Dear Eve,
I'm glad to hear that you come to terms with your new situation, I was almost worried that you'd have struggles to get along with the others there. The camp here is really hard, I'm completely behind because I'm the weakest guy. But I don't give up, here are two people who support me as well. And I'm happy that you're there, it must be amazing. Just be careful, okay? You always forget to take care of yourself. By the way, have you heard anything of Bucky?

-Steve

His letter makes me more than just happy, it's like a piece of home has returned to me although I had to wait four weeks for an answer. My strength and motivation grow but his last question keeps me awake since midnight. I haven't heard anything of Bucky, Howard also assured me that he heard nothing. Where are you?

I stand up, the clock tells me that it's 2am. I'm supposed to be sleeping, tomorrow is the day where I learn how to shoot a gun and I'm honestly slightly nervous about using it. A gun is a powerful weapon and takes a lot responsibility. As I walk to the door, deciding to take a little walk, I feel how my muscles hurt, due to the training every day. I would smile proudly at my progress if I wasn't so concerned about Bucky.

Leaving the corridor, I walk to the small conference room where I have been just a few times. It's actually more a common room for us, there will be more conferences when Project Reborn has succeeded. I quietly open the door, trying not to cause any noises that could wake up the others. My only aim is to find a book to get distracted but a hand is suddenly placed on my shoulder. I immediately react and grab the wrist of the hand, twisting it slightly.

"Ouch!" Howard yelps, trying to free himself. "It's just me, just me! You've seriously become too strong."

"God, Howard! You bloody scared me!" I whisper-shout and remove my hand. A look at him is enough to know that he wasn't about to go to sleep as well, he doesn't even wear pajamas. "What are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same until you attacked me!" He complains in a dramatic tone and I roll my eyes. I barely twisted his wrist.

"Well, I asked first." I point out matter-of-factly, folding my arms. I wouldn't be surprised if Mr Jarvis showed up to offer us tea now.

"If you think I could fall asleep that easily- "

"Is it because of your Manhattan Project?" I interrupt him, remembering that he feels guilty about his invention. Guilt had kept me awake for a while too, it's a crappy feeling. He first pauses, not even responding to my question but then it seems like he has changed his mind and nods slightly. His pride is probably too high to talk about his actual feelings.

"Not my favorite topic to talk about." He admits, a nervous laugh escapes his lips. "Let's go inside before we wake up the others."

I nod agreeing and we walk into the room. He immediately sits down on a chair while I turn on the light. "Tell me more about this atomic bomb. I actually know nothing."

"Because it's a secret project, pretty dangerous, even for me too much."

"You're aware of how much you suck at keeping secrets, right?" I narrow my eyes, recalling how he told me about Hydra too. A small grin forms across his lips in the weak light, brightening up the mood for a moment.

"I worked on the Manhattan Project with someone else who was the leader of it. We created the first atomic bomb together, it's still a prototype but much more dangerous than my flying car. It's a nuclear weapon, explosive, and could probably destroy an entire city by blast, fire and radiation. It just causes mass destruction." He explains and I swallow, pressing my lips together. "The government has the control over it. If they decide to blow up Japan, it'll be my fault."

It is pretty hard to find the right words now. A weapon like this can be just invented by humans, it's their nature. My chest feels tight at the thought of millions of people dying because of something that the man right in front of me had created. But what he creates doesn't define him. Mr Jarvis was right, he may be flawed but is deep inside a good man.

"You're not pulling the trigger." I remind him, glancing at him. "You're just the creator of the gun. You're not the one to blame, also the person behind the trigger isn't. It's the fault of the one who pulls the strings."

"You really think so?" He tilts his head, surprised by my beliefs.

"I thought you were smart, Howard?" I half grin. "Look, you didn't do it on purpose. Your intentions were different. And the fact that you feel guilty just proves that you're not even as half bad as you think. I mean, you try to make it up with Project Reborn. So don't blame yourself."

A genuine smile appears on his lips. "You have a quite convincing way to change someone's mind."

"You just need the right words and intentions for that." I shrug. "Is that your aim? To atone your mistakes?"

"Yes." He nods willfully. "What's your aim? And don't tell me something like saving the world or getting married. I want to know your selfish, deepest wish."

"Why would I tell you that?" I raise a brow in the air, half rolling my eyes. I hate it when he asks questions like this. Howard smirks his typical smile, filled with mischief and arrogance.

"Because we're friends and partners. I trust you and I really don't trust a lot people. If I ever had children, I would want you to be their godmother." He decides and I widen my eyes, not quite believing what he said. Did I just become a godmother of non-existence future children? "Well, unless you're their mother- "

"Enough. You know what that means." I glare at him and he takes out five cents, handing them to me. Mr Jarvis got the brilliant idea that every time Howard flirts a bit too inappropriate with me, I'll get five cents. So far, I have 35 cents.

"Just joking, don't worry." Howard chuckles in amusement. "But I'm actually serious, I would trust you with the lives of my future children which is a lot since they're gonna be smart and pretty. Back to the question though, answer it."

I sigh at his ridiculous logic but I know how stupidly stubborn and annoying he can be. "I'd hate to be forgotten. I was born as a nothing, thinking that my life was of no importance. I want to be useful for this world."

It is hard for me to admit it, let alone to speak it out loud but since he could tell me about his fear that kept him awake, I feel like I owe him that. I'm still sort of relieved that even millionaires have problems they have to deal with.

"I can assure you that you won't be forgotten." He smiles. "I mean, you've already made remarkable progresses, I'm actually sure that the experiment is gonna work. You should actually sleep because of the training tomorrow, why are you here?"

"I wanted to find a book to get distracted. After reading Alice in Wonderland for the hundredth time, it gets boring. I thought maybe I could get a map with Germany's territory to study or at least a dictionary to learn german. I barely know anything about our enemy, so how should I fight them when I neither understand them nor know where they exactly are?"

"Why do you need to get distracted?" He frowns and before I get the chance to answer, it clicks in his mind. "Still worried about your friends Steve and Bucky?"

"Still? More always, mostly about Bucky." I let out a sigh, trying not to sound pathetic. "I don't know where he is. I don't what he's doing. I don't know if he's even alive and this ignorance bothers me like hell. I'm helping the country already through this project, so how come I still feel so damn useless?"

"Feind." He blurts out after staring at me with pity and I frown in confusion.

"What- wait, did you just speak german?"

"Yes." Howard nods. "It means enemy. You wanna get distracted? Then I'll teach you german and tell you everything what I know about the german territory."

"Of course, you speak more than one language." I roll my eyes playfully. "What does 'Thank you' mean in german?"

"Danke."

"Danke, Howard." I half smile thankfully, speaking german sounds really weird. But it feels pretty good to have a friend here, even though he's a flirting jerk most of the time. If the world would just know how heavy the burden is that Howard Stark carries with him.

***

"Miss Farrell, Mr Stark, is it possible that you two may be tired for some specific reasons?" Mr Jarvis asks in a formal tone, still remaining polite. "You're not as communicative as usual when we're having lunch. And to be quite honest, it seems like you're falling asleep, Mr Stark."

Howard's face drops sleepily on the table, causing him to flinch in shock and to sit up quickly and clumsily again, still overstrained with staying awake. "W-what?"

"You're missing nothing." I mutter, my head resting tiredly on my right hand while my left one steals his apple pie. "Absolutely nothing."

"Are you trying to steal my apple pie?" He rubs his eyes with his hands, not really realizing what's happening.

"Nope." I shake my head and start eating his pie. It's a rare opportunity to get something like apple pie here. "I am sorry, Mr Jarvis, but we stayed awake the whole night and studied everything about Germany. It feels like my head is exploding. On german, it'd mean 'mein Kopf explodiert', I think."

"This is impressive." Mr Jarvis doesn't seem to know what to say. "How long exactly did you stay awake?"

"Uh, maybe till 5am? Not sure." I feel so tired and exhausted, my eyes are burning. But at least I get Howard's pie which tastes really delicious. "Crap, don't I have to practice shooting today?"

"Yes, you do." Mr Jarvis affirms nodding and I sigh, putting the pie aside and rubbing my eyes to be fully awake. "I think it's time to go now. Or would you like to have coffee first?"

"I think it's better to have a coffee first, just in case." I agree but before he stands up to get me coffee, as polite as he is, a soldier runs towards us or better towards Howard. The man's worry filled face catches my attention, something must have happened.

"Mr Stark, an urgent call for you. It's very important."

"Got it." Howard nods, understanding the serious look from the soldier and gets up to leave the cafeteria. I look after him, curious about what it could be. It must even matter more than Project Reborn because after the shoot training, we were supposed to talk about the experiment that should take place next week already.

"Mr Jarvis, do you have any idea what it could be about?" I narrow my eyes, questioning the importance of the problem. Howard could even tell me about Hydra and the Manhattan Project, this must be something bigger.

"Sadly no, Miss Farrell. I'm just assigned to Project Reborn."

"Can I wait till Howard is back? I want to know more about this." I request and Mr Jarvis nods.

"Of course. I'll get your coffee meanwhile."

We first wait five minutes, watching for Howard to come back but no sign of him. The cup with the coffee is now empty and I am at least fully awake. After ten minutes, I start becoming impatient, tapping my fingers nervously against the table. When finally fifteen minutes pass, Howard comes back, rushing in a hurry into the cafeteria. He has put on a jacket, under his arm is a suitcase.

"Sorry, I don't have much time to say goodbye but I need to go back to the states for a few days. Emergency." He lets us know and I raise a brow in the air. Before we can ask further, he already runs out of the cafeteria and I stand up, following him.

"Wait, what? What kind of emergency??" I frown, catching up with him.

"Just... an emergency." He answers, avoiding to tell me more details and I clench my teeth. "Listen, Jarvis is gonna take care of you. You can practice everything else till I'm back, then we can plan the experiment."

"Why won't you tell me what's going on? You even told me about the Manhattan Project, a mass production weapon if I need to remind you. Is it about something worse?"

"I need to go now, Eve." He walks towards the elevator, tergiversating answers and avoiding eye contact with me. Why is he suddenly acting like the people from the government?

"Howard." I stand still, stopping him from leaving. He turns around, discomfort and severity are in his brown eyes. "Don't make me regret being your friend."

He says nothing, not even a classic joke to brighten up the mood like he always does. Howard just enters the elevator and leaves quickly while I press my lips together. What is he hiding from me?