1937

It was 5am, early in the morning when I found out about the bad news. I had been still asleep, having a dreamless and quiet night for once till I heard the constant knocking at the door. First I thought Bucky would open the door since he was much closer by sleeping on the couch, until I remembered that it was the 29th of December, not the 25th. I wasn't even in the condition to think about who could that possibly be or why that person would just appear now, the fatigue had still taken control over my mind.

I would have never guessed that Rebecca Barnes would ever stand in front of my apartment, let alone at this time. The tears running down her rosy cheeks and her brown hair a mess made me fully awake and I started imagining every possibly reason why she was here, something bad had happened. My first thought was Bucky, the picture of him being involved in a car accident gave me goosebumps and scared me to death. Then I thought of the twins, the young toddlers that were always happy and bubbly. But before I could continue, Rebecca explained to me under sobs what had happened.

Sarah Rogers had passed away an hour ago. She couldn't shake the tuberculosis and left Steve as an orphan in the world. Bucky had been trying to comfort Steve since he found out while his father took care of Sarah and his mother of the twins. Rebecca had come to my apartment to let me know.

The shock first made the whole world fall silent, blended out the music from some night clubs and the few cars driving around. It was like I could just hear how my heart beat slower and quieter. Then I started shaking uncontrollably as a single tear ran down my face. I didn't know her that well. But she accepted me and took care of Steve, she wasn't a bad human.

Rebecca then walked me to Steve's apartment where Bucky sat in Steve's room, not stopping to stroke the back of the poor orphan next to him. I entered the room quietly, not daring to make a single noise, but sensing my presence Bucky still looked up. His blue eyes were a bit reddened but he stayed strong for his best friend. Seeing him would usually make me happy, but this occasion wasn't usual. He glanced at me, signaling for help and I just nodded. I had known why. Because I was an orphan too.

The only sound that broke the silence in the room was Steve's endless sobbing, his face buried in his hands and his elbows resting on his thighs. The Steve that I had known, shy but still happy, was not there. A part of him died, leaving the crying and helpless shell. It broke my heart into a million pieces to see him like that, in pain and completely broken. His whole body was shaking and just a look at him made me want to cry.

"Steve..." My voice was weak and trailed off, making him look up. His face was made of tears, his eyes and cheeks were cherry red and his breath was unsteady. He was broken and despaired. I sat down next to him on his right, Bucky on his left and pulled him into a tight hug like I could make the awful things that happened undone. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

He just broke out in tears, his head laying on my shoulder and my dress got drenched in his tears, but it didn't bother me at all. My hand stroked carefully his back as I kept muttering that it was okay to cry, to let it out. Bucky shot me a pained look, half thankful for my help but also half sad. That's how we spent the rest of the night together, sitting, hugging and crying.

Right now, we are standing on the Brooklyn Cemetery, but we are not dressed in black. Steve has said that he doesn't want to see that dark color, so everyone has showed up in gray. After Sarah Roger's death on the 29th of December, we could organize a little funeral a few weeks later but already in the new year 1937. The New Year's Eve was horrible, we abdicated celebrating.

"How should I comfort him?" Bucky whispers into my ear, his concerned glance lands on Steve who stands in front of the grave. The funeral has just finished.

"Just give him time." My eyes stick to the blonde mourning boy. He hasn't cried since the day his mother died, not even shed a tear. "He's still processing. He has us to survive this."

"I hate being helpless, especially in situations like this." His voice is slightly frustrated. "I... he's my best friend, Eve. I've known him way too long to let him go through this alone now. But I just don't know what to do or how to act. I'm pretty sure that if I talk to him, he'll pretend to be okay. Because, let's be honest, no one wants to have the guy with the happy family around him when he has just lost his."

"You're his family, Buck." I state, now glancing at him. "He hasn't lost his whole family and I bet my life that he wants you around him. He needs you."

"As much as he needs you. How did you feel when you lost your family?"

"I don't know." I shrug, pressing my lips slightly together. "I didn't know them. Steve did know his mother though. I felt empty but no pain, it was like there's a hole that can never be replaced. He's going through a different situation. He's ripped apart, broken and helpless, not used to the upcoming loneliness. He suffers."

"We'll stay by his side, however long it takes, right?"

"Count me in." I nod, then I look at Bucky's family. Winifred is still crying, not able to stop the tears. "Take care of your mom. I'll talk to Steve."

Bucky does as I say while I walk quietly to Steve. His look lays on the two gravestones of the Rogers family, making him the only one of his family who's still alive. The names Joseph Rogers and Sarah Rogers are written on each grave, at least letting them be together after death.

"Hey." I half smile at him, trying not to ruin the already tense mood. He looks up and his blue eyes are emotionless, his feelings are hid behind a facade.

"Hey." His voice is monotonous and dry, almost a whisper but not too distanced.

"I know, this question is stupid. I hate to ask but I need to, because I know that you're pretending. How are you? Do you need anything?"

"She's next to dad." He shortly answers, avoiding emotions. Steve looks back at the gravestones, sorrow almost breaks through his facade. Bucky returns to us while his family goes to the car to drive back home. The brunette guy listens to our conversation, standing next to us. "I'm okay. I can get by on my own."

"You shouldn't and you don't have to. I'm with you." I place my hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it. "So is Bucky."

"Till the end of the line, pal." Bucky adds, glancing at Steve sympathetically. "No matter what happens."

"Thanks, guys." He is still emotionally distanced, not letting any hints of emotions seep though his voice or facade. Bucky and I share a glance, agreeing that Steve shouldn't need to hide his true feelings in front of us.

While we walk to Steve's apartment in a depressive silence, my mind is seething, searching for ideas how to make Steve stick to his honest feelings. I also remember that it's actually time to pay the rent now and that I barely have money left for food or anything else. And then there is the problem with Bucky as well. Realizing my feelings for someone right now is a really bad time, I can't really afford to think deeper about it at the moment. Nonetheless, Steve is my first priority, being there for him and driving off his loneliness. How can I help him?

We arrive at his apartment as an uncomfortable feeling settles down in my stomach. It will be the first time that Steve enters his home as an orphan, as the last remaining Rogers. I am pretty sure that he will never forget how the loneliness sets in, starts inwardly feeding on him.

"You two can go now. I wanna be alone." Steve mutters as he enters the apartment, looking around like Sarah would show up any second.

"Are you sure?" Bucky tilts his head, trying to find any signs of lying.

"Yes, I am. I need time for myself." The forced way he's saying it sounds familiar to me. He's lying, trying to stay strong although he needs help.

"Hey, uh, would you mind if I stay here for tonight?" I impulsively suggest a sleepover, attempting to deal the loneliness with him together. It wouldn't be the first time that we sleepover, we already did that on his birthday. "I forgot to pay the rent and the landlord may show up and I really don't want to get in trouble."

"Okay." He nods quietly. I knew that he'd agree because he's way too kind to refuse it. Steve rather wants to help and continue lying than leave me alone with my problem to have time for himself. I'm aware of how selfish that sounds from me but I just don't want him to be lonely.

"Then I'll stay too." Bucky decides determined, letting us know that nobody can convince him else. "But I'll join after dinner, maybe at nine, my mother needs me."

"Sure." He just responses.

Steve Rogers has turned into an empty shell.

***

"Hey, is it okay if I cook tomato soup for dinner?" I shout to Steve from the kitchen, already preparing the ingredients. We spent the whole time being silent until I decided to cook dinner. Like Bucky, Steve can't cook as well, so I'll teach him. I still wait for him to respond, frowning in confusion. Didn't he hear me? "Steve?"

No answer. Silence. Putting down the vegetables, I walk to his room where he's supposed to be. "Hey, Steve- "

The room is completely empty, flooded by the darkness of the winter night. He's not here. Where the hell is he?? I start running through the apartment, check on the bathroom, living room and the room of his mother. He's nowhere to be seen. Nobody is here but me. He must have left. He's gone. "Steve!!"

I start panicking and grab quickly my coat, then I run out of the apartment, not stopping to shout his name. The cold lashes my face and the anxiety unsteadies my breath, making my lungs burn. What if he does something stupid again? What if something bad happened? The concern loots on my mind, I can't think clearly at all. I pray to God that he's alright, that nothing more than his heart is broken.

I've been running for about a half hour now, just the street lamps give me light. The people I asked hadn't seen the small blonde I'm looking for or had just ignored me. I almost don't feel my legs anymore, the cold has numbed them. My lungs demand for air, forcing me to take a break and my heart feels like exploding. But my will gives me strength to continue, which is why, I keep running and looking for him.

"Steve! Come back! Steve! Steve- " I pause and narrow my eyes. The weak shine of the for me familiar blonde hair breaks through the gloominess of the small alley next to the diner, belonging to the one and only person. I walk into the alley while letting out a breath of relief, the concern shrinks and my breath steadies.

"You're pretty damn crazy for running away, I was hella worried about you. Do you even have an idea how relieved I am that I could find you?" I get closer as I sigh but then my eyes widen, adjusting to the lack of light and seeing everything clear now. Steve sits on the dirty ground, fresh blood leaves his nose, his lips boasted and he has a black eye. Mud is smeared all over his body, black stains cover his skin and clothes.

"Oh, my God, what happened?!" I kneel down, cupping his face to take a look at his wounds. He looks horrible and still avoids eye contact.

"They provoked me." His voice is abnormally loud, assured but not angry. "These... these guys provoked me, made fun of me and my mother. And I... I snapped. I didn't intend to end up like this, let alone react to this. But..." And then he finally breaks the facade as a tear rolls down his dirty cheek. "I don't know what to do, Eve."

"Steve..." I try not to tear up, but I cannot prevent that my heart shatters into pieces. Seeing him like that is one of the worst things I have ever seen.

"I don't have a family anymore. She's dead. She just died and I don't even remember the last words that I'd said to her." He starts crying and buries his face into his knees. "I don't know how to handle it, I don't know anything."

"It's okay, it's okay." I calm him down as I sit in front of him, not caring about the dirt and fighting the tears. "Do you remember the day in summer when we stole apples? You said I'd be an honored Rogers." I attempt to smile as bright as possible for him, making him look at me. "I'm your family, Steve. And I am sure that your mother wouldn't want you to get beat up again, she just wanted the best for you."

"It- It just hurts so bad." He sobs as more tears are streaming down his face.

"It's because you loved her." My eyes get teary, my smile fades away. "There is a certain club, the orphan club. You're in, when you're in. I'm sorry that you belong to this club now."

I pull him into a hug, holding him tightly and stroking his back. His blood and mud get on my coat but the only thing that matters is that he's not lonely.

"I really am."

A/N- This was a more emotional chapter, oh dear. But poor Stevie, ugh, my baby suffers so much. I hope you enjoyed reading though and the name of the song that I added is "Long Way Down" by Tom Odell, by the way.