in my lungs until my mind functions enough to release it. My back and forehead bathe in sweat and anxiety and I start to calm down, instinctively grabbing the dog tag around my neck to find a steady halt. Looking at the clock, I groan slightly at the time. It's 8am, I've only got three hours sleep. "Insomnia and a nightmare again."

Standing up, I let out a sigh when I see my empty room of the Washington apartment. It's plain and doesn't make me feel like home. Not that I'd have one, but I felt even more comfortable during my time at the Stark Tower which is now the Avengers Tower. I leave the cage of a room and walk through the corridor, feeling the lonely silence. "Steve? Are you here?"

On the chest of drawer, I find my phone again which is right next to a note from Steve.
Hey, I'm on a SHIELD mission with Natasha again, I'll probably be back at noon. Actually, I texted you about my absence but I'm pretty sure you forgot that you even own a phone. Hope you have a good day and call me if you need me.
-Steve

I sigh when I read his message, he's been lately on more missions than usual. Maybe because the mundane life is nothing for the soldier which is understandable. After everything we've seen, it's sort of hard to get used to banal things. I cringe when my phone suddenly rings loudly like a warning alarm and I groan when I read the name of the caller on the screen. Taking the phone, I answer annoyed. "What now, Tony?"

"Do you know what I also hated about my father?" Tony starts complaining without greeting me. "How damn arrogant the old man was. He was such a jerk, I don't even get why my mom fell in love with him. It's a miracle that he'd never cheated on her. But still, he was a cold- hearted, arrogant ass. Can you imagine someone being so arrogant?"

"You have no idea." I fake a smile and sigh, questioning why he's been calling me so often lately. Bruce is probably tired of the forced and involuntary therapy sessions where he keeps falling asleep.

"Oh, right. You used to work with him." He misunderstands my reference and I roll my eyes as I walk into the bathroom to get ready for my daily routine.

"Seriously, Tony, why are you calling me? When I told you that you can talk to me about Howard whenever you want, I didn't mean gossiping, rather actually feelings."

"Well, I feel annoyed by my dad!" He interjects with conviction. "Ugh, whatever. He turned into an ass after your death, you didn't know Stark industries' Howard Stark."

"You know what annoys me? That you didn't call me for help when those terrorists, the Mandarine or whatever his name was, tried to kill you, there was literally an article about your assumed death because you seriously had to give terrorists your damn address. What were you even thinking when you did that?" I mention the incident around Christmas last year and remember that Fury wanted to send me to Stark for help but the billionaire refused.

"That I was damn badass." He responds casually and suspects that I'm gonna ask more about the terrorists. "You know what? Gotta go, there is this thing that I'm currently on, so bye."

"Wait, Tony, we haven't talked about your trauma of the Chitauri attack yet- " The connection is cut off and I groan, feeling the urge to throw my phone against the wall. This idiot cries for attention but when he receives it, he turns into an ignorant dick.

***

"Okay, just give me a second, I've got this... " I mutter while staring at the Starbucks menu, struggling to get along with the odd names for the different kinds of coffee. The seller rolls his eyes and waits impatiently for my order, just like the long queue behind me. How is it even possible to understand this weird and complicated system? "Uhm, I... I'm just gonna choose- "

"Two Caramel Iced Coffees, medium please." A male voice behind me orders and my eyes widen, recognizing the person. Turning around, a smile arises on my lips as I face my favorite SHIELD agent, meanwhile the seller takes the order.

"Clint!" I pull him into a brief hug that he welcomes with joy. It's a relief to see another familiar face than Steve's, it's almost become lonely in this city. "What are you doing here??"

"Hey, kiddo." He grins and we move forward to let the others order after Clint kindly has paid for me. "Well, Nat and I were around to pick up Cap and the two of them went on a mission, so I thought, why not pay my friend from the forties a visit? So tell me, how have you been?"

"Great!" I automatically answer without hesitation. "Starbucks still confuses me but I at least know the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars now. The internet is really incredible and I still need to get used to having a phone. And so far, Bruce has visited me once, Tony hates D.C. too much to touch the ground and Thor is, well, on Asgard. I've been doing great, just great."

"Great? Really? 'Cause you look like shit." He says straightly and I sigh. "Yep, you're feeling like shit. Let me guess, lack of sleep? The dark circles around your eyes tell me. So don't bullshit me and tell me why you stopped going on missions. Was it because of our last undercover mission? I swear that I'll never get drunk again and yell inappropriate stuff."

"Just because you shouted that you would lay eggs like a hawk, it doesn't make it inappropriate. Just... ludicrous." I almost grin at the memory as we receive our orders. "Yeah, let's not mention the Bahamas. But I don't know, I guess something holds me back. I just don't feel like an agent anymore, let alone a soldier."

"Oh, dear, Fury's not gonna like that." He sighs and we leave the coffee shop. "He wanted to show you something. That's also why, I'm here. But we could always just watch Star Wars if you don't want to go to the SHIELD HQ, your choice."

"No, it's okay." I shake my head. "If Fury wants to show me something, then it must be important."

"Okay, good, because the cars are waiting for us." Clint motions me to follow him to the parking lot and I tilt my head, nonetheless accompanying him.

"My choice, huh?" I scoff and he just grins mischievously as we enter the suspicious black cars that basically reveal that we belong to a secret organization. The drive doesn't take long, barely a half hour which we spend with silence and drinking our rather sweet iced coffees. The SHIELD headquarter is already visible from the distance and when we arrive there, I look curiously around as we leave the car. "Is it really smart to literally write SHIELD HQ on the building, telling everyone who you are although you're supposed to be a secret organization?"

"Wasn't my idea." He shrugs and leads me to the elevator. Meanwhile I receive a lot glances from the agents and business men, staring at me with curiosity. Entering the elevator, we meet Steve, Fury and Brock Rumlow, one of Steve's new team. I don't like him.

"Voltricity." The agent greets me with a stern and monotonous voice, Fury just nods at me.

"Rumlow." I nod towards him and he leaves the elevator with Clint on the next floor, Barton quickly waves at me a goodbye. I turn around to Steve, noticing that he's still wearing the navy blue Captain America suit. "How was the mission?"

"As usual." He answers with a shrug, then he glances at the director of SHIELD. "What is it that you wanted to show us?"

"Something big." Fury reveals and in the next moment, we face three giant helicarriers through the glass pane under the ground. We leave the elevator and stare in astonishment at the helicarriers as Fury shows us around. "This is Project Insight. Three next generation helicarriers synced to a network of targeting satellites.  These new long range precision guns can eliminate a thousand hostiles a minute. The satellites can read a terrorist's DNA before he steps outside his spider hole. We gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen."

I raise a brow in the air, throwing him a rather judging look. This would mean that they take down an innocent person before they can even turn into a villain, it wouldn't be justice. It would be a crime. "How can we be sure that the satellites read those DNAs correctly? It could also get hacked and even a hero can become a villain. The DNA doesn't define us, our actions and values do."

"I thought the punishment usually came after the crime." Steve agrees with me, probably thinking the same.

"We can't afford to wait that long." Fury declares coldly. "After New York, I convinced the World Security Council we needed a quantum surge in threat analysis. For once we're way ahead of the curve."

"By holding a gun at everyone on Earth and calling it protection." Steve sums up with a pissed voice and he rarely gets mad. "This isn't freedom. This is fear."

"It's a threat for humans." I claim and cross my arms over my chest. "People think that they can stop a war before it starts. But their methods are usually the reason why a war even arises."

"SHIELD takes the world as it is, not as we'd like it to be. It's getting damn near past time for you to get with that program." The director argues and Steve scoffs.

"Don't hold your breath." He walks away and I'm about to follow him but I shoot Fury a glare first.

"This is a mistake, Fury." Then I leave, catching up with my best friend. "What are we gonna do now about this? I mean, could we even stop this?"

"Probably not. And nothing's happened yet." He pauses. "Wanna go to the Smithsonian?"

***

"Symbols to the nation. Heroes to the world. The story of Captain America and Voltricity is one of honor, bravery and sacrifice." The Smithsonian Narrator's voice echoe through the museum while we walk through the section that is dedicated to us. I would have never expected to see a section about me in a national museum, it's pretty odd. Thanks to our disguises, nobody recognizes us.

"Look, there's the small Stevie." I smirk slightly, pointing at the old footage of him. He gazes at it with sorrow, thinking of how weak he used to be, although he's always been strong in a different way. Continuing our walk, we land in front of the costumes of our old commando squad, the Howling Commandos.

"It's sort of... " Steve's voice trails with insecurity as he looks at the picture of us.

"Flossy? Yep." I nod. The way they present us makes us look like flawless and perfect heroes, even though it's completely different. They make war look easy, without pain or loss. We walk over to the display of Bucky and I feel how my heart gets stabbed by glancing at the picture.

"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes, Evelyn Farrell and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield." The Narrator continues and I press my lips together to a thin line, overwhelmed by the guilt. "Barnes is the only Howling commando to give his life in service of his country."

"I remember the shooting day as if it happened yesterday. Howard and Peggy told us to act natural but I couldn't, so you and Bucky made me laugh by singing the Captain America song. I miss him. Do you?" Steve asks quietly when he watches the black-white footage of the three of us laughing happily, gulping as he's attached to it.

"Every single day." I confirm, grabbing the dog tag. "Do you want to visit Peggy? I mean, you're free for today and I kinda just feel like visiting her. And I know you do too."

He tenses up, reacting sensitive when he hears her name but answers with a nod. Before we leave the museum, I shoot Bucky's small but important section a last glance, still holding onto it. I can't let go, at least not that easily. With Steve's Harley, we get to Peggy's place which we haven't visited for weeks. I guess Steve is scared that it would be his last time every time he's there, causing him to avoid it. But I understand him. Peggy's condition isn't exactly the best and after we visited her for the first time, Steve didn't talk for two days.

Arriving at the hospital, a nurse leads us to Peggy's room. I'm slightly anxious about her state today, I don't want to know how Steve must feel. Our oldest friend is lying sick in bed, her gray hair has gained more white than I'd like to notice, taking her a step closer to death. The wrinkles on her skin reveal her age and has stolen her youth, leaving a weak Peggy Carter.

"H-Hey... Peggy?" Steve stutters angsty, his voice is filled with hope and the old woman turns around, noticing us at the door. Every time I see her, a sudden pain arises in my chest, reminding of how I don't belong to this time. A silence laces the room, just my loud heartbeat that almost crashes my rib cage is audible for me. Peggy glances at us with her brown eyes and consumes the silence when she finally speaks up.

"It was about damn time you lazy fools pay me a visit."

A/N- The footage Steve is talking about in the Smithsonian was taken in chapter 30 btw :)