P H O E N I X

The lights inside the airport were blinding. The billboards were even brighter. My eyes squinted at the rolling text, sighing when I saw the delayed symbol next to the flight to NY. It seemed like there was still another two and a half hours to go.

I pulled out my phone to call my mom but it just went to voicemail. I also texted my dad to let him know I'd be arriving a little later. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the time to pass.

I had done a number of things that day. Aside from packing the last few things in the morning, I went to the cemetery. The last time I'd been there was for Sam's grandma's funeral. A lot had happened after the service, at Zach's place and later. My face heated up just thinking about it.

Shaking my head of any thoughts, I placed the flowers I'd brought at the head of Matt's tombstone. Since I wasn't much of a fan of talking to myself, I stood there a while longer before leaving. I face-timed Elsa, she'd already left a week earlier having been offered a place in University in England. It hadn't been long at all but I found myself missing her bubbliness. But then I still had Jay and Chloe whom, when I returned back home, helped me to pack my suitcases into the back of my mom's car.

"I heard that New Yorkers bite ten times more people per year than sharks do." Jay announced.

"I'll bear that in mind." I laughed.

"Are you sure you want to go now?" Chloe asked. "You still have the whole summer ahead of you."

"Why, Chloe? Worried I won't look after you as well as Phee?" Jay flung an arm around and pulled her close. Ever since he'd found out about the pregnancy, he'd become even more protective. "Uncle Jay is still here."

She rolled her eyes lightheartedly. "I'm just going to miss Phee."

"It's not like she's going to go live in New York." Jay turned to me. "Are you?"

"It's been brought up." I admitted. Dad had hinted at it a couple of times, including going to college over there. "But I haven't decided anything yet."

"Good, you're not leaving without saying goodbye."

They both threw their arms around in a tight embrace. I was touched by their words and actions, forcing down the lump in my throat. "Thanks, guys. For everything."

After my suitcases were hoisted into the back of the car, I was all set to go. There was no point in everyone coming to the airport so my mom drove since I still didn't have my driver's license. It was relatively quiet on the way there. I remembered another time. The time when my mom picked me up from the police station. She'd been mad and my head was all over the place so it looked like nothing had changed for me.

As for my mom, the look of disappointment had disappeared and worry now lined her features. "You know what to do when you get off?"

"Yes."

"Your father will be there. Call me as soon as you land."

"I will."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Mom, you're the one who suggested this and besides, the tickets all booked."

She sighed. "I know. You must be excited."

"I guess."

"You'll get to meet Khoni's daughter. I hear she's around your age. And you'll meet Khoni, of course."

"I'll let you know how they are beforehand." I reassured.

She laughed which had me almost do a double take. I hadn't heard my mom laugh in a very, very long time. "I'm not asking you to spy for me. I want you to know it's okay to feel a little out of place at first. But you'll adjust. We all will."

Her phone buzzed but she ignored it which was another first for the night. Instead, she said, "I'm proud of you, Phoenix."

I didn't know how to respond so I just smiled. It was enough for her to understand. In fact, she also had a smile on her face the rest of the way to the airport. By the time we arrived and sent my suitcase through, leaving me with just my rucksack, her phone had rung numerous times.

"Mom, just answer it." I said when I saw her glancing at it nervously.

"It's just the office. I told them I was busy tonight."

"Maybe it's urgent." To make my point the phone rang again.

She sighed and reluctantly took it out, moving several feet away to take the call. There were mumbles on her end while I let my eyes wander around the airport. In a few hours I'd be arriving in a different one.

"I'm sorry, love." I blinked at my mom when she came back to me. "I have to go."

"I get it."

"Are you going to be okay? It's not long until you board."

I nodded as she pulled me into an embrace, kissing my hair and saying she loved me before walking away. I watched her adjust the straps of her handbag and the sound of her heels fade into the footsteps of others.

That was almost an hour ago. I'd been sitting down all this while, exhausting the candy crush game on my phone until all my lives were lost. A headache had also started to form by then so I went outside to get some fresh air.

I tried calling my mom again. She didn't pick up on both tries. Before I put my phone back in my pocket, I saw two missed calls from Kaden. How I'd missed them when I was literally on my phone the whole time was beyond me.

As if by chance, when I looked up, I saw a figure coming towards me. I wouldn't have thought much of it but the silhouette seemed familiar. They took a step forward. And another. And another. Until the lights of the airport illuminated his form.

Kaden was almost within touching distance. His good hand was in his pocket, unkempt hair swept under a baseball hat. His eyes were shadowed by the cap but I could just feel his piercing gaze.

"You're still here."

"My flight got delayed." I said somewhat bitterly.

"I didn't mean it like that, Phoenix." I heard him sigh. "I wanted to talk."

"It was so important you couldn't tell me over the phone?"

"You weren't answering." I thought I saw his lips twitch upwards. "And besides, I thought you'd have deleted my number by now."

I didn't tell him that I had tried to, on many occasions, but every time my finger hovered over the delete contact button, I just couldn't do it. A gust of wind brushed past us as I wrapped my arms around myself. "What do you want?"

"Could we go somewhere quieter?"

Just him being here made my heart hammer against my chest. It had been a while since we had a conversation longer than a couple of words.

I reluctantly agreed and we escaped the cold air, into one of the cafes inside where we ordered overpriced beverages. Kaden sat opposite from me, good elbow resting casually on the table. He looked calm, but then he always did. The only thing that gave it away was his fingers drumming on the metal surface. I was sure if I looked under the table I'd see his knees vibrating.

We'd endured silent moments before but they'd never been as awkward as this one. I noticed Kaden was looking everywhere but at me. It seemed like he didn't want to be here at all. And why would he?

"You know, I would've thought that someone who has trouble sleeping would avoid caffeine." I turned to him with a wry smile.

He lifted his cap, allowing his hair to fall across his forehead before running his fingers through it. Naturally, the locks fell back into place when he let go. The shadows under his eyes were less prominent. He looked better now than he did before. For a moment, my breath was caught in my throat.

"Sometimes, it's better to stay awake."

I wanted to ask him if he still had nightmares. He must have if he was ordering coffee at a quarter to midnight. But I stayed quiet. I couldn't help but feel sympathetic for his condition. What it would be like for him to have to go through it on a daily basis. It reminded me of the months after Matt had passed which were arduous enough without the disrupted sleeping pattern.

At that moment, the barista came back with our orders, placing my hot chocolate down first. I noticed how she slipped a napkin with something scribbled on it when handing Kaden his drink. I bit my lip from saying anything. There was no point in getting riled up about it. Maybe if it had happened a couple of weeks ago, I'd have done something.

"Is your dad meeting you in New York?"

"Him, and the rest of his family."

"That must be strange."

I shrugged. "I'm used to people moving on."

He winced when taking a sip from his drink, before placing it back down. "I haven't."

"What?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." He didn't elaborate but I knew he was referring to the night of the dance.

To pour more salt on my own wound, I said, "Did you come here to distract yourself?"

"Don't." He frowned. "You know just as much as I do that was a bullshit excuse. It was all a lie. You were never just a distraction. I was an asshole so you'd walk away from me."

My fingers tightened around my mug handle, knuckles grazing against the scorching hot surface. "Why?"

"It was too dangerous." He said vaguely. "I couldn't take any chances. You were safer away from me."

"The dangerous part is to do with Dante?" I clarified. He tensed and nodded. It wouldn't have surprised me if Dante had been the one to put his arm in a sling. "What about all the times we were together before then?"

"I wasn't meant to let it go on for so long." He said. "Things were different with you. Good different."

My heart swelled at his words. The guy before me was the same boy that I'd crushed on all those years ago. The me then would have jumped over the moon and the table to throw my arms him. The present me was more guarded. "Why are you telling me all this now?"

"You're leaving." He said bluntly, maybe even a little bitterly. "You deserve some truth."

"The truth." I repeated after him.

When silence hung between us for a while, he said. "You want to know what happened that night." He laughed to himself but it too seemed to be bitter. "Which one?"

I raised my cup to my lips. "All of them."

"All of them?"

"I've got time." I glanced at my phone before back at him. He just studied me, looking calm as ever.

"Alright. You want to know, I'll tell you."

And he did. Beginning with the most recent, when he was shot. The night we broke up. His sling seemed even more pertinent when he was telling the story. I realised that the only reason why it was like that was because the bullet had missed it's original target: his heart, and my chest constricted at the thought. He told me about Zach, how he'd taken him to the hospital before moving onto another night.

He told me about the night he'd been stabbed. My chest clenched because I was a part of that story. He'd told me it was from a fight and he hadn't been lying. The reasons why had me confused but I didn't ask questions just yet.

In both stories Zach was involved, until the last one. And I'd realised he'd saved the worst for last. He described it in excruciating detail. Dante tricking him. Finding the body. Running away. I remembered that night in the tub. It was the first and only time I'd seen him cry.

I listened silently up until he finished. Nothing in his demeanor had changed, except his coffee cup was half empty. I only had one question.

"Why did you go to the house?"

"He threatened me." I waited for him to elaborate. He sighed. "Dante was holding Taylor at knifepoint. If I didn't do as he said. . ."

I slowly consumed what he said. "And she just abandoned you?"

"Yes." His brows furrowed. "I guess she was scared."

"Did you tell the detective this?"

He shook his head.

But he told me. Because I'd asked him to and now I wished I hadn't.

"You're the only one that knows the full story." He ran a hand through his hair slowly. "You're the only person I trust. I didn't want you looking at the tv or paper or whatever and think I was some lunatic. Not when you're someone I--- Just not you."

For the longest time, I'd wanted him to open up. I knew how much it must have taken him to say everything that had happened. He had torn down the walls he'd built and let me in. And I was suddenly at a loss for words.

He was quiet for the longest while before heaving a heavy sigh. "Please say something."

I didn't know what to say. There was a torrential flood of emotions threatening to burst out of me. At last, I abruptly stood up. "I need to pee."

Leaving him with his half-empty cup of coffee, I went to the ladies where I really did have to pee. After I'd relieved my bladder of its duties I went over to the mirror that stretched across one whole wall. My head was swimming with everything that Kaden had just said. My emotions were more conflicted now than ever before.

Just to prolong time I washed my hands and dried them again. Twice. Until someone else came into the bathroom and it would've looked strange if I repeated the process so I had no choice but to leave to save any image of sanity.

As I approached the table we were sat, I saw Kaden talking to the barista that had served us earlier. I felt my gut twist, similar to when he'd mentioned Taylor. It only lasted for a second until I realised that this wouldn't benefit anyone, let alone myself. And I was also aware of the fact that Kaden was here. For me. He didn't have to but he did.

When I came closer, his eyes swiveled towards me, a small smile on his lips. "I thought I'd scared you off." It hit me then how soothing his voice could be.

Forgetting about the barista, I slid onto Kaden's side of the table and put my arms around him in an embrace. It was somewhat awkward with one of his sling arm between us and I had to be extra careful of his shoulder. He was tense at first before wrapping his other arm around me.

"I know that was a lot to dump on one person." He said in a muffled voice.

"Thank you for telling me."

We stayed in our embrace until we pulled apart. I was close enough to see his muted grey eyes and how they searched mine.

"You don't hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I was an asshole who kept pushing you away when you only wanted to help."

"I understand why you did it." Any feelings of anger had vanished. I didn't have the heart to be mad anymore.

He smiled sadly. His arm was still around my waist when he said, "You're making this so much harder."

Before I could answer, my phone buzzed between us. I reluctantly pulled it out to see it was my mom. Kaden's hand was no longer on my waist and I couldn't help but feel a little empty as I took the call.

I told my mom about the flight delay. Now there was less than an hour left to go. After reassuring her that I would manage, I hung up. When I turned around, Kaden was up, holding my bag.

"Want some company while you wait?"

My outstretched hand was my answer. He smiled, a real smile this time that knocked the air out of my lungs and I couldn't really ask for anything more than him just being here in that moment.

We went to the area I'd waited in earlier. Other passenger goers were dotted around. Some were in small groups or on their own which I would have been as well had it not been for Kaden's presence. There were a few families with kids running around, trying to make fun out of their boring situation.

"I'm having a weird déjà vu moment." I glanced sideways so see Kaden run a hand across his face and then nervously glance down at his sling. "When I arrived in town, some kid asked me about the drawings on my cast."

"What did you say?"

His face heat up. "That they weren't dick drawings but bananas. Then the mom came and he. . . Don't laugh. This isn't funny."

I couldn't keep the grin off my face. "I'm not laughing. You obviously had a great time traumatising a little kid."

"I was the more traumatised one. But get this, he knew they were dick drawings."

"So. . . He was testing you?"

"I don't know, maybe." He frowned, looking so serious that all I could do was smile. "What?"

I looked away after staring for way too long and shook my head, "Nothing. Tell me another story."

So he did. Some tales were from when he was in Australia. If Elsa was here she would have teased him for his 'lack of' friends. But I was simply content with just listening.

In between it all I said, "My offer still stands you know."

"As much as I want to leave this shithole with you, I need to figure things out here first."

It dawned on me. "The trial."

He nodded.

"Do you have to be on the witness stand?"

"It's too late to back out now."

I placed his palm flat up and threaded my fingers through his. "Can you do me a favour?"

"Depends what it is."

"Don't let Dante get to you." I'd only met the guy on two occasions but even then, I knew how intimidating he could be. Not to mention, all the torment he'd put Kaden through.

"That's a lot easier said than done."

"Just imagine him in his underwear."

He furrowed his brows, not sure whether to laugh or grimace. "You really think that'll work?"

"You'll never know till you try."

He rubbed a hand across his face as if just mentioning the subject drained him of his energy. "I'll try."

We descended into a comfortable silence after that. I fell asleep at one point only to be woken up by a hand gently shaking me. My eyes opened but I didn't want to remove my head from where it was rested on his shoulder.

People began to get up. Unwillingly, I stood up too and turned towards Kaden. For some reason, I could feel something lodged in my throat.

"I guess it's time to say goodbye." He said in a low voice.

Not able to help myself, I wound my around him again. It seemed like all I was doing today was hugging him but this was different. It was the type of hug where I bunched the material of his shirt in my fist and never wanted to let go.

He held me in his arms and I thought about how much I was going to miss this. His hands that eased the tension out of my shoulders, his hair that caressed my forehead whenever he dipped his head down, our conversations of everything and nothing, and him. All of him.

As I was pulling away, both my hands were on his jaw, thumb brushing his cheekbone. To my surprise, he dipped his head down until our lips met. His were incredibly soft that for a moment, I thought I imagined the kiss. A million thoughts ran through my head. Like how much I missed this. Just being close to him. The warmth he radiated. The way my knees felt weak but his hand on the small of my back was enough to keep me stable. It was the little things I would miss.

"Goodbye kiss." He whispered when we broke apart. Our hands stayed intertwined for a moment longer before slowly unraveling.

"This isn't the last goodbye." I said quietly, breathlessly.

For a moment he looked conflicted. He seemed to want to say more but stopped himself. Instead he said, "It better not be."

I picked up the bag I'd dropped before the embrace and slung it across my shoulder. I made it past the barrier before I turned back around. He was still there. Hand in pockets, baseball cap just hiding his eyes and a sad smile on his face. He lifted his arm to wave at me and I smiled back.

Someone stepped in the way, obscuring my view of him and finally making me move. As painful as it was, I kept on walking. Towards something that was merely a dream at the beginning of the year. A lot had happened since then. I graduated, made friends, fell into what I think was love. But this wasn't the end.

From now till whenever was only the beginning. I didn't know what was going to happen in that time. But for the first time in a long while, I wasn't worried.

- THE END -