B U C K Y

"I think I've got everything prepared... The car is gassed up, there's enough food at the lake house, our stuff is in the car, the birthday gift is also ready and... and... " I try to remember the last thing that was on my mental list, but end up groaning. My eyes land on my best pal for help. "Steve, can you remember the last thing?"

"Swimming togs." Steve finishes the list and half grins mischievously. "Don't tell me Bucky Barnes is nervous? Come on, it's just Eve, our  best friend. It wouldn't be the first time that we hang out with a girl." He friendly reminds me of the dozen other girls that I've dated before, but they were all the same- fake and ordinary, eventually boring as hell.

"Shut up." I glare at him playfully but my lips form into a little smirk. It's crying, Bucky, we're standing under the crying sky! Her excited voice still echoes through my mind and I can picture her bright smile as well, full of life and passion. My hopes to see that smile at the lake again are high, leaving me grinning like a lovesick fool. I don't know why, but the way she talks and thinks about different things in life makes me love them too.

"It seems to be serious for you this time." Steve notices half surprised. "Actually, I should've seen that sooner. You haven't stopped talking about her since we actually met her."

"She doesn't notice my efforts though." I groan at the failure of the progress. I've never failed that much with a girl.

"Maybe you should call her doll or darling sometimes." He simply suggests, shrugging. "She should have actually noticed it by now since you planned her whole birthday."

"No, this doesn't work." I shake my head, remembering the night I had brought her home. "She hates pet names. And I don't want to risk our friendship by actually asking her out for a date."

"I wouldn't risk it either. She's great." He nods, understanding and I narrow my eyes. It's actually the first time that Steve is complimenting a girl and how long do I know him? Seven years. A suspicious feeling spreads disturbingly over my chest, almost wanting me to panic.

"You don't like her, do you?" I ask sharply and he starts laughing, breaking the emerging tension.

"God, Bucky, calm down. She's just my friend, I could even grade us as siblings. But there is hope for you, she actually seemed to be bothered by you and Ruth together." Relief takes over, making me feel a bit more comfortable.

"Okay, and as her friend you could ask her out."

"What am I supposed to do, huh? Just step up to her and be like 'Hey, Eve, would you like to date Bucky? Yes? No? Amazing'?"

"It's not a bad start." I shrug, smirking as he slaps me playfully. But he stops, when the curtains get removed and the person that we're talking about shows up. Although she is beautiful as always, Eve somehow looks more pale than usual and her green eyes lack a certain shine.

"Happy Birthday!" Steve congratulates her happily and pulls her into a hug, but she somehow acts like a lifeless doll, not really hugging him back.

"Is something wrong?" I frown at her weird behavior and she forces a smile.

"Thanks, Stevie. And no, nothing's wrong. I'm just not feeling very well, a little headache, that's it." Her skin is almost as white as chalk and she's shaking a bit.

"Maybe we shouldn't go to the lake house then, or at least cancel swimming. Because you shouldn't get- "

"No!" She interrupts me immediately, shaking her head. "It's okay, really, I'm fine! You  planned out everything so well and it'd be a waste. I just need to drink a bit of water, nothing more, okay?"

"If you say so." I sigh at her stubbornness but it's also one of the things that I like about her, that she's strong enough to take care of herself. "But just tell us if it's too bad, alright? Don't even dare to hold it back. It's your birthday, you can do whatever you want."

"Good, because I wanna do my job as costume designer and then go to the lake as fast as possible. And now go, you two have a lot of work too! Steve, you need to prepare the background paintings and Bucky, you need to practice your text and put on your costume." She commands energetically and already shoves us both out.

"Careful, you almost sound like Mr Donovan." I chuckle at her power and she smirks, before returning backstage. My worries disappear and I look forward to the lake. "Come on, Steve, let's go back to work."

"Are you sure that Eve is okay?" He mutters, not quite sure and I raise an eyebrow, signaling for him to explain his doubt. "I know that she was just full of energy again, but when I hugged her... she was warm, like really warm."

"What?" My eyes widen a bit.

"You and her were standing in the rain yesterday, till it was over. Maybe she became sick and has a fever now?"

"But she wouldn't be walking around then." I object and think about it. The concern starts settling down in my stomach but I try not to delve into it. "What if she really just doesn't feel well? Like just a bit sick, not a fever. It's impossible that she could be that strong if she really had a fever."

"True. It's warm outside and a beautiful day." Steve reasons her higher body heat.

"Of course, it's a beautiful day. It's the 18th of May, Eve's birthday." I smile, now she's finally 17. Although I'm two years older than her, I always have the feeling that she's much wiser than me and everyone else. "I'll be right back, dressed as the Mad Hatter."

"Have fun, jerk." Steve nudges me playfully and I roll  my eyes while walking to my changing room.

"Punk."

I enter the changing room with a smirk, excited to celebrate Eve's birthday. Just two hours and then this hell will be over and I'll never have to play anyone again. Acting is really not my thing, but Mr Donovan probably just wanted to punish me for defending Eve when she came too late to his class. I knit my brows when I cannot find my costume. "Hey, Eve! Where did you put my costume?!"

"Eveee!" I call louder when she doesn't answer and leave the changing room. Couldn't she hear me? It'd actually make sense since there's a riot, caused by the preparations for the performance. I walk backstage where she's been all this time and open the curtains. "Hey, Eve, where is- "

I pause and the shock paralyzes me. It takes me a second to realize what's happening because my brain suddenly has stopped working, still processing. Eve is lying on the ground, her eyes are closed and her breath is heavy and unsteady. My feet carry me to her, led by my instinct to help her, and I try not to panic although the concern gnaws at me.

"Eve!" I sit her up, her head is laying carefully in my right arm and I start shaking her slightly. "Wake up. Come on, Eve, wake up."

She slowly opens her eyes as I let out a relieved sigh that she's at least reacting. Beads of perspiration are on her forehead and she has even became paler, I can see how she's fighting to let her eyes stay open. My other hand feels for her body temperature on her forehead and she's really damn warm, even hot. Eve definitely has a fever.

"I think that I don't feel that well anymore." She states, jokingly understating her bad condition. "I may have passed out, not sure..."

"You're such pigheaded." I sigh. This situation is really not funny for me, I'm worried like hell about her. "I'll bring you home, you need to rest."

"B-but the performance and your plan... "

"Put yourself first for once and don't care about the others. Don't worry about that and let me take care of it." I assure her and look at her. "I'd bring you to the doctor, but I'm sure that you can't pay for that, so I'll just bring you home, okay?"

She gulps and takes a deep breath, trying to gain strength to speak. "Okay. I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be. Now hold on, I'll carry you on my back. Can you stand up?" Her hand is gripping the desk, trying to pull up her legs but she fails and I stop her second attempt. "Okay, don't worry, let me do this."

I kneel down and heave her on my back, then I put her arms around my neck and grab beneath her thighs before I stand up. Her head lays tiredly on my shoulder and she's still breathing heavily, she's actually really light. I can feel her body heat and I start walking to Mr Donovan, with her on my back. Everyone's staring at us and a low murmur of voices starts, but I'm just focused on my aim to bring her home and take care of her.

"For God's sake, what's happened now?" Mr Donovan groans frustrated and Steve joins us, looking worriedly at Eve.

"She passed out and has a fever. I'm taking her home." I decide determinedly and our teacher lets out a gasp.

"Are you serious?! The performance is in thirty minutes and you're playing the male main character! Someone else can bring her home, you're staying!"

"Yeah, I'm not feeling well either, I... " After mentally searching for an illness, I fake a cough. "I have a cough. Thanks for your sympathy, Mr Donovan, bye."

I leave the gym, ignoring Mr Donovan's angry swears and just try to go my bike as fast as possible. Steve catches up with me, concern is written all over his face.

"How can I help??" He asks.

"Try to find a phone box and call my mom at work, tell her that she should cancel the lake trip. Then try to calm down Mr Donovan and ask George if he can play the Mad Hatter." I urge and take a seat on the bike, Eve is sitting behind me, laying against my back. "Eve, try to hold on, okay? Put your arms around me."

"Okay, I will. I'll visit you later, get well soon, Eve." He wishes her luck, quickly patting her shoulder then running back to the gym. She nods and puts her arms around my waist, still shaking like hell and I start bicycling to her apartment. I try to stay calm, just mentally panicking and worrying about her. Hold on, please, hold on.

***

"Where's your key?" I ask her, still carrying her on my back while we're standing in front of her apartment. She motions for me to pick up the brick that is lying on the ground next to the door. I do as she said and there is a key as expected. We enter her apartment after I open the door, and I put her down on the old couch.

It's the first time that I'm here, actually here, and I look around. There's no corridor, if you enter, you're automatically in the small living room. The walls are yellow and a bit dirty, the room is just filled with a couch, a shelf and a small wooden table. It's connected with the tiny kitchen which is made of a fridge, a roasted stove and a sink. The apartment is much smaller than I imagined, how do three people want to live here together?

"Okay, I'll get you a cold towel now, then you'll tell me the phone number of your parents and I'll let them know." I walk to the kitchen and find a white towel that I soak with cold water. She looks much better when she feels it on her forehead, cooling down her fever.

"That's not possible..." She mumbles, her voice is breaking.

"What do you mean? Are they working somewhere else today?" I suppose. Actually, I don't know anything about her parents.

"I don't know where they are."

"Eve, explain." I try not to urge but the sound of her voice concerns me even more. Thousands of thoughts run through my mind, imagining dozens of possible reasons. She's never talked about her parents, something must be wrong. "What do you mean with that?"

"I don't know who my father is..." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as if trying to gain strength. "And my mother left me when I was four years old. I don't remember her. I've lived here alone since 15. You... You can't call anyone for help because there is no one..."

Her words break my heart and make me speechless, my mouth is open in shock, still inhaling her words. It suddenly hurts to breathe or to function, my chest feels painful, ripping me apart. She's lonely. She has nobody, no family, just herself. When she comes home, no one is here, waiting for her. When she is sick, no one takes care of her. When it's Christmas or her birthday, no one celebrates it with her. The thoughts hit me like a blow, leaving nothing else but pain.

"Why- Why didn't you tell us?" I gulp, compassion and sympathy percolate through my voice.

"I'm not used to talking to anyone. I'm not used to people that actually listen to me and my problems. I'm not used to trusting people. You and Steve were the first people. And I didn't want to frighten you off with my loneliness." She glances at the ground, her breath still unsteady and she seems to be so scared of telling me everything.

"Is that the reason why you're so insecure?" I carefully ask, looking at her. She nods slightly and it's clear that she tries not to sound too hurt.

"It's actually true what Ruth said. I don't have a place in this world. My mother left me, the orphanage kicked me out because of the shortage of space and I don't have anyone."

I can't hold it back anymore, just watching her makes me want to protect her and stay with her. I remember when she helped Steve in the alley, when she smiled at the taste of the hotdog, when she laughed, when she was standing in the rain... What I saw was not the broken girl, it was the strongest side of her. She could hide her dolor. I grab her shoulders and pull her close to me into a tight hug. The smell of her hair is the only thing that I breathe and I can even feel her heart beat against my chest but I keep hugging her as if her sorrow would disappear through this way.

"Bucky..."

"Shut up." I interrupt her, holding her even closer to my chest. "What Ruth said was bullshit. You have a place, you're not alone anymore. You have me, okay? Me and Steve. I'll take care of you. I will never leave you alone again, I promise. I'm here."

She starts shaking again but not only because of her fever. Her tears cause that. It's also the first time I've seen her crying. My shirt gets wet but I don't mind, I even want her to cry, to let everything out. My hand softly strokes her back as I remain silent.

"I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be." I tell her although I'm not sure what she's sorry about. I just want to comfort her. "None of this is your fault."

We stay on the couch as I keep holding her in my arms, not wanting to let her go. I thought I admired her. I thought I was interested in her. I thought I was fascinated by her. I have never been so wrong.

It's more than that.

I have real feelings for her.