A/N- I wish you all a Merry Christmas or Hanukkah! ❤️ I hope you have a great time with your friends and family!

"Mr Jarvis, you're a man, right?" I ask, gazing at the air instead of him. My poor attempt to write Bucky failed, not even a night could change that. I still have no idea what to tell him, everything seems to sound ridiculous and worthless, sometimes almost pathetic. Mr Jarvis almost chokes on his scrambled eggs and I raise a brow in the air.

"Unless you do not have a different definition of man, then yes, I am one. I do not intend to be rude but how does it come that strange questions like this go through your mind, Miss Farrell?" Mr Jarvis coughs and takes a sip of his tea to clear his throat.

"Well, there's a person who I want to write but I don't even know what I should write since our last conversation didn't end well. Actually, it's complicated." I sigh, looking at him for help. "What would you like to hear?"

"Are you having a romantic relationship with this person?"

"That's why, it's complicated." I press my lips together. I've never been in a struggle like that, let alone in a real fight with Bucky. During all these years, we had just little discussions like who would get the last piece of bread or just disagreements such as about the topic war. I haven't experienced how to solve arguments.

"Oh, lord." He sighs and tries to think of an idea. "Firstly, I suggest you eat more, it'll be an exhausting day with the training today. Secondly, if I was one of the people who you cared for, I suppose I would like to hear how you're doing. I am truly sorry, my advise is of no avail."

"No, it's actually more than I've got." I affirm and drown in my thoughts as Howard joins our table in the cafeteria. On his tray are scrambled eggs, a piece of bread and a glass milk as well, although he doesn't seem to be very content with his breakfast.

"Good morning, Mr Stark." Jarvis greets him politely.

"Good? It's unbelievable. Natalie, the canteen woman, wanted to spit in my food just because I ditched her that one day. It's not like I already have to deal with the terrible food." Howard's complaint reminds me of his ridiculous high expectations and I roll with my eyes.

"Congrats, Howard. You are now eating a typical Brooklyn breakfast with just better eggs." I say sarcastically. Even though I start trusting him, his spoiled standards and attitude still bother me like hell, not to mention his disgusting association with women.

"I knew you'd be proud of me." He ignores my sarcasm before taking a look at the clock. "We should hurry if we want to start in a half hour."

"Says the one who still has a full plate." I point out.

"What? Don't judge me. I could die, I mean, I'm pretty sure that Natalie poisoned these scrambled eggs." Howard states dramatically, making a big scene about it.

Mr Jarvis and I just share a look.

***

I wear tight but surprisingly comfortable and athletic trousers with a white shirt. Beneath my feet are mats, so I won't get too hurt. Today I will learn how to fight but without weapons, just with bare hands and feet. To be honest, I am slightly excited because I finally learn how to defend myself. Mr Jarvis stands next to Howard in the corner, ready to watch me.

"You look quite ravishing in this outfit." Howard grins teasingly and I just roll my eyes.

"Shut up, Howard."

An older man in a soldier uniform enters the gym, the scars on his face tell me that he has seen things that not everyone has. I get slightly nervous, respecting this man for his experience and being intimidated by his presence. He walks to Howard who shakes his hand.

"Eve, that's Sergeant Nelson. He's here to train you and teach you how to fight." Howard introduces him to me. "Sergeant Nelson, this is the test subject, Eve Farrell, daughter of Elizabeth Farrell."

"An honor to meet you." He greets me and I nod. "I don't want to waste any more time with talking, so let's just immediately start with the training. Go down, fifty push-ups."

"Wait, what?" I widen my eyes, Howard cracks up with laughter in the background.

"Fifty push-ups!" He repeats, shouting and I immediately go down and start to do fifty push-ups, still confused about the sudden acerbity. After five push-ups, I'm already exhausted, the strength leaves my arms and my body feels flabby and weak. But Sergeant Nelson's stern glare in my back forces me to continue, no matter how doting I feel.

"You know what's funny? I actually don't even have to be here, I'm free for today. I could listen the radio or build new weapons but this is way more entertaining." Howard laughs and I glare at him. "Oh, come on, don't be mad at me! It's true that women are weak."

My blood boils and I clench my teeth, the anger reddens my face and I have the strength to continue. I thought I could be friends with him but his comment just angers me so freaking much that I want to punch in his face. Come on, don't give up, you can do it. You can do it!, I motivate myself and try to stop shaking. After fifty push-ups, I sink down and lay heavily breathing on the ground. Every single muscle hurts.

"Get up, soldier Farrell." Sergeant Nelson commands and I force myself to get up, still gasping for air. "Now we will test your skills. Anything against punches?"

"I'm here to learn how to fight." I remind him between deep breaths, still trying to steady my breath.

"Good. The most important thing is your stance. Your feet should be slightly angled to the side and your weight distribution should be fifty-fifty. Never stand flat-footed on both feet, the rear heel should be raised with the weight placed on the ball of the foot."

I do as he says. Feet angled. Balanced weight distribution. Rear heel raised. But barely a second passes until Sergeant Nelson suddenly places his foot behind mine and pushes me towards the ground. I fall down, my head hits the mat and I let out a pained groan. An ache is left behind.

"Your stance wasn't steady. Get up. Do it again. You need to focus on your opposer and a steady footing, focus on the details." He advises strictly while Howard's snickers behind me drive me crazy.

"Yeah, Eve, do it again. I love to see you fall."

I stand up in a huff and listen to the sergeant's advice, I try to focus on the details. But he makes me fall for a second time. And a third time. At the fourth time, I am not sure if I feel dizzy and start to struggle to get up. Howard's laughter gets louder with every time I fall which provokes me like hell.

"And you told me she was a good test subject. But in the end, she's just- " Sergeant Nelson doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence because I use his technique. I place my foot behind his as I push him with both hands towards the ground, making him fall. His eyes widen and stare at me with shock.

"Uh, yeah, just to be clear, I just provoked you to make you stronger. We're still friends, right? I'd say more than friends but I think it's too early for this." Howard mutters and I just tilt my head in his direction, shooting him a look.

"Impressive." Mr Jarvis remarks with admiration as the soldier gets up.

"That was an unfair move." He complains, his pride is marked with a crack. I just shrug, being a bit annoyed by the disgrace in front of someone as childish as Howard.

"War doesn't pause either. Distraction leads to fatal mistakes. Now teach me how to defend myself, not how to stand. If I attack my opposer fast enough, then he won't even have the chance to make me fall."

I recognize how he shifts his weight on his fore feet, immediately knowing that he will use his method again. I take my chance and react by dodging his push and shifting my weight on the back feet. My move is crowned with success, I remain standing on the mat.

"Good. Now we're gonna see if you're good in dodging. I'm not gonna punch hard but I still suggest you to be careful. If you need to stop, then just say it." He seems to be content with my progress.

"Understood." I nod and notice how Howard and Mr Jarvis don't look quiet sure about this.

"Chin down. Hands up. Use your elbows and forearms as protection." Sergeant Nelson demands and looks at me as I do the commanded position. "Ready? Don't forget to say stop when you can't anymore."

"Ready." I nod and he immediately starts punching, aiming at my face but I react quickly, blocking his blow with my forearm and ignoring the pain there. My heart races, adrenaline rushes through my veins and I try not to panic when his other fist targets my stomach. I can just sidestep in the last second, everything goes way so fast that I have barely time to react.

I clench my teeth when his fist wants to hit my head because I feel how the air sharply cuts my ear, almost making me lose the balance. That distracts me and he takes the chance to hit my stomach. It aches badly and I have the urge to spit but I hold it back and fall a few steps back, trying to get my footing back. He steps forward and his fist tries to punch my face but I can block him again although it hurts like hell.

"Eve!" Howard shouts concerned and I ignore him, focusing on dodging and blocking. Every time I blink, I'm scared to miss one blow or move, blinking suddenly takes too much time. I start becoming weaker as he begins to succeed more, leading me to cough and groan in pain. Another punch makes me fall down, breathing heavily.

"Okay, that should be enough!" Stark interrupts us, making Sergeant Nelson pause. I now know how Steve felt the whole time, I have the urge to vomit and my stomach hurts like hell, turning every breath painful and letting me struggle to get air.

"She should've said stop." He defends himself. Steve stood up the whole time, he didn't stay down. And now he's even in a worse situation and still stays strong. Bucky needed to protect me the whole time, punching those who tried to hurt me. Now it's my turn to be strong. I clench my teeth and get up, shaking, caused by pain and still breathing heavily.

"Well, I haven't yet." I let him know, thinking of the guys in the alley years ago. The one harmed Steve, resulting in him staying a night in the hospital. The other one touched me, wanted to take one of the few things that belong to me. I step forward and target my elbow at his chest, causing him to fall through my sneak attack. "Now I'd like to stop."

"Not bad." He stands up, coughing a bit. "It even hurt. But there's still much to learn. It's good for the beginning though. We're gonna train every day now, so get used to doing those fifty push-ups."

"I will, Sergeant." I nod, forcing a smile and ignoring the pain in my stomach. Howard walks to me and rolls up my shirt, revealing a bruise that won't disappear anytime soon. "Is this your way of stripping off someone's clothes?"

"Well, if you want to walk around without any clothes, I don't mind- " I slap his head, quieting him before he lets out a playful groan and turns to his butler. "Jarvis, please get some ice for Eve."

"Yes, sir." Mr Jarvis leaves the gym with Sergeant Nelson and I sit down, taking a few more breaths.

"Why didn't you say stop? You could've prevented that." Howard points at the bruise and sits down next to me, handing me a cold water bottle.

"I've been in a lot of alley fights but I never got really badly hurt, thanks to my friends. They always defended and protected me because I was too weak to do it myself. Now it's my turn, I owe it to them to become strong." I take a huge sip, feeling now better.

"The two friends who are in army right now?"

I nod. "Soldier Steve Rogers and Sergeant James Barnes. Could you please get information about them for me? It's already enough if I at least know that they're alive and alright."

"I'll do my best." He promises me.

In the evening, I take the pen and start writing down words on the empty letter. Now I know what I'll write him. It won't be a love letter. It'll just contain the things he actually wants to hear, things that he can hold onto.

Dear Bucky,
I know you're scared. I know you're terrified to death. I hope it'll make you stronger to hear that we are alright. Rebecca's great, she has a new boyfriend who treats her the way she deserves, so please don't play the protective brother. The twins are bubbly as always, although they hate that they have to play the twins from Alice in Wonderland. Henry wanted to play the Hatter, like you had to. Winifred is happy, your father has returned and has now a few weeks off. And Steve? Well, we both know Steve, he's probably stubborn and is in trouble before he realizes it. Anyways, the people you care about are alright, you don't need to worry about them anymore.
I miss you and I just want you to know that it's okay to be scared. It just proves that you still have something to lose. I wish you good luck and to survive. I know you can do it because I believe in you. Hold onto that.

-Eve