P H O E N I X

The Blitz was packed when I came for my shift. For the next hour, I was running around with drinks and sandwiches. It was made all the more harder since two employees had quit the other day. My manager was on the verge of pulling all his hairs out.

"You're not going to leave as well, are you?" He asked me once I'd come behind the counter. He was working the coffee machine due to the understaffing. Other than him, Isabel was there but she was engrossed in her phone.

"Yes." I didn't even try to ease the blow but all he did was roll his eyes.

"Lesson learned. Never hire teenagers."

"You know you will." I said under my breath.

"I heard that."

"It was intended."

"Kids these days." He tsked as he finished the latte but before he went out he said, "Good luck with everything."

I let out a small smile. A lot of things had happened these past few days. Like the Blitz, it had been hectic. I'd graduated for one. All of a sudden, I was up on the wooden platform and shaking the principal's hand as she wished me luck for my future. It felt surreal.

Mom and dad were there too, along with Kat and Ethan. For a moment, I forgot that Matt wasn't there but it was different this time. I didn't feel a crushing sense of sadness. Instead, I felt hopeful. It helped to have Kat and Ethan clap just a tiny bit louder as I took my seat again in between Jay and Chloe. Elsa was just one seat over and all of them had huge grins on their faces.

"They grow up so fast." Jay faked a tear rolling down his cheek and soon it was his turn to walk up to the podium.

I looked around me, at the graduates that had tissues in their hands and tears in their eyes. One girl got up and left, followed by a boy. Sniffles could be heard from left and right. Hell, even Hampton had a glimpse of something in his eye, having miraculously made his way to graduation. But my own eyes were dry.

Chloe grabbed my hand and laced her fingers with mine. I realised a moment later that it was Kaden's turn to come up. He had a sat a few rows back next to Noah, his arm still in a sling. It was almost fully concealed under his gown but there was the undeniable bump of the straps across his shoulders. When he went back to his seat, I was surprised to see Zach sitting on the same row. He had dark shadows under his eyes, presumably from the nights he'd spent in jail before getting bailed out. His arrest had been the highlight leading up to graduation.

My eyes skimmed across the mortar boards until they landed on the Kaden's. I had gone to the hospital multiple times, or at least tried to. Once I made it as far the front doors before turning on my heel. Seeing him now, made all the unwanted feelings come up again. My chest constricted, my throat closed up. His eyes were downcast but it was as if he sensed that he was being watched that he looked up. I held his gaze for a second before turning back to the front. I let the Principal's speech drown out my thoughts.

The ceremony went on until it was over, speech wise. Afterward, families and graduates took pictures whilst cake was being served. Most of it was outside since the weather had been promising these last couple of days. It was a change to the depressing past weeks.

I lingered with Jay, Chloe and Elsa before they went off to their own thing. Jay's grandparents had come down for the ceremony and to his surprise, his uncle had also shown up. Likewise, Chloe's brother had come down from college so she spent the rest of her time with him and her mom. Elsa was very much occupied with what seemed to be her whole family tree. They crowded around her as she attempted to fit everyone into one frame for a selfie.

As for my own frame, I took a picture with Kat and Ethan. He had blue hair once again. Even though it had washed out, Kat had put hair dye in his shampoo a second time. She was grounded again. Mom came into the picture whilst dad told us to smile.

"Wait," I said. "Dad, you come in too." I took his phone and passed it to a nearby teacher before leading him to stand with us. I felt his hand on my shoulder as the camera went click and smiled.

It was nice. Being with them. It almost felt like things were going back to normal but it didn't last. After the ceremony, dad had to go to the airport. And suddenly my face was falling into a frown.

"Hey, don't be like that. I'm going to see you in a few weeks." He lifted my chin whilst turning to Kat and Ethan. "I'm going to see all of you."

"Can I go to the airport with you?" Ethan tugged his jacket.

"I want to go too." Kat added.

Dad only looked at mom until she sighed. "Fine. Phoenix?"

All heads turned towards me but dad got in before me. "You enjoy the rest of the day with your friends, love. I'll see you soon."

And then he hugged me goodbye and left.

The days that followed were quiet. It wasn't the same as before. I found I had too much free time on my hands. I started to wake up early to go on runs and sleep later after watching multiple tv shows but it wasn't enough. It felt empty.

Taking on extra shifts at the Blitz was one way to rid the hollowness. I found it better when it was busier but at the times when there was nothing to do, I would find almost anything to keep me occupied. Even attempting to make conversation with Isabel.

Once my shift was over and I was taking off my apron I asked her, "What do you do on your phone all the time?" It was more out of curiosity than anything else.

She looked up briefly and back down that I thought for a minute she was just going to ignore me. But then she showed me her phone. It was a photo of a woman dressed in a long trench coat and high heels. It was quite stylish.

"I edit people's Instagram pictures." She explained.

"Really?"

She nodded "It helps when I'm short on money sometimes."

I regarded Isabel with genuine impressiveness. It seemed she wasn't as shallow as I first made her out to be.

"Hey, are you going to that party at Joseph's house?" At my clueless expression, she said, "He goes to your school?"

"Oh, that Joseph."

"I heard he's having an after-grad party."

I'd heard about it too from Jay. I knew he and Elsa were planning to go. Chloe decided against it and so had I but when I told Isabel, she made sure to voice her thoughts.

"Come on, everyone will be there."

I refrained from pointing out that she didn't even go the same school as me. She pouted and I sighed. "Why don't you tell me the real reason why you want me to go?"

"I was hoping you'd introduce me to Jay properly." She didn't beat around the bush and to be honest that made a lot more sense. At signs of my refusal, she said, "Please."

I sighed, knowing that I would probably regret it. "Alright."

-

It turned out Isabel hardly needed my help to get acquainted with Jay. As soon as we arrived at Joseph's place and located said friend, Isabel was on it.

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to come." Jay had a beer bottle in one hand, the other running through his hair.

I shrugged, preparing to do some wing-womaning. "I came with--"

"Isabel." She cut in with a dazzling smile. "From the diner."

"I know who you are." Jay said with a smile of his own and the rest was history. The pair struck up a conversation to which I zoned out of. I stood idly by the pair for a second, trying to see if I could spot Elsa in the mass. There were the familiar faces of my classmates but no Elsa.

Eventually, Jay and Isabel decided to take the conversation elsewhere and to my surprise, it was Jay that took hold of Isabel's hands. Her eyes widened and before she followed him, she turned back to me and mouthed a "thank you".

Even though I'd done practically nothing, I lamely threw her a thumbs up. Then, feeling awkward standing by myself, I headed towards where the drinks were and got myself a bottle of beer. Wanting more breathing space, I headed towards where the garden was. As it turned out, Joseph had one of those bench swings in the garden so that's where I sat, leaning against a cushion and pulling my jacket closer around me.

It was quieter in the garden. I could still hear the music coming from inside but it was dulled. The air was cold enough that my breath came out in fog and it wasn't long before the seat beside me was occupied.

Zach had both his hands in his pockets, looking even more withdrawn than he had a couple days ago at the ceremony. His weight dipped down the swing as he slowly rocked us to and fro. I turned my head to inspect him, remembering the reason why I'd hooked up with him in the beginning. Along with his charm, his sandy blonde hair was stylised to make it seem like he'd just woken up from bed. The just fucked hair should have been a warning sign but it just made him even more alluring. He had a straight nose with a smattering of freckles across the bridge. If I leaned in closer, I'd see that they would extend to his cheekbones where a fresh bruise was resting.

"How's the life of alcoholism, Astere?"

And like that the spell was broken.

"I don't know." I said dryly. "How was prison?"

"Jail."

"What?"

"I was in jail. Prison comes after you're sentenced."

I digested his words. "What's going to happen now?"

"I don't know." He sighed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine." I took a swig of my beer only to almost have the liquid choke me when I saw Kaden standing by the door to the garden. His good shoulder was resting casually against the doorframe as he watched the pair of us.

My eyes held his stormy blue-grey ones before Zach's voice broke me out of my reverie. "Astere?"

I turned and leaned in close enough that I could feel his breath on my cheek. I stayed like that for a second, frozen, looking back and forth between Zach's eyes.

"What?" He breathed in sharply, each outtake hitting my lips. I thought how easy it would be to close the gap. There was nothing stopping me.

My gaze flickered to the spot where Kaden was standing only to see that it was empty making me feel somewhat deflated.

"Nothing." I pulled away, rubbing a tired hand across my face.

"Cheer up, Astere. There's plenty more fish in the sea."

I wasn't surprised if he knew. I wanted to say that there was only one fish I wanted. Even after these last few weeks, I found my emotions were the same degree as the night of the dance.

"He's a good guy," Zach said quietly. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him."

I knew there was a lot more he wasn't telling me so I waited. But his words remained unspoken, forcing me to ask, "Why?"

"It's better if you don't know."

I didn't tell him that I already had a vague idea. The thoughts floated around my head but there was trouble in linking everything. What I did know was that everything seemed to go back to Dante. But he was in jail now.

"You and Kaden have that in common, thinking you know what's best for everyone else."

"What can I say? We have a gift."

"Whatever."

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you, Astere."

"Neither does that jacket on you."

"Liar."

I smiled wryly, It didn't look like we were going to return to our previous topic so I stood up. I'd spent long enough at this party to get cold feet.

Before I left, Zach called out, "If it's worth it then you should."

I looked over my shoulder, "I should what?"

"You'll know."

"That's helpful."

"See ya, Astere." He began to rock on the swing, head tilted back. As I was leaving, I thought I saw his bruised cheek lift slightly in a small smile but it was only for a brief moment.

Back inside, I tried to find Isabel and Jay but after a half-hearted search, I gave up and decided to head home. It was a long walk. Longer than I remembered. My feet walked on the edge of the curb in a tightrope wire fashion. I focused on putting one foot perfectly in front of the other that when I messed up and stumbled onto the road, I missed the sound of a blaring car horn.

It took the sound of my beer bottle smashing onto the gravel and my arm yanked hard to bring me back to my senses. I had a weird sense of deja vu, of the day I was on my bike and hit my head. On instinct, I touched the back of my head but it was dry. Upon pulling my hand away, I noticed another still gripping my upper arm.

"What the hell, Phoenix?" An angry voice said.

I stared at the arm for a while longer before connecting it to Kaden's all too familiar features, I released myself from his grasp. At this distance, I saw his arm in the sling which had some messages written on it but the words were too blurred to make out. Instead, I was increasingly aware of the zip up hoodie he was in which was probably the only article of upper clothing he had on.

Annoyed at my traitorous thoughts, I tried to turn on my heel but he quickly caught my arm, his grip was surprisingly strong. I'd never noticed this before but then that was because I was always ready to be beside him. I thought about the multiple times I'd wanted to stay, for him to let me in even just a little bit. I thought about the countless times he'd shut me out.

"Phoenix." He said in a voice that made my knees weak. His eyes were hooded, unreadable and I realised that even after we'd spent all that time together, I didn't know an awful lot about him.

"It's not worth it." I was mad, still mad, and I wanted him to know it. It took all my strength to pull away. But this time, I was the one who walked away.