It was the 9th of March. Rowan's birthday. I got up, feeling sadder than usual, and drooped around the house, sighing. Kogie came up to me and gave me a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on my lap.
"We'll go get her a present, okay? Go get ready." He said, flashing me a smile. I nodded, still with the depressed emotion plastered on my face. Getting up, I walk to my room and change into a shirt and a pair of jeans, then put on some vans and left with Kogie.
"We're here," Kogie said, gesturing to the shop. As I look around, I decide to get Rowan a Kraken laptop. It cost around £600 or more. Kogie and I paid for it, because he would always offer to pay half of the cost. Once that was done, we headed back home, the computer in my hand.
In the flat, I kept her gift in a box which contained all of her other gifts. I started to buy stuff for her since she ran away, which was about 8 to 9 years ago. So there were about 9 presents inside, all wrapped up nicely.
There was a piece of paper inside, which had my writing on it. What was written on the paper was the different presets in the box. I took it our and re-read it again.

Rowan's present list:
Age/Item

9/Cat Notebook
10/Platinum Necklace
11/Owl-Patterned Neck Pillow
12/Black Headphones
13/Mouse
14/Outfit; Torn Jeans, Black/Sliver Tank Top, Dream Catcher Bracelet, Black Vans, Gloves(with those holes cut out in the top)
15/Wooden Owl
16/Framed Glass With A Cat Painted On It

I grabbed a pen and scribbled down this year's present. 17/Kraken Laptop, was what I wrote. I remember breaking down in my younger years when it came to this day. Kogie must've had a hard time.
I push the box back into it's place, which is under my desk, then dig through my collection of things I that I had left of Rowan.
In my bedside cabinet, there lay a bunch of stuff. I remember when she ran off, her red beanie, which she wore all the time, flew off her head. A wave of memories drowned me as I held the beanie. I lost my sister. I hadn't ran off after her, if I did, I could've easily catched up with her and bring her home. I wouldn't have been in this sitiuation now if it wasn't for my stupid younger self who didn't want to save Ro.
Why? I question myself. Why didn't I go after her? Why? WHY?!
As my questioning slowly starts to become somewhat more like demanding, I suddenly feel like a panic attack is on it's way.
I clutch my hair, falling to my knees. A ghostly voice rings through my head as an attack comes.

You let her go
You didn't save her
This is all your fault, Leo
It's your fault
Your fault...

Slideshows of Rowan running away start to play in my mind. She runs away, I do nothing. I try to run after her, try to change the past, but my legs don't move.
I stand there, as still as a statue, my legs like rock, but my brain doing everything it can to make me run.
Falling to my knees, I sob, pulling at my hair. I look up and see her standing in the distance, as if she was waiting for me.
Trying to get up, I push myself to run after her again, but something is holding me down. I pull away, trying to break free from whatever's grasp.
I hear a voice. A calm, soothing one.
"Leo, calm down. It's not real, Leo, snap out of it..."
The sound drives me away from Ro. I look up, onky to see Kogie standing over me, his arms holding me down.
"Thank God..." He mutters, cautiously getting off me.
"I- A- What happened?" I ask, my mind slowly swimming back to focus.
"You had a panic attack, luckily not a bad one." He says, standing back up. "Does your head hurt? I'll get you painkillers."
"Uhh, n- yeah, actually. That'll be nice." I manage to squeak, my heart still racing. As he leaves, I see a fresh bruise on the back of his left arm.
"Kogie!" I call. He turns. "D-did I do that to you?" I gesture to the bruise. He looks away sheepishly. Guilt fills my soul.
"It's only a little one, it doesn't even hurt!" He assures me, mocking a smile. He shake my head.
"I'm so sorry..." I crumble down again, tears just starting to trickle down my face. He sighs.
"Leo, it's alright. Stop worrying about me and focus on yourself, okay? I'm fine." He states firmly, getting up. "Stay here. I'll get your painkillers."
He soon returns with two tablets and a glass of water, giving them to me. I swallow the tablets, then drown them down with the water. I hand him back the glass, but he says, "No, drink it."
I sigh, then gulp down the rest of the liquid.

(=^・ω・^=)