"I'm James Buchanan Barnes, by the way. You can call me Bucky."

"EVE, NO!" Steve grabs me by my waist, his muscles press me tightly against him like a second skin and prevent me from jumping. I kick him and hit him with my elbow but it doesn't effect him at all, his grip remains stubbornly around me and drags me back inside.

"Hey, Eve! See you tomorrow!"

"Let me go, Steve, LET ME GO!!!" I scream at him, completely devastated and the only things that keep me warm are the undying screams in my throat and the burning tears that wet my skin. My attempts to free myself fail and cause a bitter damage in my chest, making it unbearable to breathe. "Let me go or I swear I'll hurt you!! I- I need to jump after him, I- I need to save Bucky!!! If we waste more time, he'll die!"

"Eve, please listen to me!" He turns me harshly around and I just see now the tears streaming down his face. The last time I've seen him like that was when Sarah had died. It's quiet for a short moment, only the squeaking of the rail tracks and the noisy air rush are audible in my ears. No scream, neither from Bucky nor from me. "He's dead, okay?! He-he just died! You can't save him anymore, it's too late!"

My eyes widen and his words hit me with more pain than I could ever possibly handle, my blood runs cold. I feel how the pain numbs me, paralyzing my whole body and stabbing my heart constantly as the tears leave my eyes like a tidal wave. I can't breathe. My mind is scattered. I'm trembling and my body is shaking, my head spinning. "What... what have I done..."

"I'm so sorry, Eve..." A sob escapes his lips and his voice trails off, losing its strength. He lost his best friend. He has just lost his best friend because of me. Rebecca, Will and Henry lost their brother and...

"I got him killed." My hands cover my mouth at the realization, failing to hold back the strain of emotions and I am overwhelmed by the heartache that mentally breaks me. The world doesn't stop spinning and Bucky's frightened scream replays in my head over and over again, causing me to collapse to the ground and taking a part of my sanity. "What- what have I done? O-oh, my God, I got him killed! H-he's dead! He's dead!"

My hands run through my hair, clenching to fists against my temples as I sob uncontrollably. My body is wracked by the cries and my head is pounding, I can taste the salt of my own tears. Bucky is dead. I'm never gonna see him again, never gonna see the shine in his blue eyes or hear his bubbly laugh. I will never lay in his arms again or feel the safety and home he gave me or the kisses that we shared. Because I got him killed.

"I'll take care of you. I will never leave you alone again, I promise. I'm here."

"Did you seriously think that I'd leave you, canary? Never. You're stuck with me."

A sobbing cry leaves my mouth and without my knowledge, I release a pulse, completely out of control and not on purpose. The metal of the wagon transmits the electricity, fastening the speed of the train and increasing the volume of the rush dangerously. I haven't noticed the use of my powers until Steve suddenly grabs my hands, trying to stop me although he gets hurt himself.

"You have to be strong now, otherwise all the people on the train are gonna die. I know it's hard but please, Eve, I'm begging you!" Steve's face is marked with pain and sorrow, even though he's trying to hold it back. His voice is loud, trying to drown the noise of the freight car.

"I-I can't, I don't know how I should survive this or if I even want to survive this." I look at him like a helpless child and even more tears glide down my cheeks. He clenches his teeth and I glance down at his hands, seeing how red they are, almost about to bleed but still remaining on mine. He's shaking and tries to refrain any groans that could reveal his pain.

"I know how much you suffer. I know how hard this is for you right now. I know how much you loved him. I loved him too. But just try to control yourself, just for this moment. Try to breathe, okay? Breathe, you have to calm down as hard as it is. Try to breathe."

He repeats his words until they effect me and I close my eyes, gasping desperately for air while I ignore the never ending gush of tears. Focus. Calm down, try to control yourself, come on. Control yourself! I feel the urge to smash my head against the wall and press my lips together to suppress a sob, then I continue to focus on my power.

I just dare to open my eyes when the squeaking of the rails quietens and the squeeze of Steve's hand loosens. He lets out a sigh of relief, his hands bloody and wounded as the train gets slower and Steve pulls me into a hug, sitting on the ground close to me. I can't help but keep crying, feeling how a part of me dies and leaving nothing else than an aching hole.

"He's dead. He's dead. I got him killed." I repeat against Steve's chest like a broken tape, over and over again. I feel how his tears wet my hair and how he clutches me onto him as if he was scared to lose me too although I would deserve it.

I don't know how long we stay like this, completely damaged and weak but eventually the train stops moving and it's suddenly silent, earsplitting quiet. I'm too terrified to look at the world again, I rather want to stay with Steve on the ground, consumed by the monstrous darkness. Somehow time flies much faster than I'm used to, while we have already arrived the train station where our team waits for us, I'm still stuck in the moment where Bucky fell off the train. And I may never leave this moment.

"Cap... Eve..." I hear Gabe's voice next to us and don't have another choice but to free myself from Steve and stand up. Judging by his dolorous look, he must know what happened. At least my tears are dried, just a void is left. "We've got Zola and his team, Dugan and the others took care of them... They're waiting at the train station for us."

"Do they know?" Steve's voice is soberly clear and his face hardens, referring to the incident. Gabe shakes quietly his head and Steve sighs, pulling himself together. "Alright, let's go."

The three of us leave the train through the hole that was arisen by Hydra's weapon and I feel queasy, my body's like an empty shell. My feet are buried in the deep snow and the cold weirdly doesn't make me freeze at all. Maybe it's my combat suit. Maybe it's the fact that I just don't feel anything right now. I'm weak, don't have the strength to walk and I have the feeling that the ground tries to drag me down.

From the distance, I recognize Howard, Peggy and the Howling Commandos, waiting for us and getting closer with every step I take. But my legs feel heavier as closer I get to face telling the news, weighing as much as lead. Eventually, I'm unable to keep walking and sink into the snow, giving up. I'm not strong, not anymore. I'm broken, a wreck.

"Eve?? What's wrong?" Howard rushes toward me and kneels down to take a proper look at me, searching for any injuries. My eyes are attached to the air, staring at the nothing.

"Where's Bucky?" Peggy asks the question everyone has in their mind and looks at Steve whose shoulder start trembling, silently crying. Dugan and the others wait for an answer and although they may have an assumption, the hope that they could be wrong is still mirrored in their eyes. Steve doesn't talk, his facade is breaking and the strength leaves him.

"James Buchanan Barnes is dead." I announce loudly, making everyone but my best friend stare at me in shock. "Sergeant Barnes died and fell off the train."

"Oh, my God..." Peggy mutters with widened eyes, glancing at me and then at Steve with a painful look, then she pulls him into a hug. Our team still processes the news and I feel how my heart suddenly races and a wave of emotions come back, now that I said it out loud.

"Eve..." Howard's voice is as soft as a little whisper, almost sounding scared to be any louder and he glances at me with a compassion that I've never seen that strong in his eyes. I let out a hysterical laugh, overwhelmed by emotions.

"Isn't it insane how much a few inches can matter? How- how different everything would be now if I would have reached out further? Just a few inches and he would be still alive. It's truly ludicrous to imagine that he could be standing here, alright and fine, if I didn't let him fall into death. Isn't this the most ridiculous crap that you've ever heard- " My voice breaks and I gasp as the tears come back to pain me, the laugh turns into a sob.

Howard wraps his arms around me, pressing me against his chest while I continue crying at the thought that I lost the man I was gonna marry. I just caused his death. Everything is my fault. Bucky is dead and I will never see him again.

***

A freight car. Innocent, pure snow. The fear in gray-blue eyes. Then the frightened scream of him. I wake up with a wince, my eyes widened and tears on my cheek. My chest goes up and down, trying to catch my breath and the anxiety and nightmare cause me to sweat. No, it wasn't a nightmare. It was a memory. Automatically, I glance right next to me and spot the empty place in the bed, a friendly reminder that he's dead. My heart tightens and is about to shatter into an ocean of pieces again.

Immediately standing up, I run towards the door. I need to go back, I need to at least look for him. How can I leave him alone out there, in the cold and nowhere? I need to see him, the urge makes me slightly panic. What if he somehow survived? If I can produce electricity and Steve can become strong, then he can survive this too. It's not impossible. I also once thought that he was dead but then I went to Austria and saved him.

"He- he can't be dead... " I keep assuring myself, even though I'm not sure if my mind or the madness is telling me that. I try to open the door and frown, panicking even more when I throw myself against it. It's locked, well locked that not even I can open it. "Hey! Someone open the bloody door!"

"I'm sorry, Eve, but you're not allowed to leave. It's just for your own safety. Electricity's not gonna work too." Howard's sympathetic voice comes from the other side of the door. "I know it's hard, but try to sleep, okay? It's four o'clock, you need some rest."

"No, you don't understand! We haven't even looked for him, we just gave up! Please, Howard, let me out!" I shout and pound my fists furiously against the door, being stunned by his decision. "I'm begging you, please, let me out! What if he's still out there?! I need to see him! He's waiting for me!"

No answer, he stays stubborn. I pant for air, unable to breathe properly as I keep beating against the door until it hurts so bad that I'm almost sure that my hands are bleeding but I don't perceive it. My focus is only Bucky.

"HOWARD!" I scream desperately and the weakness takes me down, my fists loosen as I try not to choke on my tears, my body shaking like I could fall apart any second. "Let me out! I thought you were my friend."

"I'm doing this because I am your friend." He answers with concern in his voice. "I'm not gonna let you go on a suicide mission. I know that you're feeling guilty but you can't change his death, Eve. You have to accept it."

In this moment, I break down, unable to cope with Bucky's death and the pain. I sink down to the ground and can't stop crying. His dog tag is smeared with my blood when I take it off and hold it in my hands, pressing it tightly against my chest. He stands still but I keep moving, forced by time and death. Closing my eyes, I just wish that we would be back in Brooklyn again, in the alley where we met when we were kids. Just innocent kids from Brooklyn.