P H O E N I X

Being part of the dance committee meant that along with preparing for the actual event we also had to clear up afterward. So as much as I wanted to go home and lie down, I couldn't. I continued to play music with Will until people eventually tired and began to head home.

Along with the organising team, a few others stayed behind to clear up. The stage was dismantled and stored away in the hall across the beach. The handful of teachers that were left locked up and said their goodbyes. Everything seemed to go smoothly tonight. Everyone had a great time. Almost everyone.

The last of the equipment was the extra speakers that Will had brought over. Chloe held one in her arms, walking slowly so not to slip and fall. I offered her an extra pair of hands as we made our way to the back of Will's car.

"Thanks," She smiled.

"Are you cold?" I asked, seeing her shiver and taking off the blazer Jay had given me to drape around her shoulders.

Whilst we waited for the boys, she asked, "Where's Kaden?"

"He had to leave early." Maybe he had gone home. I didn't know. But thinking about what had happened earlier made me feel a tug in my chest.

"Is everything alright between you two?"

"Never better." I lied. Then changing the subject, "How were things for you tonight?"

She knew what I was referring to and sighed. "I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow."

"I can come with you if you want?"

"I'd like that." She turned to me with a smile just as Will and Jay came with the last of the speakers.

After that, we said goodbye to Will and piled into the car Jay had borrowed from his uncle. One corner of his shirt was untucked but his blue eyes were bright. I kept the smile on the face long enough for the ride to my house where I was dropped off. I hugged them both goodbye before making my way inside.

I went to the kitchen first, pouring myself a glass of wine and downing it in one go. I found Kat in the living room with the lights off, a bowl of popcorn in her hand as Harry Potter's face lit up the screen. Ethan was sleeping soundly on the other end of the sofa, curled up into a small ball. I kicked off my shoes and slumped down between the two.

"Where's mom?"

"She had to run out for something."

"Work?"

"I dunno. She was on the phone with dad."

"Is he okay?"

She shrugged. "They're probably boning."

"Kat." My nose wrinkled in disgust.

She did the same a second later. "You're right, that's gross."

"Dad already has someone else." I reminded her though I couldn't help but keep the small accusing tone from my voice. Kat simply murmered in agreement and continued to watch the screen.

After a while, she yawned and went up to her room. I couldn't carry Ethan up to his bedroom so I adjusted his position on the couch and draped a blanket over him. Once I was satisfied he wouldn't roll off, I went back to the kitchen.

I stayed there a good while. Actually, I didn't know how long I sat on the stool, lost in thought. It didn't hit me what really happened until I snapped my gaze away from the wall onto the dangerously empty wine bottle. I didn't understand. None of it made sense but it was all too clear at the same time.

I wanted to hate Kaden. I wanted to never see him again but just the thought of it made my chest constrict. If anything, I wanted him more now than ever. I wanted to hurt him for making me feel this way. I thought of a million things I could have said, a million ways I could have responded-- but it was too late.

The more I recalled the last couple of hours, the more convinced I became. Maybe Kaden was right about it being a distraction. Using the other to feel less lonely. To forget reality for a while and it had been like that for a while at the beginning. But I was sure that had changed. It wasn't just about having a warm bed, or mattress for that matter. I thought and thought about it until my head hurt. It was too late to say anything.

All that was left now was a dull ache and a pounding temple. It became louder and louder until it was like a swarm of wasps had entered my brain. I closed my eyes briefly and when I opened them, Kat was in the doorway.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Nothing."

She raised a brow, amused. "You wouldn't finish a bottle otherwise. What happened?"

"Nothing." I repeated, trying to get up and failing.

A moment later, I felt Kat's arms around me waist as she supported me up the stairs and to my room. I sat down heavily on my bed, head in hands so I didn't notice when she disappeared for a second before coming back with something in her hands. When I did look up, I saw it was flyers. She flung a few beside me.

"What are these?" I asked, not properly looking at them.

"Help groups."

"Why?"

"For your drinking."

I was too stunned to say anything. Instead, I looked at the leaflets. One of them had the slogan 'YOU CAN DO IT' like it was right out of a Bob the builder cartoon. "Where did you even get these?"

"Does it matter? Just read one."

"And then what?"

"And then take it one step at a time." She crossed her arms across her chest as if to lecture me. "Rome wasn't built in a day."

On her last word, I suddenly got up and ran to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. I lost count of how long I was like that. All I did know was that Kat remained by my side, pulling the hair away from my face so they wouldn't be encrusted in puke.

"Do you see?" She frowned looking almost angry. "This needs to stop."

I wiped an arm across my mouth, my throat still raw but I managed a quiet, "I'll try."

After the throwing up situation, I showered and got into bed. Exhausted as I was, I couldn't sleep. I stared at the dark ceiling until the world stopped spinning and salt leaked into my pillow, wondering how the night had turned to ruins.

-

Like I promised Chloe, I went to the clinic with her the next day. My foot tapped impatiently on the white tiled floors. Waiting was always a tedious task but for Chloe, she seemed unaffected.

"Relax, Phee."

"Sorry." I leaned back on the plastic chair and tried to keep still. Except my knee started to vibrate. Kaden always did that when he was nervous.

A mother with a little boy entered through the double doors of the clinic. I watched as the boy ran ahead and towards the children's area. Chloe's eyes followed them too. But they flitted away a second later.

"Is your mom coming?"

"I didn't tell her about the appointment." She sucked in a deep breath.

"Does the father know?"

Her silence was answer enough.

"Don't you think you should?"

"He wants nothing to do with us."

"Did he say that?"

"Not in so many words." She sighed. "I start college in a couple of months. What am I going to do with a baby?"

"Lots of people have babies in college."

"Can we not talk about it anymore. Please?"

I bit my tongue and nodded. My head was still ringing from last night. It had been a while since I was this hungover. I was surprised I'd made it this far in the day. As I closed my eyes and let my head hit the pale blue tiles behind me, Chloe's phone rang.

I listened as she spoke to someone on the other end. "Slow down. . . really?. . . that's. . ." She paused for a long moment. And then. "Yeah, I'll let her know, bye."

I felt a tug on my arm and opened my eyes, turning my head to look at Chloe.

"That was Elsa. Kaden's at the hospital." I couldn't formulate a response fast enough so she carried on. "He was shot last night."

I swallowed hard over the lump in my throat. A sob and splurge of questions was threatening to bubble out of my mouth but I settled for one. "Is he going to be okay?"

"They say he's stable at the moment but anything could happen." Chloe leaned back heavily and then at my unresponsive state, frowned at me. "Did something happen between you two?"

"It's complicated."

"Try me." She challenged and after staring at the linoleum floors for a few seconds longer, I eventually gave in. I told her everything that happened at the dance. I repeated everything he said back to her even though every word was like a fist pounding through my chest.

By the time I'd finished, I felt like I'd created enough metaphorical holes to make my breath come out labored. Chloe simply listened and at the end of it leaned back in her seat, blowing out her own slow breath. "Damn."

We resumed our silence. There were the other people in the clinic but the sound coming out of their mouths was muted. The children's playful laughs were hushed and foots tapping the ground halted in mid air. I felt that familiar scratching feeling at the back of my throat. Clawing it's way up my trachea, choking and irritating. It made the plastic chair I was in even more uncomfortable.

"Do you love him?" Chloe asked after a while.

"Do you love your baby daddy?" I said the words without thinking.

"That's not fair and you know it."

"Sorry." I put my head in my hands, frustratedly pulling at my hair. "I don't know. I don't know if it was love. It clearly wasn't to him."

"It could be."

"How do you know?"

"Boys work in mysterious ways." She shrugged. We both stared at each other before bursting out in laughter. It wasn't all that funny but it took a while for us to calm down.

"But really, you should go to him."

"Isn't this what always happens in the stories? The guy gets hurt. The girl goes to see him and suddenly everything's okay again?"

"Don't you want it to be?"

"Of course I do. It's just that real life isn't like the fantasy in books."

"Or maybe you just don't want to be a cliche."

I gave her a look. And even though my feet were twitching to get up, I knew what I was doing here was just as important. "I said I'd see this through with you so I am. I'm not changing my mind."

Chloe's features softened as she smiled. That same moment, a nurse in blue scrubs came out. "Chloe Marshall." They read off their clipboard.

"What if I can't do it." She said quietly.

"It's going to be okay." I reassured, extending my hand to her. She hesitated and for the first time since she'd told me that she wanted an abortion, she looked genuinely scared.

After a few seconds, she clasped my hand, taking in a deep breath. "Let's do this."