"Why is a raven like a writing desk..." Bucky pauses and frowns, taking a longer look at the script in his hand and getting out of character. "Actually, why is a raven like a writing desk? I'd really like to know that, they never answered this question."

He, Steve and I are sitting on the ground of the stage in the gym while the rest of our art class prepares everything for our new play Alice in Wonderland. Some students paint and work on the backgrounds, others get the requisites or practice their text. We've just started with this project, but Mr Donovan has already puts his heart and soul into it as if his life depends on it. Somehow, Bucky managed to get the role of the Mad Hatter, Steve of course paints since he's a really marvelous artist, and I work on the costumes.

"The answer of the question is actually: nothing." I think loudly, remembering when I read the book for the first time. It bothered me back then that I wasn't aware of the answer either. "The point of the question is that it doesn't make sense at all. It comes from the Mad Hatter and his mind is a chaotic mess that nobody can figure out, sometimes not even he himself."

"I bet and wish that you could be a better Mad Hatter, you understand him more than I do." He sighs in frustration, knitting his brows at his text again while rubbing his neck with his hand. "Or that you could be my Alice. It'd be much more fun to work with you."

Trying to fight my blushing, I just half smile and continue working on Alice' sky blue dress. "Well, I'm probably way too untalented for the stage. And besides that, Ruth got the role of Alice."

"But she's..." He groans, not finishing his sentence for unknown reasons as I remain confused.

"He just doesn't like her." Steve simply enlightens me, chuckling, and keeps painting the grinning pink cat. "She has a huge crush on him and won't stop begging him for a date. You should've seen her face when she found out that she's gonna be Alice and he the Mad Hatter."

"Even though, there is no romance between those characters, just friendship." Bucky states, rolling with his eyes.

"Oh." It's the only syllable that leaves my lips, my eyes go back to the dress. I try to ignore the sudden discomfort in my stomach by focusing on my actual task. "Okay."

"Something's wrong?" He tilts his head in astonishment, but before I could answer, a feminine squeal interrupts both our conversation and my ability to actually hear. Two skinny arms wrap around Bucky's neck, pulling him close, as he flinches at the attack.

"Bucky!" The blonde girl smiles brightly, and keeps hugging him tightly.

"Ruth." He greets her less enthusiastic. "Could you please let me go? Because I can barely breathe." His smile and eyes are filled with fake kindness, it is clear to see. It is certainly a rare event to see him like that.

"Oh, of course!" She chuckles sugary sweet and removes her arms, then she glances at me as her annoying happiness disappears. "Oh, Eve. I didn't expect to see you here. Well, it's actually a good opportunity to ask about the dress. How is it going?"

"Still working." I prove my statement by raising the blue garment in the air, faking a smile. My mind forces me to be nice to her while my body wants to stand up and increase the distance between us.

"Hm." She shrugs like she couldn't care less, then she turns around to Bucky. "We should practice our scenes together! Mr Donovan wants everything to be perfect."

"Can we do that later? Eve still hasn't answered my question." He emphasizes my name and I am not quite sure if it really is important for him or if he just uses me as his excuse. Yet, Ruth still doesn't give in and takes his hand to get him up.

"The scenes are more important! Come on!" With these words, he gets dragged to the other side of the gym with a helpless expression on his face. Mixed feelings run through my chest, feelings that I can't define. The only thing that I'm sure of is that I definitely neither like that girl nor the way she treats and talks to Bucky.

"Eve?" Steve brings me back from my thoughts, his voice is soft and careful. "Does it bother you that Bucky is with Ruth?"

His presumption hits me like a punch, but I try to shake off the annoying, uncomfortable and strange feelings that have started building inside me. "No, why should it bother me? I mean, he has to practice his lines, and Ruth is Alice, that's how it is. So why the hell should it bother me, what makes you even think that?"

"Maybe because you're basically perforating Alice' dress." He refers to my constant pricking into the cloth that I've started unconsciously. My mouth lets out a sigh as Steve pauses his painting, looking at me. "Don't worry, he won't ditch us, especially not you."

"I'm not worried that he'd ditch- wait, why especially me? You two are like brothers." I point out, frowning.

"Uh, no idea, actually, I don't know." He starts stuttering nervously, staring back at his painting. "Let's continue working."

Although it is clear, I know that he won't admit that he's lying. The strange feeling keeps preying on mind as I try to focus on the dress. Why the hell does it bother me so much? I mean, it is absolutely normal that he hangs out with other people, right? The only difference is that it's a girl who has a crush on him. It's nothing to be bothered about and I also don't have the right to be bothered. But still, the discomfort spreads over my chest for unknown reasons, making it almost impossible to focus on anything else but Bucky and Ruth.

***

"Have I gone mad?"  An overwhelming yet fake fear is hidden in Bucky's voice, acting and speaking with the feelings of the Mad Hatter while he looks at Ruth. Apart from him and Ruth, everyone is quiet and watches them practicing this scene on the stage.

"I'm afraid so." Ruth cups his face with her hands, staring deeply into his blue eyes as a small smile sneaks onto her lips. "But let me tell you something, the best people usually are."

I doubt that you belong to the best people, I think, rolling my eyes but then I shake my head and scrunch up my face. God, why am I acting so ridiculous?! I try to get rid off my inappropriate thoughts and pray that the stupid scene is over soon. It's the third time that they've practiced this scene now, it should be enough by now.

"Okay, cut!" Mr Donovan shouts and claps with his hands. "Well, done! I'm so glad that you two play the main characters! I think it's enough for today, you all can start cleaning up and then go home. We'll continue tomorrow!"

Bucky casually jumps off the stage, then continues walking to Steve and I with a relieved face. "It's finally over! I'm so exhausted and hungry, please let's go eat something and hang out somewhere. By the way, Eve, I'm still waiting for an answer."

"What?"

"I couldn't focus on my text at all, you still haven't answered my question. Is something wrong? You seem to be absent today." He looks at me worried, trying to find out what's wrong with me. I scoff a short chuckle, not able to believe that he's worried about me because of that little thing.

"Absolutely nothing." I smile lightly. "I'm just a bit tired. This Alice dress is a lot of work."

"Okay, new plan then." His bright smile makes my discomfort leave. "We're gonna get some food and then help you with the dress at your home. You just need to explain and show us how to do that... stuff."

"Sounds good." Steve nods, agreeing. "And we have like four weeks till Alice will be performed, that should be enough time for making a dress."

"Better not." I shake my head, disagreeing and searching for a good excuse. "My parents are very strict and some relatives are home, it wouldn't be a good idea if we just showed up. And I still need to clean up my stuff here, we can probably just eat."

"Okay, then we'll wait outside for you." He and Bucky leave and I go back to the stage to sort out the cloth and costumes. I try to hurry, so Bucky and Steve won't have to wait too long, but also because Ruth suddenly appears behind me, her arms crossed over her chest. My attempt to ignore her fails when she starts questioning me.

"Are you and Bucky dating?"

"What? No!" I answer fast, maybe way too fast, and now suspicion appears on her small face. But the imagination of dating Bucky sounds almost impossible. I mean, sure, he's been nice to me and we're friends. But I don't think that he interprets more. I'm just the invisible girl that was lucky enough to get friends like them while he is so optimistic and caring and just so spirited. He's way too good for me.

"But you two are always hanging out. It's sort of obvious." She shrugs stubbornly, still not quite convinced. Jealousy is leaking into her voice.

"Steve is also with us." I remind her, trying to find a way to leave this awkward conversation. She lets out a fake chuckle.

"Of course, sorry for suspecting that. I mean, why should he date you?" Exactly. "You're practically invisible, a nothing. And Bucky is really kind. He probably just pities you."

Her last words make me frown, being actually confused. "What do you mean with that?"

"Haven't you noticed? You're lonely, looking like a charity case. It's obvious that he takes care of you only for those reasons. But poor Bucky, he's probably already annoyed by you. Eve, it's truly pathetic."

"Could you please stop talking about him like that?" I clench my teeth, trying to block her rude words. I knew that one day, someone would start talking about Bucky because of me, I knew that I'd be a bad influence. "Of course, he's kind but not a liar. If I annoyed him, he'd tell me that."

"Really? Would he? How long do you know him? Two weeks? Three?" She asks provokingly, tilting her head. "Do you also know how he treats most girls? He'll ditch you eventually. And I have to know it, I mean, I know him for two years now. You don't have a place here, you belong to nowhere."

You don't have a place here, the words bring memories back, memories that I've tried to block out. I feel a triggered pain in my chest and I try to ignore it but I can't. It's impossible. Come on, stay strong, ignore it. Just ignore it. My mouth opens slowly as my lips form a fake smile, trying to hide how much her words actually hurt me.

"Thanks for telling me, Ruth. I'm sure you're gonna be a great Alice." Then I leave without waiting for an answer, I force my legs to move faster, almost escaping the suddenly thick air. I rush through the door, passing Bucky and Steve who frown in confusion.

"Wait, Eve!" I hear Bucky shouting my name but I ignore it and keep running. The sound of heavy steps follow me and I feel a hand grabs my arm to stop me. I turn around and Bucky's blue eyes look with bewilderment at me. "Why are you leaving?? I thought we wanted to do something together?"

"You- you don't have to take care of me." I shake my head and gulp, trying not to act too weird or unusual.

"What?" Shock and confusion is mirrored on his face and I pull my arm away and run away. My lungs burn and the lack of oxygen makes me breathe heavily but I don't stop till I arrive at home.

I slam the door afterwards, sudden anger comes up. The rage makes me want to smash something, but my mind keeps reminding me that I don't have the money for that. It just makes me so damn mad that I'm so insecure and that just simple words like that trigger memories that I really tried to block out. And the worst is that I can't even control my emotions like I want. Is that the reason why he continues asking how I am? Have I mistaken friendship with pity? All I think of is that I'm apparently just a charity case for Bucky. That this relationship isn't real, that I am just a burden. And that causes for unknown reasons pain.