P H O E N I X

It took me a while to get my bearings but I soon came to realise that I was lying down. And someone was next to me. Their arm was behind my head and my cheek pressed against their chest. With sleep still clouding my mind and vision, I angled my head so that I could get a better look.

It was Kaden. He lay on his back staring blankly at the ceiling. It made me wonder what he was thinking about. "Hi." I said in a soft whisper.

He tilted his head and gave me a half smile, "Hey."

I shuffled my body closer, relishing the warmth his body provided. "You're really hot." I murmured flinging my arm across his torso.

His chest rumbled with gentle laughter. "Thanks."

Smiling to myself I closed my eyes, asking him my next question. "What are you thinking about?"

I felt him stiffen in my arms but then slowly relax, sighing deeply. "Jane."

I remembered Jane. Jane was the sweet girl. The kind girl. The girl that captured everyone's hearts. She was one of those people that everyone got along with. Girls didn't just want to be her, they wanted to have her as their best friend. Boys too, as well as wanting her to be theirs.

I guess that's what made Matt kind of special. He'd gotten someone that was one in a million and I think he knew just how lucky he was. At the time, it seemed like he'd never get over his broken heart.

"I miss them."

Kaden sighed again. "Me too."

I peeled open one eye to see his wide awake. There was an unexplainable sort of pain written over his face, like when someone's in trouble but you have no idea how to help them. I felt useless like that now because I truly did want to help but I had no clue where to start.

So instead I found his hand, giving it a squeeze and hoping that my actions spoke louder than the words I couldn't say.

-

When I opened my eyes the first thought that crossed my mind was, I need to pee.

And then I started to panic. Jolting upright the sheets fell off and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw I still had my clothes on. Slowly bits and pieces from yesterday started to come back to me. Like going to the festival, being there, Kaden, feeling woozy and then nothing.

Trying to keep calm I climbed out of the bed, only it wasn't a bed but a mattress on the floor with pillows strewn all over the place. Once on the landing, I began searching for a bathroom but the first door I tried was locked and the next was a place where the towels were kept.

On the third door, I twisted the knob but before I could open it, someone came out. Chloe stood in the doorway for a second before stepping aside to let me through. "Be careful, the mirror's broken."

I looked at what she was talking about, my warped reflection staring back. Her ash blonde hair disappeared from the frame but before it was completely gone, I turned around, "Chloe."

"Yeah?" She stopped in her tracks.

I bit my lip but nothing came out. At least not the words I wanted to say. "Nothing."

She waited a moment longer as if for me to say something more and I wanted to but I couldn't. All I could do was watch her back disappear and when she was out of sight, I ran a hand over my face. One day I'd overcome my fear of confrontation, I told myself. One day I'd have the guts to say everything I couldn't say.

Just not today.

Carefully avoiding the little shards of glass that had fallen into the sink from the broken mirror, I splashed cold water on my face. Dragging my fingers under my eyelids, I looked back up at my distorted reflection. One of my hands left my face to trace the cracks in the mirror and I didn't realise what I was doing until I felt a sharp pain go through the tip of my index finger. I cursed, running it under the tap and watching the water turn light red.

Once it had all been washed down the drain, I returned back to the room I'd woken up in. Except this time it wasn't empty. I stood silently in the doorway as Kaden had his back to me, searching for something in one of the black bags on the floor. His muscles contracted as he reached inside and pulled out a t-shirt, even more so when he lifted his arms up to put it on. I got a clear view of his impressive torso as he turned around, head just poking out of the whole.

When he caught me staring, he just finished putting it on. I tried my hardest to keep my gaze away from his abdomen, so they ended up staring at his feet, which were covered in fluffy pink material. "Nice slippers."

"They're Taylor's."

I remembered her as the girl from the Blitz who couldn't seem to get my name right. Though I didn't think that was by accident. I hadn't seen her since that day.

"Where is she?"

"Gone."

"As in missing?"

He sighed. "Probably just out of town, doing whatever it is that she does."

I nodded, "Are you two together?"

He mulled it over for a while, running a hand through his tousled hair. "I don't know what we are." I decided to leave it there.

"Where is everyone?"

"Downstairs. Passed out from yesterday."

Yesterday. The festival. Lots of music. And booze. "Right."

"When did you wake up?"

"Couple minutes ago."

"Let me guess, you needed to pee." I glared at the smug look on his face but couldn't help the blush creeping up my cheeks.

"I actually haven't gone yet." I mumbled out. My afflictions with Chloe had made me momentarily forget but now that it was mentioned, the urge sprung up again.

"Bathrooms the third door."

Kaden followed me out onto the landing. I stopped outside the locked door. "What's in here?"

"Not the bathroom." He replied.

"Clearly." I scoffed, then jabbed his side. "What're you hiding?"

"Skeletons." He deadpanned and before I could get a word in edgeways, he carried on. "The mirror's broken so watch yourself."

I raised my finger to show him. "Too late. How did that happen anyway?"

He gave me a look as if to say who knows and turned for the stairs. "Come down when you're ready." But before he left I caught a glimpse of his discoloured knuckles.

This time I really did relieve myself instead of forgetting. I also pinched some of Kaden's toothbrush and used the spare toothbrush I found inside the cabinet. There was a small container of pills that sat on the shelf as well which I turned around for a prescription but there wasn't any. I shut the door, this time making sure I didn't stupidly touch the glass. But then looking at the way a fist might have collided with it, I wondered what might have made Kaden so angry.

He seemed fine when I went downstairs, albeit a little tired but then we all were after last night. My footsteps were light as they led me into a room where I found everyone.

There I saw Noah lying on the couch with his eyes closed. Sam was on the floor, eating cereal and Elsa beside him, her eye twitched every now and then. Both were staring at the tv screen though no sound came and it didn't look like they were going to move anytime soon. The space itself was a mess with cups and various other rubbish surrounding them.

Chloe came in then with a tray full of mugs of coffee. Sam paused in eating to drink, handing one to Elsa. Noah groggily woke up, rubbing at his eyelids and looking as if he regretted the events of last night. Kaden sat further away from the rest of the group looking out the window. Everyone had their cups but there was still one cup left on the tray.

"Where's Jay?" I asked.

Elsa inclined her head towards a general direction, blinking rapidly to get rid of the sleep from her eyes.

I took Jay's cup and mine and went looking for him. I finally found him outside, by himself with his guitar.

"Hey." I said gently, taking a seat beside him, our legs dangling over the edge into an empty pool.

"Hey." He said back, sighing softly. I put the drink in his hands. "Thanks."

"What're you working on?" I motioned to the guitar and taking a sip of the coffee only to retract it from my lips at the scalding hotness.

"I don't know." He said. "I have sound block."

"Is that even a saying?"

"It should be." He sighed again, running his fingers through the strings of his guitar. "What the hell am I doing with this, Phee? I don't know how to play. I don't know the first thing about guitars."

"That's not true. You've learnt a lot by not knowing. And besides, perfection doesn't happen overnight."

"This would be a lot easier if it did." He muttered but then regained some of his old self. "Yesterday was nice though. All the other sounds drowned out the fact that I can't play."

I began to frown but couldn't keep the smile from twitching at my lips. "Don't give up on yourself."

"Not me. This instrument."

I blew out a breath at his indecisiveness. Thinking he'd propose switching to another hobby like he'd done so many times in the past. But he didn't.

"Do you ever just want to close your eyes and let them stay like that?"

"Most nights." I agreed. "But then tomorrow comes and sadly they have to open once again."

"Yeah," He sighed a third time and picked up a different line of conversation. "Did you find out if you got into Overton?"

"Not yet." I frowned. "At this point, I don't think there's much hope that I will."

"Not with that attitude."

I glared at him, digging my elbow into his side playfully. "You were all doom and gloom not a second ago."

"Blame the alcohol. It makes me think too much."

"Your hangover should cure that."

He grimaced and finished the last of his coffee before standing up and offering me his hand. We made our way back to where the others were. Noah and Sam had already left and Chloe and Elsa were in the process of doing so. I also had to return home to get out of yesterday's clothes.

Before I left, I touched Kaden's arm to get his attention. "Thanks for. . ." I gestured my hands around, "this."

He inclined his head, brushing it off easily. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Bits and pieces, yeah. Why?"

He shook his head. "Just wondering."

I had a feeling he was holding back but decided to leave it, feeling too tired to be suspicious. Instead, I stepped outside and went home.

-

I didn't go home. I went to Elsa's instead. I cleaned myself up properly whilst there and came out of the shower drying my hair with a towel.

"Connor cheated on me."

I stopped in my actions, turning to look at Elsa who sat on her bed, staring at the wall in a slumped fashion.

"What?" I said slowly.

"He cheated on me. Has been for a while actually." She sighed, looking away from the wall.

"How long?"

"Around the time of the accident."

I rose my brows in surprise. "Then what are we doing still sitting here?"

"Wait." She made no move to get up so I went and sat beside her. "There's more."

"Okay, I'm listening."

She licked her lips nervously. "The thing is, I kind of suspected he was cheating. I just. . . I just never said anything until now."

"How come?"

"I was figuring out myself. And if Connor was really the right person for me." There was an odd calmness about her. "He wasn't." She continued. "But then I realised something."

She gave a look that I should have understood the meaning but I waited there dumbly for her to spell it out for me. "I realised I might like boys and girls."

It took me a while but I finally came out with an elongated, "Oh."

"Yeah."

"So Connor cheating on you. . ."

"I minded it at first but then it didn't mean anything to me."

"Well, now there's twice as much fish in the sea."

"Yeah."

"Have you ever," I tried to think of the right way to phrase it. "Had the experience?"

She laughed for the first time that day. "Still a virgin."

I nodded along as she spoke. "Good. I would've broken Connor's balls if he had." And then for good measure added, "the asshole."

She grinned. "So things aren't going to be weird between us?"

"Why would they? Unless you have a crush on me." I paused. "Do you have a crush on me?"

"Don't take offence at this, but no, I don't." She patted my arm as she said this. Then she stood up and clapped her hands together, restored back to her bubbly personality. "Now that that's off my chest, let's do something fun."

We spent the rest of the day doing random activities. At first, just picking a movie and playing it but then we got bored of it so decided to raid the kitchen and shove every sweet thing we found into a bowl in order to induce multiple cavities. That ended with the both of us feeling queasy so we resumed our film until we felt somewhat back to normal.

By then it was already afternoon but Elsa wasn't done there. She threw my jacket over and we went out to watch a movie this time. Granted we were both broke and had to choose the film with the cheapest ticket price. We ended up watching a war film that didn't turn out to be so bad and when we returned back to Elsa's place she got out the key for the liquor cabinet.

"Won't your parents notice?" I asked as she got out a bottle of vodka.

"Nah, they hardly drink anyway." She brushed off and hardly a cup later, her words were no longer coherent. Despite me having drunk twice as much as her, I was nowhere near the state that she was in.

I took a drunk Elsa up the stairs and into her room where she swayed dangerously on her feet.

"Woah, careful." I said as she flung her arm out, narrowly missing hitting a lamp.

"You're a good friend." She giggled and gave a short peck on the lips. I blinked in surprise.

Then she stumbled over to her bed and face planted onto the comforter. I took her shoes and socks off and brushed the strands of hair away from her face. Her eyes were closed as she mumbled, "Hey, Phee?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks. For everything."

After that, she fell fast asleep. At least, I thought so.

Before the night was out Elsa opened her heart and cried. They were delicate tears, ones that were easily unnoticeable yet still there. She was turned away from me so I did the only thing I was able to do and held her hand, hoping one day I'd find the words to make things better.