"The patient is unstable! Bruised ribs, left arm partially fractured! Deep stab wound in the left shoulder but no important vein is hit! Dozens of bruises, several gashes and internal bleeding, especially in the stomach area! Bullet wound in the abdomen, high blood loss, body temperature's dangerously low, her vitals sign is critical! Get out the way, bring her to OR 7!"

"Sir, I need to ask you to leave, only family members and relatives are allowed to stay."

"I am her damn family, let me through! Eve!" The upset voice of a familiar blonde guy. Fast steps. Chemical stench and bright light. Blue concerned eyes. "Don't die on me, hold on!"

The awfully annoying beep of the heart monitor becomes louder and louder and the weight of my tired eyelids gains. My mind is still scattered, assembling my consciousness as the sleepy feeling in my body slowly starts to cease and the pain in my bones kicks in. I hear nothing else but the stupid heart monitor and a calm breath that makes me open my eyes, waking up carefully.

The bright hospital lights greet me and my head aches, making me groan. Generally, my whole body aches, it either still hurts or feels numb from the painkillers. Every breath I take stabs me in the chest and stomach area. I notice how a cannula is attached to a vein in my arm, connected with a plastic tube that leads to a liquid-filled bag on a hook.

"You know, I really did love Peggy. She believed in me and was such an extraordinary woman." Steve's voice catches my attention and I slowly turn around, seeing him sitting on the chair next to my bed. He sounds calm but the sorrow lies heavily in his words. "She was my first love, Eve. I'm glad she's alive but... I lost her. And when I found you almost dead at the river bank, I thought I would've lost you too."

He glances at me, his look incredibly painful. "I can't lose more people, okay? So never pull a suicide thing like that ever again. You looked dead, I really thought you wouldn't open your eyes again."

My voice is dry, my throat is sore but I manage to open my mouth. "Steve- "

"No, Eve, don't come up with an apology. I know how important Bucky is, I really do. Because after all, he's still my brother and I want to save him. But if it comes between choosing his memories and your life, I'll choose you. Because I can't stand the thought that one of you two is dead." His voice breaks and I swallow, it rarely happens that he opens up.

I move a bit closer to the hook and plastic bag to give him some space, then I nod towards the place next to me. "Come over."

He wipes the tear away before it can even escape his eye, then he sits down on the bed right next to me. It is small and actually uncomfortable but we don't mind at all. My head lies on his shoulder as his arm leans against mine, he seems to be tired too. "Swear that you'll never do such a thing again."

"I swear on us." I promise him and groan in pain when I slightly move. Steve grins slightly, tilting his head.

"See, that happens when you do something stupid."

"Excuse me, who jumped out of a plane without a parachute?" I shoot back and the light mood ceases. How could I end up at the riverbank? I was dying in the river, drowning and bleeding to death. Bucky must have saved me, but why? He doesn't remember me. "What's about Bucky?"

"Disappeared. But we're gonna find him, okay?" Steve assures me and I nod slightly.

"He pulled me out of the river." I tell him and receive a surprised look. "I know it."

"Then we'll definitely save him and get him back. But for now, you need to rest, you look pretty bad. Clint, Sam and Natasha wanna visit you tomorrow. Do you wanna call Tony?"

"I will when I've found out more about Bucky's past and Howard's death." I decide with a low tone, the topics aren't specifically my favorites to talk about. But that's what I owe them- the brutal but real truth. That's what they deserve besides an identity and a happy life.

***

Four weeks. It took me four whole weeks to completely recover from the fight and honestly, it was annoying as hell. I was stuck in my bed, unable to do anything but be dependent on help of others. Clint and Sam tried their best to brighten up the mood by being themselves- idiotic dorks. And sometimes, it worked. Steve attempted to support me but treated me like a porcelain doll which made me feel weak and useless. Natasha was the one who improved my mood because she could get me information. Information about the Winter Soldier.

"Are you sure you wanna read this?" Steve pipes up and my eyes are still attached to the file in my hand. Natasha was so kind to translate it from Russian to English for me.

"Yep..." I mumble distracted and hear how Steve places the boxes on the ground. We have decided to move back to New York, even though we haven't found an apartment yet. A sigh resounds, he probably doesn't like that I've been reading this whole time.

"I'll visit Sam now, I'll be back in the evening." The sound of the closing door leads to a silence but I don't even bother to look up. The reports about Bucky possess my full attention, consuming me with knowledge about his past.

December 16, 1991
After we had figured out that the Winter Soldier starts remembering after being out of cryo too long (approximately 2-3 months), we were forced to freeze him back in suspended animation.

That means that there is the chance that Bucky remembers. My heart races and my grip around the file tightens, I continue reading.

Though Howard Stark's recreation of E. Farrell's super-soldier serum required his work again, which is why we decided to wake him up. No complications available, usual procedure used. We whipped him with our electric mind-control techniques and used the ten trigger words. Then we sent him to his mission which was a full success. The last serum with E. Farrell's blood is now in the works and the last threat to Hydra is eliminated by the Winter Soldier.

January 25, 1992
After several attempts of using the serum on Hydra agents, we failed. The serum did not work on anyone and rather caused a step back than forwards, which is why we stopped the experiments.

"No..." I blurt out and cover in shock my mouth with my hand, my view becomes blurry, making it impossible for me to read the rest as the words repeat in my mind. The last threat to Hydra is eliminated by the Winter Soldier. A wave of tears overwhelms me and I try to hold back the sobbing, my hands are trembling and drop the file. "No, no, no... Oh, my God. No."

Bucky killed Howard. He killed Tony's parents.

I wipe the tears roughly away and swallow, then I force myself to pull myself together and stand up. I need to go to the only person who knows the truth about this incident and find out if I'm the real reason for Howard's death. Rushing out of the apartment, I run as fast as possible to the metro and try to edge my way through the crowd.

During the whole ride, I focus on steadying my breath and staying calm, it would be inconvenient to have a break down in public now. Steve and I have been on the news, especially since the helicarrier incident, which forces us to be disguised. Every thought that is connected with Howard's death is pushed aside, at least that's what I try. Arriving at the hospital, I run impatiently to the reception and attempt to remain calm.

"I want to visit Margaret Carter, is her condition stable right now?? It's urgent."

"Margaret Carter..." The nurse mumbles, checking the name on her computer. "Ah, Margaret Carter. Her condition is acceptable at the moment, but I would wait a bit for- "

"Thanks!" I hurry to Peggy's room, ignoring the shout from the nurse. At least she doesn't follow me. I don't hesitate and storm into the hospital room of my oldest friend who's lying in her bed, resting peacefully. She looks slowly up, staring at me while my lips tighten in anxiety, waiting for a hopefully positive reaction. "Peggy?"

"Yes?" She croaks out, the age delaying her answer. Even though I don't have the time for that, I'm really glad that she remembers me. "What's wrong? You look tired."

"Howard's death. His- his car accident. It wasn't an accident, he got killed by Hydra. Is it true? Is it true that he could recreate the super-soldier serum and that's why... that's the reason why they were after him?" I confront her without hesitation and bite on my lower lip, terrified of the truth.

"Oh, Eve." Her dark eyes water and she sighs deeply, her voice turns fragile and broken. "I knew it was not an accident. He really tried his best to recreate the serum. Howard wanted to save the last sample of your blood, the last part of you. If you only would know how guilty he felt about your and Steve's death, it kept him awake at night. He would've done anything to see you now."

I struggle to breathe properly and try to contain the arising tears. I remember how he had always supported me or cheered me up with his ridiculous jokes or how his inventions made him feel guilty. Why does everything have to go so wrong? Why do the good people suffer and the bad ones get away with it? This is not fair.

"It's not fair, is it?" Peggy reads my mind, a sad smile graces her dry and colorless lips. I shake my head and glance at the ground. "But when has it ever been?"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cause his death in any way. He was a close friend of yours, it must have hurt to lose him." I apologize and close my eyes for a short second, trying to gain strength. She breathes out a dry laugh, drowning in nostalgia.

"He was one of the few people in this world who believed in me. And even if he could be an annoying jerk, he really was a good man."

"I also didn't mean to confront you all of sudden with a painful memory like this, sorry. It was rather selfish and improvident." I inhale deeply, letting out a sigh. "But I just needed to know."

"Know what?" She questions reluctantly and I arch an eyebrow in confusion, not knowing what she means.

"You know, the truth about- "

"What do you mean? Who are you?" Her words makes my heart drop to the toes, I stare at her in disbelief as her question knocks the air from my lungs, leaving me in despair. Peggy's brown eyes are filled with utter confusion and a little panic. "Who are you and what are you doing in my room?!"

"Peg, it's me, Eve. Come on, you know me, we're friends, good friends. Please, I'm begging you, try to remember- " I attempt to calm her down by placing my hand on her arm but she pulls it back before we even touch.

"Stay back, I don't know you! Help me! Help!" Peggy presses the red emergency button right next to her and struggles panicky in her bed like an insane person, trying to increase the distance between us. I shake wildly my head, not believing that it happens again.

"No, no, Peggy, please, try to remember me, I'm begging you, please!" My voice raises and tears run down as nurses rush into the room and drag me out while the others try to calm the old woman down. "No, Peggy, please, I can't lose another friend, please try to remember, I can't lose you too!!!"

"Ma'am, please stay outside." The nurse demands and slams the door behind her, leaving me alone on the quiet corridor. Only my sobbing echoes through the area and I try to catch my breath without success. The tears stream down my face and my whole body starts shaking as my chest tightens in pain. I take out my phone and try to dial the number through my blurry view, my thumbs still trembling.

"God, Farrell, what the hell is happening in D.C.?! You didn't answer your phone for days and the news are filled with you and Cap and Hydra, you even went missing!" He luckily quickly answers the call. "Bruce is concerned too and- "

"I'm so sorry, Tony." I sob and break out in tears, my hand runs down my face. "I'm so, so sorry, this is all my fault, I didn't mean for this to happen."

It's shortly silent on the line and his voice lowers. "What's going on?? What do you mean?"

"I'm so sorry." I repeat crying and the guilt makes it hard for me to breathe, I feel dizzy as the world keeps spinning. And once again, I wish I could have reached further for Bucky's hand.