K A D E N

I bent my knees and aimed for the hoop. The ball hit the rim, bounced off and landed back in my arms. I tried again. And again. And again.

On my fifth try, I let out a frustrated sigh, watching the ball bounce across the lines of the court and past them. I sat down on the stone steps next to Noah, patting the dust from my suit jacket. We both shared the same attire and it was just the two of us in the space.

"I know." Noah said.

"Know what?"

"I know about Dante." I stilled at the name. He drew in a breath. "Zach's my stepbrother. I've seen them together."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"About Dante? Or Zach and I being brothers?" I stayed silent, he already knew what my answer was going to be. "I guessed as much."

"Dante isn't my problem anymore." Even as I said the words, I could still feel the lie in my mouth.

"So. . . what? You're just going to let what happened to you happen to Zach?" He frowned.

"He's not my problem either." I remembered the events of the past week. I had enough on my plate already.

"You know what happened to Paten. What if that happens again?"

I frowned. "How do you know about that?" I was pretty sure it was just the detective that had suspicions.

"I overheard them talking about it."

My brows furrowed. "You should be more careful."

"Why?"

"You know why." I sighed inwardly. "What do you want me to say?"

"Say you won't let history repeat itself."

"How do you know if Zach doesn't like what he's doing?"

"Maybe he doesn't know what's going to happen if he stays."

I looked skywards, my elbows resting on the step above. I closed my eyes, feeling my patience begin to wane. "Just keep your head down and you'll be fine."

"So that's it. There's no way out?" I opened my eyes to see him standing up, agitated, and all I felt was pity.

But a different person spoke. One that had grown cynical and bitter over the years. "There might be."

"What is it?"

"Death."

Noah stared at me and for the first time, I saw disappointment in his expression. "You know for someone considered to be a murderer, you really talk lightly about the situation."

"Careful." I said quietly.

"What? Are you scared someone's going to find out your secret? Everyone knows. Hell, the whole bloody town knows. You can't escape it by just pretending they're not there. You can't just keep running away from the problem, hoping it will go away."

"When have you done any different?" I bit back.

"I may be a coward but at least I'm not afraid to admit it." His voice was steadily rising until he was almost shouting. "You know better than anyone what happens when you get involved so shouldn't you want to help avoid it?"

"I'm not responsible for every idiot that's stupid enough to join a gang." I stood up so we were eye to eye.

"So it's fine as long as it's not you? Every man for themselves. Is that what this is?"

"With Dante it is."

"Are you so afraid of him that you can't even stand up to him? Or maybe you don't want to. Maybe he's still got his claws into you and you're too scared--"

He didn't get another word in because at that moment my fist collided with his jaw. He was so taken aback that he fell to the ground. Large eyes looked up at me and I looked down at my red knuckles.

I made a move to help him up but he shook my hand away. The hand that punched him. "Noah--"

"Screw you." He spat out.

And like everyone seemed to be doing these days, he walked away.

-

The rest of the day went on miserably enough. After what happened with Noah, I made my way to Ms Johnson's funeral service, sitting in my car for a good couple of minutes until there was a knock on my window and the sound of someone getting in the passenger seat.

Sam fiddled with the tie around his neck, cursing when it didn't come out right. "You're doing it wrong."

"I've never worn a tie before. Sue me." He tried again and failed.

"Here." I took the tie from him and placed it around my own neck. Whilst doing so I asked, "You alright?"

He shrugged. "It is what it is."

I nodded, knowing how much he'd struggled losing someone he'd considered as both his parents. And that was a lot considering both his parents were right here. From what I gathered both of Sam's parents were business people, stony faced with a no nonsense attitude.

"Listen, about all that crap that's been going around about you, I want you to know that I don't believe it." I did a wrong fold in the tie so began again. "Callum's promised to find out who it was that published it in the paper."

"Tell him not to bother." This time I knotted it perfectly and handed the tie back to Sam. He fixed it around his neck, then turned to me.

"Ready?"

"Are you?"

"No." He said truthfully.

We looked at each other for a second and burst out laughing. "Let's get this over with."

There were a lot more people at the service than I thought there would be. Nearly half the town, if not all were there, including people from school. A few people glanced my way in disgust. It didn't matter if the judge passed off what had happened as an accident, people actually believed I was a killer. Ironic of me to show up at a funeral. Others looked sad, closed off, blank.

Sam's gran had known about me too, I realised now, and yet she'd never turned her nose down at me like some of these people were doing here. People who'd never even spoken a word to me, let alone knew me.

I stood with my parents as Ms Johnson's coffin was lowered to the ground. My mother was a shield, glaring holes at anyone who dared look at me in the wrong way. My dad was the same. After the incident with the article, they went down to the school in a storm and after that the police station. Both were furious.

After the burial, my dad caught sight of Callum but before he could go up to him, I stepped in his path. "Dad, now's not the time."

"I'm just going to offer my condolences, nothing more or less." He defended and after letting out a sigh, I moved out of his way.

My mom was left standing beside me, sipping on her glass and making comments every now and then about a few people she would 'have words with' or wouldn't. I smiled faintly but it vanished as soon as I spotted someone across the room of the service.

Noah stood by himself, surveying the room. It wasn't long until his gaze landed on me. The light bruise on his cheek matched that of my knuckles.

I recalled our conversation, understanding the need to help a sibling. After all, I would have done the same if it was Jane but I couldn't bring myself to face Dante, not if I had a say in it. In some way Noah was right-- I wasn't just scared, I was terrified. About what might happen to those I loved and what had already happened. I wasn't ready to relive the past.

Apart from Noah, there were other people from school, including Elsa and Chloe. I'd managed to make minimal contact with anyone after the article came out that now it was almost overwhelming to be in a space with so many people I'd tried to avoid.

They were huddled in a corner with Phoenix and Jay and I saw a group of people that wouldn't turn their noses at me. At least, one person I was sure of. My uncertainty was enough to make me stay rooted where I was.

I was fine, standing next to my mom but when she had to go to the bathroom, I felt naked all of a sudden. My shield was gone and I was open on all sides. I began to fidget, tugging on my collar. It felt like more eyes were being turned in my direction. As the seconds passed I became more disorientated. The door was in my line of sight but as I took a step towards it, I felt an arm slip through my own.

"Hi." Elsa smiled up at me.

I managed a half smile in return and she began to tug me in a general direction making me obliged to follow. All the while I felt the stares and heard the whispers.

"Don't mind them. They're just jealous they can't pull off how good you look in this suit." Elsa whispered into my ear and despite the frown engraved on my features, my lips twitched.

Once I reached her small circle, I was consumed by a sudden nervousness again. I tried to gouge each of their reactions. Jay and Chloe offered me smiles except for Phoenix who muttered, "I've been sober for too long."

"This is an improvement." Jay praised.

"I don't like it." She grumbled, tightening her arms crossed over her chest. Then she pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

"Phee!" Jay clapped his hands over hands and looked around.

"What? Everyone does it. Makes no difference it's a funeral." She offered the pack to everyone but they refused. She stopped at me and I was about to decline, when I took one.

"At least go outside if you're going to smoke." Chloe advised.

Phoenix shrugged, turning to go outside and expecting me to follow. It was a relief to finally get out of that room. Outside it was colder, a slight drizzle had begun so we stood in one of the alcoves to stay dry.

I rolled the cigarette between my fingers, remembering a time when I'd made my own, before chucking it onto a dip on the ground that was slowly turning into a puddle. I was past that.

Phoenix raised her brow as she lit her own. "Those things don't come free."

"Maybe you should stop buying them."

"Tampons aren't free but I still have to buy them."

I chuckled, shaking my head. The rain came down faster now, almost torrents. The droplets splashed onto the concrete, marking our shoes in dark stains.

"How're you doing?" She asked.

"Fine."

"Is that why you've been avoiding everyone?"

"You asked how I'm doing not what I'm doing." I clarified.

"Okay, smarty pants." She laughed which turned into a fit of coughing. She chucked the burnt stub into the puddle which held my unused one. Then she got out an e-cigarette. "Let me rephrase that. Why have you been avoiding us?"

"Am I?" I raised a brow in question.

"You're such an asshole." She reached into her pocket and popped a piece of gum into her mouth.

"Thanks."

"It wasn't meant to be a compliment."

"A guy can dream."

"Not you apparently." She frowned, taking a step closer and inspected my face. "You look like crap."

"Thanks." I deadpanned.

"Seriously, when was the last time you slept?"

"Couple days ago." I shrugged. "I don't know."

"This isn't healthy."

"And smoking is?"

"That's different."

"How so?"

She opened her mouth and closed it again. I decided to take pity on her. "Look, I get that you're trying to help but I don't need it."

"Screw you. I don't have to listen to your crap."

I leaned against the pillar, tucking my hands into my pockets. "Suit yourself."

"I will."

I thought she would walk away then. But before I knew it, she walked several paces closer. She was close enough that I could almost taste the cigarette smoke mixed with mint. It wasn't an unfamiliar sense. I'd grown accustomed to it over the years.

I knew what was happening. I was awake in that moment, more so than I had been this whole week. My eyes shut of their own accord as she reached up and her lips met mine.