K A D E N

"Mom, I'm home." I called out but there was no response.

The hallway was strangely quiet. There were still boxes strewn across the hallway where they'd been left from yesterday. My steps were quiet on the wooden floorboards and led me towards the living room where I saw my mom sat on the floor. Her back was towards me but even then I saw her shoulders shaking.

"Mom?" I was by her side in an instant. She didn't look up. Her hands covered her face as she leaned into my shoulder.

"Mom." I tried again softly.

"Oh, it's nothing." That's when I saw what was laid out in front of her.

"I thought you were going to sell these things." I picked up a snow globe and put it back into the box it came from. I remember it was the one she'd brought from Disneyland.

"I know it's silly of me to keep holding onto these." She wiped a final tear away and picked up a black hairbrush. Her fingers ran over the individual bristles in a longing gesture full of pain and absence.

I hated seeing her this way. It made a lump the size of a tennis ball form in my throat because I knew she wouldn't be this way if it hadn't been for me. Right now I wanted to be as far away from this room as possible but I couldn't. Maybe before I could've walked out that front door without a care in the world but things had changed since then.

I took the items from her hands and carefully put them back into the box. After sealing it up, I took it to the hallway and shoved it into a far corner where it'd get lost among the other cardboard boxes.

When I returned, my mom was up on her feet, a grin now replacing the saddened line on her face. "How was your first day?"

"Mom, you don't have to pretend."

"Did you make any new friends?" She said, just proving my statement.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. It was pointless getting into an argument. "It was fine. And if Sam counts then yes, I made a new friend."

"That's great. I'm really happy you're settling in again." I shot her a sceptical look but she ignored it. "Your father's talked to the principal so if anything goes wrong then it'll be sorted."

I remembered this morning's events and wondered if she knew. Principal Vandenhoff must have talked to my dad instead. Either way, I decided to play along. "Nothing's going to go wrong." I reassured even if I wasn't quite so certain about that concept myself.

"I know, sweetheart. We're just trying to keep you safe."

"You and dad shouldn't worry so much. I'm going to be fine."

"Saying that just makes us worry more."

"Well, take a holiday." I recommended.

She laughed but it turned into a choking sound in the back of her throat. She turned away from me.

"Mom--" I stepped forward but she held out her palm to stop me.

"I need you to give something to Ms Johnson next door. It's in a blue bag in the kitchen. Could you do that for me, please?"

I waited a beat longer before nodding and leaving the room. As soon as the door closed I could hear my mother's silent sobs. Knowing that I could do nothing to make it better just added more salt to the wound.

This kind of thing happened often enough that by now I should've gotten used to it. Which was easier said than done. Every time, it felt like a hole had been punched through my chest, a gaping absence. One that no amount of glue or thread could fix. And the worst part was that it was all my fault.

-

My steps were heavy as I made my way next door, the brief conversation with my mother still running through my head. The more I thought about it, the more it made my blood boil.

"Ah Kaden, what a pleasant surprise." Sam's grandma greeted me at the door.

"Compliments from my mother. For the casserole." I held out the bag with a semi smile.

"Oh, she didn't have to do that." She said, taking the bag anyway. "Thank you, dear."

"No problem."

I cleared my throat and began to make my way back up the path when she called my name out. "Actually if it's not too much, could I ask you to do me a favour?"

I faltered, glancing over the low fence to my door before nodding. And that's how I found myself in the Johnson's backyard, planting flowers. The sweltering heat had reduced me to wearing just a vest and the knees of my jeans had patches of soil of them.

"On our anniversary, Sam's grandad would always buy me lavender roses. They're symbolic, you know. Supposedly representing love at first sight. Always the romantic. He's the reason all of this even exists." Ms Johnson chuckled with a glazed look in her eyes. A nostalgic air seemed to settle over her.

I held up a white rose. "White represents innocence, right?"

"Correct." She smiled. "Red for passion. Green for luck. Yellow for hope and happiness and so on. I was never the flower type of girl but once you find out the meanings behind them, it sticks with you."

"And they make your backyard look pretty great too."

She chuckled at that and disappeared inside for a second. I carried on planting the flowers after Ms Johnson had demonstrated how the soil should be parted and the position the roots should be in. My hands hovered over the yellow roses and I wondered if she would allow me to borrow some.

Only a few minutes had passed when she returned with a tray of lemonade and handed me one. "You've been such a help. I would have done this myself but my back isn't what it used to be. And Sam doesn't seem to have an interest in his old grandma these days."

I frowned at that. "I'm sure that's not true."

She smiled sadly but otherwise didn't say anything more. That in itself irked me, made me conflicted over something I didn't know anything about. My own grandparents didn't play a huge role in my life.

So when she stood up with a low moan I was unsure of what to do at first. "Are you alright?" I asked cautiously whilst offering a hand to stable her.

She waved it way and stood up with a hand on her back. "I'll be fine once I lie down. You've been great today."

"Are you sure you don't need any help?"

"You've done more than enough to help. Thank you. I'll be fine."

I watched as she slowly made her way back inside, trying to shake off whatever it was that I was experiencing. The feeling didn't disappear when I went inside and found Sam on the kitchen island helping himself to a few brownies.

"Pizza not enough for you?"

"I'm a growing boy." He defended. "What are you doing here?"

"I was helping your grandma with her flowers." On an afterthought I added, "Your grandma's pretty awesome, Sam."

"I know right? She makes the best brownies."

His response made me frown. Today was a really weird day. "I'm not talking about her brownies." He waited for me to elaborate which is when I began to struggle. "Life is short, you know? Make the most of it while you can."

"So that's what you do in all your brooding time. Come up with inspirational speeches to educate the uneducated."

"Don't be an ass. All I'm saying is to not waste precious time."

"I get it." He chuckled, grabbing a couple more brownies in his palm and hopped off the stool he was sat on. "Now come on, we've still got a whole town to explore."

-

That night I was particularly restless. The moon shone through the blinds and into my room, emitting a semi glow. I raised my fingers in the air and made finger puppets. First, it was a rabbit, then a butterfly and then curled into a fist.

My things were still in boxes. Ready to move into a new place once I'd found it. It was the terms that I'd negotiated with my parents in Sydney. I wanted my own space.

I began to pace the room before making a decision and getting up. My parent's room was near the landing so when I went past it, I stopped for a brief second and pressed my ear against the wooden door. When I heard no sound coming out, I silently walked down the stairs and out the front doors. Sam's earlier tour of the town wasn't so much of a waste but a sore reminder of all the things that were.

I saw myself in the ice cream shop debating over what flavour to get with her. At my mom's workplace, where we both waited to surprise her on mother's day. In the park, seeing who could go the highest on the swings.

I turned cold at the thoughts, my hands gripping the railing of the now shrunken playground for a second before pushing off them. It continued like that. Whatever I saw, there would be some sort of memory attached to them. Another painful tug on my chest. Until I decided to stop looking altogether, instead focusing on my breath fog in front of my face as I breathed out.

I don't know how long I had been out, my head partly in the clouds and only cleared when I heard footsteps behind me, following me. My body instantly went on alarm, hands clenching into fists inside my pockets and muscles tensing.

Trying not to arouse suspicion, I carried on walking at a normal pace. The street lamps provided little assurance by throwing shadows in every direction possible. My eyes darted left then right. There was no one else besides me and a car on the road.

I could see the glow from headlights becoming brighter. The car slowed down until it was going the same pace I was. The window rolled down.

"Mordecai? That you?" A low, gruff voice said.

Goosebumps rose on my arm as I tried to shield my head away from the car and quickened my pace.

"Stop here." The voice came again and a second later a car door slammed and there was someone in my path.

"No way, it is. Long time no see."

Slowly I looked up, blood already beginning to freeze over. The sinking feeling in my stomach intensified as he took a step forward and a street lamp illuminated his face.

"Dante." I said carefully, keeping my voice level. In my head, I wondered if I could make a run for it. He raised a slit brow in scrutiny and something like approval.

"Back from rehab so soon?" Bile rose in my throat, burning like acid. He was mocking me.

I stayed quiet.

"Remember what happened last time you were in town?" His voice took on a menacing tone. A threat.

And I heard it loud and clear. "I don't want any trouble."

"You better not." He stalked closer, close enough to knock my shoulder. "We wouldn't want a repeat of last time."

Despite my feet urging me to run, I stood my ground.

"You don't have to be afraid. We're old friends." He patted my shoulder in a friendly gesture this time. Though I knew it was far from that.

"You were never my friend." I couldn't help but spit out.

It was a mistake on my part because it gave him enough reason to raise his fist and leave the side of my face stinging. I saw it coming. I could have even stopped it. But I let it happen anyway, whilst my palms began to curl into fists in my pocket.

"You've finally grown a backbone, huh. Sister not here to protect you anymore?" He smirked. My face remained blank. "If you ever need some extra cash, my door's always open."

I stayed quiet.

He narrowed his eyes and I wondered what was going on in that murderous mind of his. Knowing him though, there was never a good outcome. "You don't want trouble then fine. Stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."

I nodded, showing that I understood and that seemed to satisfy him. He grinned, baring his golden tooth which was about as genuine as his word. "It was good seeing you again, Mordecai."

He smirked once again and brushed past me, but not without whispering one more thing in my ear that made chills run down my spine. "Welcome back."