"Stay at home, I'm going to the grocery store. Don't you dare to let anyone in."

"I found a child in this empty apartment! She's at the age of four and is about to collapse, her pulse is weak. Call an ambulance! Hey, little girl, what's your name? Where are your parents?"

"From now on, Evelyn Farrell will go to the St. Joseph's orphanage. She will stay, go to school and live there till she reaches the age of 18 or because of other specific reasons."

"You have to leave, Evelyn. I am sorry. But there's no place for you."

"You don't have a place here. You belong to nowhere."

I wake up, gasping and my eyes widen in panic. My chest goes unsteadily up and down, feeling like there's not enough air for me to breathe. Although I try to calm down, the shiver is still spreading over my skin and my hands are holding on to the bed sheets, looking for a steady halt. My eyes need to adjust to the darkness in the room and it doesn't take me long to realize that I'm in my own room. I feel a wet towel on my forehead which used to be cold and I'm wearing my pajamas but I don't remember putting them on.

It takes a while to stand up, I'm still sweating and it's so warm. The towel lands on the bed and I sigh relieved when my feet meet the ground, strong enough to walk. A look at the clock tells me that it's almost midnight, I slept the whole day. My throat feels dry and my aim is the kitchen to get a glass of water, but I flinch when I suddenly notice a person sleeping on my couch. I recover my breath when I recognize the dark brown hair and the peaceful face. Bucky.

"I'm here." The memory is blurry but still in my mind. He brought me home, even carried me most of the time and then I remember that I was all of sudden in his arms while he was calming me down. I'm still not quite sure what actually happened and what is devised but I am sure that he said those words. I walk to the couch and sit down on the ground next to him.

My glance stays on him, watching how quiet and peaceful he sleeps. His eyelashes are long but actually beautiful and his skinny lips are rosy, they're as perfect as his jawline. He looks gorgeous, even when he's not awake, and his personality just strengthens that. How can someone like him care about someone like me? I don't understand it.

Bucky... His name runs through my mind for a thousand times, burning to leave a mark so I would never forget him. What does he do to me? My heart races, even worrying me that he can hear my heartbeat too, and I'm feeling dizzy and I'm not sure if it's just because of the fever.

"Mhm..." Bucky slowly opens his eyes, still half asleep and I try not to be too frightened. He's fully awake when he sees me and sits immediately up. "Hey, why are you sitting on the ground? You need to rest in your bed. And how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"Why are you still here?" I instead ask, my voice is still quiet and weak. I stand up and he helps me to sit down on the couch.

"Because you're sick, silly." He simply justifies as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm taking care of you till you feel better. My mom and Steve came by to give me comfortable clothes and a toothbrush, she made soup too and got some medicine. She's also the one who changed your clothes. I hope you don't mind if I stay on the couch."

"That wasn't necessary. You've done enough, I don't want to bother you." I feel guilty, the medicine was probably really expensive. "You can go home and sleep on a proper bed."

"And leave you all alone while you could pass out again?" He tilts his head in disbelief about my request, then he shakes his head. "Hell no. I'm staying. You can stay here, I'll get you a new cold towel and warm up the soup. Don't even try to stand up or I'll drown you in blankets."

I sigh at his stubbornness and just stay on the couch while he quickly wraps the blanket that he used for sleeping around me. Then he speeds to the kitchen, making another towel wet and handing it over to me. Bucky goes back to the kitchen and turns on the stove to cook the soup in the pot. I watch him, still not believing that someone else is in this apartment but me.

"I can eat on my own." I say lowly when it seems like he was going to feed me. He chuckles lightly and gives me the bowl of soup. "Tell your mom thank you. I'll give you the money for the medicine back."

"No, you don't have to." He shakes his head. "She's happy that she could help."

"Let me do this, Bucky. You did so much for me, let me at least pay it back, okay?" I beg him but he's still not convinced.

"We're friends, Eve. Friends don't demand a repayment or anything back. You can always rely on me, okay? Don't forget that." He assures me while I just nod completely dumbfounded, hoping that my cheeks don't burn and continuing to eat the soup.

"I'm sorry because of the lake trip." I sigh after putting the bowl away and he sits down. "You were so excited and I ruined it."

"Are you kidding?" He smirks genuinely, his eyes are shining of passion. "This has been the best birthday party ever. I could sleep as long as I want without being afraid that someone would paint my face. And I've gotten the opportunity now to get to know you. I just know your personality, but not who you actually are."

"I rather spare you the story of the lonely orphan girl." I bite on my lower lip but his glance just bores into my eyes, filled with sympathy.

"I won't judge." He promises and his voice makes me trust him. "Tell me everything, from the beginning till now. I'll listen."

I take a deep breath, swallowing and trying not to sound weak. "My actual name is Evelyn Farrell. I just prefer Eve because it gives me the feeling that I own this name, not my parents. I... barely remember my mom, not even her face. I was just four, but maybe it's also because I blocked it out. I'm just sure of a few things. She never smiled. There wasn't a man, we were just in pairs, that means that I don't have a father. I think that she didn't talk much, I actually just know the last thing she said to me before she left."

"What were her last words?" Bucky is serious now, sadness and compassion are written over his face. His tone is patient and kind, causing me to feel less broken.

"Stay at home, I'm going to the grocery store. Don't you dare to let anyone in." I repeat the words that have been hunting me during the years. "And I didn't. I neither left the apartment nor let anyone in. Children always listen to their parents. So when they tell you that you shouldn't let anyone in, you do that. She never came back. The neighbor found me after two weeks when I was almost starving to death. The court decided to let me stay in an orphanage, the Saint Joseph's."

"You- you almost died?" He gulps and there is a hint of fear in his voice. I nod.

"There wasn't any food in the apartment. And I was too afraid to go outside. I was just waiting for the woman that I called my mother. I became too weak and passed out, had to spend a few days in the hospital." It is so new for me to talk about this.

"And why don't you live in the orphanage? You're not 18 yet."

"The orphanages are crowded, there's no place for me. I was one of the oldest and they decided to... to kick me out because I was the one who had the lowest chance to get adopted. I wasn't bubbly or blithesome, I was quiet and awkward. I also spent eleven years there, it was time for me to go. The landlady of this blockhouse was so nice to lower the rent for me."

"What if your mother got into a car accident and died or lost her memories? What if she's still out there?" Bucky tries to give me hope and I really appreciate that but I shake my head.

"When I was five, I spent my time with looking in every hospital and morgue, even prison, she wasn't there. We also asked people who have the same family name like me but they neither know me nor my mother. I also don't remember any family members but her. She just left, Bucky. It was her decision."

He lets out a sigh as he leans against the couch, running his hand through his hair. I'm not sure how to interpret his reaction, he seems to be upset. I press the cold towel against my forehead and close my eyes for a second, enjoying the cold and refreshing feeling while waiting for an answer.

"I hate this woman."

I raise a brow in the air and stare at him with bewilderment. "What?"

"She ran away from her responsibility and left you all alone, not giving a damn about your health. If she really didn't want you, which is unbelievable, then she should've just brought you to an orphanage instead of leaving you starving in a lonely apartment! Because of her, you have suffered so much, you don't deserve that!" Rage is seen in his eyes and I'm still speechless. I've never made someone hate a person for me.

"Thank you." I half smile, being really touched by his loyalty. "But I can't hate a person that I hardly remember. All I can do is try to get over it."

He's looking at me. "How can someone leave even you?"

The way he says it freezes me. For the first time, it didn't sound like he was saying it as a friend. It sounded different, more emotional and passionate. But maybe the fever just plays with my mind and misinterprets it because someone cares about me for once. I just force a smile to play it off.

"By the way, what happened to the performance?" I change the topic and he laughs.

"George helped out and played the Mat Hatter after Steve could calm down Mr Donovan who freaked out for ten minutes. Ruth wasn't content either but I don't care. Steve then came by to say hello and wish that you get well soon."

"So he knows?" I refer to my situation and Bucky nods slowly.

"I hope it's okay for you."

"Of course, it is. I don't want him to feel left out and I trust Steve. Besides that, I'm sure I wouldn't have known how to tell him that, it's better that you did."

"How late is it?" He suddenly urges and I frown, then I take a look at the clock.

"In five minutes it's midnight. Why?" Bucky doesn't even answer my question, he just stands up to get a bag that was hid behind the couch. I'm still confused and he hands the bag over to me.

"I thought it was already past midnight and that I'd have missed the chance. I wanted to say it at school but then you collapsed and all. Luckily, I still have five minutes." A large smile appears on his lips. "Happy Birthday, Eve."

My mouth opens in surprise and I take out his gift. It's an old book with the name Alice in Wonderland. My fingers run carefully over the hard, brown cover where Alice is pictured, feeling the amazing familiar material of a book. The smell of old paper makes me rejoice and feel like home.

"It's actually from Steve and me. We saved a bit money, I hope you like it. I noticed that you must like Alice in Wonderland since you know the Mad Hatter that well."

"Thank you so much." I smile sincerely at him. I totally forgot that it was my birthday. "And thanks to Steve too! This is the best gift I've ever gotten." 

"You'll get better presents in the future because you're not alone anymore, Evelyn Farrell. You've got me. And Steve obviously too." He quickly adds. "And I'm sure that you're gonna find your Wonderland eventually."

I glance at him, witnessing his satisfying expression and how it makes me feel even happier. What if I have already found my Wonderland?